Both Ways at Once
by Lyricoloratura
Summary: Pavel Chekov and Hikaru Sulu are the best of friends; the deeper feelings they begin to discover for one another can make things complicated. Closely tied to its companion piece "Sestina" & will be updated intermittently until both stories are complete.
1. Preparations

**Disclaimers: **

I own nothing – I'm just taking these characters out to play.

This will get slashy in later chapters – if that bothers you, please don't read.

It's my first time; be nice.

* * *

"Hikaru, come _on_!" Pavel Chekov was almost hopping from one foot to the other with impatience. "You look wonderful, you look perfect – now _come_!"

The target of his impatience, Hikaru Sulu, shook his head in mock exasperation with his best friend. "We still have two hours before the ceremony, and you know as well as I do that I'm packed and ready to go as soon as that's over. But—" He returned his gaze briefly to the mirror in front of him, scowling faintly as he brushed imaginary lint from his impeccable Starfleet dress uniform – "I do want to look my best. After all, we will be up in front of everyone – and, well… it's been a long time since I've seen my parents, and I want to… I don't know." To Chekov's surprise, Sulu sounded uneasy, and possibly even unhappy.

Pavel considered for a moment, then spoke to Sulu's reflection, rather than to his back. "You want to, how you say, make a good impression… on your _parents_?" Sulu shrugged silently, then nodded. Chekov felt something suddenly squeeze in his chest at the distress on his friend's face. He didn't understand it, but he knew he had to try to reassure him. "Hikaru – imagine how proud are your parents to have you for a son! They know – they must know – you're the best pilot in the galaxy! And now, a special ceremony for your citation, your promotion...!"

"Those would be _our_ citations and promotions, _Lieutenant_ Chekov," Sulu interrupted with a wry smile, " – or are you forgetting that I wasn't the only one who was considered responsible for rescuing that damnable Deltan outpost?"

It had gone enormously against the grain for both of them to be considered "heroes" for their rescue of a small Deltan colony on a remote part of the planet Deneva from a sentient – and surprisingly violent – infestation of carnivorous plants. However, the rather breathtakingly brave – and highly creative – nature of their actions, as well as the discovery that a long-lost branch of the Deltan ruling clan had been among those rescued, had brought both Sulu and Chekov to the attention of Starfleet command.

After some consideration, it was determined that both men should receive a field promotion (to which their captain's "unofficial" response had been, "About damn time, you stupid bastards!") A more formal recognition would wait until the _Enterprise_ next came into dock near Earth for maintenance and systems upgrades.

Chekov chuckled briefly now at Sulu's annoyed tone. "_Da, Lieutenant Commander_ Sulu – I do seem to remember that you and I are being in this mess together."

They had both howled in protest against what they felt to be frivolous and unearned promotions – until the day that Captain Kirk had sat them down with a surprisingly long documentation of each man's contributions to the mission of the _Enterprise_.

"You don't think you deserve these promotions now?" Kirk had snapped at them. "Well, I don't, either."

At their looks of surprise and confusion, the captain had continued, "I thought you each damn well deserved them six months – hell, a year ago. I've been in Starfleet's faces for at least that long, but the idiot bureaucrats kept pushing me aside. So, hell – if it took you two swinging into action like the Two Musketeers and rescuing those Deltans to get Starfleet off their fat asses – well, it's not right and it's not fair that it took so long, or that they didn't already recognize ALL the awesome shit you two do _all the time_, but it works out in the end. You deserve what you're getting, so…"

Jim Kirk had paused to punctuate his words by reaching out with both hands and none-too-gently thumping his officers on the sides of their heads "…just shut up and get your medals and take the damn promotions – and LIKE it. That's an order."

At that point, Sulu and Chekov could only laugh.

For now, however, Starfleet command – fat asses and all – awaited their arrival to celebrate their "valor and resourcefulness in the face of grave personal danger," and to make a huge fuss over them at Starfleet Academy in San Francisco. After the ceremony and the requisite (and deadly dull) reception with well-wishing families and friends, the two friends would say good-bye to Sulu's parents, and return to Russia with Chekov's family to spend the eight-day planet-bound leave with some of Pavel's relatives.

For months now, Pavel had been looking forward to introducing his family to his best friend, as well as being able to prove to Hikaru that nearly everything worth discussing was, indeed, "inwented in Russia."

As they slung their traveling bags over their shoulders and prepared to disembark, Chekov discreetly watched Sulu out of the corner of his eye. While they walked at their usual, rather jarring speed through the corridors, Sulu lacked some of his normal feline grace, holding himself stiffly, almost as if preparing to defend himself. Surely, thought Pavel, his brilliant and brave friend Hikaru could not be rattled by the thought of the rows of commodores and admirals who awaited them at the Academy – but rattled Hikaru certainly was.

Chekov could not begin to imagine what could be causing this, but vowed to find out – and to keep a close eye on his friend for the next week while they were together.


	2. Misunderstandings

As it turned out, Sulu and Chekov barely made it to the Academy in time for the ceremony – after all their time off-planet, they'd forgotten to take something as mundane as traffic delays into account – so there was no time to stop beforehand to greet their respective families. However, as they stood at attention listening to Admiral Whoever reciting their achievements with the same enthusiasm he'd probably have used to read a grocery list, Pavel's eyes darted through the audience to find his parents – and Hikaru's. Those eyes lit up when he realized that not only his mother and father, but his grandmother had made the trip to San Francisco from Yekaterinburg.

Pavel realized suddenly that he'd never actually seen photos of Hikaru's parents – or, for that matter, of any of his family – so he really didn't know who he was looking for. However, it was pretty easy to determine who in the audience was Starfleet personnel and who was a visitor or family member – uniforms tended to be a dead giveaway – so that narrowed his search down by a lot.

Before long, he determined that a middle-aged Asian couple a few rows behind his own family must, indeed, be Hikaru's parents -- and startled them both by sending a sudden, brilliant smile in their direction. Hikaru, staring straight ahead at strict attention, never so much as glanced at the audience.

Sulu's and Chekov's recognitions were part of a significantly longer program, so after having received their new uniform emblems and all the appropriate citations, they were dismissed to their seats. Pavel took the first opportunity to elbow Hikaru, and to gesture with a tilt of the head toward the visitors' gallery. As he expected, Hikaru did seem to recognize the Asian couple Pavel had noticed earlier – but his expression upon seeing them had been oddly unreadable, and it seemed to Pavel that his friend's eyes continued to scan the assembled visitors for another long moment.

Chekov then drew Sulu's attention to his own family – and it was clearly all the young Russian could do to maintain some semblance of military dignity instead of jumping up and waving to them frantically. Watching Pavel and his family, Hikaru could see that an older lady – whom he recognized from family photos as Chekov's grandmother – seemed to be experiencing similar difficulty; her eyes, so like her grandson's, were glowing with affection and pride, and she looked as though she wanted to rush over and hug her Pavel.

_Well,_ _**that's** not going to happen anytime soon_, Sulu thought, as he half-listened to the continued droning of Admiral Blah-Blah as other Starfleet officers were recognized and promoted. Then the man whom Pavel had pointed out to him earlier caught Hikaru's eye; holding the eye contact, he gave the older man a brief nod, and a genuine smile.

Finally the ceremony ended, and the honorees and their visitors were dismissed to a rather dreary event that was evidently Starfleet command's idea of a "celebratory" reception. Sulu immediately sent Chekov off to greet his family – looking for all the world, Hikaru thought, like an ecstatically happy puppy. Well, it had been over a year since Pavel had last seen his family – and a lot had happened in the meantime. Of course, he knew that Pavel kept in very close contact with his entire extended family – about whom he'd heard any number of colorful stories – but messages and transmissions were never the same as a face-to-face conversation.

They certainly weren't the same as the series of bear hugs that were now crushing his friend; Sulu noted with amusement that Andrei Chekov was still entirely capable of lifting his son, the newly-minted lieutenant and trusted navigator of a Constitution- class starship, fully off the floor in his embrace.

"Hikaru-chan," came a deep voice over his own shoulder, interrupting his reverie. "Or, should I say, Lieutenant Commander Sulu. This is a wonderful day." Sulu greeted the man with a warm handshake.

"You know I… I thank you for being here," Sulu replied hesitantly, "but I'll admit to being a little surprised to see you both. You really shouldn't have gone to the…"

"Oh, Hikaru, seriously." The woman interrupted him by pulling him into a bear hug of his own, squeezing him tightly before she released him and stepped slightly away to cup Hikaru's face affectionately between her hands. "As if we'd miss this moment in your life." She paused as her eyes welled with tears; dropping her hands, she bit her lip before briefly shaking her head. "You know… you must know that we're always so proud of you."

Pavel chose that moment to come skidding to a stop in front of Hikaru – he'd obviously come over at a dead run – and breathlessly began to introduce himself. Sulu put a warning hand on Pavel's arm to stop him.

"Dr. Nakamura, Mrs. Nakamura, I would like you to meet my very dearest friend, Pavel Andreyevich Chekov." He studiously avoided looking at Pavel's face; whatever expression was there at the realization that these were most certainly _not_ his parents, Sulu was sure he didn't want to see it. "Dr. Nakamura was my botany professor in secondary school, and has remained a mentor and a dear friend."

"Lieutenant Chekov, please accept our best wishes and congratulations," said Dr. Nakamura with a slight bow.

"And our thanks, as well," added Mrs. Nakamura with a warm smile. "We've heard a great deal about you from our Hikaru – enough to know that we wouldn't have him with us today if it weren't for you." Pavel responded by blushing deep red to the roots of his hair, and mumbling something unintelligible.

As little as he knew he'd want to hear the answer, Hikaru now had to ask. "Dr. Nakamura, have you had any word from my father and mother? I know they received an invitation to this event, but I never..."

"Ah, well… yes." Dr. Daiki Nakamura looked down at the drab, military-grade carpet instead of into the eyes of his star pupil. "Kaito did send me a transmission a week or so ago. He and your mother are well, but were unable to attend today because they are currently in Thailand."

"Thailand?" Sulu's confusion was plain in his voice. "Neither of them have ever had research in that part of the world before – is this a new assignment they're on?"

Saika Nakamura responded with a distinctly unladylike snort of derision. "No, Hikaru-chan, no assignment. They are…" she paused to glare fiercely at no one in particular "… on _vacation_. They were unable to return for the ceremony, as their trip is not scheduled to end for another nine days."

No one spoke for a long, excruciating moment. Chekov felt his stomach actually turning in the silence, but did not meet his friend's eyes. He'd known Hikaru long enough to understand that the last thing he wanted right now was Pavel's sympathy – but his heart was breaking for him, all the same. Pavel joined Dr. Nakamura in his study of the carpet.

Dr. Nakamura's voice was strained, and the heartiness in his words sounded forced as he looked back up at his former student. "But, Hikaru… your mother and father both asked me to pass along their warmest congratulations, and their love. They also asked me to give you this gift in honor of this wonderful occasion." He walked over to a nearby table, retrieving an oddly-shaped package wrapped in plain paper. "Open it, Hikaru-chan," he urged, this time with real enthusiasm. "This you will like, I promise."

_God – could this __**be**__ any more humiliating?_ Sulu thought, but dutifully began tearing the paper from the package. Then his eyes lit up in genuine delight. "Dr. Nakamura! This is amazing!"

In his hands was a small pot containing a tiny evergreen, with impossibly tangled, curling fronds of soft, pale silvery-green. Chekov honestly didn't see the appeal of the little plant – but was inexpressibly glad that Hikaru obviously did.

"…Cryptomeria japonica, _Spiraliter Falcata!__" _Dr. Nakamura was speaking, and his voice held the same excitement as Sulu's. "Remember when we wanted to do our research on rare Japanese plants, and had to adjust our experimental design because we couldn't find a specimen of this one? And look at it – isn't it a beauty?"

Mrs. Nakamura took Chekov aside as the other two men waxed enthusiastic over the small evergreen, examining it from every possible angle. She looked at her husband and Sulu with fond exasperation. "The two of them have always been like this with their plants – they're like little boys with a new toy."

"This plant – what is it?" Chekov asked. "It must be, I think, wery exotic."

"Not really," Saika Nakamura replied. "It's a Japanese cedar – a plain enough plant, really. However, nowadays it's very rare, even in botanical circles – so Daiki was thrilled to be able to find this one for Hikaru."

"But…" Chekov was confused. "I thought… I thought this was gift from Hikaru's parents."

Saika snorted again. "No. They…no." She paused, as if weighing the words she was about to say. "You have never met Kaito and Dalisay Sulu, or you'd know better." She sighed, looking over at Hikaru, and dropped her voice. "I'm sure he knows better, too… but we'll leave well enough alone. We always do."

Pavel followed her gaze, and felt a white-hot knot start form in his chest – felt unreasoning fury building toward two people whom he'd never so much as seen. Now, though, he understood why Sulu had been so uncomfortable before the ceremony; his parents had managed to make Hikaru tense and miserable – had managed to disappoint and humiliate him in what should have been a triumphant moment – and they had done so without even bothering to show up.

Pavel felt a surge of protectiveness toward his friend – though he wasn't sure how he could protect Hikaru, or from what. But he wanted – no, not wanted, but needed – to hear more. He turned to Saika Nakamura and said, "Please – tell me."

The older woman looked at Pavel appraisingly. "Hikaru is so private… and so loyal. He'd sooner die than speak a word against his parents – and it bothers him when I do, as well. I suppose you already understand that – and I think you can imagine what he is going through just now – but… you are his best friend. There are things best friends should know."

As it turned out, the story was not a long one. Dr. Nakamura had first met Hikaru Sulu when he came as a 12-year-old "boy wonder" into his secondary school honors botany class, where he was at least five years younger than any of his classmates. This came as a revelation to Chekov – he thought _he'd_ been the only one thrown in with older kids at school. How had Hikaru never mentioned this?

At first, Hikaru and Dr. Nakamura had developed a close bond over their mutual obsession with "anything with leaves," as Mrs. Nakamura had smilingly put it. Since Sulu had almost immediately exhausted the secondary school's existing botany curriculum, Dr. Nakamura had taken young Hikaru on as a research assistant, continuing his education at what should have been impossibly advanced levels. Sulu, however, had thrived on the challenge – and Nakamura had delighted in nurturing this amazing young talent.

"Before long, though," she went on, "Hikaru began to take the place of a son for Daiki. You see, we were never able to have our own children, and Hikaru… well, he'd be anyone's dream child, wouldn't he?" But after a late after-school session one day, when he noticed that Sulu was going to _walk_ back home – though that walk was over ten freeway miles long – Daiki Nakamura began to realize that Hikaru Sulu was, in effect, raising himself.

"Of course, Hikaru always had all the money, all the _things_ he needed," Saika explained, "but Dalisay and Kaito were simply never _there_. They've always been so involved in their own scientific research, and in one another, that I think sometimes they just forgot they even had a son." She sighed gustily. "I hate to say this, but they are honestly two of the most self-absorbed people I've ever met – and the fact that Hikaru is such a fine young man is totally to his own credit, because I promise you that neither of his parents had a thing to do with it."

So instead of letting Hikaru walk home that afternoon, Dr. Nakamura had driven his student home, and continued to do so on days that they'd stayed working after school. When it quickly became clear that he was leaving Hikaru in an empty house day after day, the routine had changed slightly – and the boy would come to the Nakamura house each afternoon, where he'd do homework, eat cookies, help prepare dinner, and all the other things an adolescent boy might do in his own home… if he truly had one.

In Daiki Nakamura, Sulu had found a kindred spirit, a scientific mentor and role model. In Saika Nakamura, the self-contained and lonely boy had found a cheering section, a nurturing heart, an empathetic listener – and Hikaru had flourished with her loving support.

"When all's said and done, I suppose we helped each other," Saika concluded. "Hikaru has been the son we could never have – and Daiki and I have gladly stood in as surrogate parents. Fortunately for us, he's kept in close touch in the years since we've been able to see him regularly – but you know how he is. That boy – no, that _man_ – has the most affectionate and loving heart. I think I could honestly kill his parents for what they've done to him – especially today – but I'm glad that Daiki and I were able to come to the ceremony. We truly are so very, very proud of our Hikaru."

Chekov could no longer suppress the rush of affection and gratitude he felt toward the older lady, and briefly shocked her by throwing his arms around her and warmly embracing her. After a moment, Saika laughed, returning Pavel's hug. "It's good," she said, pulling back, "that Hikaru has a friend like you. He's been alone for so much of his life – it's wonderful that he has someone his own age now to look out for him."

She looked over at her husband and Sulu, who looked to be concluding their discussion, and then regarded Pavel with sudden seriousness. "It's good to know that Hikaru has you... just in case he needs saving again." With that, she squeezed Chekov's shoulder affectionately and went to join her husband.

Pavel stood rooted to the spot, trying to decide what she could possibly have meant by that. Then, shaking his head, he set off to collect Sulu and introduce him to the Family Chekov.


	3. One of Us

If "huggy" were an adjective, Sulu decided, then Pavel's family would be about the "huggiest" bunch on record. It was a good thing that he'd decided to leave his Japanese cedar in the temporary care of Dr. Nakamura until they returned to San Francisco at the end of their leave – otherwise, the little plant wouldn't have stood a chance against the onslaught of affection he'd ended up receiving from each member of Pavel's family.

Honestly, they'd treated him like a long-lost son – exclaiming over the honor he'd received, inquiring as to his welfare… and then, of course, had come the hugs. As funny as it had been to see Chekov earlier with his father, it was significantly less amusing when Andrei Chekov – who resembled nothing so much a big, affectionate bear – proved that he was also fully capable of lifting his son's _friend_ off the floor with his embrace.

Sulu scarcely knew what he'd done to deserve this outpouring of warmth from comparative strangers, and didn't quite know how to react to it. However, after the psychic blow his parents had dealt him today (unintentionally, of course; it was always unintentional), it was oddly comforting to be brought into the embrace – both figurative and literal – of the Chekov family. For whatever reason they'd done so, Hikaru felt grateful to them for reaching out to him and making him feel like one of them.

"Yes, Mrs. Chekov, Pavel warned me about the weather – I brought all my warm clothes, I promise." Sulu had to grin at the tiny lady who was trying so determinedly to keep him warm, right this minute, even though Russia was still thousands of miles away.

"Mrs. Chekov? Pah. You must call me Svetlana, I think – yes?" At Hikaru's obvious discomfort at being asked to call his best friend's mother by her first name, she reconsidered. "_Nyet?_ Well, then, you will call me 'Mama Chekov.' And no, you may not argue."

This time, it was Sulu's turn to blush. "All right… Mama Chekov." Then he heard a giggle – an actual giggle – from the aforementioned best friend, who was gleefully watching Sulu get what his family called the "Mama Treatment."

At the next opportunity, Hikaru hissed under his breath at Pavel, gesturing toward the people around them, "Do you think – I don't know – do you think you could have _warned_ me? About… about all of this?"

"You would believe it if I told you?"

"No, I suppose not. But, Pavel…"

"Hikaru, let me tell you now. There is no stopping Mama, or Papa – and certainly not Grandmama. Now you are here, and you are one of us. Is not so bad – so stop worrying and enjoy it."

Sulu was amazed by how easy it became to do just that.

The shuttle trip from San Francisco to Yekaterinburg was lengthy but uneventful, and began with Pavel and Hikaru being peppered with questions about… well, just about anything. The friends talked about their missions, their famous young captain, their other friends among the crew – about Pavel's progress in his fencing lessons with Sulu, and about Pavel's despair in ever being able to explain the fine points of stellar cartography to Hikaru – who, after all, was the _helmsman_, and so ought to _understand_ such things.

"So now you see, Pavel," Sulu had smilingly interjected, "why I am a pilot and not… a nawigator." Chekov reached across the shuttle aisle to cuff him, and they had all laughed.

They all laughed – a LOT. Hikaru Sulu considered himself to be a cheerful man by nature – but he could honestly not remember the last time he had laughed so much, and so freely. For all his initial reluctance to accept Pavel's invitation to come home with him to Russia, he was beginning to think it would turn out to be an excellent idea.

Even with the high speeds achieved by the transcontinental shuttle, it was a nearly 8-hour trip to Chekov's hometown of Yekaterinburg – and not even Pavel's family, it seemed, could carry on a non-stop flow of conversation for _that_ long. Eventually, they all settled into a comfortable silence, with an occasional quiet side conversation buzzing in the background.

Hikaru smiled to see Chekov's parents basically dozing on one another's shoulders; the juxtaposition of huge Andrei and tiny Svetlana was, for lack of a better word… adorable. Pavel, he thought, had obviously taken after his mother's side of the family in many ways, with the same slight build and delicate features. But his eyes – those blue, blue eyes – those were his father's, as was the shock of thick, uncontrollable curls. Andrei still had a very full head of hair – which was no doubt a relief to Pavel -- though Hikaru noticed that Andrei's was starting to go gray.

Turning his attention to Pavel himself, Sulu saw that his friend was sound asleep; having reclined his seat into a more comfortable position, he had snuggled into the Starfleet-issue sweater he was using as a pillow. Hikaru smiled fondly at his friend; there had to be something fundamentally wrong with him for thinking that Pavel looked so sweet - almost angelic - as he slept… but damn it all, he just couldn't help it.

"He used to look just like that when he was three years old." A quiet voice, certainly, but one that jerked Hikaru rather violently from his thoughts.

"Oh, _milyi moya_, I'm sorry – I didn't mean to startle you." Sulu realized that Chekov's grandmother had taken the empty seat next to his while his mind was wandering.

He smiled warmly at her, and reassuringly patted the hand she had placed on his forearm in her apology. "No, no… I was just daydreaming – it's fine." He cast about in his mind for a topic of conversation – other than how Pavel looked when he was asleep. He was afraid that one might get him into some trouble. "So…had you ever been to San Francisco before this trip?"

"No, this was my first visit. Andrei and Svetlana did come with Pavel for a couple of days when he first came to the Academy, but I did not – bad enough you come to Starfleet with Mama and Papa holding your hand, without Grandmama coming along as well, yes?" She laughed softly at the recollection. "Our Pasha didn't know whether to be grateful to his parents for helping him 'settle in', as they called it – or to be humiliated that they were treating him like a little boy. Finally, he decided just to feel both ways at once – and believe me, _that_ was an interesting time for our family."

_Both ways at once… if anyone could pull that off,_ thought Sulu, _it would be Chekov._

He had no doubt that Pavel's adolescence had not been a normal one in any way – and that his family had probably had to exercise even more patience than usual as a result. He still saw Pavel sometimes struggling with his conflicting desires to be taken seriously and taken care of – though Hikaru suspected that he noticed that only because of their close friendship. Belatedly, he realized that Chekov's grandmother was still speaking.

"…had hoped to spend some time in the city before Pavel's graduation from Starfleet Academy, but, of course, you were all deprived of your chance to have a real graduation." She paused, knowing that so many of the cadets – their classmates and friends – who were assigned to starships on an emergency basis on that morning the distress call had come in from the planet Vulcan had ended up running straight into the _Narada_... and that none of those first ships to arrive at Vulcan had ever returned. "We were very grateful for Pavel's safe return from his first mission," she continued.

"You know…I think," she stopped to give Sulu a long, considering look, "that sometimes the things that seem the worst at a given moment turn out to be for the best, and that this was one of those times."

With that quiet statement, Hikaru knew for a certainty that Chekov had told his _**entire family**_ about his humiliating mistake in his first act as helmsman of the _Enterprise._ As all the other ships streaked dramatically away from the dock at warp speed, the _Enterprise_ – newest flagship of the fleet – had simply sat there. Sulu had not, as Captain Pike had so drolly suggested, forgotten to take off the parking brake – but forgetting to disengage the external inertial dampener was every bit as bad, and he'd nearly _died_ of embarrassment.

Only much later did he come to accept – upon Pavel's repeated insistence – that his error was what had bought the _Enterprise_ the time it had needed to avoid running into the _Narada's_ ambush as well. That extra time had enabled them to rescue at least some of the Vulcan High Council – and to come back and fight the _Narada_ again to save Earth from the catastrophic implosion that they'd just witnessed on Vulcan.

"Yes…well." Sulu was totally at a loss to know how to continue this line of discussion; really, where could it go? 

_Think of something else, idiot._

"Ah… I can't help noticing that your English is excellent, Mrs. Chekov."

_Fantastic – now have I managed to insult the other members of the family by complimenting her?_

"Hikaru… Hikasha." Sulu felt himself blushing – again – at the endearing nickname she'd given him. "I am not going to allow you to call me 'Mrs. Chekov' any more than Svetlana would – but no, don't worry, I'm not going to ask you to call me Ivana. In this family, I am 'Grandmama' – and as part of our family, that is how you will address me, young man." She shook a mock-reproving finger at him, as her blue eyes – just like Pavel's – twinkled playfully.

"And as to the English – my professors at university would thank you, and my students would be relieved to hear your opinion. I spent many years at the secondary school level teaching English, so I was able to stay in practice. As to the others in my family," she shook her head ruefully, "the study of languages was not nearly so important as the study of sciences and mathematics. That is why our Pavel's English is so, shall we say, interesting." Sulu laughed with her at this characterization of Chekov's thick-as-peanut-butter Russian accent.

"Interesting or not… Grandmama," he replied, "the crew finds Pavel's accent to be very… endearing. And if nothing else, people always stop to hear him read the ship-wide announcements." He went on to share some of Chekov's "greatest hits", including the time that Dr. McCoy had scheduled a lecture about the antiquated and long-since banned practice of vivisection in medical research– just to hear Pavel read "wiwisection" over the public address system.

Moreover, Captain Kirk always, always chose Venus as their refueling stop whenever they were in their own solar system – and Hikaru was convinced that hearing Pavel announce their "approach to Wenus" was a large part of that choice. Hikaru's personal favorite, of course, was to put on music from his own favorite Baroque composer – just to try to get Pavel to say "Vivaldi."

"But I hope you don't think we always make fun of him," Sulu hastened to reassure her. "For one thing, I don't know if you've noticed, but he's really managed to lose quite a bit of the accent over the past year or so - I guess we're finally rubbing off on him a little." He smiled warmly at Pavel's Grandmama before continuing. "More than that, though, Pavel is absolutely one of the most respected members of the crew – heck, people three times his age are in awe of what he knows, and what he can do."

He paused before saying more seriously, "I suppose you know that if it weren't for Pavel's quick action – and his remarkable skill – neither Captain Kirk nor I would ever have survived a free-fall we made on Vulcan."

"Yes, Hikasha," Ivana Chekovna replied, "this I do know. Believe me – knowing that he had been able to save you and the captain… I think that was all that really got him through that awful period when he was not able to save Commander Spock's mother. Those were some... dark times for our Pasha."

Hikaru could only nod his agreement; he didn't think it was appropriate for him to tell Chekov's grandmother about the many nights he'd spent at Pavel's bedside after the destruction of Vulcan, consoling him when he'd had yet another nightmare. For weeks, Pavel had startled awake every night in a cold sweat, sobbing, "I lost her, I lost her…" again and again – and from the first night that Hikaru had heard those desperate cries from his adjoining room, he'd stayed close to Pavel's side through the night, sometimes even sleeping on the floor next to him.

He could never tell Pavel reassuringly that it had been only a dream – they both knew better – but he _could_ remind him of the other lives he had been able to save… and then clasp his hand tightly until he slept again. Over time, the nightmares had gone away, and Pavel had bounced back to become his sunny, enthusiastic self again. But there were times even now, nearly two years later, when he could see a haunted look in Pavel's eyes… and Hikaru knew, at those moments, who was haunting him.

_How do I keep managing to get into such deep water with Pavel's sweet Grandmama?_

Sulu thought frantically for another, less painful, topic of conversation.

"Now, I have a question for you, Grandmama," he started. "I don't know a lot of Russian – hardly any, really – but I had always thought 'Babushka' was the Russian word for grandmother. And I'm pretty sure," he continued speculatively, "that 'Grandmama' isn't Russian at all. Can you explain that to me?"

"Oh, my Hikasha – of course, you are right. But in our family, there is only room for _one_ 'Babushka' – and that would be my own mother." Ivana laughed – maybe a bit nervously. "You will be meeting her later this week; you and Pavel are making a 'command appearance' at her home in Noginsk. You may find her to be a bit intimidating – but really, she is just very old-fashioned and expects – well, really, demands – respect from everyone… including her family."

This piece of new information made Sulu more than a little nervous – he was truly excellent at being respectful, but would he be able to accomplish this with an elderly Russian lady who seemed to frighten even her own daughter? "I suppose," he said with a smile, "that I will not be asked to call her 'Babushka.'"

Grandmama gasped. "Heavens, no! You will be expected to call her '_Gospozha_ Uspenskaia' – if, in fact, she ends up talking to you at all. But…Oh, Hikasha, I don't mean to alarm you."

She stopped, speaking kindly in the face of his obviously growing dread. "I am certain that you will be fine. My mother has always had a special place in her heart for our Pasha, and anyone who is as dear to him as you are cannot help but find a welcome with her as well."

There was a brief pause where no one spoke, then Ivana Chekovna patted Hikaru on the shoulder. "It would probably be a good idea for you to try to get at least a little sleep. With the time changes as they are, we'll be coming into Yekaterinburg just a bit before lunchtime – and it will help you get oriented if you can stay awake until our nighttime. But you'll never manage that without a bit of a nap, I don't think.

So…" she stood and produced a small pillow and blanket from a bin above their heads, "I think it's time for Grandmama to tuck you in, don't you, _milyi moya_?" Ignoring Sulu's halfhearted attempts to stop her, she did just that – placing the pillow beneath his head, then gently arranging the blanket over him before reaching over him to recline his seat as well. He really _was_ a little tired, and it _did _feel good to get more comfortable, but still...

Hikaru couldn't decide whether he felt supremely silly being tucked in by Chekov's Grandmama, or whether he found it lovely and touching. _Both ways at once,_ he decided, and smiled as he settled in to sleep.


	4. The Family Chekov

_**A/N: **_I really appreciate those of you who have taken time to review, and who are interested to hear more about the Adventures of Pavel and Hikaru! It's fun to know what you think. And Sandshrew777, you are the coolest of the cool – I hope this chapter meets with your expectations. :-)

* * *

_The only thing that could possibly be better than coming home,_ thought Pavel, _is coming home with Hikaru_.

After what he had learned today about Hikaru's own parents, Pavel had been more than a little concerned that his friend might resent the affectionate family who had come to celebrate with him – but he quickly realized that he had nothing to fear. Papa, Mama and Grandmama had been almost as glad to see Hikaru as they'd been to see him – _with all I've told them about him over the years, I suppose they couldn't help but love him_, Pavel decided.

And Hikaru – well, at first, Pavel could tell that he hadn't quite known what to do with all the affection his family had showered upon him, but _that _didn't last long. He had hooted with laughter when he heard about the _Enterprise's_ helmsman – with a well-deserved reputation throughout Starfleet as a gifted pilot and a fierce opponent in hand-to-hand combat – being _tucked in for a nap_ by his Grandmama... he only wished he could have seen that for himself. More than anything, he felt glad that Hikaru was getting the love and attention he deserved – even if it was from the Chekov family rather than his own.

Not for the first time, Pavel Andreyevich Chekov realized that he had been blessed with an extraordinary family.

Once they'd finally arrived at Andrei and Svetlana's home on the outskirts of Yekaterinburg, Hikaru had discovered that he'd actually get to meet many of the aunts, uncles, cousins and friends about whom Pavel had told him so much. Pavel's Aunt Olga – obviously Andrei's big sister – was already at the house, making preparations for an enormous family dinner – and Hikaru was greeted with yet another big hug. (He also rapidly came to the conclusion that Andrei's looks, while perfectly acceptable on a man, were a bit unfortunate on a woman – though he was certainly too polite to call _that_ to anyone's attention.)

Before the rest of the family was due to arrive, Pavel took Hikaru upstairs so that he could settle in to the room where he'd be staying for the next couple of nights. Sulu took the opportunity to unpack a little, and to pull out the gift that Chekov had given him for his last birthday – in anticipation of this "family wisit."

"This should come in handy right about now, Pavel – I'm guessing the Russian is going to start flowing thick and fast once the rest of your family gets here." Pavel had given Hikaru a tiny device, worn as an ear bud, that simultaneously translated the language being used to whatever language the hearer required. It was cutting-edge technology, just coming into use with the diplomatic corps – but Uhura had pulled some strings in the Communications department to help Chekov get his hands on one for his friend. Now, Hikaru was calibrating the device, and putting it in his ear.

"All right, _tovarisch_," he challenged, "hit me with some serious Russian, and let's see how this baby works."

Ever obliging, Chekov started rattling on at truly alarming speed.

_Holy crap_, thought Sulu, _and I thought he spoke fast in __**English**_...

The little computer was definitely holding its own, though, and amazingly, Pavel's words made sense.

"OK, hold on," Hikaru smilingly raised a hand to put a temporary halt to the seemingly stream-of-consciousness rant that his friend was enjoying. "Let's see if I get this straight: Wait until I get a load of Aunt Olga's cooking – and I'll love her, 'cause she's amazing, even if she does look just like your Dad except with a little less facial hair." He shook his head reprovingly, though his laughter made it pretty clear that he wasn't serious. "Really, Pavel – is that nice? After all – she _is_ down there cooking up a storm for you, and" – he raised a wicked eyebrow – "the mustache isn't _that_ bad."

Chekov's unrepentant grin was his only reply. "And then, you said that we were going to be surrounded by all your little cousins, and that they were going to drive us absolutely _nuts_ asking us about Starfleet and the _Enterprise_ – 'cause they think you and I are like action heroes or something. And your cousin Larisa is really hot, and she'll probably hit on me if she gets the chance – but don't flirt back, 'cause if I do, your Uncle Nikolai will probably... _break my kneecaps_?"

Pavel nodded and chortled gleefully – _a little too gleefully,_ Hikaru thought – at the possibility of his being maimed at the hands of a member of the Chekov family. Then he went on to tell Sulu about the rest of the extended family who would be joining them tonight – aunts, uncles, cousins, godparents, and of course, "Dedushka," Chekov's grandfather. He had chosen not to come to the ceremony in San Francisco along with his wife, Pavel explained with a roll of his eyes, because "he still doesn't believe that people have any business flying in the air."

It was an interesting experience, Hikaru thought, listening to Pavel speak in Russian – and actually being able to understand him. But at the same time, it was odd; the interpretive device was able to tell the difference between male and female voices, and replicate them accordingly with mostly the proper vocal inflections – but there was something missing, and Sulu couldn't put his finger on exactly what that something was.

As he continued speaking Pavel began to notice that his friend was looking a little disconcerted. Reverting to English, he asked, "Is there a problem with the computer? Translation is still working?"

"Yeah, Pavel, it's all fine. I've understood every word you've said."

"Well, then, what's the matter? You look like you are having a problem."

"Nah, it's nothing, really..."

"What?"

"It's just... " Hikaru laughed at himself, and gesturing toward the device in his ear, explained, "Its English is too good. I miss your accent."

* * *

As it turned out, Hikaru found himself very glad indeed to have the little translator in his ear for the next few hours, as the evening with the Chekov family was plenty overwhelming already, even when he _did_ understand what everyone was saying.

Now, of course, it was also an _excellent_ time.

Pavel hadn't been kidding about Aunt Olga's cooking – and going from replicated food to what had to be the most astonishing array of deliciousness he'd ever laid eyes on was, quite simply, amazing. Hikaru had made Aunt Olga very, very happy by going back for seconds, thirds, and … well, losing track after that, frankly.

Carefully noting – and avoiding – the location of the admittedly hot Cousin Larisa, Hikaru instead joined Pavel in the middle of a gaggle of adolescent cousins, who were at first nearly speechless at the reality of _two actual Starfleet officers _in their midst – even if one of them _was_ Cousin Pavel. As Pavel had predicted, the kids were full of questions, and even though Pavel still had to translate his answers, all those questions were directed at Sulu:

"Did you REALLY skewer a Romulan up on top of a drill in the sky?" That led to a rather dramatic demonstration – using Grandmama's umbrella – of exactly how he had done exactly that.

"How close were you to going SPLAT on the ground when Cousin Pavel got you with the transporter?"

_Well, aboutthisclose... and no, not a fun memory, thanks._

"Is it true what they say about Deltan girls?"

_As if I'm going to answer **that** one. Don't think so._

"Did you bring your sword?" That question came from little Galina – at six, the youngest of Pavel's cousins – whose angelic looks evidently belied a truly bloodthirsty nature. "Did you bring the sword that you _stab_ people with?"

"Galya," Pavel scolded, "of _course_ he did not bring his --"

"Actually, I did – don't know what possessed me, but yeah – it's upstairs. Oh, come on, Pavel, it's not _that_ big of a deal – after all, it retracts, and it's really pretty portable when it's not opened. So... Galina – do you want me to go get it?"

And of course, the crowd went wild.

Pavel shook his head, wondering what on earth _had _possessed his friend to bring his sword on vacation, of all things.

_Sometimes,_ he determined, _Hikaru is still a mystery._

Before he had much time to ponder this, however, the mystery himself reappeared, with his favorite practice epee in hand, grinning like one of the kids.

Pavel caught himself drawing a sudden, sharp breath at the sight of Hikaru's amazing smile. He'd seen that smile a thousand times before... so why, right now, did it feel like someone had reached into his chest and squeezed? Not willing to give that question much thought – much less an answer -- he turned the breath into a laugh at the "swashbuckling swordsman" persona his friend had now channeled for the benefit of his little cousins.

Glad for the chance to move around a bit after such an enormous meal, Hikaru pounced on the opportunity to take Pavel's cousins out to Andrei and Svetlana's back yard, where he demonstrated all of his most impressive-looking fencing moves for a circle of awed young faces surrounding him. When he allowed the kids to take turns swishing the epee around (though never, he insisted, at one another), he became the Absolute Coolest Person Ever in the history of the Chekov family - much to Pavel's poorly-concealed amusement. Finally, he handed the sword over to Pavel, so that the two of them could stage a mock duel. (That this was somewhat less impressive because one of the combatants was still armed with Grandmama's umbrella – and because both of them were laughing so hard they could barely keep their balance – seemed to matter not one bit to their enraptured audience.)

As the last lingering traces of spring sunlight faded, however, everyone began to feel chilly and a little worn out, so the lethal weapons were abandoned in favor of the comfort of the house. Pavel and Hikaru were more than happy to leave the children to their own devices and sit down for a more sedate chat with the adult members of the family.

Hikaru found it oddly relaxing just to sit and listen to the animated flow of noisy conversation in the room; though an occasional friendly question was directed his way or Pavel's, most of the discussion was of the sort that any family has when they get together for a special occasion. As he settled into a comfortable armchair in a corner, Hikaru caught bits and pieces of talk about young Maksim's upcoming wedding in Vladivostok – as well as some speculation about the virtue of his future bride – which seemed to be provoking some lively discussion amongst the aunts and uncles. (Hikaru quickly ascertained that Maksim was fortunately _not _among the cousins in attendance this evening.)

Grandmama's arthritis, guesses as to the secret ingredient in Aunt Olga's meatballs, and how the various children were doing in school were topics that were all being discussed simultaneously – and Hikaru realized quickly that the interpretive device in his ear, while fantastically helpful, did have its limits, and that he was going to have to try to concentrate on one conversation at a time.

Dedushka, predictably, had made disparaging remarks about the transcontinental shuttle, and expressed wonderment that his family had made it home from San Francisco in one piece – and predictably, Pavel had jumped in to energetically defend the entirety of aeronautic science to his grandfather.

Watching the interaction between grandfather and grandson, Sulu rather suspected that Dedushka was mostly trying to get Pavel going – which was proving to be very effective. He wondered, though, if Pavel could see as clearly as Hikaru could the pride that practically _radiated_ from the older man when he looked at his grandson, the lieutenant and navigator of a Constitution class starship.

_Well, he ought to be proud of Pavel_, Hikaru thought. _They all should. He damn well deserves it._

Where the sudden tightness in his throat had come from, Hikaru Sulu had no idea.

* * *

By the time the last of the extended family had headed home, it was close to midnight. The biggest part of the cleanup had already been taken care of by Pavel's mother and aunts not long after dinner – but Hikaru, ever the conscientious guest, rolled up his sleeves and headed to the kitchen to help with the remaining work.

"No, Hikasha – shoo!" Svetlana was back to speaking English again, as Sulu's well-used translating device had finally lost its charge, and now rested in his pocket. "You have had long and crazy day – you should go upstairs to bed, right now!"

"Oh, but Mama Chekov, you have to allow me," Hikaru said with a big smile and a sweeping, mock-courtly bow. "Leaving you with this work to do would be conduct unbecoming an officer, and I have Starfleet's reputation to uphold!"

"Pah – unbecoming an officer!" Mama was unimpressed. "See how much work _that_ officer" – waving toward Pavel, who was trying hard to become invisible against the wall in the next room – "is willing to do tonight?" She raised her voice slightly, to be sure that it would carry to her son. "See, Pavel? _Your friend_, at least, does not pretend that he never learned how to do dishes!" With a sigh, Pavel reluctantly made his way into the kitchen and grabbed a dishtowel – but stuck his tongue out at Sulu the moment his mother's back was turned.

"You," he growled at Hikaru under his breath, "are kiss-up. By the time we leave, my mama will like you better than me."

Svetlana, overhearing, swooped over to pinch both of Pavel's cheeks. "Oh, _moy zaichik_ – Mama will never like anyone better than you!" Her voice was absolutely gooey with facetious baby talk. She kissed him then, loudly, on both cheeks – then playfully swatted his rear end and sent him back to work.

Hikaru looked questioningly at Pavel's father, who sat watching the proceedings from the kitchen table. "_Zaichik_?" he whispered to Andrei.

Pavel's father tried – and failed – to suppress a grin. Looking up at Hikaru, he held his hands up on top of his head to portray long ears, crinkled his nose, whispering back, "_Zaichik_ is... bunny."

_Oh, Pavel,_ thought Sulu with ruthless glee, _just try to live __**that**__ one down._

"Of course," Svetlana was saying, "I have no one but myself to blame if Pavel is spoiled. Is clear that your mama, Hikaru, taught you better than that." She paused – not noticing Hikaru's suddenly tense expression, or Pavel frantically trying to surreptitiously get her attention. "I saw your mama and papa today at the Academy, Hikasha, and I was hoping to meet them – but I suppose they had to leave the reception early, yes? But is good even so; at least they got to come and see you get your lieutenant commander's bars – I know Andrei and I wouldn't have missed it for anything."

_Oh, Lord – not this again,_ thought Hikaru – as Pavel cut his mother off with a torrent of Russian, and Mama Chekov clapped her hand over her mouth as if to unsay what she had said.

"Hikasha, _lyubimy_," she began – but Sulu interrupted her with a brief hug.

"Never mind, Mama Chekov – it's really not a big deal." _OK, this really sucks. Bad enough I've had to deal with my family – or rather, the lack thereof – today without __**Pavel's**__ family looking at me now with sad eyes as if I'm some damn stray puppy. _

_This really is getting to be about as much as I can take right now... _

"But honestly, " he continued in an excellent approximation of his normal voice, "I guess I am pretty tired, after all." He gave Svetlana his most winning smile. "Do you promise not to turn me over for court-martial if I abandon this duty post to go to bed?"

"Oh, of course, my Hikasha! You should go upstairs right this minute and go to sleep." Pavel's mother smiled at him with a tenderness that went right through him. "You consider those _my_ orders – and I court-martial you if you disobey."

Smiling, Sulu snapped to attention. "Ma'am. Yes, ma'am. Reporting directly to bed, ma'am." He leaned forward to briefly kiss her cheek, then turned and quickly left the room.

Hikaru went to the cozy guest room upstairs, plunked down on the edge of his bed and sat glaring at an indeterminate point in front of him.

_It's no use getting mad at anybody,_ he thought – _poor little Mama Chekov didn't mean to say anything wrong... and she really hadn't. Hell, it wasn't __**her**__ fault that she and Andrei had traveled thousands of miles to see Pavel get his honors, and my parents didn't bother to come home to San Francisco – the city where, oh, I don't know, they actually fucking __**live**__ --for the Starfleet ceremony. _

The little voice in his head said, _so... Mama Chekov's not who you're mad at_ – so he stopped listening to it. Hikaru Sulu had learned a long time ago that there was nothing at all to be gained by being mad at, or hurt by, his own parents.

Right now, it was plain that sleep wasn't immediately forthcoming – and that his mood was rapidly deteriorating into something very unlike its usual cheerful self – so Hikaru elected to unwind with a quick shower before sleeping. Afterward, he'd changed into his nightclothes and was at least slightly less tense, ready to head back to his bedroom to release the day's events from his mind and allow his time zone-confused body the rest it had been expecting for a while.

What he hadn't been expecting was Pavel, sitting cross-legged in an armchair in the corner of the guest bedroom in his pajamas, with a big smile on his face and something in his hands.

"Hikaru – wait til you see what I bring you. It is amazing and you will love it. Grandmama gave it to me when I –"

"Really, Pavel... aren't you tired?" _Seriously -- can he not see that I'm in no mood to be around anybody just now?_

"Don't you want to go to sleep?"

_For God's sake, Pavel -- go to sleep. Go back downstairs. Go anywhere. Just please, please don't keep talking to me._

"Not yet. Too excited – like you say, _wound up_. So here is what Grandmama gave me when I was eight years old." He held it up triumphantly. "See? Is real, actual book! Not datapad, not digital, but" – he knocked on the cover for emphasis, then opened it wide so the pages cascaded by – "book with cover, and pages, and everything!" He leaned forward toward Hikaru, eyes sparkling with excitement. "It is adwenture story. And since no one likes adwenture stories more than Hikaru Sulu... I, Pavel Andreyevich Chekov, will read to you."

There was no earthly reason why this gesture should have made Sulu angry – but somehow, the self-restraint he'd been exercising all day slipped completely away; he felt the white-hot anger exploding in his chest, then heard himself lashing out at his friend almost without realizing he was doing so.

"Oh, I get it now. 'Poooor Hikaru – his mama doesn't love him, and _my_ mama loves _me_, and that's just sooo sad. In fact, I feel so sorry for poor Hikaru that I'm going to go upstairs and do something to take Hikaru's mind off the fact that he's some kind of freakin' orphan or something.' Is that about it, Pavel?"

Sulu barely recognized the tone of vicious sarcasm he heard in his own voice; he almost felt like he was outside his own head, listening to himself... well, freaking out. "Is that it? Because you need to get something straight right now, which is that I do not – repeat, NOT -- require your sympathy, your family's sympathy, the damn Nakamuras' sympathy, or anybody else's! Once and for all, Pavel, do you _get _it? I...am...absolutely..._fucking._.._**fine**__!_"

Throughout this tirade, Pavel had sat utterly still, eyes wide with shock. When Hikaru finished, the two men simply stared at one another for a long, silent moment. Pavel unfolded himself from the chair and stood up, and Hikaru believed that he would then simply walk out of the room. However, those blue, blue eyes fixed intently on his own, and Pavel stopped about two feet in front of him, glaring fiercely.

For a moment, they just stood there, staring at each other; they were both breathing faster than usual, and it sounded unnaturally loud in the otherwise silent room.

"Okay, now _you_ get something straight – asshole."

Hikaru, calming down just a bit, began to realize that he had really managed to piss his friend off; he nearly never used coarse language. In a quiet, intense voice, Pavel continued.

"You 'do not, repeat NOT,' want sympathy. Fine – so I give you no sympathy. But I think, maybe you are needing a friend just now, tonight, to keep you from thinking too much. And I am wrong, I see – I forget that this is big, strong Hikaru Sulu, who does not need anything from anyone." Pavel stopped for a moment, looking down at his own bare feet. When he looked back up again, the anger was still written on his face, but the expression in his eyes was... different, somehow.

"So you tell me what _you don't_ need – now I will tell you what _I_ _do_ need, okay?" Pavel went on, his voice increasing in intensity – and volume – as he gathered steam. "Maybe you really _don't _need a friend – but right now, Hikaru, _I need to be your friend_. I need to know that every now and then, you will stop being so big and tough and 'I don't need anybody,' and you will stop being such a _jackass_, and you will be letting the people who care about you... damn well CARE about you!" He stopped then, seeming a little startled by his own outburst.

There was a clock ticking somewhere, and Svetlana and Andrei were still downstairs puttering in the kitchen. Hikaru could hear, it seemed, every sound in the house just now -- and he could feel the tension that stood, almost tangible, between him and Pavel. He'd put it there; it was all his fault.

Hikaru felt like... well, "jackass" summed it up pretty well. He'd known, really, even as he was saying them, that his words were just totally uncalled for – and that Pavel had simply gotten in the way of some feelings that he'd never had anything to do with. He was also deeply touched by Pavel's declaration of friendship, even in the face of his own asinine behavior. It was impossible to stay angry at such a moment.

Making it harder still was that, well, righteous indignation – no matter how well-deserved – coming from a fluffy-haired 19-year-old in his jammies was pretty tough to take seriously for too long.

Sulu drew a breath, looking down at his hands for a long moment, as though they would tell him what to say now. "So... are you done?" he asked quietly, stroking an embroidered flower on the bedspread with the tip of one finger -- looking anywhere just now except into those hurt blue eyes.

"_Da_," Chekov replied, now equally quietly. "I think so."

Hikaru picked up a decorative pillow... put it back down again... walked over to the closet...

_It doesn't matter if it's exactly right, but you'd damn well better say something, and say it now, jerk._

Hikaru stood still, fidgeting now with a figurine on top of the dresser.

"Well, then... I'm really sorry, Pavel. I was just a complete and total ass, and I was way out of line. Honest to God, I really didn't mean any of that crap – it's just been a long day, and... some of it has been a little hard to deal with. But you are absolutely the _last _person who deserved that kind of behavior, seriously." Hikaru came closer to Pavel -- addressing the floor as he spoke. "Man... I hope you really do know what an amazing friend you are, Pavel – and I'm just so unbelievably sorry you had to put up with my freakout just now. I really am... so, could you, like, forgive me?" He looked up now at his friend, with the question in his eyes as well.

It turned out that it was also pretty hard to stay mad after that kind of apology – especially delivered with that sad look in those big, brown eyes – by your best friend, in _his_ jammies.

"What are friends for?" Pavel responded magnanimously. "Of course I forgive you."

It was hard to tell who looked more relieved.

In the quiet moments that followed, Sulu pulled the covers back and got into bed, turned on the bedside lamp and, smiling wordlessly at his friend, propped himself into a sitting position with pillows against the headboard. Chekov, grinning like a loon now, responded in kind – settling himself back into the armchair, with legs crossed and feet tucked under him.

"So. Now we will have _Treasure Island,_ written by Robert Louis Stevenson, read by Pavel Andreyevich Chekov." Pavel looked up and smiled at his friend. "Chapter One – The Old Sea-Dog at the 'Admiral Benbow.' Squire Trelawney, Dr. Livesey, and the rest of these gentlemen having asked me to write down the whole particulars about Treasure Island, from the beginning to the end..."


	5. Yekaterinburg

_**A/N:** This was either going to be one insanely long chapter, or two to three shorter ones. Going with the shorter ones, just because any of you who waded through the mammoth Chapter 4 deserve a break! :-)_

* * *

Something had just landed on him.

Hikaru struggled frantically to surface from a deep sleep, to free himself from whatever was trapping him so that he could barely move, to figure out where the bloody hell he _was_ and what was falling on him.

Then he heard Pavel laughing.

Right. He was in bed in Chekov's house in Russia – and he must have slept pretty hard not to have awakened when he'd gotten himself so thoroughly tangled in the covers. Surfacing from underneath the nest of blankets, he saw that his friend had decided to awaken him by dropping Sulu's own running shoes on top of him – and that Pavel was really, really amused at Hikaru's reaction to that act.

"You twisted little shit, what's the _matter_ with you? You couldn't wake me up like a normal human being? Or maybe – oh, I don't know – even let me _sleep_? I mean, seriously – is the sun even up?"

However, the "twisted little shit" in question could not be bothered to answer any of those questions, occupying himself instead by rummaging through Hikaru's bag across the room. Evidently satisfied with what he'd found, Pavel came back to Sulu's bedside – still laughing, the insufferable little twit – and dropped his running clothes on top of him as well.

Hikaru began to carry on a facetious conversation with himself. "Good morning, Hikaru my friend! Did you sleep well? Why, yes, Pavel, I did! Would you like to join me for a run, Hikaru? It's a beautiful morning!" And if he hadn't been so ridiculously tired, the shoe he'd thrown would _not_ have missed Pavel's head – Hikaru had exceptionally good aim.

"Come on, old man – get up and let's go! The day is wasting!" Pondering his friend's words, Hikaru decided that only Pavel could consider the day "wasting" at six in the morning. As for old – _come on, 23 is __**not**__ old, even in the alternate reality that is Chekov World._

However, Sulu knew when he was up against an irresistible force. Sighing, he disengaged himself from the tangle of covers and picked up the clothes and shoes that had been tossed onto him.

Gracious in victory, Pavel gave his friend the sunniest of smiles before he turned to leave the room. "I'll meet you downstairs in five minutes," he said over his shoulder on the way out.

They'd been doing these morning runs together ever since their days at the Academy – though, as was true of so many things, they went at it for different reasons, and with different degrees of intensity. Sulu had simply been running for pleasure and to stay fit, whereas Chekov was in training for the Starfleet Academy marathon. They'd kept crossing paths with one another on their respective runs and finally decided just to start running together – which worked for both of them, as Pavel kept Hikaru disciplined... and Hikaru gave Pavel someone to outrun.

With Pavel's combination of single-minded determination and pure talent, Hikaru had known his friend would make an excellent showing in the race – and he'd been at the finish line, screaming like a maniac, when the 16-year-old Chekov had become the youngest cadet ever to win the marathon. Though he hadn't had the chance to run another marathon, still Pavel loved to run – and Hikaru loved to run with him.

Pavel was turned away from him when he came downstairs into the kitchen, and Hikaru was momentarily frozen in place by the almost poetic beauty of the early morning sunlight falling on the planes and angles of his face; the light hit Pavel's light brown curls and made them glow golden. Hikaru wished he had a camera just then to capture the perfection of that moment. He wished..._ stop __it, Sulu._

"Ready to go?" he asked with forced casualness. "For that matter, exactly where _will_ we go?" Wherever they ended up going, it was certainly going to be more interesting than their typical daily run through the various decks of the _Enterprise_.

"Well," his friend replied, "since we'll only be here for a couple of days, I thought you are needing to see the sights of Yekaterinburg – so we run like tourists today."

"I don't know how _Russian_ tourists get around, but I don't think I've ever seen an _American_ tourist run unless something was chasing them. But yes, I get the point. So... I've got the coat, the hat, the gloves – are these enough?" Sulu indicated his cold-weather gear, which he'd brought along for exactly this purpose.

"American tourist, indeed. You are weak, Hikaru – _weak,_ I tell you! For Russians, this is a beautiful summer day for a glorious morning run!" Then he grinned, pulling on his own coat, hat and gloves. "_Da_, you should be fine in what you're wearing."

Though Hikaru privately believed that San Francisco was a far more beautiful city, he allowed that Yekaterinburg did have some really lovely sights to see. Though most of the city tended to be rather drab -- and maybe even a little depressing in the shabby uniformity of the large buildings throughout the city, Pavel managed to keep them in parts of town that were actually fairly attractive. They mostly ran along the banks of the Iset River, where there were well-kept pedestrian paths going through park-like areas with the beginnings of spring greenery beginning to show in the mid-April sunlight.

Chekov took him past what looked like a field of stones – which, hilariously, turned out to be an oversized scale model of a 21st century QWERTY computer keyboard. Going into the city itself, they also stopped by a monument to the last Czar of Russia and his family, all of whom had been killed near Yekaterinburg in the early 20th century during the Bolshevik Revolution. Again, Sulu wished he'd brought a camera; though he had little doubt that he'd remember his week in Russia vividly, it would still have been fun to have photographs.

As was usual when they ran, sometimes they talked, and sometimes they were silent. It was, Pavel reflected, one of the very best parts of having a best friend – they had fun together doing everything and nothing, and were comfortable talking about absolutely anything, or not at all. These morning runs with Hikaru were almost like a touchstone for him, and helped him collect his thoughts to start the day in the appropriate frame of mind. He was pretty sure that it was like that for Hikaru as well – but even if it was not, he was there, faithfully, every morning.

_Hikaru is always there, no matter what_, Pavel thought. He couldn't really pinpoint when that certainty had become so important to him – but that didn't really matter. Sulu and Chekov, Chekov and Sulu – everyone who knew them had come to think of them as more or less a single unit, and that was fine with him.

Pavel smiled fondly over at his friend, noticing then that Hikaru's nose and cheeks had gone decidedly pink in the less-than-hospitable temperatures of early spring in Russia as they ran, blowing steam clouds in the air as they went.

"Mama won't forgive me if I bring you home frozen – we go back now for breakfast."

That was one of the more appealing things Pavel had had to say this morning – and Sulu adjusted his speed accordingly_._

_

* * *

  
_

The three days they spent with Chekov's parents in Yekaterinburg were, Hikaru decided, just what he'd needed. Other than their morning runs, he and Pavel barely left the house, utterly content to just relax and chat with Pavel's family. The better he got to know Andrei and Svetlana, the better he liked them; much like Pavel himself, they were smart, funny, and unfailingly kind. They treated him like a second son – but never in a way that made him feel uncomfortable or as though he was a recipient of their sympathy. It seemed, quite simply, that they liked Hikaru as much as he liked them.

Hikaru was also glad to have the chance to get to know Chekov's grandparents better as well – and to discover that his suspicions about Dedushka's supposed distaste for flight were entirely correct. When Pavel's grandfather had Sulu alone during an afternoon visit, he was filled with questions about the life of a Starfleet pilot – and seemed genuinely fascinated by Hikaru's stories of his training and various harrowing moments they'd had on the _Enterprise_.

In his stories, Hikaru was especially glad to be able to tell Dedushka about the amazing skill of his grandson the navigator – and how highly regarded Pavel was throughout Starfleet. To Sulu's great amusement, however, as soon as Pavel joined the conversation Dedushka began to refer to the Enterprise as a "flying death trap" and a "bucket of bolts" – with a broad wink at Hikaru.

For all that he was having an absolutely wonderful time, Sulu had found himself confused by a disturbing moment he'd witnessed between Pavel and his mother. Hikaru, coming down the stairs after a brief but very necessary afternoon nap, had been about to walk into the kitchen; Svetlana and Pavel were already in the room, and she was handing her son a small package which Pavel seemed extremely unwilling to receive.

Hikaru pondered whether or not he should remove his personal translating device to keep from eavesdropping – but found that he simply could not when he heard not only their words but the serious, tense tones of their voices.

"For me, Pasha, you will do this." Mama's voice was quiet but adamant, her expression unusually stern. "Promise me you will do this."

"Mama... you do not understand what you're asking." Pavel was obviously distraught – Sulu wondered if his friend might be near tears. "This... this is more than I can do."

"No, Pavel. It is not." Svetlana's voice was so serious as to sound almost cold. "It is exactly as much as you can do, and it is very important to me. Now, I need your promise."

Pavel had sighed deeply, his reply so quiet as to be nearly inaudible. "You have my promise, Mama. Now, please – I don't want to discuss this anymore." He took the small parcel and hurried from the room, stopping suddenly as he saw Hikaru in the doorway. Sulu was stunned by the bleak look in his friend's eyes. Pavel looked at him and repeated in a near whisper, "I don't want to discuss this anymore."

Friendship – and his inherent respect for his friend's privacy – had kept Hikaru from asking further questions of Pavel, but he could not help noticing that his friend seemed subdued for the rest of the afternoon, and that he and his mother were keeping their distance from one another. By evening, everyone was as cheerful and talkative as they had been previously – but Hikaru was still curious, puzzled, and more than a little concerned about whatever had taken place.

He was also, if he was honest with himself, a little hurt that Chekov had chosen not to confide in him; usually, Pavel told Hikaru absolutely everything. _I'm sure he has a good reason for keeping quiet,_ Sulu thought – but this unaccustomed silence on Pavel's part was uncomfortable and disconcerting, and he... well, he just didn't like it.


	6. The Things We Don't Say

**A/N:** Thanks so very much to those who have read, added to favorites and alerts, and especially those who have taken the time to review. It's great to hear what you think, and I send you love, hugs, and cookies.

I also appreciate your patience with the pacing of my updates, as this story just seems to keep growing on its own...! For those of you who are kind enough to encourage me to continue, please be assured that I'm writing even when I'm not updating - it's just that now that school has started, I don't have the free time I did a couple of weeks ago!

* * *

On the morning of their fourth day of leave, Pavel and Hikaru got up well before dawn in order to travel to Pavel's great-grandmother's home in Noginsk, just east of Moscow – they'd have to take a relatively slow regional shuttle for this trip. Though they'd said their goodbyes to Andrei and Svetlana at bedtime the previous evening, neither young man was particularly surprised to see both of Pavel's parents waiting for them – albeit somewhat blearily – in the kitchen.

"My boys, they cannot leave without a bit of breakfast," Svetlana insisted, setting two dauntingly large bowls of hot cereal down on the table and pouring coffee for them both.

Pavel looked at the table and laughed. "_Da_ – a _bit_ of Mama's kasha, and we won't be hungry again until tomorrow!"

"I don't know, Pavel," Hikaru replied smilingly. "I've been eating 'a bit' of your Mama's food for three days now – and I've always managed to eat whatever's been put in front of me next. I'll be lucky to be able to get back into my uniform when we're back on board ship – but that's just because Mama is such an amazing cook."

Svetlana, delighted, leaned down to kiss the _Enterprise's_ helmsman on the top of his head as if he were a very little boy.

"I told you already," Pavel muttered sullenly. "You are kiss-up."

Hikaru just grinned at him and spooned some strawberry jam on top of his kasha.

"Now, you need to remember," Andrei cautioned, taking a drink of his own coffee. "You really can't say anything to Babushka about the party we had for you both. She would_ not_ be pleased with us."

Hikaru was somewhat confused. "Why would that bother her? Would she be offended not to have been invited?"

"No, no – that is not it at all," Svetlana interjected. "It's just that, well, Babushka is a very pious woman, and..."

"...She objects to parties?" Sulu questioned.

"What Mama and Papa are trying to say, Hikaru, is that this is the week before Pascha, or Orthodox Easter. Is our Holy Week, and the most solemn fast of the year. Our party... well, it would – what is the word – _scandalize_ Babushka." Pavel raised an eyebrow at his father. "She would skin you alive if she knew you had party at your house – and so would Uncle Ilya."

_Wow, _Sulu mused, _this sounds like one scary old lady. And hanging out with Pavel's great-grandmother... during a "solemn fast"? Ought to be a lively visit._

"I'll certainly remember – not one word about any kind of a celebration whatsoever," Hikaru promised. _And maybe, if I'm smart, not one word about anything else, either._

"But Hikasha, I know you will enjoy seeing Noginsk. It is not so big as Moscow, but close enough where you can visit Moscow when you want. Also, it is where Pavel spent several years. I am sure he told you about when he went to live with Babushka when he was ten years old."

Hikaru's eyebrows went up at that. "No, Mama Chekov, he absolutely did not." He gave Pavel a "well, what is _this _all about?" kind of glance.

Mama either missed that glance or chose to ignore it, because she continued, "You know how our Pasha is – always so far ahead." She smiled with fond pride at her son. "Well, when he was eight or nine, his teachers are telling us that he is _genius, prodigy_ – and that only school that can give him _challenge_ is in Moscow. Of course, we could never let him move there alone at such a young age – but since Babushka's home is so close to the city, it was good place for him to be. So for almost five years, Pasha lived with his Babushka."

That would explain the "special place" for Pavel in Babushka's heart that Grandmama mentioned on the shuttle to Yekaterinburg – she'd helped raise him. _One more thing Pavel hadn't told him..._

* * *

"So, young Pasha," Hikaru said from his less-than-comfortable seat on the shuttle to Noginsk," when did you plan on telling me about your years living with your great-grandmother?"

Chekov had the grace to look somewhat uncomfortable. "It... newer came up."

"Oh, please, Pavel – with us, _everything _comes up in conversation at least once." That was a lie, and Hikaru knew it – but though it was becoming increasingly plain that there were really some things that each of them chose not to discuss, those didn't bear mentioning just now.

Especially since now it was Hikaru's turn on the hot seat, as Pavel turned on him with a suddenly accusing look. "Is that right, _young Hikasha_? Well, then, why do I hear from Mrs. Nakamura – not you – that you are in secondary school when you are twelve years old? Why didn't _that_ come up – especially after all the stories I tell you about my problems in school with older kids?"

Pavel really didn't know what to make of the expression on Hikaru's face then; if he'd expected any reaction in particular, it might have been embarrassment or defensiveness, or maybe even anger – but he just looked surprised, and then, well... _sad_.

Hikaru looked straight ahead for a long moment before answering.

"Pavel... " he sighed, and paused again."You don't get it." He was talking to the shuttlecraft window, not to Pavel – Hikaru refused to meet his friend's eyes. "Yeah, for one class – _botany,_ for Heaven's sake – yeah, I got promoted to the upper grades. But not for anything else, ever; not like you – we're not even in the same ballpark; I would never think of comparing us. You're like... you're this amazing person, this shining star who always figures it out, who wins the marathon, who always achieves what he's aiming for, and does it years ahead of anybody else. That's not me – never was. I'm good at a lot of stuff, Pavel – and _really_ good at some of it – but never, never like you."

Hikaru heaved another enormous sigh, and looked down at his own hands. "I mean, seriously. You're the guy who figured out the transporter like no one else ever had. Me? I was the guy who fell off the goddamn drill."

Pavel stared blankly at his friend, utterly at a loss for words. He had not expected Hikaru's response to hit him like a punch in the stomach – but somehow, it did. _Can this possibly be what he really thinks of himself – and of me?_

For years, Pavel had felt an admiration that was almost hero worship for his sunny, confident friend, who had always been there for him, had cheered him up when no one else could, had managed to pull them both through any crisis. Sometimes, he even found himself trying to imitate Hikaru, attempting to pull off some of his mannerisms, that same smiling swagger. And, for these same years, this is how Hikaru had felt about himself? He was shocked, he had no idea what to say next – he looked at the floor, out the window, at the ceiling, looking for inspiration, or simply buying time. But Pavel knew that even though he had nothing to say, he had to say something...

"Hikaru... truly, Hikaru, what do I say to you? You cannot – you really cannot think these things about yourself are true. You must know that --"

"Pavel. Really – let's drop it. I don't know why I spouted all that just now, but let's drop it. I mean, yeah, I really, really admire you – always have – but I don't want you to think I'm jealous. I'm not, seriously." Now, finally, Hikaru made eye contact. "I'm just glad you're my friend."

Well, okay – Pavel at least knew what to say to _that_. "Me, too, Hikaru. You are my best friend – and the best friend I could ever have."

There was a long pause, and then Sulu felt the need to lighten the mood he'd brought down so precipitously.

"So... the Russians have their own Easter?"

"_Nyet_, not just Russians – all Orthodox." Pavel seemed glad to change the subject as well. " And it is the same Easter holiday that all Christians celebrate, just not always on the same day. Calendar is... wery complicated."

"And, we'll be coming in at the end of this big fast period? How long has that been going on?" Hikaru had already determined that the food probably wasn't going to be nearly as good at Babushka's house as it had been at Andrei and Svetlana's.

"We call it Great Lent, and it goes for about six weeks before Holy Week – this week. We do not fast from ewerything, of course – but we try to stay away from meat and other animal products. Of course, not all Orthodox do this," Pavel smiled, "or else you would not have the chance to try Aunt Olga's meatballs."

A thought occurred to Sulu at that moment. "About six weeks, you said? Hey – is that why you started on that vegetarian kick a couple months back? I thought you were trying to imitate Spock or something... but is it a religious thing?"

Pavel looked just a little uncomfortable. "_Da_, that is why. I don't say anything because... because..."

"... Because your faith is a very private thing for you, Pavel. I get it." Hikaru thought of the few small icons placed unobtrusively on a shelf in Chekov's room, and other bits and pieces that came together to create a picture of a reverent young man who didn't want to impose his beliefs on anyone else. _Every time I think I couldn't admire him more, he shows me another side of him that just blows me away...._

Hikaru was a little taken aback by the rush of intense emotion he had just experienced –and quickly stuffed it back into the corner of his mind from whence it had come, deciding that it was best not to examine that any more than he had to.

"Well, anyway," Pavel said, "we will be at Babushka's for Pascha, for Easter." He grinned slyly at his friend. "So, for a day or so the food will be not so good – but Babushka will make up for that on Sunday. Just wait; when it comes to cooking, she – what does Keptin say? – kicks Aunt Olga's ass."

At that mental image, Sulu couldn't help but laugh – and it felt pretty good to do that.

* * *

The two of them had sat in silence for a while, and looking over, Hikaru determined that Pavel had nodded off – because honestly, the kid could sleep anywhere. Feeling a need to put some kind of structure to the thoughts that were bouncing around in his head, Hikaru found himself creating a mental list:

**Things I Do Not Tell Pavel:**

1. Okay, some of those were easy. He hadn't told Pavel much about his past - his parents, or the Nakamuras, or his promotion to upper-level science when he was still a kid. (That last one hadn't been an intentional omission; he'd just really thought it didn't matter.)

2. A lot of times, he doesn't tell Pavel when things are getting to him or freaking him out – _it just upsets Pavel when he can't fix things for me_. And besides, Pavel kind of counts on him to be strong – which really is fine – so Hikaru keeps his cool for his benefit.

3. He doesn't tell Pavel that he thinks he's beautiful – although he'd come pretty close to that a little while ago, when he'd gone off on his rant about how amazing Pavel was. _Yeah, **that** would have been cool_.

4. He _sure_ as hell doesn't tell him about what he refers to in his own mind as "the whole kissing thing."

That last part, Hikaru acknowledged to himself – not for the first time – was just way too weird. But here was the thing: he had an unbelievably vivid impression of what it would be like to kiss Pavel... and the question in his mind that tormented him.

_Had it actually even happened?_

Hikaru vaguely remembered the night of Pavel's eighteenth birthday, when he had gotten ridiculously inebriated trying – vainly – to out-drink the birthday boy. (Chekov's tolerance for alcohol, even at his young age, was legend on the _Enterprise_.) He'd awakened the next morning – or, more accurately, the next afternoon – with a violent hangover and a fuzzy memory of a _seriously _hot clinch with his best friend on the observation deck.

Sulu had mentally prepared himself for some uncomfortable moments when Pavel would inevitably confront him for, if memory served, pretty much slamming him against a wall and shoving his tongue down his throat – but no such confrontation had ever taken place. In fact, other than tormenting him mercilessly for his inability to hold his alcohol, Pavel had never mentioned anything about the night of the party at all – which led Hikaru to wonder if the whole thing had been a creation of his imagination. If it had been, well - it was certainly a scene which his imagination had chosen to re-create again... and again.

On one hand, it was really, really hot. On the other hand, it made things pretty uncomfortable every now and then – as it was more than a little awkward to find oneself, basically out of nowhere, suddenly thinking about _making out_ with one's best friend.

_Yeah, enough of that. _ Sulu mentally shook himself, and started his next list.

**Things that Pavel doesn't tell me:**

1. Well, for one thing, Pavel hadn't told him about having lived with Babushka – which really surprised him, since Hikaru thought that he'd been made aware of pretty much every possible detail about Pavel's family life. What, he wondered, was so different about his time with Babushka that he never mentioned it?

2. Also, Pavel said next to nothing about his religion – though that made more sense to Hikaru. Religion was a pretty private thing, especially in Starfleet, where there was such a dizzying degree of diversity that it would be far too easy to inadvertently offend someone whose beliefs were different than your own. _ But still – I am his best friend... and he ought to know by now that he'd never offend me..._

3. And the one that bothered Hikaru the most: Pavel had never even attempted to discuss the awkward scene between himself and his mother that Sulu had witnessed a couple of days before. It was clear that Pavel was upset – really upset – about the conversation (or really, the confrontation) he'd had with Svetlana, and usually Hikaru could count on hearing about any of the things that really bothered his friend. This silence on Pavel's part was really starting to worry him.

4. The things that he _didn't know_ Pavel wasn't telling him: Until this week, Hikaru would have sworn there was nothing Pavel didn't share with him. Now, he wondered exactly how many more secrets his friend had.


	7. Meeting Babushka

**A/N: **Have I said this before? This story just keeps... growing on me! I honestly don't know where it's coming from.. but it just keeps coming. (And Ronnie, you get another epic chapter...!) Once more, I love all of you for reviewing and adding this story to favorites & alerts. And, if you're reading but haven't reviewed yet – I'd love it if you did!

* * *

_  
Beautiful Noginsk – Jewel of_... Sulu was amusing himself by trying to write a travel advertisement in his head. He looked to the dingy streets and buildings surrounding them. _All right, so __**that**__ wasn't going to work. _

_Then, how about , "Lovely Noginsk – Star of..." nope. _He delicately sidestepped a dead pigeon on the sidewalk. _Nothing even approaching star-like here, unfortunately._

_Ah, Noginsk – gateway to... _Sulu took a moment as they walked to squint at the Cyrillic lettering on a nearby road sign, using his limited knowledge of Russian to slowly sound out the foreign characters in his head. _Yes, that's it. Noginsk – Gateway to Elektrogorsk._

Not that he was going to mention to Pavel that it looked like he'd finished growing up in maybe the most depressing little town he'd ever seen, but... wow.

"This is worst part of town, here by shuttle station – rest of it is wery pretty. I am serious." Pavel looked accusingly at his friend – seeming for all the world as though he'd heard Hikaru's thoughts. Which, yeah, did freak him out a little bit.

* * *

_  
Sucks that the first thing Hikaru has to see in Noginsk looks like a trash heap,_ Pavel mused – but there was really no way around it if he wanted to show Sulu any of the town at all before they got to Babushka's. The only way he'd be able to manage that is if they walked through the city from the station to get to his great-grandmother's house, which was not far from the center of town.

Once they got to Babushka's, Pavel wasn't at all sure when their next opportunity for escape – wait, no... sightseeing – would present itself, so he wanted to make sure that Hikaru saw at least a few of his own favorite sights in Noginsk by daylight. If Pavel was also feeling a little nervous at the prospect of his beloved Babushka meeting his very dearest friend Hikaru, he certainly wasn't going to share that with his friend.

_Mama loves him, Papa loves him, Grandmama and Dedushka love him, the aunts and uncles and cousins love him... Babushka will love him too._ Chekov repeated this over and over, a litany in his head. _ Why was he worrying about this so much? _ Looking over at Hikaru, who was dubiously observing the dirty piles of crusty snow that not yet been cleared from the sidewalks as they passed by, he smiled with affectionate amusement with his friend. _Of course Babushka will love Hikaru. Everyone loves Hikaru._

Pavel's current problem, at least for the past few months, had involved trying to figure out exactly how he, himself, loved Hikaru – and, unfortunately, he had to keep that one entirely to himself, since there was no one whom he could safely consult on the matter. His two closest confidants in the world were Hikaru himself – and Babushka. _Wow – which one of those conversations would be the most awkward?_

"...Babushka, I'd like for you to meet my friend, Hikaru. We've been close friends for several years now, but I'm starting to wonder whether I might be falling for him. I am, however, absolutely sure that I'd like to consider jumping him, because he's just insanely hot. So – what do **you **think?"

Or, conversely...

"...Hikaru, guess what? You know I've always liked you and enjoyed your company and thought you were pretty much the coolest person anywhere, and you've been my best friend for a long time – but the more time I spend with you, the more I realize I really don't like to be away from you, ever. Oh, and by the way – you don't remember this, but you and I totally made out on my eighteenth birthday. You don't remember it...and I've never forgotten. So – wanna try that again?"

Pavel was glad that Hikaru wasn't looking in his direction as he inadvertently blushed at that particular memory.

_For now, it doesn't really matter one way or the other,_ Pavel concluded, not for the first time. _There is plenty of time for me to figure myself out – I'm just nineteen, and with over three years left on the mission, Hikaru's not going anywhere._ Pavel couldn't be sure whether, if he did decide he was in love with Hikaru, his friend would be able to love him that way in return – and whether their friendship would be irrevocably affected if he couldn't.

_And... if you are honest with yourself_, a small voice said in his mind, _you might not know what to do with Hikaru's love if you had it. _

Still, though, there were so, so many times when Pavel would look down at Hikaru's hands at the helm of the _Enterprise,_ and remember how those strong fingers had felt cupping his face, running through his hair. And Hikaru's smile – the special one that seemed to come only in Pavel's presence, and which never failed to nearly make his knees buckle – that smile always riveted Pavel's attention onto Hikaru's gorgeous mouth, as he recalled how it had felt upon his own that night over a year ago.

He was glad that Hikaru had been too out of it to have a coherent memory of the previous night when he'd awakened, hungover and miserable, the next day – Pavel honestly had no idea of how he really felt about the whole situation, and was enormously relieved not to have to discuss it. That didn't stop the memories, however – nor, Pavel found, did he want the memories to stop. For now, oddly, he was comfortable... being uncomfortable.

* * *

Thankfully, Pavel had been correct – Noginsk actually was a lovely little city once you got out of the seedy area near the shuttle station. Hikaru decided that, even with its proximity to the largest city in Russia, Noginsk managed to retain a good deal of small-town charm. Many of the shops along the street where they walked were tiny, with a fascinating variety of goods in the windows.

Having always been a "big city boy" himself, Hikaru found himself fascinated by the brightly colored ceramic goods, fabrics, and assorted knickknacks on display in various shop windows, and intrigued by the distinctive but wonderful smells coming out of a small cafe they passed. Of course, there were big, modern shopping and dining areas interspersed along the main street of town as well – but Sulu found those to be not nearly so interesting. Later, if there was time, he'd bug Pavel into coming back here to explore.

"Now we will make detour," explained Pavel. "Babushka lives this way –" he pointed to his right "-- but before we go there, you must see the Klyazma." Looking in the direction his friend indicated, Hikaru was able to determine that the Klyazma was the river that ran through the town – and as they headed down a steep street toward the riverbank, he was interested to see why the river was a particular destination.

As it happened, Pavel explained as they walked, some far-sighted bureaucrat back in the earlier history of Noginsk had mandated that some green space be created along the bank of the river – and, even though the actual _color _green was hard to come by at this early point in the spring, the park-like area along the riverbank was truly beautiful, with tall trees, elegantly designed gardens, and open areas for recreation.

Even in the April chill, many walkers and joggers were using the pedestrian paths, and occasionally they had passed people sitting quietly on benches overlooking the river. The opposite bank of the Klyazma was, interestingly, entirely uninhabited – at least for that small space – and Hikaru and Pavel looked across at a forest seeming to rise up from the misty river. Hikaru was absolutely enchanted.

"See – I tell you it is beautiful here," declared Pavel. "I spend lots of time in this place when I lived in Noginsk." But he seemed also to have another destination, walking even faster than usual so that Hikaru had to actually concentrate on keeping up.

"Watch it, Pasha," his friend cautioned. "Don't go charging off like that. Remember, I've got a heavier bag than you do, and I don't want your Babushka's present to break before I give it to her."

"That's right... kiss up. I forget you bring _present _for my Babushka. Just like you give _presents_ to my Mama and Grandmama." Pavel snorted in mock disgust. "Now they will think I should bring presents to them every time I come home."

The gifts themselves weren't much – just cuttings from a rose plant he'd grown – but this variety of centifolia rose had been specially created and cultivated by Hikaru Sulu himself, genetically designed to grow and bloom successfully in the relatively cold climate of Russia. Therefore, he had hoped as he packed the plants carefully for their trip, maybe these particular roses would be at least a little more meaningful as gifts to the ladies in Chekov's family. He wasn't sure what had possessed him to bring along a third plant as a "just-in-case" gift, but he was so glad he had; now he had something to present to Babushka as well.

When the roses bloomed in a few weeks, they'd be magnificent – Hikaru had had a chance to see his original plant grow gorgeous pink blossoms with densely packed petals and a truly wonderful fragrance. Both Svetlana and Ivana had been thrilled with their rose plants – now he could only hope that Babushka would feel the same way.

"You're right, I guess – I kind of am a kiss-up. But hey --" Sulu quirked a sarcastic eyebrow "-- it's worked so far, hasn't it?"

A thought gradually dawned on Pavel, and he slowed to a stop to look seriously at his friend. "You know, Hikaru... you don't... you don't need to try so hard. My family – they think you are greatest thing, right from the moment they meet you. Just because you are Hikaru – not because of anything you do or bring." Pavel knew as he spoke that he himself was spoiled – he took his family's unconditional love and adoration as a given, a fact of life, because for him, that's exactly what it was.

Hikaru Sulu was probably the kindest and most genuinely generous and thoughtful person that Pavel knew – but it seemed to Pavel that Hikaru never felt as though he was doing enough for others. He had had very little experience, Pavel now understood, with anything like unconditional love – so he was always going to try too hard. It was just part of who he was. On some level, Pavel wondered if Hikaru felt that he didn't deserve that kind of love – it wouldn't be too surprising if he did, considering how he'd grown up. It gave Pavel a certain satisfaction to know that he and his family could provide that for Hikaru now – because he knew that he himself would always, always love Hikaru, no matter how that love eventually manifested itself.

Feeling a sudden rush of affection for his friend, he reached over and pulled him into a one-armed, sideways hug – the kind Kirk called a "man hug." With his free arm, Sulu briefly returned the squeeze, and favored Pavel with the special smile that warmed him like the sunlight dancing on the river.

* * *

The riverside park came to its end near a double bridge over the Klyazma, and the two friends were nearing that spot when Pavel suddenly stopped and said, "All right – look up." He pointed up the hill --

– to what must have been the most unusual – beautiful, but unusual – building that Hikaru had ever seen. The structure itself was quite large, and spread out over an extended area – honestly, it looked as though it was going to try to go right into the river itself – but then it also extended upward as well. There were two particularly tall parts of the building: a large domed area that might have been five or six stories tall – rising significantly higher than the homes and businesses surrounding it – and then a long, slender tower that reached higher still.

The most amazing thing about this place, Hikaru thought, was that almost the entire building was painted the same clear, vivid light blue color of a robin's egg. _Never expected to see that color on a building_, he mused. As he looked more closely at the black roof of the domed tower, Hikaru saw that it was topped by a cross. So, that was it...

"Pavel – is this your church?"

"_Da_. Noginsk Cathedral." Pavel's voice was full of obvious pride and love. "Other than Babushka's home, it is my favorite place in the city. Is beautiful, yes?"

"It's absolutely gorgeous," Hikaru replied feelingly. Though in any of the little scraps of research he'd done on the subject, Hikaru was reasonably certain that he'd never run across an image of an Orthodox church – or any other kind of church, anywhere, for that matter – that was such an... arresting color. He really couldn't take his eyes off it. "Will you ever be able to give me a better look at it?"

"Of course – you must see it. Not today, though. First, we must go to Babushka, because she is wondering where are we. Second, all day today are serwices. Today is Holy Friday, and many things happen there all through day and most of evening. But before we go back to San Francisco, I will be sure you go inside – because is far more beautiful in there than out here."

"The taller tower, Pavel – what is it?" Hikaru was admiring the way the structure rose gracefully into the sky, the bright blue of the church creating a vibrant contrast against the almost dark blue of the brilliantly cloudless sky.

Overwhelming blue – and then Pavel turned to face him, and there was still more. The look in Pavel's amazing blue eyes – joy, exhilaration, and something Hikaru couldn't identify – made his breath catch briefly before Pavel replied.

"That is for the bells, Hikaru. They ring to start certain serwices, or for special occasions." There was an undercurrent of excitement in Pavel's voice. " You will hear the bells during our wisit – and I think you will like them. They are wery awesome."

"Pavel?"

"_Da?_"

"Noginsk... it really is just wonderful."

"I knew you would think so. So... now, I take you to meet Babushka."

* * *

"You are later than I'd expected, Pavel – was there a difficulty with the shuttle?"

A long pause... _don't bother lying; she'll have checked the arrivals already._

"No, Babushka, no difficulty. We walked through town on the way here."

"I see." Babushka looked consideringly at Pavel, then at Hikaru. They had been speaking in Russian, but she now said in English, "Pavel, will you present me to your colleague?"

_Shit – why hadn't he done that first?_ He spoke now with great formality: "_Gospozha_ Natalya Uspenskaia, please permit me to present Lieutenant Commander Hikaru Sulu."

Sulu responded with an elegant bow, which Babushka acknowledged with a slight inclination of her head. "It is a pleasure, Lieutenant Commander Sulu."

_Good impression, good impression, make a good impression..._ "Please, _Gospozha_ Uspenskaia – I'd be pleased if you'd call me Hikaru."

If such a thing were possible, Babushka stood even straighter – Sulu noted that she was considerably taller than he'd expected. Her expression reminded him forcefully of someone else – _holy crap, she looks like Spock when he's about to blow me out of the water with logic._

"Sir," she said with a tight smile, "I would remind you that we have only just met. I will, with your permission, call you Mr. Sulu."

Pavel cringed; Sulu looked rather like a puppy who had just been reprimanded for having done something unhygienic on the carpet.

"Of course, _Gospozha_ Uspenskaia," Hikaru replied in a more subdued tone of voice. "That would be perfectly acceptable."

Carefully controlling his expression so that Hikaru wouldn't know what he was talking about, Pavel turned to his great-grandmother and spoke again in Russian. "Babushka," he said evenly, with just a hint of annoyance in his voice, "you know _very well _that this is the dearest friend that I have ever had. You probably know more about him from my stories than most of his own family does. He's our guest, if nothing else. Do you _have_ to give him the 'Grand Duchess' treatment? You're scaring him to death!"

Babushka smiled coolly at her agitated great-grandson. "Pavel, dearest, I'm sure that I have no idea what you are talking about. I am thrilled to meet your friend – and I am sure that he will have a lovely visit with us." She concluded by giving Pavel a rather quelling look – one that indicated that she, at least, was not going to continue this line of conversation.

"You have had a long journey, Mr. Sulu," she continued in her well-phrased, albeit heavily accented, English. "Pavel will show you to your room, and then I would invite you both to join me in the sun room for refreshments."

Obediently, Pavel led the way and Hikaru followed. The large, tastefully appointed home was not at all what Hikaru had envisioned when told they were going to "Babushka's house" – somehow, he'd thought of a quaint little Russian cottage, filled with odd stereotypical knickknacks like nesting dolls and the like.

Of course, he'd also thought of a quaint little Russian woman – small, bent with age, wrapped in shawls and scarves – when he'd imagined Babushka. Instead, they'd been greeted by a tall, slender, elegant – beautiful, really, especially considering that she must be in her 80s – lady... with a very decided attitude about her. And, despite his best efforts, he seemed to have landed on the wrong side of that attitude right away.

"Pavel, I'm sorry, man... I didn't mean to get off on the wrong foot like that." Hikaru felt badly for Pavel – he was in the unenviable situation of being the middleman between himself and Babushka for the next few days... and who knew how _that _was going to go? He turned away to put his bags away in a corner of the light-filled, beautifully decorated room that would be his for the next few days.

"Hikaru," Pavel's voice was low, but pleading, "_please_ don't be worried – you really didn't do anything wrong, I swear it. I don't know what Babushka thinks she's doing today – maybe she is, how you say, trying to messing with your head. She is better, I promise, when you get to know her."

_Won't be holding my breath waiting for** that** to happen,_ Hikaru mused. Resolving not to make any further false steps with Babushka today if he could help it, he put his interpretive device in his ear.

"If you say so, Pavel. Anyway, you two can have your conversations in Russian today – I think I'd be better off this afternoon as just an observer. You can translate for me if you need to, okay?"

Pavel smiled sympathetically at his friend. "Sure, 'Karu – if that's what you want, I'll be glad to."

As it happened, Pavel's skills as a translator were almost completely unnecessary, as Babushka was more than happy to allow Hikaru to sit quietly with his tea and cookies while she questioned her great-grandson. Sulu was impressed with the degree of knowledge and understanding the older lady had of Starfleet happenings and of recent events aboard the _Enterprise_; it was clear that Pavel kept her very much up-to-date – and that Babushka had done her own research to know as much as possible about Pavel's work.

Her questions to Pavel were insightful and intelligent – and she would not be put off with a pat answer if she'd wanted a more involved one. Babushka was, without a doubt, the first little old lady Hikaru had ever met who could hold her own in a discussion about new developments in stellar cartography – and if he'd dared to, he might have found that amusing, or even cute.

He did not dare.

Though it was a little unnerving to be treated nearly as though he wasn't there, Hikaru found it exceptionally interesting to observe the dynamic of the relationship between Pavel and his Babushka; for all that she had a reputation (which he now knew was well-deserved) for being rather intimidating, it was clear that Pavel was the shining star in her universe, and that she loved him dearly.

However, unlike his mother or grandmother, Babushka did not try to pamper or baby him – she spoke to him like an adult, and seemed to hold Pavel to very high standards. Hikaru could see why this would mean so much to him; in his life, no matter how much he achieved or how astonishing his accomplishments, Pavel could not get past being perceived as "cute" or "the boy wonder" – and it ate at him, Hikaru knew, not to be taken seriously.

_He and Babushka, it seemed, were the only two people in Pavel's life who had figured that out_, Hikaru mused as he stroked the handsome yellow tabby who purred in his lap.

"Sergei has taken a liking to you, Mr. Sulu." He was a bit startled to be directly addressed – and wasn't immediately sure how to reply.

Pavel stepped into the breach. "It makes sense, Babushka – because Hikaru is a big fan of Sergei as well." At Sulu's obvious confusion, he explained, "Sergei is named after Rachmaninoff, Hikaru." He continued to Babushka, "He is one of Hikaru's favorite composers. But he will like Dmitri, too," he said with a smile.

_Dmitri? _ Hikaru chose not to make an ass of himself by asking whether Pavel was talking about a composer, or another pet. It turned out that it was both.

"Pavel refers to my second cat, Dmitri, who is the namesake of Dmitri Shostakovich. Do I gather you have some familiarity with his work?"

Though all the previous remarks had been directed to him in Russian, Sulu had, of course, no option but to respond in English. "Yes, _Gospozha_ Uspenskaia, I do." _Okay, Sulu, don't come off like an idiot here. _ "I'll admit to preferring his string quartets to his symphonies – but I enjoy almost all of his work."

_Holy shit – have I actually impressed her, or just pissed her off? _From her expression, it was hard to tell. "I was unaware, Mr. Sulu, that you were a student of music." Hikaru would have nearly sworn that she looked to Pavel as if to say, "You didn't tell me _that _about him."

"Do you play an instrument?"

"No, _Gospozha _Uspenskaia, unfortunately I do not. I never had the opportunity to learn." That had always been a huge regret for Hikaru; he loved music, and was secretly jealous of people who were able to create it.

"Well, Mr. Sulu, regardless of what conventional wisdom might profess, it is never too late to begin." And with that statement, Babushka's attention returned to Pavel until it was time for dinner.

The rest of the day went relatively well, or at least uneventfully. Hikaru determined that, solemn fast or not, Babushka was indeed an amazing cook; he'd never have thought that a simple meal of bean soup, vegetables, and apple cake could be unbelievably delicious – but it was. He was also relieved to find that he'd managed to get by without further annoying Babushka – and he was even occasionally now included in the conversation that continued over dinner.

If Sulu had been surprised to discover that Babushka was acquainted with stellar cartography, he was absolutely floored to learn that she also had some familiarity with xenobotany, which was his own special area of study. Yet again, she was asking intelligent questions – this time of Hikaru – that proved that she had in fact done her homework, as it were, concerning his field, and sometimes even his own personal research.

"Did you ever determine," she asked, "what was the factor that turned these plants on Deneva into a sentient life form – or does your research indicate that they'd been that way from the beginning and are therefore a newly discovered species?"

In fact, that particular question had been of enormous interest to Hikaru, and he had only been able to scratch the surface of finding an answer in the limited time he'd had to work; unfortunately, piloting a starship left little opportunity to do good science. Hikaru's eagerness to discuss his work overcame his reticence, and he enthusiastically shared his findings with Babushka, who seemed genuinely fascinated.

Pavel watched the interaction between Babushka and Hikaru with astonishment, realizing the effort his great-grandmother had to have made in order to have become acquainted with Hikaru's work.

_Now, this could get interesting,_ he mused with a fond smile at them both.


	8. Intermezzo

**A/N: ** OK, so this is an absolutely mammoth chapter – I know. You might consider packing a lunch before reading. ;-)

Thanks to all of you yet again for your support and encouragement; it makes all of this even more fun to do – and I really am having fun with this!

Finally... Psalti, dearest – this one is for you...

* * *

If the Klyazma had been lovely yesterday afternoon, then it was absolutely magical by the first light of dawn. Hikaru and Pavel ran through the park at the river's edge wordlessly; except for the first bird songs of the morning, only the sound of their shoes hitting the gravel path and of their breathing – coming fast and making puffy clouds in the chilly air – disturbed the otherwise quiet woods.

Hikaru was especially taken with the sight of wisps of vapor curling up from the surface of the water in the early morning light. He had rarely seen such pastoral scenes as this when he was growing up in San Francisco – of course they had _fog,_ but nothing like this – and it appealed greatly to his sense of the romantic. This was the kind of scene he'd imagined his fictional heroes – such as the Count of Monte Cristo, Cyrano de Bergerac, or any of the Three Musketeers – inhabiting when he had devoured those books as a boy. It had just never occurred to him that such places really existed – especially not in the middle of a little city in Russia.

"Pavel, wait." Sulu came to a halt, and Pavel turned his head to see what his friend was looking at with such an expression of wonder.

_Ah, the sunrise through the cathedral bell tower,_ Pavel saw. He'd been on this path, seen that very sight, hundreds of times – but it was really something altogether new to see it again for the first time, through Hikaru's eyes. Then those eyes, bright with discovery, turned toward Pavel, and he knew without words what this place, this moment, meant to his friend.

_There probably weren't words for it,_ Pavel thought – but he and Hikaru rarely needed them, anyway. As if by tacit agreement, they turned together to run back toward home.

* * *

When they arrived back at Babushka's, she was already awake and puttering around the kitchen. She crinkled her nose at them distastefully, as though they somehow smelled absolutely terrible. "You two, go get clean – then come for breakfast. Pavel, when you are finished, Ilya and Pyotr will want to see you – they have been asking when you would arrive."

Hikaru wondered who Ilya and Pyotr were – _hell, they could be more cats, for all I know. _ On the way upstairs, Pavel cleared up that particular little mystery for him.

"My uncle Ilya – great-uncle, really, since he is Grandmama's baby brother – is the priest at the cathedral. Pyotr is... well, he works at the church, too... and sometimes I help him when I am in town." Hikaru had no idea why Pavel looked slightly uncomfortable as he explained. "Maybe they will want me to help them set up for serwice tonight. Later, I will talk to them and see what they want."

"So, there's a service tonight?"

"_Da_, the biggest one – the one that is really the celebration of Pascha. It is wery long, and I think boring for someone who could not understand it." He looked just the tiniest bit self-conscious – why? – as he continued, "Probably you will want to stay home tonight from this serwice – it is long and will go late into the night."

"If you think I'd really be that bored, sure, I'll stay back at the house – but if you wanted me to see the service, I'd be glad to come. For that matter, if your uncle would like me to come help with anything..."

"_Nyet._ Not today. But we will go into church when Pascha is over, so you can see it without all the noise and people."

Hikaru stopped, looking quizzically at his friend. This was just weird, and he didn't get it. "If I didn't know better, I'd think you were embarrassed to have the people at your church meet me." He carefully directed his attention to untying a knot in his shoelaces before continuing. "So... is that it?"

"Oh, God, Hikaru – no!" Pavel answered so quickly and sounded so stricken that Hikaru realized with relief that he really had been off-base with that assumption. "It is just... this would not be a night to come to our church for first time – just, it is too much. It is better if you come someday when it is not so... so much."

"Okay, sure, Pavel – we'll wait for my first visit to the cathedral. Just remember, I kind of insist on going in before we go back – I've never seen anything like it on the outside, and I can't even imagine what it must look like on the inside."

"We will go. I promise. Now, I am going to go shower – see you downstairs for breakfast, _da_?"

Hikaru took the cue – _drop it, already_ – and went to the guest bathroom to make himself presentable as well.

He might have argued more forcefully for accompanying Pavel to the cathedral had he known that Pavel was going there _right now,_ right after breakfast – and leaving him behind with Babushka.

"I'm sorry, Hikaru, really – but Father Ilya and Pyotr need me for a couple of hours this morning. I will come back as soon as I can – and Babushka won't eat you while I am gone." Pavel smiled wickedly. "At least, I don't think she will..."

He'd faced death on any number of occasions – frequently in the form of particularly ugly aliens in possession of lethal weapons – so why did Hikaru Sulu fear a morning alone with a little old lady?

_Because she's Babushka, that's why_ – and he would give her good odds against pretty much anybody, including a Romulan with a phaser.

But then the door closed behind Pavel – and Hikaru stood in the living room alone with Babushka, trying not to look as though he were about to be fed to the lions.

"Mr. Sulu," her voice was almost – almost – amused. "We will have a lovely morning together, will we not?"

"Certainly, ma'am." _Oh, God -- just don't let me accidentally misunderstand her, or say anything foolish – please._ Hikaru's hand went to his ear to adjust his interpretive device.

"You will take that out of your ear, _right now._" Well, now, _that _was a voice that wasn't going to take no for an answer. "I have English professor for daughter, so I think I can talk to you in your language."

_Huh – my parents have a botanist for a son, but that doesn't mean they don't plant their bulbs upside down every autumn. _ But he wasn't about to argue the point.

"Yes, ma'am." The tiny ear bud went promptly into his pocket.

"Now, Mr. Sulu – I think we have some things here that you will enjoy. Follow me, please." Babushka led the way down a hall into a room he hadn't seen the previous day – _no way, a real library? _– and sure enough, Hikaru was hooked. Even with all the admittedly great developments in digital technology, he was – always had been – in love with the sensory experience of a book. He loved the textures, weight, even the smell of a book – and here he was in a room full of them. Then it occurred to him...

_...They're all going to be in Russian, Sulu – don't get so excited. _ He tried not to visibly wilt, but man, that was disappointing.

"I would not bring you in to make you look at Russian books, Mr. Sulu." _Was it a family trait or something, being able to read his mind? _"We still have many books here from when Ivana did her graduate studies in English literature. Pavel has told me you enjoy reading books – so I thought perhaps you would like to look at some this morning." She walked forward to look more closely at one of the shelves, pulling out a volume and holding it out to Hikaru. "Perhaps you have not read this one – but it might appeal to your sense of adventure, I think."

Hikaru looked at the book – "The Scarlet Pimpernel" – which he had read, and loved, in his Academy days. He acknowledged Babushka with yet another graceful bow.

"_Gospozha_ Uspenskaia, you are too kind – and absolutely accurate in your judgment, both in my fondness for books and my taste in them." _God, I sound like I have a stick up my ass – hopefully, at least __**she**__ thinks I sound polite._

"Well, then, have a seat here --" she indicated an overstuffed leather chair "-- and enjoy your book, while I work on my knitting. As I say, we will have a lovely morning together." Babushka gathered up a small bag that was already sitting on a small table in the room, along with a set of knitting needles lying nearby. Settling herself in another comfortable-looking chair in another corner of the sunny library, she pulled a skein of deep scarlet yarn from her bag and began to knit.

Hikaru had never actually seen anyone knit – he'd thought it was a lost art – so he watched intently for a few moments as Babushka started a neat row of stitches along the length of one needle. As he observed her working, Hikaru began to reach a few conclusions of his own about this lady who had never met him, but who had somehow learned about his scientific work with plants on Deneva – and who had managed not only to know of his love for books, but to choose one of his favorites.

He smiled speculatively at the top of Babushka's head as she bent over her work. _Scary old lady, huh?_ _You're not fooling me, not anymore,_ he thought.

But before long, Sir Percy Blakeney began calling to him from between the covers of the book in his hands – and along with the Scarlet Pimpernel, he had to defend the defenseless and fight the wicked who sought to perpetrate injustice upon them. In this way, the morning passed peacefully along, with no sound but the clicking of needles and the turning of pages; it was there that Pavel found them both when he returned from the cathedral early in the afternoon.

* * *

"Mr. Sulu, I hope you will understand if Pavel and I will each need to have a bit of a nap this afternoon. I do not know if Pavel has mentioned this to you, but tonight's service at church starts late in the evening, and lasts for... quite some time. Over the years, we have both found ourselves better able to get through the events of the night if we get some sleep earlier in the day."

Evidently, this Saturday night service was pretty intense. "Certainly, _Gospozha _Uspenskaia. If I don't end up taking a nap myself, I'll certainly be able to find something to keep myself amused in the library."

A few minutes later, after Babushka had excused herself and gone upstairs, Hikaru and Pavel were alone – and Pavel was filled with curiosity.

"So... how was this morning with Babushka? Did you two find anything to talk about?"

"Honestly, Pavel, we didn't really have much to say to each other – but it wasn't a bad thing at all. She showed me the library – found me an awesome book – and then we each just sat down and did our own things." Hikaru looked thoughtful for a moment, then smiled at his friend. "Never thought I'd say this, but it was... well, it was actually _relaxing_, hanging out with your Babushka. I really enjoyed the morning."

"Relaxing? My Babushka?" Pavel laughed. "But, no. I know she can be wery charming when she decides not to be... a dragon. It is good thing that she has decided to be nice to you."

"She's not that scary, and you know it. I think she just likes to have that reputation – she likes to have people think she's some kind of hard-ass, when she's really a pretty cool old lady." He paused for a moment, then gave Pavel a questioning look. "So... when I heard all the gory details about every other person in Russia with your DNA, how was it that you never mentioned Babushka to me?"

Pavel had to think about that for a moment, evidently.

He took a deep breath before saying, "My... my time with Babushka was, well, different for me, and... I don't know... _special,_ maybe." He went on in a rush. "When I first knew you, I think it was not cool to say I think my great-grandmother is the best, and I love her big old house and her cats named after composers, and she likes to act like a scary old witch but she is really not, and she is the first person to ever treat me like I am _person_ – not a baby or genius freak."

He paused to look at Hikaru, as if trying to see if his friend could understand. "Then, when I knew you better, I couldn't figure out how to bring it up without saying why I never bring it up before. So... it was just easier not to mention it at all – and to just show you Babushka for yourself. This makes any sense to you?"

Oddly, it absolutely did. "Yeah, Pavel – I get it. I'm just glad you decided I should meet Babushka – I think I might really get to like her."

"So...if I end up having to spend some time away again this afternoon, you won't kill me? Because Pyotr was wanting me to come back and... go over some stuff for tonight with him."

"Pyotr – what does he do at the church?" Hikaru didn't mean to pry – but he was genuinely interested, and starting to wonder a little at why Pavel seemed so evasive about whatever he was doing at the cathedral.

"During the liturgy, he helps Father Ilya with parts of the serwice – sometimes prayers or readings, sometimes... other things. Like I said, tonight is a wery big night, and when I lived here before, I used to go and help him and Father Ilya – so they ask me to help again tonight... and Pyotr needs to tell me what he wants me to do."

_Well, sure – __**that **__cleared things up._ Except it didn't – but it honestly wasn't such a big deal that Hikaru wanted to keep prying.

"Sounds like you're going to be busy, then. But you don't need to worry about me – I don't think I'll have any problems keeping myself occupied here at the house." He smiled wickedly at Pavel. "I'm hoping that maybe I can talk your Babushka into pulling out some of your baby pictures..."

Pavel picked up the abandoned copy of "The Scarlet Pimpernel" and brought it sharply down on top of Hikaru's head.

* * *

Hikaru was left to his own devices for a while. Pavel had decided to have a brief nap after all before heading back to church, and Babushka had yet to come back downstairs – so, at least for a while, he was able to wander around the first floor of Babushka's home, just looking around to see what was interesting.

The cool thing was, almost everything was interesting in this place. He could already tell that he would be able to spend hours just exploring the library to see what was there – but there'd be time for that later. For now, Hikaru wanted to poke around and see the rest of the big, sprawling house while no one was nearby to tell him... well, to stop poking around. He grinned to himself for feeling like a naughty little kid who was getting into the cookie jar while nobody was nearby.

At the other end of the hallway that led to the library, Hikaru found a set of closed French doors. Trying the knob of one of the doors, he found they swung open easily – and led into a spacious room filled with some of the most amazing musical instruments he'd ever laid eyes on. Propped in one corner was a large case, whose shape and size told Hikaru that it could only hold a cello – and in another corner, a harp that was nearly as tall as he was stood gleaming in the afternoon sunlight that filtered through the sheer curtains.

But it was the center of the room that riveted Sulu's attention; the grand piano – rosewood, he was fairly certain – might have been one of the most beautiful things he'd ever seen. He walked up and ran his fingers along the glossy wood of the instrument. Fortunately, the keyboard was carefully covered – or else he might have felt the urge just to touch it, just to make the piano make a sound.

Now the questions in his mind started again – who had played all these different instruments? Surely Babushka was not a pianist, a harpist, _and _a cellist – or was she? _Hell, was that even possible? _ Sulu wasn't sure, though he rather doubted it – and if it was possible, it sure wasn't likely.

It was then that he began to look past the instruments themselves to the other items that decorated the room; the walls were covered with framed photos that looked to have been taken some time ago, and Hikaru went closer to investigate.

As it turned out, nearly every one of the photos featured at least one of the instruments – as well as the people who were playing them. In one image, there was a rather forbidding-looking gentleman with enormous eyebrows who stood, resplendent in a tuxedo, holding the cello.

Another picture showed a young woman with golden curls swept back from her delicately beautiful face – she looked eerily like Pavel, really – her attention entirely focused on the harp strings beneath her fingers. He saw this same lady again in another framed piece nearby – though he couldn't clearly understand the words printed on the paper, this looked like a program for a concert in which the harpist must have been the featured artist.

The next set of photos brought Hikaru to a full stop. These were undoubtedly concert programs, and in all of them a tall, graceful young woman in a long black gown, posed near a grand piano – sometimes seated at the instrument, sometimes standing nearby, sometimes in front of what looked to be an entire symphony orchestra. In one photo, she stood alone next to the bushy-browed cellist he'd seen earlier.

In all of these photos, it was very clear that the beauty at the piano was his best friend's great-grandmother.

"So, now you know my little secret."

Babushka's voice, coming from behind him without warning, made Sulu actually jump and clutch his chest.

"Y-yes, ma'am – but, you were... this is... wow. I mean, how..." _Oh, God, Sulu – make words come out of your mouth already._

Babushka actually laughed at him, just a little. "I take it you are surprised that Pavel has a Babushka who used to make her living playing the piano." Walking over to the photos, she looked at them quietly for a moment. "Well, it was... a very long time ago. When I met Andrei Uspensky --" she smiled, indicating the man with the cello "-- we didn't wait long before we decided to marry. After that, it wasn't much longer before the babies started to arrive... and a career with the symphony wasn't as important as my time with my children."

Andrei? Pavel's dad must have been named after his grandfather. "So, _Gospozha_ Uspenskaia – how long did you play professionally before your retirement?"

"Not so very long – maybe about ten years. It was wonderful while it lasted... but I walked away with no regrets." The wistful look on her face made Hikaru wonder if that last statement was entirely true – but he wasn't going to call "bullshit" on Babushka; that probably wouldn't go well. He changed the subject.

"Who is the lady with the harp?" Now he regretted changing the subject, as Babushka's expression went from wistful to sad.

"She was my older sister, Tatiana. Of all of us, she was the real musician – the one with the talent that could not be denied. But --" Babushka paused briefly "-- she did not live long enough to... what is the word... fulfill her promise. She died in an accident before she was 30 years old."

"I'm... very sorry to hear that." _How do you express condolences for something that happened more than 50 years ago? Like an idiot, that's how._ Sulu shifted from foot to foot, feeling foolish – and hating the silence that had cropped up between them.

As his eyes went around the room, it was obvious to him that all the instruments were in excellent repair; he wondered..."Do you still play, _Gospozha_ Uspenskaia?"

She looked as though she didn't quite know how to answer. "No, Mr. Sulu, I do not. Unfortunately, the arthritis in my fingers keeps me from being able to play the piano."

_Okay. So, **now **I'm going to call "bullshit" on Babushka._

"But, ma'am... it seems to me that if you're able to knit so easily, you'd be able to play, as well."

This was priceless – Babushka, of all people, with that look on her face that, in any language, says "busted." But she had no other answer for him.

"_Gospozha_ Uspenskaia..." why was he breathing faster? Hikaru really didn't know. "You have no idea how much... how much I would love to hear you play. Would you please – just something short – for me?" He couldn't believe that had come out of his mouth; where had he suddenly developed all this nerve?

She stood there, motionless, and stared at him. Just stared. For the longest, longest time, the old lady looked into Hikaru's eyes – and he had no idea what could possibly be going through her mind. He had no way of seeing the look on his own face, and would not have known that he was almost radiating eagerness and hope as he looked steadily back at her. _This means something to him, _she realized._ I don't know what, exactly – but this... this matters._

Finally, she broke the gaze and looked away. She spoke then, almost inaudibly...

"... All right. Something short. For you."

Before Sulu could respond, Natalya Uspenskaia, who had in fact retired after fifteen years as the principal pianist of the prestigious Tchaikovsky Symphony Orchestra in Moscow, had turned her back to him, opening a lid on the piano bench to rifle through some music. Shortly, she faced him again, with several pieces of music in her hand.

"Here – you may choose what you would like to hear, Mr. Sulu." She held the sheaf of papers out to him, neither her voice nor her expression giving any clue of what she may have been feeling. "Any of these would be acceptable."

It was, Hikaru noted, quite an eclectic selection – from a selection of composers as early as Bach to as recent as Aleksandr Bek-Murzin, who had created a sensation at the turn of the 23rd century with his experiments with tonality and his revolutionary compositions for the piano.

...And one of his very favorite pieces – ever. This was the one.

"_Gospozha_ Uspenskaia – will you please play the Brahms for me?" He returned the piece of music in question – _Brahms Intermezzo Opus 118, Number 2, in A Major _– to Babushka. "I love this one so much."

"I cannot fault your taste, Mr. Sulu – it is also a favorite of mine. I'll be glad to play it for you, if you will excuse the errors of an old lady who is sadly out of practice." She carefully arranged the music on the stand atop the piano, and then sat down at the instrument.

...

...

Pavel was awakened from his nap by music – and he was vaguely surprised that Babushka would be listening to music with Hikaru. Perhaps they'd discovered even more musical tastes they shared...

...and then he listened more closely. This was no recording; the sound was too – well, too _real_, for one thing... and for another, there was occasionally the slightest of hesitations, the tiniest imperfections here and there that told him that this was not a concert; this was happening here, right now.

Babushka was playing the piano. She never, ever played when there were people in the house – she nearly never played even when _he_ was in the house. And yet...

As silently as possible, Pavel came down the stairs in stocking feet, then padded gently down the corridor toward the source of the sound. In the doorway of the music room, he stopped to watch.

Babushka had her back to him, concentrating intently on the notes she was playing. He could see Hikaru in profile as he stood next to the piano – focusing on the music nearly as much as Babushka herself, so that he could turn the pages for her. Hikaru had his lower lip caught between his teeth – an expression Pavel had seen on him often at times when he was deep in concentration on the bridge of the _Enterprise_.

But the look in Hikaru's eyes as they went from the music to his Babushka's hands on the keyboard and back again – he looked, thought Pavel, as though someone had lit him from within; even from where he stood in the doorway, he could see Hikaru's eyes shining.

And Babushka had agreed to play the piano for Hikaru. And Hikaru was looking at her like she was the only person on earth. Pavel didn't know whether to be thrilled – or jealous.

And, if he _was_ feeling jealous – he couldn't tell whether he felt jealous of Hikaru, or of Babushka. _Easier, probably, just not to feel jealous at all – they were getting along better than I could ever have hoped, obviously, and this was absolutely what I wanted – but... this is __**my **__Babushka, and __**my**__ Hikaru, and, well, I don't know what to think, honestly._

And then the intermezzo reached its end, and the music stopped. Still unseen by either of them, Pavel watched as his Babushka pushed the bench back and stood before his Hikaru – who, impulsively, took her right hand and raised it to his lips.

"_Gospozha_ Uspenskaia," he said, his voice oddly rough, "you are... that was..." Hikaru paused, swallowing hard. "Just... thank you. Thank you so much."

At that point, Pavel did walk into the room, and came forward to kiss his surprised Babushka on the cheek. "It is a rare treat for me, too, _milaya moya_," he said with a loving smile, pulling her into a gentle hug. "I'm glad that Hikaru was able to persuade you to play."

He looked over his great-grandmother's shoulder at Hikaru, and mouthed the words,"You are such a kiss-up." Hikaru suppressed a laugh – and, giving his friend the "thumbs up" sign, mouthed back, "You bet I am."

"So, Babushka – will you play more for us?"

"Pavel, I think you have both heard enough of my playing for one day." Anticipating Sulu's emphatic disagreement with that sentiment, she continued, "I have no objection, though, Mr. Sulu, if you wish to listen to some of the recordings that I made during my professional career. I will show you where they are if you would like to hear them this evening after Pavel and I have gone to church."

"Babushka, dearest – will you mind if I go to the cathedral before you? Pyotr has been wanting to talk to me about tonight, so I should go shortly, if you will be all right coming later by yourself."

"Pavel." She spoke slowly and clearly, as though to a somewhat deficient child. "How do you think I get to church on all the days that you are out flying through space? Of course I will be all right coming by myself. If you need to go, then shoo – go, get dressed, and go talk to Pyotr."

He excused himself, and was downstairs again shortly, handsome in his Starfleet dress uniform, to say goodbye to them both before leaving.

"Babushka, I will see you tonight – and 'Karu, I will see you in the morning. Don't get into too much trouble here when I am gone."

Hikaru gave Pavel a big, cheesy grin and waved cheerfully at him. "Bye, honey! Have a good day at the cathedral! Make sure you don't come home too late, now!" Then they both laughed – and Babushka tried unsuccessfully to suppress a smile.

* * *

Later that evening, Hikaru and Babushka sat together at the kitchen table as the last traces of twilight faded into a dark blue sky outside. A recording of a Mozart piano concerto – as performed by Natalya Uspenskaia sixty years previously – played quietly in the background.

Hikaru was enjoying another bowl of Babushka's wonderful bean soup, though Babushka herself was not eating – having explained to Hikaru that as preparation for receiving Holy Communion later that night, she needed to abstain from food for several hours beforehand.

They weren't really talking, but it was not at all uncomfortable, Hikaru mused. However, he had a question that had to be asked:

"_Gospozha_ Uspenskaia, what was it that … made you change your mind about me?"

She looked at him with a mixture of confusion and – yes, that was it – affection. "Mr. Sulu, whatever makes you think that I have _changed my mind _about you?"

He flushed with self-consciousness. "Well, I know that when Pavel and I first arrived yesterday, I didn't make much of a first impression, but then today..." He trailed off as he realized that Babushka was trying not to laugh at him.

"First impression!" She sounded incredulous. "You think that _Hikaru Sulu _makes his first impression on me... _yesterday_?" She looked exasperated, but smiled at him nonetheless. "You, who Pavel speaks of ever since the Academy, who are his best friend for all these years – you think you have to come to _Noginsk_ to make a first impression on me? Honestly, Mr. Sulu – I would think you know better than that."

Hikaru sat in silence, taking that in – he supposed she was right, but he'd been too nervous to consider such a thing.

Then she continued: "I don't know if you realize this – maybe you do – but Pavel tells me everything. He always has, ever since he was a little boy. I think he always knew I would listen and take him seriously." Hikaru nodded, having noticed this already in their interactions.

"Do you understand what I mean, Mr. Sulu?" Her eyes were intense as they focused on his face, and she spoke her next words slowly and distinctly for emphasis. "He tells me _everything_ – even what he does not tell his mother and father." There was a long pause in which neither spoke. "At the most terrible time in his life – when he feels like his actions caused the death of another person – when he was unable to save the life of Commander Spock's mother, and thought he was a bungler at best, and a murderer at worst... he told me everything."

Sulu wasn't sure where this was going – but he hated to think of how Pavel felt during those days. He'd done everything he could think of to reassure him and help him get past his crushing guilt – but there were so many times he felt helpless in the face of Pavel's overwhelming sorrow. He could not meet Babushka's eyes.

"Mr. Sulu," Babushka went on as if answering his thoughts, "it was you and you only who got Pavel through that time. And yes, I know about his nightmares, and I know about the night after night that you spent sleeping on his floor so that he would not wake up alone. I know that you did everything, said everything you could think of to help Pavel come to terms with what had happened – and I know that, at last, it was you who were able to get through to him, and to help him move on."

When he was able to look up at her again, he saw that her eyes were bright with unshed tears. "You made a first impression on me," she explained, "long ago."

There was really nothing Hikaru could do at that moment except to hug her – so he did. Babushka stiffened slightly in surprise at first, then briefly squeezed him back.

"I think you know," she said to him seriously, "that Pavel is – well, he is the heart of my heart. I love all my children and all my grandchildren – and of course, all my great-grandchildren – but Pavel has a special spot for me that no one else could ever have. When he was assigned to the _Enterprise_, and I knew he was going to be billions of miles away – and that I couldn't be anywhere near if he needed me – well, it was like someone took away a part of me, you understand?"

Hikaru thought he might understand – though he doubted that anyone had felt that way when he had gone into space. Pavel and Babushka had, he decided, a really special bond.

"So," Babushka continued, "you can only imagine how much it meant for me to know that Pavel has had you to be his friend and to look out for him while you are both so far away – it has kept me from worrying..." she smiled, "well, _quite_ so much." Leaning closer, she squeezed Hikaru's shoulder, and he smiled back at her.

"And now –" she took his face gently between her hands -- "I could not be happier that he has found someone as wonderful as you to love."

Hikaru's smile froze, and he couldn't stammer out his answer quickly enough. "But, Babushka – I mean, _Gospozha_ Uspenskaia – you, you can't think... we aren't... we don't..."

He stopped miserably, blushing scarlet and just not knowing what else to say. "It's... it's just not like that between Pavel and me, ma'am."

He expected her, maybe, to be embarrassed, or uncomfortable – or _something _– but he certainly didn't expect her to sit back and _laugh_ at him. However, that was exactly what she did.

"It is _not like that,_ you tell me?" Seeming completely unconcerned, she ruffled Hikaru's thick black hair. "I am 86 years old, my dear, and have been in the world much longer than you. Not like that? Hah. Permit me, please, to know what I know... and do not argue with an old lady."

Babushka went blithely on – as though her words had not just rocked Hikaru to his very foundations. He was still sitting motionless at the table, a shocked expression on his face, when she rose from her place and started to leave the kitchen.

"You have your dress uniform with you also, yes?" She was satisfied with his nod of assent – which was good, because Hikaru really didn't think he could have gotten any words out at that moment.

"Very well. Go upstairs and put it on; tonight, you are coming to church with me."


	9. Pascha

**A/N:** Sorry for the delay in updating; this chapter has been kicking my butt – and so has this school year. I know there are some parts of this one that will just seem a little rough; please bear in mind that I did the best I could, and be nice. Even though this is now just an enormous monster of a piece (heck, this is an enormous monster of a CHAPTER), it is still my first.

(That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.)

Many thanks to all of you who reviewed and/or put this story on your updates & favorites – I am really blown away by your support.

A special hug to those of you who have provided advice and/or a pep talk, or who (ever so kindly) encouraged me to update! Don't know that I could have done it without you.

* * *

There probably wasn't a cooler job in Starfleet than piloting the _Enterprise_. It even _sounded_ cool. _Pilot... Enterprise. Hell, yeah._

But, as cool as piloting the _Enterprise_ was – well, sometimes Hikaru Sulu just missed flying. Really _flying_, not maneuvering a ship the size of a city block – granted, a city block that could travel at a speed of Warp 8 – but lacking in something like nimbleness, nevertheless.

So it was more than a little bit amazing to be behind the controls of Babushka's hover-car tonight – especially since she didn't seem to mind taking the "scenic route" that involved Hikaru just generally going all over town before heading to the cathedral. It was a hot little car, this one – not remotely what he'd have expected a little old lady to own – and it was small, powerful, and responsive as hell.

The streets of Noginsk pretty much rolled up at dark, it seemed – and there was not a soul on the main drag at this hour of night. The storefronts were darkened, and the buildings and pavement glowed with the yellowish cast of streetlights. The long, straight street stretched out like an invitation – or a dare. Without hesitation, Hikaru hit the accelerator – hard – and they roared down the empty street at probably twice the speed limit, which was just awesome beyond words.

Then, belatedly, he thought of Babushka...

…and discovered that she looked as excited as he did to feel the rush of acceleration, and to see the buildings go by in a blur. _Should have known; she's a supremely cool old lady_. Hikaru wished briefly that he could get Babushka up to the Academy Flight Range and give her a whirl in one of the training vessels; she'd probably eat that up. The thought made him laugh aloud.

"All right, Mr. Sulu – what is making you laugh?" Babushka's tone was somewhat interrogatory, but her eyes were twinkling.

He whipped the car into a quick U-turn, and made the same trip again in the opposite direction. "I was just thinking... I bet sixty years ago, you'd have been a great girlfriend."

Her voice was prim when she responded. "I'll have you know, sir, that sixty years ago, I was married with a new baby." She gave him a quick sidelong glance. "However, _sixty-five _years ago, I was an _excellent _girlfriend."

Hikaru laughed delightedly. _Definitely the absolute coolest old lady ever. No wonder Pavel loves her so much – how could you not?_

Then she reached over to lightly tap his arm. "I'll have to ask you to stop your daredevil behavior, at least for now, and take this... formerly excellent girlfriend to church. We have to compose ourselves and be dignified."

Well, of course – since the whole point of being out tonight was to go to church. But the chance to cut loose, just a little, had felt great – and had gone a long way toward calming his nerves... which, honestly, had really needed to happen.

Babushka's words from earlier this evening kept playing again and again in his head, as if they'd been recorded on a loop or something...

"Pavel tells me _everything_..."

"I could not be happier that he has found someone as wonderful as you to love."

"Permit me, please, to know what I know..."

_This is... this is... just insane._ The thoughts that were bouncing around Hikaru's head, out of control, were each clamoring for his full attention at once – and it was driving him _nuts _that he couldn't make them calm down, straighten up, get into some semblance of order... something.

_What does she mean? What has Pavel told her? Could he love me? What has he told her? What did he say to her? Does she know something, or is she just guessing? Why can't I **think**, dammit? _

_Could Pavel love me...?_

_...Could I love him? _

_Later. Think about it later. You can't think about it now – not tonight._

_Oh, yeah? Just **try** thinking about something else, Sulu – I dare you._

_Shit._

But now they had turned the corner onto the street where the cathedral rose up into the darkness, its domes and towers lighted golden against the night sky – not really blue at all, just now – and Hikaru gratefully accepted the distraction of the prospect of finally seeing the building from within.

"If the cathedral were still as it was a hundred years ago," Babushka said after they'd parked and were walking down the sidewalk toward the church, "I'd never have thought of bringing you along tonight. The Russians have believed for centuries that suffering was a necessary part of faith –" she smiled wryly "- and it's only been relatively recently that they've bowed to practicality and installed pews in most of the churches. Otherwise, we'd be standing tonight for hours – and believe me, that would definitely affect your appreciation of the service."

"Wow – no kidding. So... everybody stood up, all the time?" _Man, that would suck._

"Unless you were too old or too sick to do anything else – but otherwise, yes. At most of the monasteries in Russia, that's still the practice; I think they think we've – how do you say it? – gone soft." Babushka chuckled. "I, for one, am willing to be looked down upon by the monastic communities – especially on days when I've worn uncomfortable shoes."

As they reached the front steps to the church, Babushka stopped walking to adjust a lace scarf over her hair. Then, smiling up at him, she took his arm. "So, Mr. Sulu, here we are. Shall we go inside?" He reached forward to pull open the heavy wooden door...

… _Wow. _

They'd walked into a comparatively small foyer of sorts with a low ceiling – or, at least, it was a low ceiling compared to the sanctuary of the church visible a few yards ahead, which soared upward into the main dome. This entryway glowed with golden light; Hikaru saw that there were several tables, which seemed to have tray-like tops filled with fine sand, in which dozens and dozens of slender white candles were burning.

The fragrance inside the building was almost unbearably sweet – Hikaru recognized the smell of carnations – and the sharp tang of smoke blending with the scent of spice and flowers told him that the church was filled with incense. Babushka walked forward and collected two candles from a box nearby; handing one to Hikaru, she went to one of the tables and, lighting her candle from an already burning one, placed it into the sand next to the others. With an inclination of her head, Babushka indicated that he should do the same.

Hikaru paused a moment as he pushed the bottom of his candle into the fine white sand in the tabletop, looking at the other candles – some newly lighted, some nearly spent, but all casting their soft light through the small foyer. Now Babushka had moved forward, and was making what Hikaru recognized as the sign of the cross in front of some paintings, and then bending down to kiss them. Looking more closely, he saw that these paintings resembled – at least in style – the small icons that Pavel kept in his quarters aboard the _Enterprise_. But these icons were not only significantly larger than Pavel's, but... well, just stunning.

Though the people in the pictures were represented in an oddly stylized way – and were all looking exceptionally stern – the colors in the icons were glorious. People who were pretty obviously saints and martyrs – at least judging by the halos they were all wearing and the sometimes painful situations they seemed to be in – were dressed in brilliant reds and blues, as well as other colors that stood out vividly against the gold leaf background of each of the icons. There were easily twenty icons filling this little space near the candles – and they caught the light and reflected it back again even more beautifully.

Hikaru stood respectfully back from the people who were lighting candles and going to the icons, waiting for Babushka to finish her devotions – _don't care how many times I've seen Pavel do it, I'd probably do the cross wrong, and I'd feel like an idiot trying to kiss the icons._ He was pretty sure by Babushka's actions that she didn't expect him to do anything of the sort, which was a relief.

They walked forward into the main sanctuary of the church – and if Hikaru had thought he might be going into sensory overload before, now he was certain of it. He froze briefly, trying to take in all the sights around him.

He'd thought the entryway to the cathedral had been as filled with light, color and images as a space could be – but inside the church, not one square inch was unadorned. The walls glowed blue and gold with borders of glittering mosaics and surfaces covered with vividly painted icons; saints, angels, and various other holy people covered every possible area of the church.

From the ceiling of the dome, an enormous icon of Christ looked down solemnly upon the church – though whether with intent to bless or to judge was not immediately clear. _Probably depends on the situation,_ Hikaru thought, somewhat nervously – _guess that could go either way. _

Huge chandeliers of brass and crystal suspended from the high ceiling glowed softly down upon the people who found their way to seats, conversing quietly before the service began. At the front of the church, a set of elaborate golden gates stood in the midst of a wall of even larger icons – and in front of that wall were basket after basket of flowers. _Let's see... most of those are lilies, I think, but.._.w_hoa – those are orchids! No way did they grow those around here!_ The "botany geek" part of Hikaru hoped to get a closer look at the exotic blooms later.

The profusion of color, images, light and fragrance should have been gaudy and overwhelming – but, somehow, it was not. Somehow, in its own quiet and dignified way, Noginsk Cathedral – the very building itself – seemed to be bursting with a desire to love and glorify God, in every way possible, all at once.

_That's Pavel,_ Hikaru mused. _He's so full of joy, and love, and wonder – and he has to share it all, right this very moment, or he'll just burst. _

Looking up at the brilliant angels who seemed to support the dome, he took a deep breath of the incense-scented air.

_I'm glad he chooses to share so much of that with me._

Babushka's gentle hand on his arm called him back into the moment. "It really is lovely, is it not?" she said, love and pride clear in her voice as she followed his gaze up into the dome of the cathedral. "Sometimes, it is good to see this place through another's eyes – it reminds me that this is really a glorious place."

_No, Sulu – this is probably not the time to admit that all you could think about just then was Pavel._ "You can't ever get tired of it, can you?" Hikaru honestly couldn't imagine such a thing – the cathedral really was breathtaking.

"Tired? No. But..." Babushka seemed to search her mind for the right response. "Sometimes, when it is with you all the time, it is easy to take for granted. Does this make sense to you?"

"You know... it really does. I get that way about space, believe it or not – and I guess it's kind of the same thing. You forget how much has had to happen before us so that we are be able to do what we do out there – or even how unbelievably beautiful it is. Because, like you said – it's with you all the time."

_With you all the time, so you don't realize... don't appreciate it the way you ought to... is that how it's been for the two of us? _

_Christ, Sulu – does **everything** take your brain back to Pavel tonight?_

_Evidently so._

"So, Mr. Sulu... it seems you and I understand one another rather well." Babushka seemed pleased by that – though she had no idea of what was really going through his mind. _Of course, knowing her, she probably does – she knows freakin' everything._

"But," she continued, stopping at the end of a pew near the front, "the service is about to begin – and this is where I usually sit. So, I will not say to make yourself comfortable – because it is not so very comfortable – but do have a seat."

There was a nagging question in Hikaru's head – it had been there for days – and, well, it had to get asked.

"_Gospozha_ Uspenskaia..." he hesitated. "It's seemed as though Pavel... didn't particularly want me to come to this service tonight. I mean, he _said_ it was because it was so long and such, but... I feel like I can read him pretty well most of the time – and it just felt like he might be trying to keep me away." Hikaru looked earnestly at Babushka, knowing that if there were an honest answer to be had regarding Pavel's odd behavior, he'd get it from his great-grandmother.

_Or not. _"Well, Mr. Sulu – I have my own ideas on that subject. However, since they are just that – my own ideas – I don't think I should presume to speak for Pavel. But tonight, after the service? By all means, you should ask him yourself."

At that point, a tall, dignified-looking man in elaborate long purple robes – obviously the priest – stepped out from behind the gates at the front of the church. ("My son, Father Ilya Uspensky," Babushka explained in a whisper.) Father Ilya looked to be in his early fifties, with graying dark hair barely visible under a sort of veiled hat he wore, and a neatly trimmed beard. He began the service – though, instead of speaking the words, he chanted them all in a surprisingly rich, melodious baritone voice.

_This is going to be intriguing, _Hikaru thought, – _even if I don't understand a word of it._

Shortly, another door – _oh, some of those huge icons are doors?_ – in the front wall swung open, and a stocky man – older than Father Ilya, at least by appearance, and shorter as well – came out to stand at a podium of sorts off to one side of the front of the church. He was almost entirely bald, but had a short white beard, and wore a plain, floor-length black robe. ("Pyotr Ivanov, the head chanter here at the cathedral," Babushka contributed.)

Pyotr spent a few moments adjusting papers at the wooden podium, and then began to chant along with Father Ilya. But if Father Ilya was a baritone, then Pyotr Ivanov was a _basso profundo_ – the lowest bass voice Hikaru had ever heard. As Pyotr chanted, or when he held a straight tone so that Father Ilya could provide a moving counterpoint against it, Hikaru was blown away by the richness of the sound – and by how the vibrations from that deep voice rumbled in his own chest.

For a little while, the service seemed to be a chanted exchange between Father Ilya and Pyotr – very tuneful and beautiful, despite a lack of particular melodic complexity – and then the choir joined in from above the congregation in an upper balcony. There may have been forty or fifty men and women up there; they sang without accompaniment by any musical instrument, and had a wonderful blend of voices.

When Pyotr and Father Ilya chanted together, the sound itself was different; the music sounded – _yeah, kind of Oriental, really – and I've got no clue what key they're in._ Now, when the choir came in, they sounded a lot more Western with more familiar-sounding keys and three or four-part harmony.

Like the wall-to-wall icons, the drastically different sounds and styles of music could easily have been a little jarring – but here, in this setting, they seemed exactly right.

Hikaru had no idea how much time had passed as he'd sat analyzing the music he'd been hearing – _and_ _what kind of dork sits in this gorgeous service thinking, "Hey, what key is that?"_ – it could have been just a few minutes, but he suspected that it had been closer to an hour. But amazingly, it hadn't been boring yet, even though he obviously had no idea what anyone was saying.

Then, unobtrusively, the side door opened again, and another black-robed figure came to join Pyotr at his podium.

Pavel.

"Pavel... Pavel."

_I didn't just say that out loud, did I? No – but the couple behind me just whispered it, and so did the people next to me, nudging each other. They know him – I guess he did spend a lot of time here – and they're excited to see him home. That's pretty awesome._

And at this point, the feeling of the service shifted a bit – Father Ilya went back behind the gates toward what looked like a kind of altar, and the choir sat down. Pyotr used his voice to create a deep monotone...

And then Pavel began to sing.

No, not sing, really – this was definitely the Eastern-style chanting that Father Ilya and Pyotr had been using earlier – but what Pavel was doing was as different from what Hikaru had heard earlier as the glowing gold icons here were from the tiny reproductions in Pavel's quarters on the _Enterprise_.

_Pavel's voice – my God. _It was a glorious, strong tenor – sure, and clear, and perfect. Hikaru was transfixed as his friend launched into a series of wonderfully complex melodic lines with confidence and a beautiful, fluid grace against Pyotr's subtle one-note harmonization – and he was thrilled as the hymn Pavel sang went on and on.

He really couldn't take his eyes off Pavel – but it was very clear that Pavel himself was paying no attention whatsoever to the members of the congregation. Pavel's attention, his focus, was somewhere within – to the extent, Hikaru realized, that – _no way – he doesn't even have his eyes open; he's singing this mammoth, elaborate piece of music from __**memory**_.

_How did I not **know** this – that he could do this – that he sounds like, like..._

_Pavel sounds like an angel. _

_But absolutely __**not**__ one of the fluffy, girly angels you see in pictures everywhere – Pavel sounds, _Hikaru decided, looking back at the figures in the dome, _like one of __**those **__angels. Those angels are beautiful, but they're __**tough**__ – hell, they have shields, and __**swords**__, and how awesome is that? – and they've got that look on their faces that says they would kick your ass if they needed to. _

_Those angels would be in Starfleet – and you'd want them with you in a rough spot. _

_So... Pavel sounded like a glorious, bad-ass, Orthodox Starfleet angel. _

And it was the most amazing thing Hikaru had ever heard. Somehow, Pavel's voice, as it rose and fell, dipping and soaring with the melody he chanted, had managed to become one with this service, and with this magnificent building; it was glowing like the candlelight on the golden walls, sweet, insistent, and rising like the incense. It was...

Out of the corner of his eye, Hikaru saw that Babushka sat equally transfixed next to him, with tears running unchecked down her cheeks. Reaching over to her, he briefly, with the very slightest of pressure, squeezed her hand. He was surprised, then, when that hand came up to touch his own cheek gently with a delicate white handkerchief.

He hadn't realized that he had tears of his own.

Pavel's singing slowed, then, with a final, solemn flourish, the hymn came to an end. Hikaru saw Pavel open his eyes again at last, taking a deep breath and seeming to bring himself back from wherever he'd gone in his mind.

Pyotr Ivanov stood at Pavel's left shoulder, beaming at him with obvious pride and love. Hikaru heard Pavel's words in his mind: "Pyotr is... well, he works at the church, too... and sometimes I help him when I am in town." _Help him, my eye_ – it was pretty clear that Pavel was Pyotr's star pupil, and an astonishingly gifted chanter in his own right.

At that moment, all the lights in the church were extinguished, and the congregation sat in nearly total darkness. Since nobody else seemed particularly alarmed by this development, Hikaru assumed that it was part of the service – and quickly discovered that this was indeed the case.

Father Ilya – now wearing white robes instead of purple – came forward and began to chant. It didn't last long, but it sounded... important, and triumphant, somehow. Then Pyotr and Pavel together repeated what Father Ilya had sung – and now the choir did the same thing.

Hikaru noticed that, as they had been repeating these words – whatever they were – the darkness in the sanctuary was slowly alleviated by the lighting of candle after candle. It seemed that each member of the congregation held his or her own candle, and the light was being passed from one person to the next. Babushka reached under her seat and produced two candles for them – trust her to have it all under control – and they were both able to light their own candles and to pass the light on as it came to their part of the church.

Now, Father Ilya sang a different hymn, and the congregation sang it back to him – and they each repeated it, again and again and again.

Hikaru turned to Babushka, and she answered his unspoken question.

"They are singing, 'Christ is risen from the dead; He has trampled down death by His death, and has given life to those in the tombs.' It is the meaning of Pascha, and why we celebrate this day."

As the flickering lights began to turn the cathedral into a huge, brilliantly glowing jewel, and the singing swelled throughout the church, the bells of the tower – not one, but many – began to ring.

It was all, well – _Overwhelming – it's overwhelming._ Hikaru's thoughts came to him in a rush, and he felt himself breathing just a bit faster, and maybe freaking out just a little bit.

_I'm on total overload here, I'm cracking open, I just know it. _

_Cracking open? What the hell kind of crazy thought is that? _

_But that's how it feels – it's like I can't hold all of this, this **feeling** without just exploding... and breaking. All of this at once – it's almost too much. Maybe that's what Pavel was talking about when he said I shouldn't come tonight._

_But... it's **not** too much – and the cracking open isn't awful. It's not even really all that scary._

_And to __**have**__ all these feelings at once – to feel like __**I'm**__ the one who's going to burst, for once – is actually pretty wonderful. _

He took a deep breath, and found himself feeling calmer – or at least more contented.

..._I could get used to being cracked open, maybe._

He turned his eyes to the front of the church, where his dearest friend – _maybe more than that?_ – stood, turned golden by the flickering candlelight. He looked like an angel up there – and yes, Pavel, with his breathtaking intellect, astonishing abilities, and fierce loyalty, would definitely be a bad-ass, Orthodox Starfleet angel as well.

_My God. I've thought of him as an angel twice in one night._

_I really must be in love with him. _

Hikaru stopped, and marveled a bit as he realized that this revelation turned out not to be, well, much of a revelation.

_So... how long have I known this – and why didn't I **tell** me?_

Hikaru continued to watch Pavel, who was still participating in the service – and who was obviously unaware of his friend's presence in the church.

_What is he going to say when he finds out I'm here? _

_Why didn't he want me here to begin with?_

He swallowed hard. Tonight, of all nights, he didn't want Pavel to be upset.

...

* * *

...

The heavy wooden door closed behind Pavel, echoing into the vast emptiness of the cathedral. He squeezed the metal key tightly in his fist – because, of course, this building wasn't going to be entering the 21st century anytime soon, much less the 23rd, so it would need a key – and put it in his pocket. For all that Pavel was always on top of the latest technology in, well, pretty much everything, he loved that the cathedral still had a real lock – and he felt a special kind of pride that he was one of the few people who possessed a key. Nothing about this place was modern – and that was just fine with him.

Pavel stepped forward into the empty church, which was lit only by the fading sunlight of late afternoon coming in through the stained glass windows of the sanctuary. This was one of his favorite times, when he could be alone in the cathedral before anyone else arrived. He breathed in the cool air, scented with lingering traces of incense and the indescribable smells that were simply part of this centuries-old building.

The cathedral was one of Pavel's favorite places to be alone – and just now, the solitude came as a bit of a relief; his thoughts had been closing in on him, and he needed some time to take a deep breath and clear his head.

_I've been looking forward to this visit home with Hikaru for almost a year now – I've been dying for him to see Russia, and for him to meet my family. It's all been __**perfect**__ – he's loved it here, all my family adores him, even __**Babushka **__– and I feel closer to him than ever. _

He took a deep, shuddering breath.

_And I feel closer to him than ever._

_So why do I feel like I need to turn around and run as fast as I can? I mean, this is **Hikaru**, for God's sake! He's my very best friend! What is the matter with me?_

_Come on, Chekov – you know what's the matter with you._ Since when did the voice in his head start sounding like Sulu when it talked to him?

_What? What is the matter with me?_

_You're in love with him, idiot._

_But I'm not! I'm not **ready**! I'm **nineteen**!_

_And he's twenty-three. So?_

_So... so I'm not ready to be in love with **anybody**, that's all._

_Well – ready or not, you **are**. Look at yourself. Look at **him**, if you don't want to look at yourself! He's smart, and kind, and funny, and brave, and **wonderful**; he knows you better than anyone on earth – hell, in the whole **universe** – and he likes to be with you as much as you like to be with him._

_He's the best thing that ever happened to you, and you know it. _

_On top of all that, he's **gorgeous**. You want him – you want him **bad** – you can't stop thinking about him... and you know that, too. _

That long-ago kiss burned through Pavel's mind – again.

_And he might want me, too... _

… _but I'm not __**ready**__! I'm still just a kid!_

_And you keep telling everybody who'll listen that you're a grown man, not a kid. You can't have it both ways at once, can you?_

Pavel shook his head as if to banish the thoughts, and sighed again.

_What kind of idiot stands in the middle of an empty cathedral arguing with himself? _

_This kind, evidently._

Taking a candle from the candle stand, he went to light it from one of the huge red vigil candles that burned in the entryway at all times. As he placed his lighted candle into the pristine sand of the candle table, Pavel heard the huge door groaning open again behind him.

"Ah, I should have known," a deep voice rumbled a chuckle behind him. "After all these years, you still want to have the first candle." Pavel turned to greet his friend and mentor Pyotr Ivanov in the traditional fashion, with a brief kiss on each cheek.

"Yes, you know me, Petya – same as when I was ten years old." Pavel grinned at the older man. "Except now I don't feel the urge to draw smiley-faces in the sand with my candle first."

"That never went over well with the little old ladies, did it?" Pyotr chuckled again. "So, my Pasha – are you ready to get to work?"

"Always, Petya. Let's go." The men paused to venerate the icons with a kiss and the sign of the cross before walking up to the front of the church.

Pyotr Ivanov, old enough to be Pavel's grandfather – who, in fact, had been a childhood friend of Grandmama's, and who had grandchildren older than Pavel – had been his unlikely first friend here nine years ago, when the lonely little boy had first arrived in Noginsk to stay with his great-grandmother.

Pavel had haunted the cathedral when he wasn't at school – partly, it was clear, because he idolized his great-uncle, Father Ilya. Pyotr, though, had quickly come to suspect that this boy genius, with his mile-a-minute mind and never-still-for-a-moment body, was also finding for the first time that he was, at his core, a deeply spiritual little being – and the cathedral itself was a place where he seemed to be able to stop (or at least slow down a little) and reflect.

Pavel had been always underfoot as the adults went about their business, and a less patient man than Pyotr could have quickly become annoyed with the constant questions and perpetual motion that characterized the little boy. However, Pyotr had soon recognized the dizzying intellect that had brought young Pavel to Noginsk to begin with – and he decided to find a challenge for this boy as soon as possible.

Though Father Ilya had trained Pavel to serve as an altar boy, that had not been nearly enough to keep him busy; he couldn't stand still when he got bored, and had an unfortunate tendency to nearly set rather important things on fire with any nearby candles. So when Pyotr suggested to Father that he take charge of Pavel and train him to become a chanter, Father had been secretly relieved – it would, indeed, be more of an intellectual challenge for the lad... and there weren't usually open flames too near the chanters' stand.

Pavel was a smart boy and came from a family of musicians, so Pyotr figured that he would be a reasonably quick study. However, even he had been surprised with the turn Pavel's training had taken.

Pyotr himself had not been trained in the traditional Russian style of chant, but had gone to school in Athens and Constantinople (no self-respecting Orthodox would admit that the city had been called Istanbul since it had been taken over by the Turks in 1453) to study chant in the Byzantine Greek style.

Though essentially all chanters now used traditional Western notation for their music, there were still some who took the time and effort to learn the ancient Byzantine neumes – the musical symbols which looked like scribbles to most people, but which had been used by the original hymnographers to write the music to begin with. Pyotr thought that was important enough to warrant his learning them himself, and so, after years of study, he'd mastered them.

Of course, Pyotr had not had any intention of trying to teach Pavel to chant using the neumes – it was going to be tricky enough to teach him to read Western music for the first time. (How a great-grandson of two professional musicians had grown up with no notion of reading music was beyond him, but he'd been disappointed to discover that the boy had no clue.)

But it turned out not to matter; mathematician that he was, little Pavel had picked up the symbols, patterns and intervals of Western notation almost instantly.

Then one day, to Pyotr's absolute astonishment, he'd found Pavel sprawled on the floor of the church with two pieces of music spread out in front of him. Upon closer inspection, Pyotr realized that Pavel had found the same piece of music in both Western and Byzantine notation, and was intently comparing the two.

"Why are you looking at both of these?" Pyotr had asked his young protégé. Pavel had looked at him as though he were possibly a little dense. "Mr. Ivanov, sir," – he was always polite to adults, even if he thought they were idiots – "I'm looking at this hymn in Western notation to see how the Byzantine notation corresponds to it."

This, from a ten-year-old. "And? Why do you want to know that?"

Now Pavel's huge blue eyes had held more than a hint of impatience – did Mr. Ivanov really not understand this? "To be able to decode the Byzantine notation using something I already _understand_ – sir."

And, sure enough, Pavel had taken _two weeks_ to achieve the level of mastery that it had taken Pyotr _three years_ to attain. Pyotr could have been jealous – he certainly knew a lot of chanters who would have been – but jealousy wasn't in his nature. Instead, he decided that this was the opportunity of a lifetime – and his goal was to train Pavel to be the best chanter ever. Maybe even a priest – after all, anything was possible.

Pyotr had learned pretty quickly that any hopes he had for Pavel going into the priesthood were going to come to naught – yes, he was at heart a pious and reverent young man, but it was clear even then that Pavel's aim was to go into space. But he could still be a magnificent chanter – and when the boy's voice changed, Pyotr knew that he was working with a one-of-a-kind combination of intellect and talent. The first time Pavel had chanted some of the Resurrection hymns on the night of Pascha with him, Pyotr nearly burst with pride.

In the meantime, during the years they worked together, Pyotr and Pavel had developed an unusual friendship; though it had begun as a grandfather-grandson sort of relationship, it had morphed over the years to be a friendship between equals. They liked and respected one another enormously – and Pyotr was tremendously proud of the boy he had trained.

Now the boy was a man, and it was Pyotr's plan to have Pavel chant the entire series of hymns tonight completely on his own for the first time. Persuading him to do this would not be an easy task; Pavel was unaffectedly modest and deferential to Pyotr's greater experience, and could rarely be prevailed upon to chant the melodic line alone.

However, if Pyotr could get past Pavel's modesty and convince him that his chanting would make the service even more beautiful and powerful, it would be the moment that Pyotr had been working toward all this time – the moment that would prove that the student had surpassed the master.

The two men approached the chanters' stand, and Pyotr handed over a sheaf of music. "Here, Pasha – these are the hymns I'd like you to take for tonight's service." Pavel nodded absently, and flipped through the pages of music. Before long, a suspicious look dawned in his eyes.

"Petya…"

"Pasha…"

"The whole thing? The entire canon? Pyotr, I can't!"

"Pavel. Of course you can. Of _course_ you can. And you will. For me – for Father, for Babushka … _for the Lord,_ Pavel – tonight, you will."

"But, Petya – I've never done the whole thing before!" Pavel was objecting – but his friend saw pretty quickly that, to his surprise, the younger man seemed to be a great deal more receptive to the idea than he'd expected.

"Come, now, Pasha – you know that you've had the entire canon memorized since you were twelve years old. And you know you can do it – and that it will be magnificent."

"Well... I don't know about _magnificent_..."

_Is Petya crazy, suggesting that I do the whole Resurrection canon tonight? I've never done it..._

Pavel knew in his heart, though, that Pyotr was right – he really did know it all from memory. And with good reason – it was his single favorite piece of church music, period. He loved the text, the melody, the structure of the music – all of it. He'd been singing it quietly along with the older chanters every year since his first Pascha in Noginsk – and the thought of having the whole glorious piece of music to himself was... exhilarating, maybe? Pavel felt honored to be asked – and surprisingly excited at the prospect.

"Well, Petya – if you think I'm up to it, then... yes. I'd like to try."

_And now I have one more reason to be glad that I told Hikaru to stay home tonight – don't I?_

_No. No, you don't. And don't you feel **guilty**, not telling him that you're chanting in the service tonight?_

This voice in his head – _and God, did it sound like Sulu_ – was really starting to get on Pavel's nerves.

_Why don't you want him here? You know he'd have been glad to come._

_He'd have been bored to death. This service goes on forever – and it's boring._

_The service is gorgeous, and you love it – it's your favorite night of the whole year. What makes you think he wouldn't have loved it, too?_

_He wouldn't understand it – it wouldn't make any sense to him. And... what if he didn't like it?_

_Didn't like what? The service – or your chanting?_

_Either. Both! Wait... _

_So you didn't want him to hear you sing, just in case he didn't **like** it?_

_Well? What if he didn't like it? This is **mine**, dammit – it's really, really important to me – and Hikaru, well... he knows more about music than anybody I know, except maybe Babushka. He **knows** if it's good or bad – and what if he thought I was bad? What would he say? How could I face him?_

_So... this is your best friend, and you keep him away from these things that mean so much to you because you're **scared**?_

_Okay... yes. And whether that was a good decision or not, it's too late to do anything about it now. So shut up._

"Pasha? Are you in there somewhere?" Pyotr sounded as though he couldn't decide whether to be amused or concerned.

"Yes, Petya... you know how I get. Even when I'm on Earth, my brain stays in space sometimes."

"Well, just make sure your brain is on the same planet as your body tonight, yes?" The older man clapped his protégé on the shoulder. "Because I'm guessing that now that Marina knows you're here, she'll be asking you to sing the Rachmaninoff 'Bless the Lord, O My Soul' with the choir tonight during the liturgy, as well."

_That's one of Hikaru's favorites – and he loves that tenor part._

_I told you to shut up._

_..._

* * *

...

Fortunately, Pavel was able to spend a couple of hours practicing the music for the evening to come – which went a long way toward calming his nerves and quieting the odd arguments he seemed to be having with himself. Singing in the church always felt so right; Pavel was reminded of the old saying, "he who sings, prays twice." He was more aware than anyone of the many gifts he'd been given, and singing felt like... like giving back, somehow.

He and Pyotr went over the Resurrection hymns together – because although Pavel would sing the melodic line on his own, Pyotr would be chanting with him as well, with his deep voice holding a subtly moving harmony beneath the melody. Then the church doors had swung open again, and Marina Belova, the director of the cathedral choir, made her way to the front of the church.

She had an embrace for both Pyotr and Pavel – then kissed Pavel on both cheeks, just for good measure.

"Pasha, my darling --"

"I'm a step ahead of you, Marina." Pyotr cut her off. "I've already told him you'd probably be wanting him to sing the Rachmaninoff with you. And that's it, isn't it, my dear?"

"Well, Petya, you can't need him _all_ the time, can you?" She turned to Pavel. "So, Pasha – will you?"

"Of course, Marina." Honestly, the Rachmaninoff was one of Pavel's favorites, as well – and it was fun to sing with the choir on occasion. "I'll just pop up to the balcony at the beginning of the liturgy, and come be a tenor for you. Will that work?"

Another hug was his answer. "I'll see you then. Now, if you boys will pardon me – I need to go upstairs and see what those barbarians in my choir have done with their music. Seriously, you'd think they'd never heard of the concept of putting it away..." She headed off to the balcony, still lamenting the organizational skills of her choir members.

While they'd been practicing, it had gotten dark; in another hour or so, the congregation would start trickling in. Rather than facing repeated greetings from his former neighbors – many of whom still insisted on pinching his cheeks – Pavel chose to retreat into a small nook near the altar where he could be still for a while before the service began. He took the opportunity of the time alone to look once more at the hymns he'd be chanting.

And, tonight of all nights, to pray...

...

* * *

...

The sounds of Father opening the gates to begin the service brought Pavel back into the moment; he listened to the beautifully familiar sounds of Father Ilya's interchanges with Pyotr as the two men chanted the first hymns and verses of what would be a long, long night.

Shortly, Marina would be bringing in the choir – and yes, there they were – to sing as well.

Pavel felt a swell of emotion rising in his chest. _This sounds like... like __**home**__. I wouldn't have missed this for anything; I'm so glad we could come home for Pascha._

_And tomorrow, I'll tell Hikaru about all of this – he'll probably be disappointed to have missed it, but he'll understand. He always understands. _

_The next time we're back for Pascha, I'll bring him along._

That thought made him feel better, and relieved some of the feeling of guilt that had been building within him throughout the evening.

Now, though, it was time for him to go out to join Pyotr; Pavel picked up his music and walked out to the chanters' stand.

He went to stand next to Pyotr, who moved aside to make room for him. Father Ilya went back into the altar, and Petya gave him his first pitch.

A deep breath, and the glorious message went out into the waiting cathedral: "The day of Resurrection; let us be radiant for the festival, and let us embrace one another..."

He didn't need the music in front of him, didn't want it. He knew what was coming next – how it would sound, what it would mean, what he needed to do to make it right. Breathing in the incense, Pavel sent his voice sailing out into the sanctuary. He felt the music, the words coming through him – though he himself was of no importance, he was only a vessel through which the music could be expressed.

As if from outside his own body, Pavel could hear his voice soaring with the triumphant message, "Why do you seek among the dead as a man the One who is everlasting light? Behold the clothes in the grave! Go and proclaim to the world: The Lord is risen! He has slain death, as He is the Son of God, saving the race of men."

Pavel gloried in this feeling of indescribable closeness to God; he sang on and on, and felt oddly bereft as he realized that the hymns were drawing to a close – even though the most magnificent parts of the service were yet to come.

He poured everything he had into the final words: "The day of Resurrection; let us be radiant for the festival, and let us embrace one another. Let us say, brethren, even to those that hate us, 'Let us forgive all things on the Resurrection', and so let us cry, 'Christ has risen from the dead: by death he has trampled on death, and to those in the graves given life'."

Then he opened his eyes again – wondering when he'd closed them to begin with – and waited for the moment when darkness would descend upon the church, only to be banished again by the growing light, and the assurance that Christ had risen.

...

* * *

...

It was later, up in the balcony, when he'd realized. The candles had been lighted throughout the sanctuary amidst singing and ringing of bells, and Pavel had quietly made his way upstairs to sing with Marina and her choir. They didn't do the Rachmaninoff setting of the liturgy every Sunday – it was like the good tablecloth that was brought out for special occasions – and Pavel was glad to have the chance to sing it with them.

"Bless the Lord, O My Soul" came early in the service, and Pavel stood toward the front of the choir to sing the glorious tenor recitative above the accompaniment of the other voices. He couldn't help but think of Hikaru as he sang; his friend loved this music, and this was one of his favorite parts.

Hikaru...

...was THERE.

There he stood, next to Babushka in her traditional spot in the pews – looking straight, and strong, and impossibly handsome in his Starfleet dress uniform, dark hair glowing in the candlelight.

Hikaru was looking right at him, as though, somehow, he'd never seen him before. Pavel felt himself go cold, felt his heart trying to beat out of his chest.

_This is Hikaru...this is **Hikaru**! What is the matter with you? Why are you afraid?_

Hikaru was looking right at him, as though he'd never seen him before – and as though he'd never seen anything quite so wonderful in his life. Pavel could see that not-quite-smile, that amazing light in his eyes, even from here.

_Maybe... maybe this will be all right._

Pavel was lost for the rest of the service; he sang when he was supposed to, stood and sat when he was supposed to, went to receive Holy Communion when he was supposed to... but his focus and his thoughts were elsewhere, centered on the man who stood through the service next to his Babushka. He couldn't keep from watching, even though Hikaru had returned his attention to the service; sometimes, Pavel could see Babushka lean toward his friend and whisper something – a translation, perhaps, or an explanation of what was happening.

_That should have been me. I should have been the one to tell Hikaru about all of this._

_What will Hikaru say? What will I say to him? How can I explain this to him when I can't even explain it to myself?_

_Maybe he'll understand. He always understands._

He couldn't postpone that conversation forever – but he could for at least a little while. For now, the service had ended, and the congregation would be caught for a long time in line to receive Father Ilya's blessing, along with the traditional red eggs that were one of the hallmarks of Pascha. Meanwhile, Pavel retreated to a small corner behind the chanters' stand, where he could arrange his music – and compose his thoughts – without being seen.

"It was amazing. You had to know I'd think it was amazing." Pavel jumped a mile at Hikaru's voice, right behind him.

_Okay – **almost** without being seen._

"You liked it, then?" Pavel's voice was – almost – casual, and he avoided his friend's eyes.

Hikaru reached forward, putting his hands on Pavel's black-clad shoulders – and actually shook him, just a little. "What's the matter with you, Chekov? How did you not tell me about... about..." At a loss for words, Hikaru gestured toward Pavel, the chanters' stand, the balcony – "...about all of this?"

_This situation calls for the truth, I think..._

"I... I was scared, 'Karu." Before his friend could interrupt – and it was clear that he wanted to – Pavel went on. "It's just that – well, I know you don't think you're a musician, but, my God, you know ewerything there is to know about music, and I am thinking, what if..."

"Stop. Stop right there." Hikaru looked offended – almost angry. "You were going to keep me from hearing... from hearing you do this gorgeous, this amazing, heartbreakingly **glorious** thing I suddenly find out you can do – because you were afraid I wouldn't **like** it?"

Pavel could only nod miserably.

"Idiot."

Then, suddenly – to his shock – Pavel felt himself pulled into a fierce hug, and Hikaru wordlessly held him tight.

After a brief moment when he froze in surprise, Pavel realized that Hikaru wasn't going to let go immediately – and put his arms around his friend as well. He felt Hikaru shaking, just the tiniest bit – could he be crying? Pavel backed away – very slightly, without letting go – to get a glimpse of his friend's face.

_Oh, God. Hikaru is crying – you made him cry! But, no, wait – he is smiling, too – and that look in his eyes... He understands. It will be all right._ Pavel moved in closer again, and took a deep, relieved breath.

He could smell the incense in Hikaru's hair.


	10. Воистину Воскресе

"Tell me again, what do I say back to them?"

Babushka turned from where she was preparing breakfast at her kitchen counter, and smiled patiently at Hikaru. "They say, '_Hristos vosskresse_', or 'Christ is risen.' Then you say, '_Vo iss-ti-nou vosskresse_,' or, 'Truly, He is risen.' It is how we greet one another for the first forty days after Pascha."

"_Vo-iss-ti-nou voskresse_ – is that it?" He'd said it excruciatingly slowly, but was reasonably sure that he'd gotten the sounds right.

"Bravo, Mr. Sulu – that is exactly right. Now, when everyone comes over for dinner tonight, you'll be able to greet them like a true Orthodox."

"I don't know about that." Hikaru smiled, taking a sip of his coffee. Raising an eyebrow at Babushka, he said, "I think I'd be a pretty unorthodox Orthodox."

Babushka laughed appreciatively, and crossed the room to ruffle his damp hair affectionately.

_Ruffling my hair? Really? Am I **ten**? _

_Oh, shut up, asshole – you know you love it._

Hikaru had woken up this morning to find brilliant, late-morning sunshine streaming in through his bedroom window – and to discover that Pavel was not in his own room across the hall. So Sulu had washed up, dressed, and come downstairs to see if Babushka was up and around on this Pascha Sunday morning.

Indeed she was – and was in the kitchen wearing a large apron and stirring up a large bowl of... something.

And she'd been awfully cheerful, considering that she couldn't have gotten a lot of sleep; it had been after four in the morning by the time they'd gotten home from church last night.

"Good morning, Mr. Sulu! _Hristos vosskresse!"_

"... I beg your pardon?" And so his Russian lesson had begun, as Babushka fussed around him in the kitchen, making him a cup of coffee while he waited for Pavel to come home for breakfast.

Pavel, it turned out, had awakened over an hour previously, and had gone out for his morning run. "He was going to wake you to come with him, but he said you were sleeping so peacefully that he didn't have the heart to disturb you."

The thought of Pavel in his room this morning, watching him sleep, sent tendrils of warm sensation all through him.

_This is going to take some getting used to..._

"What are you making for breakfast, _Gospozha_ Uspenskaia?" Whatever it was, it looked as though there would be enough to feed an army.

"I am making my famous blinis_,_ Mr. Sulu. And before you ask the next question... no, there will not be too many."

_How the hell does she __**do**__ that? _

"How do I know there will not be too many, you wonder? I know this because I've raised two boys of my own – and because I also know that Pavel can eat his own weight in my blinis at one sitting. Moreover," she said, pausing to wink at him – "I've noticed that your own appetite could not be described as _delicate_, young man."

_Oh, crap – have I been eating too much?_ "_Gospozha_ Uspenskaia..." Hikaru started to stammer –

"- And I love nothing more than a boy who likes my cooking, so don't even think of apologizing." She gave the contents of her bowl another good stirring with a large wooden spoon. "And while we're at it, I think you must stop calling me '_Gospozha _Uspenskaia.' It makes me feel a million years old."

_Whoa – am I going to get into the inner circle of people who get to call her "Babushka?" I never, **ever** thought that would happen...!_

"No. '_Gospozha_ Uspenskaia' is much too formal, especially for a handsome brown-eyed boy like you. You don't know this," she said, ruffling his hair yet again, "but I had a terrible weakness for boys with brown eyes when I was young."

_Flirting? __**Babushka?**__ This was __**priceless**__._ Hikaru grinned up at her delightedly.

"And he has dimples, too!" Smiling, she patted him on the cheek now, as though he were another great-grandson. "So... a handsome brown-eyed boy with dimples. What shall he call me?" She pretended to consider the matter thoughtfully – and did not see Pavel quietly enter the kitchen behind her.

"I think... I think you shall call me Natasha, yes?"

Hikaru gave her his absolute best flirtatious smile in return. "Only if you'll call me Hikaru... Natasha." Then he took another drink of his coffee while he waited to see Pavel's reaction to _that _one.

It was not long in coming. Pavel made an absolutely scandalized sort of sound, somewhere between a snort and a sputter – _which was pretty damn hilarious_ – and which caused Babushka to turn around to see him in the room.

"Babushka!" Pavel nearly _squeaked_. " You are... you are shameless! And... and... a **hussy**!"

What Babushka's reply would have been, or if Pavel would have been even further appalled, none of them would ever know; at that moment, Hikaru had been unable to keep himself from laughing – and had ended up spraying coffee out of his nose.

Not even Babushka could keep her composure at that point, and the kitchen was filled with their laughter.

_But,_ Hikaru had thought as he sat down to what truly did turn out to be the best pancakes on Earth – ever, _damned if I __**won't**__ call her Natasha, because that is just awesome. And Pavel can just deal with it._

* * *

The rest of the day had been relaxed and _well, just about perfect_, Hikaru considered, as he and Pavel puttered around the house, helping Babushka with last-minute preparations for their dinner guests. Since Babushka had prepared everything else in advance and frozen anything that could be frozen, the only tasks that needed completing today were the baking of the huge ham and the final decorative touches on the traditional cheesecake – a huge, flower-pot shaped dessert which, Hikaru learned, was actually called pashka.

"Babushka, I'd forgotten, I think, how _enormous_ this thing is," Pavel observed, as he placed edible flowers and candied fruit in decorative patterns of his own design along the edges of the cheesecake.

"It has to be, Pasha – or there wouldn't be any left for the rest of us after you'd gotten done with it!" Babushka smiled indulgently at her great-grandson. "I haven't forgotten your first Pascha here in Noginsk, when you tried to be so sneaky and hide the pashka in your closet." She winked knowingly at Hikaru. "Of course, it wasn't too hard to figure out, considering that we found _him _in the closet as well, with only _half _of the pashka – and with a terrible stomach ache to show for his trouble."

Pavel laughed ruefully at the memory. "It was three years before I could even _look_ at pashka again – but fortunately, I got over it."

Babushka was bringing a tray of meatballs out of the freezer to thaw before she baked them. "Now, Hikaru – you'll find that my meatballs are even better than the ones Olga fed you at the party at Andrei's house."

Hikaru panicked at Pavel's accusing glare – raising his hands as if to say, "I didn't SAY anything!"

Babushka laughed, observing the frantic wordless exchange between them. "You don't take me for a fool, do you? Would I think for a moment that Andrei and Svetlana would let something like _Holy Week_ keep them from having a party for their baby boy? Not likely." She patted Pavel's shoulder with a resigned sigh. "Thank God I at least managed to raise _you_ not to be a heathen."

She smiled over at Hikaru, who was trying to decide whether or not she had really meant that. "No, I'm not serious; just because I believe that certain... traditions should be observed doesn't mean that I expect everyone else to observe them as well."

"Which would be why Papa and Mama were in a panic, ordering us not to breathe a word about the party?" Pavel smiled wryly at his great-grandmother. "You _absolutely_ expect it – it just doesn't happen!"

"I suppose it's a good thing that I live in the same city as my son the priest, then, eh?"

Father Ilya was going to be joining them later that evening with his wife Katya; Pyotr and his wife Yelena were coming as well. Hikaru was dumbstruck at the sheer volume of food that Babushka was preparing – it looked to be enough to feed probably thirty people, instead of just seven.

However, he'd learned his lesson this morning with the blinis;_ if Babushka was cooking this much food, you'd better bet that people were damn well going to eat it._

* * *

Out of consideration for his hosts, Hikaru had worn his interpretive device through dinner – which was not a problem for anyone concerned, since he didn't really feel the need to try to participate in the conversation himself.

Of course, he'd managed to impress the dickens out of all of them with his rendition of the response, "_Vo-iss-ti-nou vosskresse_" when the visitors greeted him – though Sulu wouldn't have blamed them if they had wet themselves trying not to laugh.

_My thing's xenobotany, not xenolinguistics, _he thought. _I'll leave that stuff to Nyota._

And then, before too long, Hikaru was much too wrapped up in eating to worry about languages he didn't speak; he was more than glad to use his mouth for chewing, not talking.

_Pavel wasn't lying – Babushka really does kick Aunt Olga's ass when it comes to cooking – and that's saying something._

Then, out of consideration for their foreign visitor, the rest of the group made an effort to speak English – or as close of an approximation to it as possible – after dinner.

Hikaru found himself in a somewhat challenging conversation with Pyotr – whose Greek was evidently impeccable, but whose English left rather a lot to be desired – about his work aboard the _Enterprise_. It turned out that both Pyotr and Father Ilya were nearly as bad as Pavel's little cousins in Yekaterinburg had been about wanting to know everything there was to know about working for Starfleet, and flying in space.

_At least neither of them want me to teach them to fence – or at least if they do, they won't admit it_, Hikaru mused, smiling slightly to himself.

Father Ilya wanted to know everything about life on the ship in general, and some of their missions that he'd heard about – but his real interest, Sulu could tell, was in how he managed to maneuver such an enormous vessel. He had all kinds of really intelligent questions about all the different kinds of craft Hikaru had been trained to fly and their various challenges, and what his preferences were – and it was hugely gratifying to have him seem so genuinely fascinated by Sulu's answers.

_Too bad I can't take Father Ilya __**and **__Babushka up to the Academy Flight Range; they'd have a blast. _

Pyotr, on the other hand, seemed to be brimming with curiosity about how the transporters worked – which was certainly not remotely his area of expertise as a pilot. Anything he knew about it – beyond the basics that all cadets learned in the Academy – had come from Pavel's attempts to explain the physics of the whole thing to him before he'd finally given up in despair.

_So... why the hell has Pyotr never asked Pavel, who knows a whole shitload more about it, and – oh, I don't know – actually speaks __**Russian**__, for Christ's sake? _Hikaru had no idea – and didn't much care, at this point. It was starting to get a little frustrating.

Before long, between the language barrier and his lamentably incomplete knowledge of the topic at hand, he gave up on even attempting to make himself understood.

"Yo, Chekov – get your genius self over here and explain the physics of the transporter over to your uncle and Mr. Ivanov. You know I can barely make any sense of it on the best of days, and you can do it a lot better than I can."

Pavel gave him a cocky smile as he stood up and walked over to where they were sitting. "So - we add that to the list of things I do better than you, _da_?" Then he ducked to dodge the decorative pillow that came flying toward his head.

Hikaru froze for an instant.

_Oh, shit – did I just really __**throw a pillow**__ across Babushka's living room? _

"Nicely played, Mr. Sulu," said Father Ilya with a chuckle. "We need to keep our Pavel from becoming absolutely insufferable – if such a thing is possible."

"Too late for that," Babushka interjected dryly from across the room. "However, you should feel free to throw anything you'd like at him, Hikaru – as long as it is not breakable." She gestured to the armchair Pavel had just vacated, next to her own. "Come sit with us, my dear, and join the more civilized conversation with Katya, Yelena and myself – the ladies would love to talk to you for a while."

"Gladly...Natasha." _And yeah, it was just cool as hell to watch everyone's jaws drop when he called Babushka by her first name._ He gave Pavel a cheeky, "so there" kind of grin as he got up to go sit with the women.

After that, the evening unwound in a relaxed and informal sort of way, with quiet, comfortable conversations buzzing back and forth between the old friends and new acquaintances. Hikaru was amazed to discover how utterly at home he felt here with Pavel's family –_ in Babushka's living room, no less, and how great is that?_ – and how he felt as though he'd known them all for ages.

Aside from the _Enterprise_, where he felt unconditionally accepted for who he was without even thinking about it – _hell, the whole crew feels that way_ – Sulu realized that he'd never felt so comfortable and relaxed in the company of others... _which is pretty damned amazing_.

_This is all because of Pavel,_ Hikaru thought with a rush of affection for his friend. _If it weren't for him bringing me here, introducing me to his family – to this whole part of his life – I wouldn't have this unbelievable feeling of..._

_...what is this?_

_...Belonging. I feel like I'm really a part of something – though how I can feel that way about these people after less than a week is, well, kind of terrifying, if I think about it._

_Don't think about it, then. Just enjoy it._

Hikaru smiled at nothing in particular, leaning back in his chair. He clasped his hands behind his head and stretched his long, denim-clad legs out in front of him as he let the soft conversations in the room wash over him. As Yelena and Katya glanced appreciatively – though ever so briefly – at his lithe, graceful body as he stretched, Hikaru was fortunately oblivious. Babushka, however, _did _notice, and was quivering with suppressed amusement.

An odd little sound – not quite a gasp – caught his attention then from across the room.

_Must have imagined that_, Hikaru thought at first, since no one else had seemed to notice it at all.

Then he happened to look over at Pavel...

… and the look in those blue, blue eyes nearly overpowered him.

Pavel was looking at him as though he wanted to – as though he'd like to...

_Come on, now. Breathe, Sulu._

He locked eyes with Pavel for a long, almost unbearably intense moment before looking away again, fighting to gain control over the mix of hope and wonder that threatened to overwhelm him as his thoughts all converged into one supernova-bright point of light.

_Holy shit. He does. He loves me too._

* * *

"No, Pyotr – I didn't have anything to do with the idea of transwarp beaming. That was all Chief Engineer Scott."

Pyotr looked at Pavel oddly; he realized then that, in his absentmindedness, he'd just answered the same question twice in a row.

_God, how embarrassing. What must Pyotr think?_

However, if Pyotr thought anything was at all amiss, it wasn't obvious as he continued to converse with Father Ilya.

Nonetheless, Pavel felt his face getting hot, and hoped that he wasn't blushing as hard as he thought he was.

But there'd been no escaping the heat that started building in him a minute ago as he'd suddenly caught a glimpse of Hikaru flexing those amazing muscles of his – all the while wearing that heart-stoppingly gorgeous smile...

_...and those jeans that fit him like a second skin. _

_Oh, crap..._

And then Hikaru had looked up at him, and Pavel was afraid the sheer intensity – _intensity? Hell, **electricity**_ – of their eye contact was going to call everyone's attention to what was going on between them.

_What **is** going on between us?_

_Nothing – **nothing**!_

_...Yet._

But damn, that look on Hikaru's face, just for that brief moment when they'd locked eyes, told him that he _wanted_ for there to be something going on – every bit as badly as he did himself – and even the thought of that made Pavel's head spin.

He wasn't a bit sorry when their guests stood up to say their goodbyes soon afterward; as much as he enjoyed their company, Pavel knew that there was no way he could continue to carry on a coherent conversation with Father Ilya or Pyotr in his current mental state.

"Will we see you again before you head back, Pasha?"

"Well, Petya, tomorrow I'm going to take Hikaru to see the sights in Moscow – and that will of course take the whole day. Then we leave on Tuesday afternoon to get back to San Francisco. So, it's possible – but I think I'd better say goodbye to you now, just in case we don't get the chance to stop by before we leave Russia."

Pavel was warmly embraced by Pyotr and Yelena, as well as Father Ilya and Katya, as they all affectionately took their leave and wished him health, safety, and all kinds of other good things on the _Enterprise_. Hikaru was similarly wished well – but was rather relieved to be spared the hugs and kisses being lavished on his friend.

Having Andrei Chekov pick him up in a bear hug in front of hundreds of people at Starfleet Academy was still fresh in his mind...

For once, Pavel didn't call Hikaru a "kiss-up" when he suggested that the two of them clean up after the party for Babushka. After some initial protests, she was willing to compromise by sitting down at the kitchen table and supervising their efforts.

"After all," she reasoned, "I have to make sure you two monsters don't end up throwing my best china at one another, or putting my things away in the wrong places."

"God forbid that we put the teaspoons in the drawer with the _soup_ spoons!" Pavel teased.

"And I'm under specific instructions not to throw anything breakable, Natasha, so I think you can trust me not to hurl the china at Pavel – tempting though that might be."

"Seriously, Hikaru – Starfleet trusts us to get its precious flagship all across the galaxy... but this one-" Pavel indicated Babushka with a sweep of the dishtowel in his hand – " doesn't trust us with her _dishes_. How does that make sense?"

"It makes sense," Babushka insisted, "because the _Enterprise_ cannot break."

It was weird, but Pavel and Hikaru could tell by looking at one another that both of them had remembered the same moment just then – the horrific minutes when the _Enterprise _had barely escaped from the red-matter singularity which had just destroyed the _Narada_.

Starfleet's newest flagship _could _break – _had_ broken – and the pilot and navigator had watched the crack in the hull open right over their heads.

Neither of them had any desire to make that point to Babushka.

The brief silence in the room had told its own story, however, and Babushka, seeing their expressions, was suddenly solemn. She stood up then, and, wrapping an arm around each of them, pulled Pavel and Hikaru toward her in an awkward embrace.

"Promise me, you two," she said quietly, "promise me you will take care of one another out there."

They both tightened their hold on Babushka – and one another – and immediately reassured her at the same time.

"We will. We always do."

"We promise."

After a long moment where they all just stood silently in one another's embrace, Babushka released herself from the tangle of arms, and, with a slight shake of her head, was her old self again.

"If you two are going to go spend the day in Moscow tomorrow, then you need to go to bed now. You've done enough here that I can finish up with no trouble – and I'll be able to sleep late in the morning if I want to. After all, Hikaru, you should know from experience that if you two are leaving early in the morning, that just means that Pavel will have you up and out for your run before sunrise."

"Especially since I spare you already this morning, Sleeping Beauty," Pavel teased. "We will have to get up early tomorrow to get our run in before we go playing tourist all day."

"If you're sure you're okay with doing the rest of this, Natasha...?" Hikaru didn't argue as much as he might have, because they really _had_ gotten most of the dirty work and heavy lifting done – Babushka's work would mostly consist of making sure that everything got put back into its proper place.

"This? This is nothing, Hikaru. Now, off to bed with you both. And since I probably won't see you until tomorrow evening, come here and give me a kiss." She tilted her cheek to Pavel, who dutifully kissed it – and then turned to Hikaru for the same treatment.

On a sudden impulse, Hikaru took Babushka's face in his hands and gently kissed her on the forehead. "Thank you, Natasha," he said earnestly, "so very much."

"Why, Hikaru! Whatever for?" Babushka looked pleased, and just a bit flustered.

Honestly, he'd just blurted that out without thinking about it, and had to stop for a moment to put together a coherent answer.

"For everything, really... but mostly for making me feel like, like... part of the family."

"Oh, Hikaru." She was beaming at him. "You should know that you have been a part of this family for a long time, my sweet boy. You've only just now found out about it."

The expression on Hikaru's face at Babushka's words brought a sudden stinging sensation to Pavel's eyes.

_Does she know the gift she's given him with those words?_

Pavel was amazed, not for the first time, at his Babushka's ability to understand the innermost thoughts of others.

_How did she know that's exactly what he needed to hear? _

He loved his Babushka more than ever at that moment.

* * *

"So... do I need to set my alarm? Or should I just count on you traumatizing me at some irrational hour?" Hikaru paused in the hall between his room and Pavel's before preparing to turn in for the night.

"Oh, I think I am traumatizing you, for sure." Pavel gave Hikaru his best impression of an evil laugh. "And at _wery_ irrational hour." He turned away to turn the light on in his room. "So sleep while you can, Hikaru – because I am dragging you out of here before the sun rises!"

"You're a sick, twisted man, Chekov. You know, you won't believe this, but there are some people who consider a vacation a time to actually relax and, oh, I don't know – sleep in?"

"Hah. Sleep is for the weak, Sulu. Or... elderly, maybe? Do I need to take your advanced age into account?"

"Enough, already – I'm going to bed. I'll kick your juvenile ass in the morning."

"Good night, old man." Pavel laughed as Hikaru responded with a rude hand gesture.

"Good night, you obnoxious little shit." Hikaru growled, giving Pavel an exaggerated glare just for fun.

But then, just before he closed the bedroom door, Hikaru flashed him that smile again – the one that froze Pavel in his tracks and took his breath away.

For a long moment, Pavel just stood there, staring at Hikaru's door and trying to breathe normally.

_It's going to be a long night._

Hikaru was still smiling as he pulled on a t-shirt and some baggy cotton pajama pants. Padding over to his traveling bag, he pulled out his running clothes and shoes – if he was going to be wrenched out of bed at some inhumanly early hour, it was best to be prepared.

_Oh, and I'd better water the roses, too..._ Hikaru smacked himself on the forehead at the sight of the little plant still sitting on his windowsill. _How do I keep forgetting to give this to Babushka – no, wait... to __**Natasha**__? _

He'd be sure to do that tomorrow – maybe when they got back from their day of sightseeing in Moscow.

He poured half of a glass of water from his bedside table into the small pot – already wearing a smart little bow and sporting a card that identified it as "_Rosa Centifolia_ 'Russian Spring'", with instructions on how to plant and care for the roses. The foliage was looking really great, especially considering how much traveling the plant had done recently – and there was a profusion of tight little buds that promised to be gorgeous pink roses in a few weeks.

Hikaru got into bed and turned out the lamp on the nightstand; even with the odd hours he'd been keeping for the past few nights, he found he wasn't even remotely sleepy. His thoughts were going at warp speed, and he was starting to formulate the very beginnings of a plan.

Tomorrow was going to be their last full day in Russia; the end of this trip with Pavel that had shown him so many new and surprising things.

And the beginning of something brand new...

...Starting tomorrow morning.

Hikaru was smiling – again – at nothing in particular. He hadn't realized how much he'd been smiling tonight until he noticed that his cheeks were starting to hurt from it.

_For the love of God, Sulu – you're as bad as some 14-year-old girl. _

He didn't much care.

The thought of really loving someone – and being really loved in return – was almost more joy than he could contain; he was nearly bursting with it.

_You can stop smiling now, idiot – you're by yourself, in the dark..._

_OK – maybe I can't stop smiling, after all._

There was only one thing left to do.

_Tell Pavel – you've just got to tell Pavel._

Honestly, it was about all he could do to keep from getting up, walking across the hall, and just spilling his guts then and there. But Sulu foresaw two possible problems there: First, Pavel might already be asleep – and he really didn't want to wake him if that was the case.

Second? If he went into Pavel's bedroom and told him – really told him – how he felt, well... the memory of Pavel's expression as he'd looked at him tonight came burning back into his mind. If Hikaru went in there tonight, he had a pretty good idea where that would lead.

And as much as that thought appealed to him – really, _really_ appealed to him – it would NOT be cool if Babushka walked in on Hikaru, well... jumping her great-grandson.

Not that there weren't some pretty insistent parts of Hikaru's anatomy which thought jumping Pavel would be the absolute best use of his time – and the sooner, the better.

_Down, boy._

_Forget it – **that's** not gonna happen anytime soon._

Now, it was just a matter of figuring out how he was going to tell Pavel, and when.

_As soon as possible, that's when._

_And how? _

_Well, shit – he's been your best friend for years. You tell him damn near everything – so just tell him. _

_Yeah, just tell him. It can't be that hard._

Except, Hikaru considered, that he'd absolutely never said those words in his life – not ever.

_How the hell have I lived this long without saying "I love you" to another person?_

His parents – shit, he knew intellectually that they must love him, though they'd sure never said so. The Nakamuras had certainly never expected those words from him – even though he did love them, and he knew they loved him as well.

And yeah, there had been girls in his past – but those relationships had always fizzled out before they'd gotten to the point where those words might have been exchanged. Hikaru had always blamed himself for that; he knew that he kept a pretty solid wall around his heart – he wasn't proud of it, but he was enough of a coward that he didn't want to get hurt.

The psych eval team at Starfleet Academy had used a lot of clinical-sounding terms for it when they'd examined him for eventual command potential: "Difficulty in forming close emotional attachments/bonds" and "residual psychological trauma caused by emotionally unavailable parents, manifesting in habitual social distancing behaviors on part of subject."

They were wrong, though. Hikaru Sulu had no problem forming close attachments – though few people realized it. He loved a lot of people – loved them so much it hurt – but it just wasn't something he was willing to discuss.

_Until now._

He thought of Pavel – brilliant, beautiful Pavel, so full of joy, of wonder, of love. He thought of the friendship they'd shared over the years, and how it had imperceptibly grown into so much more.

_If I ended up waiting 23 years to say it to anybody for the first time, I'm so glad it's going to be now, and it's going to be Pavel._

He imagined the look in those beautiful eyes when Hikaru finally managed to say those words ...

_...though he must surely already know – God knows I haven't managed to be very subtle._

Hikaru rolled over and burrowed into his pillow, willing himself to go to sleep.

He'd tell him in the morning.

* * *

THUMP.

_What? _

_Where? _

_Who? _

_What the HELL was that? _

_What the hell time is it, anyway?_

_Oh._

At least part of Pavel's situation became clear to him when he heard Hikaru's quiet laughter in the dark room.

It seemed that revenge had come to visit, as Pavel's own running shoes had been dropped on the pillow – narrowly missing his head – and were promptly followed by pants and a shirt.

"Come on, Chekov – it's almost six – sun will be up in half an hour, and God knows we can't allow dawn to actually take place before we're out pounding the pavement."

For once, Pavel would have happily allowed the sun to come up without him – it had taken forever for him to get to sleep, and when he had, his dreams had been haunted by scorching-hot visions of this man, who was now...

"What the fuck are you _doing_, Sulu?" The crazy bastard had climbed up and was standing on his bed now, with his feet positioned on either side of Pavel.

Looking down with an insane grin, Sulu sing-songed, "Don't make me _bounce_, Pasha!"

_Obviously **he** hadn't had any trouble sleeping – he's so cheerful he's making me want to punch him in the mouth..._

"Get. The. Hell. Off. My. **BED**!"

"Ooooooh... NOT the magic word! Guess I'll have to bounce, now...!"

And then, damned if the idiot didn't start jumping up and down on the bed.

_What the hell is the **matter **with him?_

"I'll break your kneecaps if you don't stop that, right now," Pavel growled.

And then –_with ridiculous grace, of course–_ Sulu jumped off the bed and landed silently on his feet on the floor next to Pavel.

_God, there was that **smile** again. Did Hikaru have any idea what that smile **did** to him?_

"So. Out of bed with you, sleepyhead. I'll see you downstairs in – what, ten minutes?"

"Make it five."

True to his word, Pavel was downstairs and ready to go within five minutes, and the two men were out the door and into the chilly darkness before the Noginsk dawn.

_It's weird_, Hikaru thought,_ how quickly Noginsk had come to seem really familiar._ He'd walked and run through it a few times with Pavel, and driven through twice with Babushka – and even with just that bit of exposure, he felt very comfortable negotiating the various streets and green spaces of the town.

They'd started by running through the large park that backed up to Babushka's enormous back yard before heading – as if by unspoken agreement – through the center of town and down to the banks of the Klyazma.

"Hey Pav, care if we stop for a minute? I've got a rock in my shoe." They slowed to a stop at a spot where the woods of the park went almost all the way to the bank of the river. Hikaru sat down on a stone bench in the middle of a grove of pines, taking his time untying and removing his shoe before turning away to shake it out.

_Don't let Pavel see that there wasn't anything there..._

_Tell him now. Tell him here._

Instead of quickly putting his shoe back on, Hikaru patted the spot on the bench next to him. "Let's sit for a minute, okay? You're going to think I'm nuts, but I want to get this spot into my head so that I can remember it when we're gone."

"No – I don't think you're nuts." Pavel paused, then laughed mischievously. "Well, actually, I _do_ think you're nuts – but that is a lot more to do with you are jumping on my bed."

He looked out onto the river. "I do understand, though, 'Karu. This is one of my special places for a long time – and it's kind of awesome that now it's one of yours, too."

Hikaru was looking at the river, too, instead of at Pavel. "I guess you know, don't you, that this has been just an amazing week for me, right? I mean, well... I guess, just thanks for bringing me to Russia. It's been... I don't even know how to say it."

"_Da_, I know. For me, too, 'Karu." Pavel sounded unusually serious. "I had been waiting for you to meet my family and see all these places for years – you know that – but I still worried that maybe it wouldn't be good somehow. Maybe you wouldn't like Russia, or my family, or... I don't know why I worried, but I did."

"I worried too, you know? I was afraid that maybe your family wouldn't like me, or that I wouldn't fit in."

_There was that smile again. Hikaru's smile was the most beautiful thing... anywhere._

"I guess neither of us had anything to worry about, did we, Pav?"

Hikaru turned to face his friend then – and there was that look in Pavel's eyes again, the one that was so intense, so _hot,_ that it damn near shot sparks.

The look that _looked_ the way Hikaru _felt_ just now.

Any words he might have planned went right out the window as he froze, stunned by the raw need on Pavel's face as he looked at him.

_Screw it_, he thought, reaching forward to take Pavel's face in his hands.

Then he leaned toward him, and softly, softly brought their mouths together.

Oh, God – Pavel's face was cold from the outside air, but his lips were so warm and soft...

Then, somehow, neither of them could be soft or gentle; Pavel's hands went up into Hikaru's hair, and he pulled them even closer together to return the kiss.

In a flash of realization, Sulu suddenly knew that he had not been imagining that kiss with Pavel on his 18th birthday for all this time – these sensations matched up entirely too well with his fantasies for all of the memories not to have been real.

Pavel smelled so good, and tasted like he smelled – entirely familiar and brand new, all at once. And hot, and delicious, and unbelievably arousing as their kiss deepened into a fierce duel of tongues and clashing teeth, and low, rough sounds of need and possession came from them both as they tried to pull impossibly closer together.

Somewhere along the edge of his consciousness, Hikaru knew that nothing had ever – _ever_ – felt so right in his entire life. This was the right thing to do, the right time... and the right person. Pavel was that one amazing person whom he could trust enough to share a wild, abandoned moment of passion like this – and he was the one man in the universe whom he could trust with his heart.

_I'll tell him so – absolutely. _ But first, Hikaru poured all his love for Pavel into that kiss – one hand hopelessly tangled in Pavel's curls, and the other cupping his jaw as the pad of his thumb gently stroked Pavel's cheekbone.

_Know it – you've got to know I love you_, he thought, as he pulled Pavel's full lower lip into his teeth, biting and sucking on it gently. Pavel moaned almost inaudibly into his mouth, and Hikaru thought he might spontaneously combust right then and there. He pulled him roughly closer and kissed him with bruising force, their breathing sounding harsh and irregular in the quiet of the morning. How long it went on was more than either of them knew – time had faded into the background, and was utterly unimportant.

For Hikaru, only one thing was important now...

_Tell him. Tell him now._

With a deep, shuddering breath, Hikaru broke away from the kiss. He looked for a long moment at this wonderful, passionate, precious man who had been his best friend for so long, and who would soon be... so much more. He couldn't help smiling at Pavel; he knew his love had to be written all over his face – and that was all right.

Pavel...

Pavel was not smiling back. His face was blank... shocked... panicked. He reached up to take Hikaru's hands...

... and silently pulled them away from his face.

_Wait. _

_No, dammit. Wait. This isn't... _

Hikaru froze, trying to process, trying to understand, trying to think of something to say.

Something besides "I love you."

That didn't seem to be what Pavel wanted to hear.

Pavel had gone white, and wouldn't meet Hikaru's eyes. He also looked as though he was trying to find something to say – and having no better luck.

A long moment of silence between them was broken only by the soft burble of the river running by, and a few birds starting to wake up with the rising sun.

_What the hell just happened? What did I do wrong? What do you __**want**__ from me?_ Hikaru's head was spinning; he thought he might throw up.

Then, without a word, Pavel rose to his feet, turned away...

… and ran.

Mechanically, Sulu reached down to tie his shoe. He rose then, and started to walk back to Babushka's house.

Without realizing, he broke into a jog, and eventually a sprint. He ran as fast as he could through the streets of Noginsk... but couldn't outrun his thoughts.

_You were wrong._

_Wrong, asshole. Wrong._

_He doesn't love you. He does NOT love you._

_You stupid fuck._

_What have you done? You've lost your best friend, because you just couldn't control yourself._

_Of course he doesn't love you._

He'd go back to Babushka's – _where else was there to go_? What would he say to her?

_Yeah, well, Natasha, you were wrong, too? He doesn't want anything to do with me?_

_Or how about, Oh, hey – I molested your great-grandson in a park. Cool, huh?_

Could he and Pavel possibly just let this go, pretend it never happened?

Or had he really just lost...

_Oh, God._

Had he lost everything?

...

...

...

_This isn't really happening,_ Pavel rationalized. _This is just another one of those dreams from last night. _

No. The dream never pulled his hair, or – _oh, God, that's amazing_ – bit his lip like that. This was real, and he was being passionately kissed by his best friend on the banks of the Klyazma.

_And the dreams were never this hot._

How had this happened? One minute, they'd been talking about what a fantastic week it had been – and it really had. The family had loved Hikaru even more than he'd hoped, and Hikaru loved Russia even more than Pavel could have expected.

_It was... just the best._

Then... then Hikaru gave him that look – that smile – the one that exploded like a fireball in his chest, and rendered him incapable of thinking of anything except that gorgeous mouth...

… and the next thing he knew, that gorgeous mouth was on his, doing things Pavel had only dreamed of. Then he was kissing Hikaru back, and he was utterly lost.

_It was so hot, and exciting, and..._

… _terrifying._

This was so much sensation, so much emotion, so much intensity – and it had happened all at once, with no warning. _It was just so much._

_It was too much_; Pavel felt himself starting to freak out a little.

He was out of control; his blood was pounding in his ears. He could hear ragged breathing – and couldn't even tell if it was his own.

_It was simply too much._

_You love him. You know it._

_I'm not ready!_

_You couldn't be kissing him like this if you didn't love him._

_I can't!_

_He wouldn't be kissing you like this if he didn't love you..._

_I **can't**!_

At that moment, Hikaru moved out of the kiss, and just... looked at him.

_And, my God, that look... such joy on his face, and – no doubt about it – so much **love **shining in those beautiful brown eyes. _

He was looking at Pavel as though he was the answer to his every prayer.

_But I'm not. I'm **not**. I'm not that person._

_You could be. You love him. _

_He loves you. **Look** at him._

_I'm not ready! _

_Well, then, what are you going to tell him? Because he's waiting..._

Pavel looked up, to see the unrestrained joy on Hikaru's face fading into puzzlement, shock... humiliation.

_What are you going to tell him?_ He reached up and pulled Hikaru's hands away from his hair and face.

Then he panicked – and ran.

He didn't look back; didn't want to. Didn't want to think about what had just happened, or what he had just done.

_Coward. You're a coward._

_That's your best friend you just left back there. You owe him an explanation._

_But I don't **have** an explanation!_

_Yeah you do. You're a coward._

Running almost always helped Pavel collect his thoughts – and even now, he felt himself getting a little calmer.

_This is bad, but not the end of the world,_ he reasoned. _I can tell Hikaru that I don't know yet how I feel about him._

_Liar._

_Shut up. I can tell him that I need more time to figure it out._

_You saw his face. Can you even **imagine** how you've made him feel?_

_We'll talk. He'll understand. Hikaru always understands._

Pavel ran twice the distance he usually covered in a morning run.

_It's giving me time to think._

_You're afraid to face Hikaru._

At last, he'd covered every running path in the immediate vicinity – and some that were pretty far afield. Turning onto Babushka's street, he made up his mind that they'd talk about it – maybe just a little – and then go ahead and make their planned trip into Moscow. It would be what they both needed to get their minds off of... yeah.

_Good luck to either of us with that one._

_But it'll be okay. This is Hikaru. He always understands; it'll be okay. _ Pavel went around to the back of Babushka's house, to come in through the kitchen door.

He knew immediately that something was terribly wrong. Babushka stood at the kitchen table, a note in her hand and a stricken look on her face. Had she been crying?

A potted rose plant sat on the table nearby.

"Pavel." Babushka's voice was quiet, intense, demanding. "What have you done?"

_It would not be okay. _

_Hikaru did not understand._

He was gone.

* * *

**A/N:** Okay. I will do my best to update the next one sooner than this -- no promises, though. Meanwhile -- a question and a goody for you. Question: Shall I do a one-shot (of the "missing scene" from this story variety) about Pasha's 18th b-day? I wouldn't do it instead of updating, I promise. But does that sound interesting?

And the goody: Several of you have asked me about Pavel's singing in the last chapter -- and for an idea of what I was thinking of, I'll send you to YouTube, and tell you to type in

"Valaam Choir, We Magnify Thee, Serbian Chant".

You're in for a treat, I promise.

As always, I love you for reviewing this story & adding it to alerts and favorites. If it weren't for you all and your support, this wouldn't be nearly as much fun.

P.S. "Воистину Воскресе" is the Russian phrase that Hikaru learns from Babushka in this chapter... it's part of the traditional Easter greeting, and means "Truly He is risen."


	11. Repercussions

**A/N: **Seriously – this chapter was really tough to write, and I am very concerned that I might have messed up now that we're back on board the _Enterprise_ and my characters aren't just Hikaru, Pavel, and figments of my imagination. If I've screwed up characterizations – and boy, writing Spock's dialog was BRUTAL – you should let me know. Be nice, please – but let me know. (I do know that Spock is a little -- OK, maybe a lot -- out of character in this piece, but he needs to be in order for the story to do what I want it to do. Hopefully it's not TOO bad.)

* * *

**Starfleet Communication – Official**

**To:** LCM Hikaru Sulu

**From:** CAPT James T. Kirk

**Transmission date: **2260.113, 20:27 PST

Sulu –

Hope you've had a relaxing time on-planet, and that the

Boy Wonder hasn't run you into the ground.

Thought you'd be interested to know that we'll be taking on

two Deltan crew members from the science ship _Susan _

_Constant_ to meet up with their ship in Beta Quadrant, and

they've been working on some science that is right up your alley.

They've been at the Academy for the past couple of months

following up on your initial research with the plant life that

tried to kill you and Chekov on Deneva. It seems they've

made some connections between the genetic makeup of the

specimens you collected there and some plant life that was

originally native to Delta IV – though, from what LT Shull and

ENS Jumia tell me, this particular species of plant is now extinct

on their home world. Shull and Jumia are both anxious to meet

you and talk botany with the famous "Dr. Sulu." (I keep forgetting

you're a PhD as well as a Lieutenant Commander – I hope you don't

get offended, LOL.) I know you'll want to talk to them as well.

If all goes according to plan, the three of you may even be

able to go back down onto Deneva and do some follow-up research

before we rendezvous with the _Constant_. I'll keep you posted,

of course.

See you in a couple of days.

Kirk

Hikaru re-read the text message on his communicator – again – before replacing the device in his pocket and settling back into his seat on the trans-con shuttle from Moscow to San Francisco.

He'd never been so grateful for a transmission from Kirk – _hell, from anyone _– in his entire life. It meant, among other things, that he could leave a note for Natasha that wasn't a lie – or, at least, not a complete lie.

"There have been unexpected developments with my botanical research, and I've been called back to the _Enterprise_ a little early." Not exactly true – but certainly less embarrassing than the real story.

_Natasha. _ Would she believe him? Probably not; she was way too perceptive. Besides, she'd said so herself – Pavel tells her everything. So it wouldn't be long before she knew the truth – about how he'd thrown himself at Pavel like a fool, and freaked the poor kid out so badly that he'd felt he had no choice but to actually physically run away from him.

_God – how could I have been so **stupid**?_

For at least the hundredth time in the few hours that had passed since their disastrous last encounter, Hikaru thought back on the kiss he'd shared with Pavel – and how passionately Pavel had returned that kiss, how unbelievably _right_ it had felt, before everything had gone so totally...

_How could I have gotten this all so **wrong**? I thought I knew him; I thought for sure..._

_...not that it matters now. Now it's over. Any of it – all of it – it's just... over._

_All because of you, asshole._

He couldn't help wondering, though; would Natasha think less of him for how he'd... God, how he'd ruined _absolutely everything_ with Pavel? Because, truth be told, she'd obviously been just as wrong as he had about the whole situation.

"I could not be happier that he has found someone as wonderful as you to love," she'd said.

_Yeah... not so much, Natasha._

_That doesn't matter, either – you'll never see her again. Or Svetlana, or Andrei, or Grandmama, or any of the people you'd started thinking of as a second family._

_Second family? Who are you kidding? You never had a first one._

_Fair enough. So... now you don't have any at all. Or a best friend, either._

_You fucked yourself over pretty well, Sulu. Congratulations._

_Stop it, stop it, stop it – **right now**. _Sulu drew in a deep, sharp breath, fighting the crushing feeling of panic rising in his chest – and the humiliating urge to cry like a little kid. _There is no way you're going to let yourself fall apart – not here, at least; not now._

_Think about something else. _

_Okay – **try **to think about something else._

So...

Well, it honestly _was_ exciting news about the development these Deltans seemed to have discovered; it would be interesting to get back to the _Enterprise_ and find out more about it. It had been a while since he'd really spent a lot of time talking to other scientists; the idea of it wasn't nearly as appealing as it would have been earlier in his career – but it was a damn sight better than any of the other alternatives he could think of just now.

Not so long ago, his research and his studies used to be all-consuming for Dr. Hikaru Sulu – who at 21 had become the youngest PhD in the records of Starfleet Academy, and who now was sure as hell the only helmsman in the fleet with a doctorate in science.

But that feeling of utter absorption with his science had fallen completely away when he'd finally given in to his lifelong urge to fly...

...which he'd never have had the guts to do without Pavel's encouragement.

_Pavel always knew what I really wanted... _

Hell, by the time he'd had to defend his dissertation, it almost hadn't even mattered to him anymore; he'd known by then that his place was in space – not in some laboratory somewhere.

Now, he could only pray that he could find a way to lose himself in his studies again – at least for a little while. Otherwise, he would be living his life for the foreseeable future with the physical sensation of having a hole ripped through his chest.

...

* * *

...

"Sulu! What are you doing back already? Hell, when I sent you that transmission I didn't mean you should head back right this minute!"

Jim Kirk paused for a long moment, looking at his helmsman and trying to decide exactly what was... well, _off_. Over the past two years, he and his bridge crew had become an extraordinarily tightly-knit unit – and they'd all become remarkably close, personally as well as professionally.

And here was Sulu – irrepressible Sulu, who was constantly organizing events like a ship-wide Karaoke Night and a Hula Hoop marathon – who was always on Jim's ass to spar with him in whatever new martial art they'd picked up on their last mission – who was never without a smile for everyone, and a quick, ready laugh...

...and this subdued man who had just stepped off the turbolift and stood here before him – traveling bag in hand and a tiny evergreen plant tucked under his arm – was not the Sulu he knew.

"Shit, Sulu – what happened...?" With the tone Jim used, it almost wasn't a question. Which was probably for the best, because it wasn't going to be getting an answer, from the looks of things.

"Nothing happened, Captain. I'm just back – okay?" He paused. "Sir."

Then it hit Jim in a flash; _Sulu_ was back.

_Chekov_ was not.

_Oh, man,_ Jim thought, _something hit the fan in Russia – and hit it hard. _

Honestly, everybody on the bridge had figured out a long time ago that Sulu and Chekov were crazy about each other – or at least, everyone but Sulu and Chekov seemed to have reached that conclusion.

_Guess they finally figured it out..._

_Yeah. Or not._

Whatever had happened, it only took one look at Sulu's face to tell Jim that it wasn't a topic they were going to be pursuing anytime soon, if ever.

_It's part of the Guy Code – we just do __**not**__ ask each other "relationship questions."_

But God – though he was obviously trying hard to act normally, Sulu looked... shattered.

_Well... Nyota's not a guy. When she gets back on board, I'll get **her** to ask him the relationship questions._

"So, Captain..." _Maybe he'll spill what's going on after all..._

"For this mission, I'd like to request temporary reassignment to the Botany lab – if that's all right."

_What?_

"Reassignment? To the lab?" _Oh, good, Jim – you'd have a great future as a parrot._

"With your permission, yes, sir. I think it would be good if I was able to spend time with the Deltan scientists for the next few weeks without having to split my time between the lab and the bridge."

Nothing much Jim could say to argue with that logic – though he'd bet the farm that Sulu's actions were a lot more motivated by personal factors than pure scientific interest.

"Well, Mr. Sulu – I have no objections, as long as we're both clear this is a very _temporary_ reassignment." Kirk paused for a moment. "Of course, we'll have to run this by Spock, just as a matter of form, since he's Science Officer and all."

"Captain?" The Science Officer himself had just turned a corner into the corridor. "What is it that you need to 'run by' me?" He turned to nod at Sulu. "Lieutenant Commander Sulu. I did not anticipate your arrival on board for a minimum of another 38 hours. I trust you had an enjoyable time on-planet."

Kirk butted in before Sulu felt obliged to spout some line of bull about his week in Russia; honestly, the guy looked terrible.

"Sulu here is requesting to be temporarily reassigned to the Botany lab for this mission – he figures that he could work well with the Deltan scientists on this research their doing about the connection between the killer plants on Deneva and the species they've found from Delta IV."

Spock nodded, almost approvingly. "Such a reassignment – albeit only a temporary one – would be eminently logical, Captain. After all, the original research on the Denevan plant... anomaly, I suppose one could call it – was in fact done by Dr. Sulu, and he is widely acknowledged as a leading authority in the field of xenobotany, even at this early stage of his career."

"Thanks, Commander." Not that he'd expected Spock to refuse his request, but it was gratifying to Sulu that Spock held him in such high regard as a scientist. "So, would it be all right if I reported directly to the Science station?"

"Certainly; I will go there now and inform Lieutenant Shull and Ensign Jumia that you will be joining them in their research. They will, I am certain, be highly gratified to have your assistance." Spock turned neatly and went back in the direction from which he'd come, and left Kirk and Sulu standing alone in the corridor with an uncomfortable silence between them.

"So... okay. Well, thanks, Captain. I... guess I'll stow my gear and head on up to the lab."

"Sure, Sulu." That was Kirk's cue to walk away.

He couldn't, though – not yet. Yeah, there was absolutely the Guy Code to consider. But, with the exception of Spock and Bones, Jim probably felt closer to Sulu than any other member of his crew. They'd formed a special bond early on when they'd risked their lives for one another just before the destruction of Vulcan – and Kirk had long since realized that they were kindred spirits who enjoyed and actively cultivated their reputations of being bad-ass motherfuckers when it came to fighting. _Which, of course, they both were,_ Jim considered. They both adored their jobs, and were fiercely loyal to their fellow crew members.

But the captain also suspected that his helmsman was probably as big of an emotional mess just below the surface as he was himself; if it weren't for the steadfast friendship of Spock and Bones – and their consistent refusal to let Jim keep his own feelings bottled up – he knew he'd have been seriously screwed on more than one occasion.

And usually, Sulu had Chekov to talk to and bounce things off of. But right now it was pretty obvious that Sulu, for whatever reason, did _not_ have Chekov. So...

"Look, Sulu... ah, dammit, Hikaru..." Jim ran his hand distractedly through his hair, at a loss for words. "If you want to... oh, hell, I don't know... _talk_ or something..."

"Captain... Jim. Seriously, thanks. Really. But..." Sulu found himself having to draw in that sharp, deep breath again. _Hold it together in front of Kirk, for Christ's sake. _ "Honestly, Jim – not that I don't appreciate it, 'cause I do. Really. It's just... I don't think I could handle anybody's sympathy right now."

_So... that's how it was. _ "Sure, Sulu." Jim clapped him somewhat awkwardly on the shoulder. "But hey – offer stands, right?"

"Right. Thanks, Captain." With a brief nod, Hikaru turned and headed down the corridor to his own quarters.

_Things are going to get weird here,_ Jim mused.

...

* * *

...

On one hand, there was not much reason to stick around Noginsk.

The house was much, much too quiet with just Pavel and Babushka – especially since neither of them really had a great deal to say.

Pavel had indeed told Babushka all about his morning run with Hikaru – how he'd felt, what he'd done... everything. Somehow, it sounded so much _worse _when he said it all aloud as opposed to just thinking it through.

_It sounds like I acted like a scared kid._

Babushka had listened quietly, and had passed no judgment one way or the other after Pavel was done speaking. She typically chose not to pass judgment, which was one of the many things Pavel loved about her – but usually, just the way she _listened_ helped him come to his own conclusions about any thorny issue he'd choose to discuss with her.

On this day, Babushka had no rejoinder, no questions, no response of any kind to Pavel's story – she just came to him and put her arms around him for a long, silent minute. She hadn't said she was disappointed in him – she never would. But she didn't need to.

On the other hand, there was not much reason to go back to San Francisco early, either.

It was, of course, just a matter of time before he'd have to talk to Hikaru – but the more time that went by, the worse the anticipation became. Worst of all, Pavel still had no idea what he would say to Hikaru when he did see him – and he'd never, ever been in that position before.

No matter who else had made him feel uncomfortable – or too young, or too smart, or too weird, or too _anything_ – Pavel had always been able to talk to Hikaru about everything, all the time.

But now...

_When I get back on board the Enterprise, I'll figure it out. If nothing else, we work right next to each other – it's not as though the opportunity won't come up..._

But would he ever be able to look at Hikaru's face again without remembering how he'd looked the last time Pavel had seen him? That amazing, beautiful smile – his lips still soft and just a bit swollen from that breathtaking kiss – that smile leaving his face, love and joy turning to shock and pain... all because of him.

_He'll never forgive me. And even if he does forgive, how can he forget?_

_You may very well have lost yourself your best friend, Chekov._

_And thrown away a chance at so much more. My God – Hikaru was offering you... and you threw it back in his face. You fucking **ran away **from him._

_Idiot._

So now, he had a choice: stay in Noginsk and be miserable thinking about facing Hikaru, or go back and be miserable actually doing it?

Finally, Pavel packed his bag and caught the morning trans-con shuttle from Moscow the following morning.

_Get it over with._

_..._

_

* * *

..._

Lieutenant Pavel Andreyevich Chekov arrived back on the _Enterprise_ toward the end of Alpha shift. Since that was usually the shift he and Hikaru both worked together – and since the silence from Hikaru's room adjoining his own indicated that he wasn't in his quarters – Chekov changed into his uniform and went up to the bridge.

He was actually a little relieved that the first time he'd see Hikaru again would be there on the bridge, in front of all their colleagues. It would give him a chance to at least say hello – without the ugly possibility of getting into more personal and private matters.

_Time for that later,_ he thought as the turbolift door swooshed open.

"Pavel! Hey!" Lieutenant Uhura was already on the lift, and greeted him with a quick hug and a peck on the cheek. "You headed up to the bridge, too?"

"_Da,_ Nyota." He'd forgotten one important thing about being on the _Enterprise_; there really were a lot of awesome people there, and it would be great to get back to working with them. "Did you have an enjoyable time on-planet? Did you get the chance to go visit your grandmother in Kenya?"

"Yeah, Pavel – I did get to go visit the family in Africa, though it wasn't exactly what I'd call enjoyable. Grandma was ill last time I saw her, and she's... well, she's declined a lot since then. She wasn't always sure whether I was me or my mother – and that was kind of sad." She shook her head briskly, making her long, sleek ponytail swish back and forth. "But after all, that's a part of life, like it or not. At least we got some photos together, so that she'll be able to look back at them during the times when she knows what's going on – and I got a chance to hug her and tell her I love her."

She graced him with a sweet smile. "But that's all kind of depressing, isn't it? So tell me, how was Russia with Hikaru? Did you two have a fantastic time? Did that little translation gadget work out for him?"

Pavel took a deep breath, not sure how to answer those questions. Nyota was his dear friend, but there was a limit just now as to how much he really wanted to say – especially since this wasn't only his story to tell, but Hikaru's as well.

"The gadget worked out beautifully, Nyota – even during a family dinner when everybody was talking like crazy. Hikaru used it a lot." There. He could answer that one – and if Nyota was now considering him closely with an unspoken question in her eyes, that was her problem. He didn't have anything else to say.

Mercifully, the conversation was cut short then as the lift arrived at the bridge.

"Uhura! Chekov! Welcome back, both of you!" Captain Kirk sounded genuinely thrilled to have his crew returning to the ship.

"Keptin." Chekov nodded to him. "Commander Spock." He nodded again to the first officer. Then he started to turn toward the helm to casually greet Hikaru.

Except it wasn't Hikaru sitting there; Ensign Hannity had the helm.

Pavel noticed that the captain was watching him with much the same expression he'd seen on Uhura's face not long ago.

"Where's Sulu, Captain?" Uhura asked the question that Pavel didn't have the nerve to ask. Hikaru _had _come back to the ship, hadn't he?

Spock answered them both. "For the duration of this particular mission, Lieutenant Commander Sulu will be acting as the ranking officer in the Science station. Two Deltan scientists working at Starfleet in San Francisco have made significant progress in the research that was initiated by Dr. Sulu regarding the plant life our away team encountered on the planet Deneva earlier this year. We will be returning the Deltan scientists to their ship – the _Susan Constant_ – near Deneva, and the research team hopes to return to the planet so as to gather further information. Therefore, the lieutenant commander has requested the temporary reassignment of duty, and it was logical to grant his request."

Pavel's thoughts were swirling. With these new developments, it _did_ make sense for Hikaru to spend more time in the lab – but he couldn't help thinking that he'd requested the transfer to avoid him.

_After all, he could easily think that I don't want to see him now. And he might not want to see me, either. _

Now, who knew when – and under what circumstances – he'd be able to talk to Hikaru? This was unexpected – and awful. And now he saw that everyone on the bridge – even Spock – was looking at him as if to measure his response to Hikaru's unanticipated absence.

He'd forgotten the flip side of having all these awesome people with him here on the _Enterprise_; they had an alarming tendency to want to know all about your life – whether you wanted to give them the details or not.

_It is none of your business! Leave me the hell alone! _

That would have felt great to shout at all of them – but Pavel had, at least for the time being, enough self-control to keep those thoughts to himself. Now, he just had to get off the bridge and away from the prying eyes of his colleagues.

But before he did so, he had one more important thing to do – and this one couldn't wait. Fighting down the bubble of panic rising in his chest, he approached Commander Spock.

"Commander," Pavel said quietly, willing his voice not to shake, "when you are off-duty, I need to speak to you priwately on a matter of... of some importance."

Spock regarded him with an eyebrow just barely raised – an expression that those closest to him would recognize as surprise and curiosity. "Certainly, Lieutenant Chekov. I will be at liberty after the end of this shift. If you wish to report to my quarters after dinner – say, at 1900 hours, I will be free to speak with you."

"_Da_, Commander – I will see you at your quarters at 1900 hours. Thank you." Chekov turned then and returned to the turbolift without another word, leaving a silent bridge in his wake.

"What happened? What do you know?" Uhura, hands on her hips, looked suspiciously back and forth between Kirk and Spock. "What is the **matter** with him?"

"Lieutenant Uhura," Spock replied calmly, "I assure you that I am not aware of anything in particular that would be amiss with Lieutenant Chekov – though I tend to agree with your assessment that he does seem to be unusually perturbed."

"It's Sulu – I'd bet on it. Something happened between them in Russia." Uhura was becoming increasingly agitated as she went on. "I'd have never thought that Hikaru would... but he obviously..." Her hands clenched into fists at her sides. "How could he hurt Pavel? I'm going to kill him!"

"Uhura." The captain's voice was quiet, serious. "Wait."

"But you saw him! He's -"

"I'm just saying you need to wait before you decide you're going to go kill anybody."

"Indeed, Nyota," Spock rejoined, moving closer to her and speaking more quietly, "It would be beneficial if you would reserve judgment for the time being before you... have a discussion with Lieutenant Commander Sulu."

She glared at Jim. "Like I said. What do you know? Why do you think I need to wait?"

"Well, I suspect you're right, and that something probably did happen between them in Russia. But," he shook his head slightly, "you haven't seen Sulu yet. He wouldn't tell me much, but..."

Nyota's fists unclenched, and she took a step closer to Kirk. "He's worse off than Pavel, Captain?"

"Well, I'm a guy – so I'm kind of 'relationship-impaired' – and little emotional nuances are lost on me a lot of the time. But I think I do know my crew pretty well, and, yeah – I'd say he's worse off than Chekov."

_Time to send in the away team for a reconnaissance mission,_ Jim thought.

"Nyota... you're friends with both of them, I know – and you know how to ask the right questions about stuff like this. So, will you talk to Sulu, and let me know if there's anything I should – you know – worry about?"

"Of course, sir."

_Of __**course**__ she'll say 'of course, sir.' I've just officially asked her to do what she was dying to do anyway. Nice job, Kirk._

_..._

_

* * *

_

...

It was nearly 1900 hours, and Chekov had been pacing back and forth in his own quarters for well over an hour. The thought of dinner turned his stomach – and the thought of facing more questions from his crew mates was equally unappealing – so he chose not to venture to the mess along with the people with whom he usually shared meals. He'd been tempted – briefly – to go to the Botany lab and see if he could find Hikaru, but he quickly thought better of it.

_Talk to Hikaru later. Tonight, you have to talk to Spock. You promised._

How he was going to manage to say what he had to say, though, was beyond him. Pavel paced again.

"Computer? Time."

"Time is 1858," came the smooth, well-modulated computerized female voice.

Taking a deep breath, Pavel stood straighter. Then he picked up a small package from his desk, and left the room.

"Enter." Spock's door whooshed open nearly as soon as Chekov had sounded the call signal. The First Officer put away a PADD and rose from the chair at his desk to greet his visitor.

"Lieutenant Chekov. Please come in." Spock looked somewhat quizzically at Chekov, who was still hesitating in the doorway for quite some time after the door had opened. Finally, Pavel seemed to collect himself and entered the room.

Spock gestured to a chair. "Would you care to have a seat? Do you wish anything to drink?" Pavel's response to both queries was a silent, negative shake of the head.

Finally, he found his voice. "No, sir. Thank you."

A long silence followed, as Chekov stood, motionless, in the middle of Spock's quarters.

"Lieutenant?" The commander's voice held just the barest hint of impatience – or would have, if impatience could be qualified as a logical response. "I believe you mentioned that you had... a matter of some importance to discuss with me."

"_Da._ That is to say, yes. Yes, sir." The lieutenant drew in a deep breath, closing his eyes, and then continued.

"Commander Spock, I hope you will pardon me – but this is... wery difficult for me. I promised... well..." He drifted off, then shook his head once, determinedly. "Let me begin again, please."

Spock silently nodded his assent.

"Sir... I don't know how to say this, so I will just say it. I think you know, perhaps, that after I was unable to save your mother during the destruction of Wulcan, I felt … terrible."

Spock cut in quickly. "Lieutenant, I thought I had made it very clear to you on multiple occasions that neither I nor my father hold you in any way responsible for my mother's death – and that, in fact, the colonists on Vulcan II hold you in high regard for having saved so many members of the Vulcan High Council. After all this time has passed, I hope that you are still not feeling the misguided urge to apologize."

"No, sir. I do not." Chekov was clearly flustered. "I mean, truly, I do, sir, but since both you and your father have explained that you don't blame me for... well, if you don't blame me, I would be wrong to blame myself." He started to pace across Spock's quarters, talking now more to himself than the commander. "I do blame myself. I will always blame myself. But it is wrong and useless to keep thinking about it, because I can't fix it."

He turned resolutely to face the first officer. "But that is not why I have to talk to you tonight. Tonight I come to give you a message – and a gift – from my own mother." Willing his hand not to tremble, he held his small parcel out to Spock. "You should open it now," he explained, "so that I can tell you about what it is... and what it means."

Spock deftly removed the plain red paper from around the little package. Inside was a tiny portrait – no larger than the palm of his hand – of a smiling woman holding a baby. The style of the image was familiar to Spock from his earlier studies of Terran religious practices during his Academy days.

"Lieutenant, I believe this to be what Terran Christians of the sects known as Orthodox refer to as an icon – is that correct?"

Chekov was obviously relieved that Spock had at least some understanding of his gift. "Yes, sir. This particular icon is of – we call her the Theotokos, the Mother of God – and of the infant Jesus. It is," Chekov paused, taking a deep breath. "It is identical to the icon my mother gave me when I left home to come to Starfleet Academy."

He paused yet again; no matter how many times he'd try to rehearse the right words in his mind, over the past few days, Pavel found it nearly impossible to explain himself – to explain his mother – to this man who was regarding him so steadily, waiting for him to continue.

"My mother, she gave me this icon and said to me that whenever I looked at it, I should know and never forget that God is with me always, everywhere in the universe. She also told me to remember that no matter where I was, no matter where _she _was, her love would be with me. That I could never be so far away from her that her love could not find me."

Pavel swallowed hard. "Perhaps you will not understand, but all of my family has felt – and still feels – the loss of your mother... wery deeply, as a result of my – my own feelings after I... failed to rescue her when Wulcan was destroyed." There was no way to convey to Spock the crushing guilt he had felt at that time – and really no use in trying to explain it – not now. Nobody blamed him, after all, except himself.

He started to pace again. "Commander, my mother understands that your people do not believe in religion, or in a life after death in the way that we do. But she says to me that she knows your mother is – was – human, and she knows in her heart that your mother's love remains with you, even though it seems that she is lost to you. That... that love does not die, no matter what. She wished you to have the same icon she gave me, so that you could always remember this."

One more deep breath – _God, this was so hard._ "Most of all, Commander, my mother wished me to tell you that... that her love and her prayers are with you now as well, and that you should know when you look at this icon that she is thinking of you, ewery day."

Pavel had never thought of a good way to end this little speech; instead, he stood still now, awkwardly looking at the floor instead of at Commander Spock. "That was my mother's message to you, sir."

A long silence stretched out between the two men, and Pavel wondered if he should consider Spock's lack of response as a dismissal and simply leave.

"You are correct," Spock then said quietly, "that the Vulcan culture does not believe in a supreme and omnipotent being as do many Terran religions – nor do we give credence to the idea of an afterlife where the souls of those who die live on after their death. However," he said, closely examining the icon in his hand, "my own mother, while obviously not encouraged to practice any religious rituals in a Vulcan household, was still a very spiritual woman – and I have often suspected, though she never overtly told me so, that she also believed in the idea of life after death."

Silence again – though this one was less awkward, and more companionable, with both men lost in their own thoughts. "My mother Amanda," Spock said eventually, with tenderness in his voice, "was more capable of love than any being I have ever encountered. Perhaps it was because she was my mother, but her love was constant, and unconditional – and she always made sure that I knew this, even when she was denied the opportunity to overtly express her affection." He had not taken his eyes off the Mother and Child in his hand. "I think that if it could indeed be possible for love to endure forever, hers would do so."

Spock looked up at Chekov now, with an expression on his face that the navigator had never seen there before. "Of course, such a concept is totally illogical." Spock shook his head slowly, as if examining a brand-new idea. "However, I will admit that I... derive some... comfort from it, nonetheless."

"I also derive some comfort from my memories of my mother," Spock mused, almost more to himself than to Chekov. "At random intervals, I will be reminded of some of her tastes and preferences, or a situation will recall some of her words or actions. She had a sense of humor – which, obviously, is not a Vulcan characteristic – but she had a sense of adventure as well. She would have required such a personality trait in order to leave her home planet and bond with a mate from a culture so different from her own. She was, in her own way, a very brave and strong woman."

Spock looked carefully at the young navigator, who had gone through nearly as much agony as he himself had experienced at the loss of Amanda, and of Vulcan. Chekov had an astonishingly advanced mind – for a human – but also had a very human propensity for love and affection. Pavel Chekov, too, had a sense of humor, and a sense of adventure – and, by making the decision to travel light-years into space at an age when most people were still enjoying their adolescence – had demonstrated a great deal of bravery.

At that point, Spock rose, and Chekov realized that their discussion was indeed over.

"Commander?" Pavel stopped, and shrugged, shaking his head helplessly at his inability to find the right words. "Only... thank you, I suppose. Thank you for listening, and for being so understanding." He turned then to leave, but Spock's voice stopped him.

"Mr. Chekov." The commander still had that enigmatic expression on his face – and Pavel had no idea what, if anything, the half-Vulcan was feeling. "As I stated a moment ago, I have had frequent opportunities to reflect upon my mother, and upon her thoughts, beliefs, and values. I know, as humans would say, what she liked – what she valued. With that knowledge of her preferences, Mr. Chekov, I believe it is highly probable that..."

Pavel waited as Spock stopped completely for a moment. Consulting his eidetic memory, the first officer went back to his mental database of Terran languages. Then, in perfect Russian, he continued.

"... my mother would have loved you."


	12. In Which Things Get Weird

**A/N: **Thanks, kids, for being awesome and generally reassuring about that last chapter – I appreciated it enormously.

But speaking of aforementioned Chapter 11, I forgot to mention this when I published it: I actually got the idea for my Spock/Chekov scene from another author in this fine fandom, the esteemed Sandshrew777. You should absolutely go read his piece, "Second Position," which covers somewhat similar territory in a very different fashion. Seriously. Go read it – I'll wait. It's WAY shorter than any of my nonsense – since **some** people seem to actually be able to get a point across in fewer than two thousand words... ;-)

As always, I get all happy when I see that you've put this goofy story on alert or added it to your favorites – but I'm going to scold a little here and say that there are an astonishingly (at least to me) large number of you who have done one or both of those things and have yet to review! I'd really love to hear from you.

...

* * *

...

It was kind of amazing, Hikaru considered, that it had been so long since he'd actually set foot on the Science deck. At one time, there would have been no place he'd have rather been than hanging out with the extraterrestrial plant life, as well as the, well... unique people who found such things interesting. That had been a while back, however.

Time to see if Hikaru Sulu, botany geek extraordinaire, still existed somewhere under the surface...

"Lieutenant Shull, Ensign Jumia, permit me to introduce Lieutenant Commander Hikaru Sulu. As I reported to you previously, Mr. Sulu has requested and been granted a temporary reassignment to the Botany lab in order to help you with your research – and I have no doubt you will find a great deal to discuss."

The two Deltans bowed first to Spock, who promptly excused himself and left. Then they greeted Sulu similarly, smiling pleasantly at him. The male – Lieutenant Shull – spoke first.

"Dr. Sulu – I must tell you that Jumia and I were so excited to learn that we would actually have the opportunity to work with you personally on this project. You have no idea how helpful your notes and observations were for us as we did our research on Delta IV, and then on Earth – and we are exceedingly eager to show you our own findings."

Hikaru had never seen a Deltan in person, and they were … intriguing. Shull was a male, looking to be about his own age or perhaps a bit younger, and Jumia a startlingly young female; they were both humanoid in appearance, though Sulu always hesitated to refer to non-humans as "men" or "women" for fear of offending them. They looked pretty much like anyone else on the crew – well, any of the humans, that is – except for being completely without hair. Actually, they did both have eyebrows, now that he looked more closely – but that was about it. Their appearance, other than that, was unremarkable – and Hikaru was reasonably sure that the reason he found them both to be somewhat appealing was likely entirely chemical in nature.

He'd done a little homework about Deltans on his way back to the Enterprise from Russia, and was reminded about his studies about them at the Academy. Evidently, they were exponentially more sexually advanced as a species than humans, and as a result could actually drive a human insane if they engaged in sexual contact with them. (_Totally not worth it_, Hikaru had decided.) Therefore, Deltans who would be in close proximity with humans all took a temporary oath of celibacy in order to protect their more... backward colleagues. Even so, humans often found Deltans almost irresistibly attractive – and Sulu could see where that might be a problem for him as he worked with Shull and Jumia.

Except, somehow, now that he was faced with the physical reality of not one, but _two_ Deltans – up close and personal – it didn't really seem to be a problem at all.

_Well, yeah, they're appealing – they look like nice people, and they're certainly both attractive... but, well, nothing special or anything. _

_Huh – that's kinda interesting..._

"Lieutenant Shull, Ensign Jumia, it's a pleasure to meet you both." Reflexively, thoughtlessly, Sulu reached out and shook Shull's hand – then dropped it quickly when Shull immediately looked tense and uncomfortable. Even after two years in space and nearly four more at the Academy before that, he still tended to forget that a lot of species were not comfortable being touched.

"Lieutenant, I'm sorry," Hikaru apologized hastily and backed away a step. "I wasn't thinking."

"No harm done, Dr. Sulu," Shull hastened to reassure him. "It is just that... much like the Vulcans, we Deltans are touch telepaths, and so we hesitate to..."

"I... see." _Touch telepaths? Well, isn't that just fan-fucking-tastic. I've just met this guy, and I'll be working with him for weeks – and there's no telling what kind of messed-up shit he knows about me now._

One thing was for damn sure – he wouldn't be coming close enough to touch either of them again...

However, to Hikaru's great relief, Shull was immediately back to business – and Ensign Jumia was waiting with barely-suppressed eagerness to show him their work.

"Dr. Sulu," she began excitedly, moving forward with an impressive stack of PADDs balanced in her hands, "in the past few months, we have discovered some fascinating evidence to back up your initial hypothesis that the 'attack plants' on Deneva were a mutation of sorts of another previously existing type of plant life. Now, we have a couple of theories so far about what the original plant species could have been, and some anomalous factors on-planet might have triggered a mutation..."

...

* * *

...

Usually, Jim Kirk enjoyed being right. Really, _really _enjoyed it.

Not this time.

"I told you, Bones – I _told _you things were gonna get weird around here."

Dr. Leonard McCoy turned from his computer with a not-so-patient sigh. "Yes, Jim. Yes, you did. You said things were going to get weird. So... now what?"

"Well, hell, Bones – I thought maybe you'd have some ideas for me. As it stands, my helmsman hasn't set foot on the bridge in weeks because he's holed up on Science Deck, my navigator is obviously miserable, and the rest of my bridge crew is walking on eggshells all the time, trying to figure out some kind of way to handle a horrifically awkward situation between two of their closest friends that doesn't seem to have any end in sight."

Jim paused, running a hand distractedly through his hair. "Shit – this is worse than last year, when Spock and Uhura broke up; at least _they_ both acted like grownups – or at least they mostly did. But you see what it's like up on the bridge as well as I do, Bones – so what do _you_ think I should _do_?" Jim went on, interrupting McCoy before he could do more than draw a breath to respond. "No, no, wait – don't tell me. Dammit, you're a doctor, not a relationship expert."

Bones looked somewhat deflated. "Well... yeah." He glared at his best friend. "I'd have come up with a better one than that, though. Probably."

There was a long pause in the conversation before Bones asked, "So, have you asked Nyota to talk to 'em?"

"That was my very first thought. Chekov won't tell her anything, and Sulu..."

"Shit, has anybody even **seen** Sulu? Are we sure he's even actually on the ship?"

Jim laughed humorlessly. "That thought did cross my mind, but Spock assures me that he's here; he just pretty much never leaves the Botany lab except to go to sleep – and not any too often even for that. He's been working some weird-ass hours – usually gamma shift in the middle of the night – and tells Spock it's because most of the science staff can't work very effectively with the Deltans and that's when they can get the lab to themselves."

"So, what's wrong with the Deltans? They seemed nice enough when I met them – though I guess it _was_ only for a minute."

"C'mon, Bones – try to keep up. These are _Deltans_? Yes...?"

McCoy slapped his forehead. "And I call myself a doctor. It's the pheromones, right? The science staff has been... finding the Deltans overly attractive?"

"Got it in one, my friend. Yeah, Jumia and Shull have been on their best behavior and not intentionally... provoking any kind of response from any of our crew – but they've evidently been getting hit on pretty hard by some of the gang in science."

"That's gotta be uncomfortable for them, Jim – have you had to discipline any of our people?"

"No – it hasn't gotten to the point where there have really been any serious boundaries crossed, and the Deltans have been very adamant that we not punish our people for things the humans can't help. Evidently, the pheromones the Deltans put out are pretty strong, and most people have a hard time _not_ reacting to them."

"So, how's Sulu handling that, I wonder? Does he have some sort of natural immunity – or maybe superhuman resolve?"

"No idea, Bones. And since I haven't actually laid eyes on him since we left Earth three weeks ago, I haven't had the chance to ask him." He shook his head with another mirthless chuckle. "You may have heard tell of what LaFontaine in Operations is saying about that situation, though – have you?"

"What do _you_ think, Jim? I'm not exactly in the middle of the rumor mill." Bones leaned forward, trying to keep any hint of eagerness out of his voice. "So... what does LaFontaine say?"

"From what I hear, he's telling anybody who'll listen that Sulu is 'sticking his sword' in both of the Deltans up there in the lab. Evidently, he thinks that's pretty hysterical."

"LaFontaine is a prick. One of these times, Jim, he's gonna go too far – or say the wrong thing in front of the wrong person – and end up in here with his face busted open. And I might just end up giving him the wrong hypo... you know, one that would have him breaking out in a rash in – uncomfortable places – instead of a painkiller."

At that moment, a pretty young nurse stuck her head around Bones' slightly open office door. She was fairly new, and Jim couldn't remember her name – except that he seemed to recall that the name was bigger than she was. _She really is tiny..._

"Yes, Ensign Papagiannopoulos?"

_Chrysoula Papagiannopoulos. That's it._

"Umm... Dr. McCoy... well..." Oddly, her big brown eyes seemed to be twinkling with barely-suppressed amusement.

"Spit it out, Ensign – what can I do for you?"

"Not for me, Doctor – it's Yeoman LaFontaine. Seems that he's had... an accident of some sort. He, um, ran into something..."

_Did she just try not to __**giggle**__? _ Now Jim was really intrigued.

But she was continuing now. "... and I suspect his nose is broken. Are you free, Doctor, to come and check him out?"

"An _accident_, Ensign?" Bones looked dubious, before rolling his eyes at Jim. "Seriously, did I not just this very second _tell _you something like this was gonna happen?" He sighed gustily. "So, Papagiannopoulos... what, exactly, did our friend LaFontaine _run into_?"

Now the little ensign was looking nervously at Jim, as though she didn't want to say anything else in front of him – and that was definitely pretty odd.

He gave her his best official "I'm the captain here, so get on with it" look. "I'll admit to some curiosity here as well, Ensign – what seems to be the nature of Yeoman LaFontaine's... accident?"

The look must have been pretty effective, because she straightened up, stood at attention, and – seriously – _squeaked _before answering him.

_Really? I make them **squeak** now? That's new._

"Well, Captain... apparently, Yeoman LaFontaine ran into... Lieutenant Chekov's fist... sir."

Jim swiveled in his chair to meet the eyes of his Chief Medical Officer with a gusty sigh. "Shit, Bones – I _told_ you things were gonna get weird around here."

...

* * *

...

An hour or so later, Chekov had been patched up by Dr. McCoy – turned out that LaFontaine's nose had put up at least some kind of resistance, and had broken one of the metacarpal bones in Pavel's right hand – and the young navigator now sat nervously in the captain's office, awaiting judgment.

"So, Lieutenant – assault on a crew member. That's punishable by time in the brig, you know. Wanna tell me about what brought on this... incident?"

Chekov paled, but continued to look straight ahead. "No, sir. I don't."

_Whoa – that might have been as close to insubordination as the kid had come in his entire life._ Jim was a little impressed in spite of himself. "Really? Well, let's rephrase a little bit, then." He put on his best "captain voice", and resumed. "Tell me – _now_ – what made you feel the need to break Yeoman LaFontaine's nose."

Pavel might be in a rebellious frame of mind, but he'd never disobey a direct order. He paused uncomfortably, then sighed before replying. "Well, Keptin, sir – LaFontaine was saying..." He trailed off miserably before trying to resume again. "He was spreading wicious rumors about..."

"...I know. About Sulu and the Deltans. Is that where you were going with that?" It was clear by Chekov's shocked eyes and sudden intake of breath that, in fact, that was _exactly_ where he was going with that.

"You knew this already, sir?" The look that went along with that question had more than a hint of _"so – then why were you asking me, asshole?" _ Jim couldn't make up his mind whether or not he liked this new, ballsy side of Chekov – but he kind of thought he did.

_At least in small doses – though if he pulls much more of this crap, I may have to kick his ass myself._

"Yeah. Yeah, Chekov, I knew. And, honestly, I'm not all that shocked that LaFontaine had his face rearranged – but I _am_ shocked that you, of all people, were involved in the whole situation. I mean, it's not as though..." He paused awkwardly, his words trailing off.

_Well, crap._ _So, Kirk – how do intend to finish that sentence without moving entirely out of the realm of anything even __**approaching**__ professionalism? 'It's not as though you and Sulu are together?' No – that is __**not**__ gonna fly._

"... Well, I'd have just been more inclined to think that if Sulu had a problem with LaFontaine's bullshit, he would have taken care of it himself, I suppose." _Yeah –_ _that was a decent save._

And Chekov had no response to that at all, but continued to stare straight ahead in resolute silence.

"So, Lieutenant? Do you have anything to say for yourself before we talk about consequences for your actions?"

Pavel's voice was quiet, and nearly expressionless. "Well, sir... I know this was conduct not becoming to Starfleet officer. Probably it was a mistake." Chekov was obviously trying for a tone of contrition, but then something flared suddenly in his eyes and he glared at an indeterminate spot on Kirk's wall. "But Keptin – I am lying to you if I say I would not do it again. LaFontaine had it coming – and I teach him to keep his mouth shut. It is... it is what a friend does, sir."

Kirk paused, looking long and hard at his navigator before responding. "Chekov, you put it that way and I have a hard time disagreeing with you. And I can't say as I blame you, really – I don't pretend to have any idea what the hell is going on with you and Sulu, but I know you two were... are... were... ah, hell, _whatever_ – best friends."

_How to discipline the kid when he broke the rules – but you know he was __**right**__?_

"So, Keptin..." Chekov's brave front was starting to crumble a little around the edges. "What will you do with me now?"

"Lieutenant – do I have your word as an officer that you'll avoid further physical altercations, regardless of how badly you're provoked?"

"_Da_ – yes, Keptin. You have my word."

"Well, then – that's enough for me. You're free to go." Jim hid a smile at the look of shocked relief on the face of his navigator, and watched quietly as Chekov stood to leave.

Finally, though, he couldn't help himself. "Chekov."

Pavel started slightly, and turned in the doorway. "Yes, Keptin?" The look on his face was so clearly _"oh, shit – has he changed his mind?"_ that Kirk almost laughed.

"Chekov... Pavel." He looked seriously at the young lieutenant. "This probably isn't any of my business, but – you said a minute ago that you punched LaFontaine because 'it is what a friend does.' Have you even _talked_ to Sulu in the past three weeks? 'Cause honestly, Chekov – that's what a friend does, too."

Silence – and Chekov stared fixedly at a point past Kirk's shoulder.

_You're damn well right,_ Pavel was thinking. _It__** isn't**__ any of your business._

"...Is that all, Keptin?" His tone was clipped, professional, respectful – but just barely.

Jim sighed. Dammit, he was a captain, not a relationship expert.

"Yes, Lieutenant. Dismissed."

As the door whooshed shut behind him, Pavel drew a deep, shuddering breath as all of the emotions of the past few hours caught up with him. The blind rage that caused him to plant his fist in the middle of LaFontaine's smug face – then the dread of what consequences would follow his thoughtless action, and finally the overwhelming relief of knowing that – astonishingly – the Captain would not be giving him any punishment other than a slightly stern talking-to.

He deserved more than that, he knew – assault on a fellow crew member was, as it should be, a punishable offense. But Pavel had been able to read on Captain Kirk's face that he didn't really think he'd been wrong to punch LaFontaine – or that, at least, he'd deserved some kind of payback for the rumors he'd been spreading about Hikaru.

The hot rage began to tighten in his chest again – _how dare that bastard say such things about anyone, much less a wonderful person like Hikaru Sulu, who had never done anything – __**anything**__ – to provoke him?_

_Shit._

_You know you lost any right to be protective of Hikaru when you... yeah._

Pavel pounded the wall – hard – with his undamaged left hand. And yes, it hurt – but this time, he was pretty sure he hadn't broken anything. Still, he was mad.

Angry.

_Furious._

With LaFontaine for being an asshole.

With Kirk for sticking his nose in where it didn't belong between him and Hikaru.

With himself for...

_For everything. For being a bigger asshole than LaFontaine. Seriously._

Right now, he was furious with Hikaru for just fucking _disappearing_, and never being anywhere, ever, where Pavel could get him alone and talk to him. Because after three weeks of being without him, Pavel finally knew, without question or hesitation, just exactly what he'd say to Hikaru – if he could ever get the chance...

He hadn't gone this long without seeing Hikaru since the summer after his first year at the Academy – and it was awful.

Terrible.

And he didn't know _what_ to do about it.

He went back to his quarters, kicking off his shoes and flopping fully-dressed on top of his bed. Then he did what he always did these days – nearly obsessively, every chance he got.

"Computer, locate Lieutenant Commander Sulu."

The cool, disembodied voice responded promptly. "Lieutenant Commander Hikaru Sulu is in his quarters."

_Well, of course he is_. According to Pavel's calculations, Hikaru's scheduled shift had ended almost fourteen hours ago – though he'd still been in the lab the last time Pavel had checked, four hours previously. (_God, I really __**am**__ getting kind of creepy, the way I'm keeping tabs on Hikaru._) He'd no doubt be heading back up to the lab in just a few more hours – after all, Hikaru barely ever seemed to leave the Science Deck at all – but he must surely be sound asleep right now.

And of course, Pavel could think of just exactly what that would look like. Unbidden, his mind went back to Pascha morning in Noginsk – _dear Lord, had that really been nearly a month ago?_ – when he'd walked into Hikaru's room to drag him out for their morning run. Instead, Pavel had found himself unable to disturb his friend as he lay so peacefully curled into his pillow, smiling just a bit, endearingly, in his sleep. Pavel had lost track of time as he stood there entranced, watching the gentle rise and fall of Hikaru's chest under the blankets, and feeling something warm blossoming under his ribs as he marveled at the way the early-morning sunlight through the window caressed his friend's dark hair and golden skin.

_Fuck._ Even now, even with all that had come between them, Pavel wanted – just plain _wanted_ – Hikaru so badly that it sometimes felt like he was going to burn up and die of it.

Now Hikaru was _right there_ – and Pavel knew it – on the other side of their two bathroom doors. Nothing was stopping him from going in there, pounding on Hikaru's door – waking him up if he had to – and saying, "Look, I was an idiot – worse than an idiot. Of course I'm in love with you – I love you so much I can't see straight – I miss you so much I can barely function. All I know – all I can think of – is that I don't want a life without you. Forgive me – just forgive me, if you can, and we'll start all over again, any way you want to."

_Damn it all, anyway... Do it, Chekov._ Before he lost his nerve, Pavel jumped to his feet and padded silently into their shared bathroom. He couldn't help noticing that since their return from Russia, even Hikaru's shampoo and shaving kit were gone; the bathroom was completely devoid of anything that would indicate anyone but Pavel used it.

He knew the door on Hikaru's side was closed – locked – and he paused before raising his left fist to pound on it and awaken his friend. Neither of them ever used to keep their doors shut at night unless they were actually using the bathroom – Pavel had always been able to sleep better when he could hear Hikaru nearby, and although they didn't discuss it, he knew that Hikaru had continued to keep close tabs on him to make sure that the nightmares didn't come back. But since Russia, the door had stayed shut. At first, Pavel had – hopefully – left his door open when he went to sleep at night... only to find it closed again in the morning. After the first couple of nights, he'd gotten the idea.

_Face it, Chekov. _ _Hikaru wants nothing more to do with you – and he's making that pretty obvious._

_God, that can't be true. Hikaru is not like that; if he really loved me, he wouldn't just stop... would he?_

_You hurt him too much, Chekov – maybe he could still love you, but he can't trust you... and you can't blame him. You just can't._

And of _course _Hikaru wasn't having physical relations with the Deltan scientists – even that idiot LaFontaine had to know that wasn't the case – but he _was_ certainly spending every waking hour working with them both. (Pavel knew this to be true because he frequently checked on their locations, too –_ if you're going to be a creepy stalker, _he reasoned, _might as well go all the way...)_ They had their research and no doubt many other interests in common; perhaps he'd found a friendship with the Deltans that had filled the empty spot where Pavel had once been.

_You're the one who pushed him away; you have no right to be jealous._

Chekov's hand dropped back to his side, and he retreated to his own quarters...

...While in the silence of the next room, a voice spoke into the darkness:

"Computer, locate Lieutenant Chekov."

"Lieutenant Pavel Chekov is in his quarters."

For a long moment, Sulu lay perfectly still in his narrow bed; Pavel had only returned to his quarters within the past hour. Before that, Hikaru knew, he'd been in Sickbay – he hoped Pavel was all right – and then in the Captain's office.

_God, I really __**am**__ getting kind of creepy, the way I'm keeping tabs on Pavel..._

Right this very minute, nothing was keeping him from getting up and walking into Pavel's quarters – he was pretty sure that he still wasn't locking the bathroom door – and saying, "Look, I'm sorry. What I did was completely inappropriate, and I should never have done it. But I miss you, and I really want my best friend back – so if you can forgive me, maybe we can start again somehow."

He'd figured out pretty quickly that the love he'd dreamed of sharing with Pavel had been only that – a dream – but damn, he missed having a best friend. Yeah, he was getting along just fine with the other botanists up on the Science Deck – Shull and Jumia were easygoing, pleasant, and smart as hell, and most of the regular _Enterprise_ science crew looked upon him – the ship's pilot as well as a recognized expert in his scientific field – as some kind of rock star, and treated him accordingly.

He enjoyed the scientists' company – to an extent – but nothing he shared with any of them could even remotely compare to the easy camaraderie, the acceptance, the comfort, the sheer _joy_ that he had always found in Pavel's presence without even thinking about it. His friendship with Pavel over the years had, Hikaru realized, come to be a part of who he was in ways he'd never thought possible – and the thought of just letting that go...

There had to be some way, somehow, to pick up the pieces of that friendship and start again.

But Hikaru had never lost the mental image of the look of blind panic on Pavel's face on that last morning in Noginsk; he had seriously, seriously misinterpreted –_ hell, pretty much everything_ – and fucked things up badly enough between the two of them that Pavel probably was still scared of him... and Hikaru couldn't blame him. It was still too soon to hope for Pavel to forgive him...

Sulu rolled over in bed with a sigh, wondering if he was ever going to get a real night's sleep again.

...

* * *

...

Kirk stood up from his desk, having finished the last of the mandatory paperwork dealing with the altercation between Chekov and LaFontaine. On one hand, he was oddly gratified – LaFontaine truly _was_ a prick, and his particular brand of bullshit was also really bad for morale aboard the _Enterprise_. The bastard honestly deserved to have his nose broken – and if it caused him some extra embarrassment that he got smacked down by a teenager who wasn't much more than half his size, then so much the better.

Moreover, since the yeoman had already been called up for disciplinary action two times previously in the past year for malicious gossip and general shit-disturbance (though there wasn't actually a mention of those precise words in any of his disciplinary code manuals), this was the "three strikes and you're out" moment the Captain had been waiting for. When they got to Starbase 6 in a few days, LaFontaine would be disembarking and finding alternative employment – and Jim doubted that he'd be missed much by anybody on the _Enterprise_.

On the other hand...

Not in his wildest imaginings would Kirk have thought that _Pavel Chekov_, of all people, would have ended up on the receiving end of one of his disciplinary lectures for putting his fist into another crew member's face.

Yeah, it made some sort of convoluted sense to him that Chekov thought he was defending Sulu's honor – though honestly, that kind of response struck Jim as being much more characteristic of his Sulu himself (who always seemed to be sort of a musketeer at heart, and prone to that kind of chivalrous stuff) than of his hyper-intellectual child prodigy of a navigator.

And that wasn't the only uncharacteristic thing that Chekov had been doing. Usually, the kid was talking at warp speed, pretty much all the time – though most of the gang on the bridge had long since taken to pretending to listen while secretly ignoring him, unless he suddenly got that "oh crap, something's coming to blow us up" tone to his voice.

But now? Now he only spoke when spoken to first – and though he was never less than competent at his job (he was a better navigator than most people who'd been doing the same job since before Pavel was even _alive_), he didn't really seem to have his attention fully on his work. He certainly didn't throw himself into his daily tasks with the wholehearted enthusiasm and joy that he'd always had before; only when it was gone did Pavel's colleagues on the bridge realize how much they'd counted on that joyous attitude to lighten their own moods – or just how contagious it was.

This had been going on for three weeks, Kirk reflected – and it was getting worse instead of better. Chekov was, for lack of a better phrase, in a downward spiral. The last time he'd seen the kid like this was after the disastrous events on Vulcan, when – despite any logic or evidence to the contrary – he'd personally taken the responsibility for the death of Spock's mother.

The difference between then and now, Jim realized, was that then he had at least sort of known what to do or say to help Chekov feel better. It seemed somehow that even though that situation was exponentially worse – this wasn't a lovers' quarrel, it was the death of an entire _planet_ – somehow, it was easier to get through to Chekov then. Why was that so different now?

_Idiot – because it wasn't __**you**__ getting through to Chekov. It was Sulu – always Sulu._

Of course, looking back, he realized that his helmsman had been attached to Chekov like another appendage for weeks after the Vulcan tragedy – and it had been Sulu who was always hovering somewhere nearby, dropping encouraging hints to Jim, to Uhura, to Bones, to Scotty – letting them know what Pavel needed to hear from them, and when. It had just seemed so _normal_ then – and such a relief that at least _somebody_ seemed to be able to connect with Pavel at that time – that Jim hadn't given it a second thought.

Of course it seemed normal. That was just the kind of relationship Sulu and Chekov had, even back in the earliest days of the _Enterprise_. Even though Jim had only known them in passing at the Academy, he knew they already had a reputation for being the kind of friends where you'd never see one of them without the other – a lot like he'd had with Bones.

_What would it be like to lose Bones' friendship? _

Jim shuddered. It didn't even bear thinking about.

_How much worse would it be if it weren't just his best friend, but the man he loved? _ Because by now, nobody – nobody – who knew either of the two men doubted that, no matter what had happened in Russia to tear them apart, Pavel had finally realized that he was very, very much in love with Hikaru. It had long been commonly accepted among their closest friends that Sulu had fallen for his best friend quite some time ago – regardless of whether or not he cared to admit it.

It was tough for Jim on a personal level to see two of his good friends in such a godawful position, and it was also an enormous problem for him as a commanding officer when two of his most vital crew members were functioning at such diminished capacity due to this crisis in their private lives. _Ha – as if there could be any such thing as a 'private life' on board a starship. _ But dammit – where to draw that line between being their captain and being their friend was proving to be really difficult.

...

...

_Enough of this contemplative crap_, Jim thought as he rose from his chair and stretched the stiffness out of his back; one of the many, many things he hated about paperwork was that it required him to sit way too still for _way_ too fucking long.

"Computer – time?"

"Time is 2230."

_Not all that late, really. Especially not for Spock – lucky Vulcan bastard can get by on next to no sleep._

_And nothing has __**ever**__ been so weird that Spock couldn't help me figure it out..._

"Enter," came the voice from the other side of the door – somewhat distractedly, Jim thought before walking into his first officer's quarters. Sure enough, Spock was otherwise occupied – he was in the middle of a transmission of some sort, though Jim couldn't really figure out with whom.

He wasn't speaking Federation Standard – but Jim knew enough Vulcan to realize that wasn't it, either. The petite middle-aged lady with whom Spock was conversing was wearing civilian clothing – so it probably wasn't official Starfleet communication.

_Hmmm..._

As Jim stood quietly by, waiting for Spock to finish, the sound of the words they were using began to become somewhat familiar as being one of the Terran languages... was it Russian?

Just as Kirk was about to put two and two together and get four, the woman happened to look past Spock and see him. Her voice, though decidedly feminine, still sounded very familiar as she greeted him:

"Keptin Kirk? Zis is really you, _da_?"

Reverting to Standard, Spock responded. "Yes, it is. Mrs. Svetlana Chekovna – allow me to introduce you to Captain James Kirk."

The image on the viewscreen grinned delightedly at Jim before turning an almost comical glare in Spock's direction. "Pah -- _Mrs. Chekovna?_ What I am telling you about that, Spock?"

Spock paused – _did he just blush? Seriously?_ – and looked somewhat awkwardly down at the floor. Jim observed with fiendish glee that Spock looked like he'd been called on the carpet for some unknown offense by _Chekov's_ _mom_, of all people, and was just embarrassed as hell.

Then the "cool, composed first officer" face that was practically part of Spock's uniform was – almost – completely back in place again.

Still, Jim could barely resist laughing out loud when Spock replied, "Indeed; you have in fact called my attention to your preference as to how I should address you. Please forgive my lapse... Mama Chekov."

_Things had definitely gotten weird._

_..._

_...  
_

_

* * *

And this chapter wasn't originally going to end at this spot -- but it's already been so long since I've updated that I figured I'd better publish what I've got. I hope it won't have to be so long until the next update, but thanks in advance for your patience.  
_


	13. Operation: Joint Custody

**A/N:** Sorry for the longer-than-expected delay in updating – first I got ridiculously busy, then I got WAY sick.

And to mention the disclaimers yet again – I don't own these boys or any part of the Trek-verse.

I also don't own the Beach Boys – though I've worn out any number of copies of the "Pet Sounds" CD.

...

* * *

...

"So, Mr. Spock... wanna explain _that_ one to me?" Now that Spock had ended the transmission with "Mama Chekov," Jim's voice quivered with the amusement that he could no longer suppress.

If Vulcans did eye-rolls, he'd have gotten a huge one just then, Jim suspected. Instead, Spock sighed resignedly.

"You will recall, Jim, my having told you about my... conversation with Lieutenant Chekov the night we all came back aboard the _Enterprise_, and what he had to say to me regarding his mother and my own." At Kirk's nod, he continued. "After that conversation, I felt that it would be... appropriate to contact Mrs. Chekovna and express my gratitude for her gift and her good wishes – and I did so. She greatly appreciated my having contacted her, and our interaction was... mutually agreeable... so we have arranged to communicate via transmission approximately once each Terran week. You happen to have come in during our third such exchange."

"Well, hell, Spock." Jim's tone was a mixture of exasperation and fondness. "How am I supposed to make fun of you if you're doing something so... _human_ for once?"

_Human, nothing. Weekly transmissions with "Mama Chekov?" That's just plain **adorable**. Not that I'm gonna say **that** to him – I'm not in any mood to see if he'd want to strangle me again..._

"Human? Seriously, Jim. I see no need for you to come into my quarters and insult me." It was clear, though, that Spock was not truly offended; the single, slightly raised eyebrow indicated that he was, in point of fact, being funny – or as close to such a thing as he'd allow himself to get.

And Jim was appropriately amused – as well as utterly charmed by his First Officer's willingness to try to make him laugh. Honestly, after a day like this one... well, a laugh was a pretty good thing.

What the hell the world was coming to when he asked a purportedly emotionless half-Vulcan to help him figure out what was probably the most emotionally-charged situation he'd run across in quite some time was beyond him – _but desperate times call for desperate measures_, Jim reckoned.

The captain heaved a sigh, lowering himself into the nearest chair. "Spock, I need some advice..."

...

...

...

"...And so we all need to stop worrying about how to get them back together – 'cause that's really none of our business – but we do have to try to be their friends, 'cause that's what's really important in the long run, and the only part of this mess that we really do have any control over."

"Honest to God, Jim? _This_ was from the green-blooded hobgoblin?" Bones sounded skeptical – and more than a little impressed.

"Yeah, Bones, honest to God. And when I complimented him on being so understanding and compassionate, he basically gave me the trademark 'how big of an idiot are you, anyway?' look and told me that it was 'simply the logical course of action.' Drives me nuts when the smug son of a bitch is always right." Though his tone was grumpy, Jim's grin belied any actual animosity toward his first officer; in fact, he was enormously proud of Spock, _because the idea is just that damn awesome._

And so began the initiative that Bones christened "Operation Joint Custody" – because, he claimed, it felt similar to what he'd had to negotiate with his ex-wife whenever he'd wanted to spend time with their daughter. The main idea, as Spock had outlined it, was for Sulu and Chekov to each get some time on their own with their friends doing things they enjoyed – partially to get their minds off how miserable they were without each other, and partially to remind them that they still had other friends who really did care about them.

"Joint custody. Two grown men. And this is our excitement for the week." Bones' tone was grouchy as usual, but he seemed rather intrigued, all the same. "I don't think anybody would believe how unbelievably _boring_ it can get traveling through billions of miles of disease and danger wrapped in darkness and silence..."

Ultimately, it was a rather confused Hikaru Sulu who responded to Commander Spock's request to have their periodic update as to the status of the Denevan botanical research in the commander's quarters instead of in the lab as usual.

He was still more confused when, instead of Commander Spock, Captain Kirk himself was facing him from across the commander's desk.

Sulu snapped quickly to attention – which was almost funny in and of itself, because Kirk was the absolute last person to expect such behavior from him – and because the relationship between the captain and his helmsman had long since transcended such blatant acknowledgments of things like rank.

"Umm... Captain. Sir." At that point, Sulu seemed to run entirely out of words, and merely stood there, looking baffled.

Kirk wasn't above being a little bit amused by Sulu's uncharacteristically ruffled demeanor. "Very good, Mr. Sulu – comforting to know that three weeks without having seen me hasn't actually made you forget what I look like." When that remark went unanswered, the captain continued.

"Three weeks, Lieutenant Commander Sulu. That's rather a long time for me to go without any kind of contact whatsoever from my helmsman, don't you think?"

Sulu went from looking confused to looking downright freaked out. "Captain – I just assumed that – it was my understanding that my reports to Commander Spock were – that it was understood that I'd be working in the..."

Mercifully, Jim cut him off. "Right, Sulu – I know. You've been in the lab – and if my sources are accurate, you've been there between sixteen and eighteen hours a day for most of the past three weeks. And yes, I know I signed off on the temporary reassignment – but I don't like the way this is going, quite frankly." He gave Sulu a long, hard look. "You're one of my most valued officers – if you don't know that already, you ought to – and you're running yourself into the ground right now for no good reason. As of right now, it's going to stop."

"But, Captain – my research work in the lab has just started to reach a critical --"

"And you'll be able to continue that work." He quirked a wry grin. "I'm not _that_ much of an asshole, Lieutenant Commander. But from this point forward, and for as long as your assignment in the lab continues, you will clock in and clock out of the lab – and you will spend no more than an absolute maximum of twelve hours a day there. Is that understood?"

Sulu nodded, an uncertain expression on his face. _He's not done – there's more coming than just this_, he thought.

He was right. "Moreover, Sulu, you will have other mandated activities in your schedule, effective immediately." He looked up at the chronometer on Spock's shelf. "It's eighteen forty-five now; I'll expect you in Rec Room 7 at nineteen thirty in full gear. Bring your epee."

He gave Sulu another long, searching look. "No... not fencing tonight – let's go for anbo-jyutsu. I'm guessing you'd like to try to tear a piece off of somebody right about now – we'll see if you can put a dent in me."

Sulu felt at that moment as though Kirk could see right through him. _Damn, am I that obvious? Control, Sulu – remember that? You used to be good at it._ He took a deep breath before replying. "Anbo-jyutsu gear, Rec Room 7, nineteen-thirty. Yes, sir."

"Good, then. Dismissed."

Hikaru, for better or worse, couldn't just leave it at that. "Sir?"

_Well, shit. How the hell am I going to ask the captain this?_

"...Yes, Sulu?"

"Umm... well... _why_, sir?"

Kirk gave him a sudden smile – the sunny, quirky sort of grin that probably had a lot to do with the reputation he'd had for getting laid more than anybody in the history of Starfleet Academy.

"Because we miss you, you stupid prick. And don't make me say _that_ again. Now, get out of here. Spock's gonna want his quarters back."

...

...

...

Pavel took another slow spoonful of soup, leveling a pensive look at his dinner companion. "Commander Spock, I'd always thought that being an only child meant I would not have to say this – but I think my mother likes you best."

Spock looked disconcerted. "Certainly not, Lieutenant. I was simply reporting --"

"Commander. I was _joking_." Chekov laughed softly – realizing as he heard the slightly unfamiliar sound that he didn't really remember the last time he'd done so. "But maybe you agree with me that it is at least a _little_ amusing that my mama wants to talk to you more often than she does to me – _da_?"

Spock looked as though he really did _not_ know what to say to that – which was enough to make Pavel laugh again.

"I'm sorry, Commander." He smiled ruefully at the discomfited half-Vulcan. " I truly do not mean to make you feel uncomfortable – especially since you are being so kind to my mama. You cannot imagine how much it means to her that you have kept in touch with her."

"I assure you that the contact is mutually agreeable, Lieutenant – Mrs. Chekovna is a very... interesting conversationalist."

"Interesting? Hmm... well, I think she is probably more interesting if you are not listening to her same stories again and again for years. Either way, I think it is wery nice that you are talking with her. It is making her wery happy."

Finishing his salad, Spock put down his fork. "Lieutenant..." he said suddenly and without preamble, "...would you be interested in a game of chess?"

Chekov was utterly taken aback – whatever he'd expected Spock to say, it certainly wasn't that.

"Commander – you might be surprised to hear this, but I do not know how to play chess." Oddly, that was a somewhat embarrassing admission. _Amazingly, not every brainiac boy genius in the universe automatically learns how to play chess – me, for example._

"Then I believe it is time you learned, Lieutenant. I have no doubt that, with your exceptional cognitive and strategic abilities and even a small amount of proper training, you could become a formidable opponent in a very short time." Spock stood, looking at Chekov as though he expected him to come along. "I am at liberty for the next 2.5 hours, and I would be gratified if you would join me in the Officers' Lounge for an instructional chess match."

"Gratified" didn't begin to cover how Chekov felt at that moment; it was suddenly very plain to him just then that, for whatever reason, Commander Spock was doing something that he almost never did – which was to extend an offer of friendship. There was an unexpected tightness in his throat that made it impossible to answer – so he nodded, stood and followed the First Officer out of the mess hall.

...

...

From that point on, a weird little series of rituals began to fall into place over the next few weeks. The rapidity with which Chekov picked up on the intricacies of chess astounded even Spock. He went from playing against Spock at an instructional level to watching the commander's matches against the captain – and from there to playing against whoever had lost the match. Before long, he was playing the winner.

At least once a week, after his mandated "absolute maximum" twelve hours in the lab each day, Sulu responded to Captain Kirk's orders to report to one of the rec rooms to engage in some sort of sparring. He was also ordered on occasion during the course of each week to report to the engine room for poker with Scotty, to Bones' quarters for an evening of honest-to-goodness Terran bourbon and watching ancient vids (the "Star Wars" series were the consistent crowd favorite from week to week, though the good doctor himself seemed to have an odd preference for some animated children's features he called the "Disney Princess" videos), or to Nyota's quarters to listen to music and talk about anything she could think of.

Anything but what she really _wanted_ to talk about, of course – but Spock had cautioned all of them that talking to either Pavel or Hikaru about, well, _Pavel and Hikaru_ – should be strictly off-limits.

_Though how he suddenly became a noted expert on relationships is more than I'll ever understand – he sure as hell never had that stuff figured out when he was with me_, Nyota fumed quietly to herself.

As it turned out, however, the matter was taken out of Spock's hands one evening when instead of him visiting her in her quarters, Nyota had come down to Hikaru's quarters for one of their "musical interludes," as she'd taken to calling them. Hikaru was listening to a recording of an exceptionally beautiful Rachmaninoff piano concerto when he'd opened the door to let her in.

Rather than interrupting the music, Nyota came in quietly, gracefully kicking off her boots before curling up like a cat against the pillows piled up at the head of Hikaru's bed. Obligingly, he plunked down at the foot of the bed, and they listened together in companionable silence.

"Mmmm... that was gorgeous," she sighed as the piece came to an end. "I forget sometimes what cool music you have down here. I mean, I love my jazz, but..." She realized she was pretty much talking to herself. "Hey – Ru-ru?" Looking sharply at Hikaru, Nyota purposely used the nickname that only came out when she was trying to get his goat. "You in there, Ru-ru?"

She got her ponytail pulled for her trouble, along with an eye-roll and a sarcastic smile. "Yes, _Ta-ta_ – I'm in here." Hikaru was silent for a moment, as though deciding what to say. "That recording? That's Pav's Babushka – his great-grandmother. She was a concert pianist when she was younger – pretty amazing, huh?"

"Whoa – no kidding! Pavel never told me about her." _To hell with it._ She was going to ask, anyway. "Did you meet her in Russia?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I did – and she really is just phenomenal. She just sent me this recording – got it when we picked up our mail and supplies at Starbase 6 last week."

"That was really nice of her. You liked her, huh?"

Hikaru's expression was unreadable. "You could say that, yeah. We hit it off really well, eventually. She's a pretty cool old lady." He reached down and began absently to play with the cuff of his sweater.

"I haven't seen that sweater on you before, 'Ru – you look good in that dark red. Is it new?"

He didn't look up to answer her – just kept playing with his sleeve. "Yeah. Got that from Natasha – Pav's Babushka – too. I'm guessing she knitted it for me herself, to tell you the truth."

As he spoke, Hikaru's brain was suddenly flooded with unbidden images. Natasha, knitting with soft scarlet yarn as the morning sunlight poured in through the library window at her home in Noginsk. Natasha, playing Brahms for him in the music room, smiling up at him with tear-filled eyes in the candlelit cathedral.

Natasha, sending him the package with her recording, this sweater, and the handwritten note that read simply, "Don't give up on him, Hikaru. I am not wrong."

"Honey. 'Ru." Nyota's voice was interrupting his thoughts, soft with concern. "What's the matter, babe? Look at me."

Then he did, and the expression in his eyes went straight to her heart.

"Oh, baby." She held her arms out to him. "Come here, baby. Tell me."

Her arms went around him – she'd long ago lost track of how many times he had offered her similar comfort after Spock had ended their relationship – and rocking gently back and forth, she silently held him close for a long time.

Eventually, without letting go, Nyota moved slightly away, to get a better look at his face. 'Ru _never_ cried – but he'd been crying just now, she could see. Time to get to the bottom of this...

_Oh, fuck off, Spock. You don't know everything – you just think you do... _

"I think you'd better tell me about it, 'Ru."

Hikaru heaved an enormous sigh – almost as though it was a relief to finally, _finally_ say something.

"Did you know that Pavel can _sing_...?"

...

...

For his 19th birthday, Hikaru had given Pavel what he liked to call "the greatest hits of the greatest hits" – a truly staggering collection of recorded music that consisted of what Hikaru thought were the most important pieces of music from each century of Earth's history from the fourteenth century through the twenty-third. It had taken Pavel days just to listen to the entire thing from start to finish – and he couldn't imagine the time and effort Hikaru had gone to in order to compile and create the collection. It was, without a doubt, the most amazing gift he'd ever received – and totally and utterly Hikaru.

Growing up with Babushka, Pavel had already heard a lot of Hikaru's picks from the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries – but he'd been intrigued by the plainchant style of the earliest of the recordings, reminding him as it did of some of the music he chanted with Pyotr. Hikaru had eclectic – and in Pavel's opinion, flawless – taste in music, and the entire collection had been filled both with pieces that were beautifully familiar and those that were magnificent surprises.

Over the past weeks, Pavel had been listening to the collection all over again whenever he had the time – which had been increasingly rarely since Commander Spock and Captain Kirk had commandeered him as a chess partner. Not that he wasn't enormously grateful for the distraction and the companionship – but Pavel still found himself wanting this "alone time" to listen to the music that was as close as he could seem to get to Hikaru for the time being.

This week, he'd kept going back to the recording of twentieth century music – maybe his favorite part of the whole collection, really. The classics were there, of course – the wonderful Americans Joplin, Copland, Ellington, Rodgers and Bernstein in addition to Stravinsky, Messiaen, Ravel and Prokofiev. But Hikaru had insisted on making sure that groups such as the Beatles and the Rolling Stones were well-represented as well, since "after all, that was the music that everybody was actually listening to back then."

"...and this track, Pav – nobody realized it then, but when this album came out back in 1966, it changed _everything_. I mean, McCartney said it was his inspiration for 'Sergeant Pepper' – said this song brought him to tears every time he heard it. Listen to the bridge on this – it's amazing..." And Hikaru had gone enthusiastically on about an album called, of all things, "Pet Sounds," by a group called the Beach Boys.

The song Hikaru had pointed out from that album, "God Only Knows," had become Pavel's favorite – and the one he'd listen to again and again.

"_I may not always love you,_

_But long as there are stars above you_

_You'll never need to doubt it_

_I'll make you so sure about it_

_God only knows what I'd be without you._

_...  
_

_If you should ever leave me_

_Though life would still go on, believe me,_

_The world could show nothing to me,_

_So what good would living do me?_

_God only knows what I'd be without you..."_

Somehow, he doubted that Hikaru had been thinking of their current situation when he'd put this song into the collection – but it didn't matter, because it was perfect, all the same. Listening to it made him think of Hikaru – and it twisted his heart and hurt like hell, and Pavel welcomed the pain, because it was better than the emptiness.

* * *

...

It was almost the end of Alpha Shift – at the end of an unbelievably boring month of navigating (if you could call it that) through _absolutely fucking_ _nothing_, and finally getting close enough to Deneva to be doing something remotely _interesting_, sitting next to stupid fucking Hannity at the helm – who, it turned out, couldn't actually steer the damn ship for _shit_, because he was _not _Hikaru, dammit – when Pavel reached his breaking point.

"Nyota?" The Chief Communications Officer looked up from her console. "You free for dinner after our shift?"

She looked a little surprised, but not displeased. "Well... sure, Pavel. You asking?"

"_Da_ – I'm asking. Say, your quarters, eighteen hundred? I'll replicate some Chinese?"

Captain Kirk turned to his First Officer with a smile. "Well, Spock – it looks as though if you want to see me get my ass kicked in chess tonight, you're going to have to do it yourself. We're getting stood up."

Chekov looked immediately contrite, and just a little panic-stricken. "Keptin – I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend..."

"Don't be ridiculous, Lieutenant. No offense taken. Given the opportunity, I'm sure any of us would prefer the company of Lieutenant Uhura over that of Spock and myself." He smiled archly at her as she walked past him toward the turbolift. "Not that I'd actually _know_, of course – she made it clear to me pretty early on that she'd sooner go count the dilithium crystals in the engine room than spend any time with...mmph!" His sentence was punctuated by a good-natured – but still surprisingly powerful – elbow to the ribs, administered by a smiling Uhura.

"Pavel? See you at eighteen hundred." Nyota turned and walked out without another word – leaving her male colleagues on the bridge gawking after her.

And yeah, she knew that happened a lot. And no, she didn't get tired of it.

...

...

"Seriously, Pavel – only you could have figured out how to get the replicator to do fortune cookies."

"You're complaining?"

"Of course not." Nyota set down her chopsticks, and picked up her own fortune cookie. "You know they're my favorite part."

She broke the cookie open – she was going to get crumbs all over her bedspread, but she didn't much care – and read the message inside. "You will soon find yourself in an advantageous new position."

Nyota and Pavel grinned at one another before saying in unison, "_...in bed._" They laughed together briefly before the same uncomfortable realization made them both stop and look at one another self-consciously.

Usually, their "Chinese nights" had consisted of the _three_ of them, not the _two_ of them – and the annoying (funny, sure, but annoying) interjection of "in bed" after each fortune cookie... had always come from Hikaru.

"...Nyota?"

"Yeah, Pavel?"

"How is he?" Pavel was damn near looking holes in her with his intense blue eyes.

"'Ru?" _Of course,'Ru. Any other dumb questions?_

"Tell you the truth, I haven't seen him for a while – this week, the Captain agreed to let him stay in the lab as long as he needed to, since we're getting so close to Deneva, and evidently they've got a lot of work to do before they actually get to the planet. He explained it to me – something to do with radiation, but I honestly didn't get it. But–"

"Nyota. How is he?"

"Really, Pavel? You really need to ask me that?" She sighed – a little impatiently – and leaned back against a big throw pillow.

This wasn't going to be a short conversation – that much was clear – and she'd might as well get comfortable.

"He's doing his best to hold up, Pavel – he's throwing himself into his work as hard as he can, and trying to act like that's enough. He's hanging out with the rest of us because Kirk makes him. But... he's not my 'Ru anymore – he'll smile at me, but his spark is gone."

_Spark. That's a good word for it,_ Pavel thought. _I know exactly what she means. _His heart twisted all over again, imagining Hikaru – without that _spark_.

Nyota's next words shook him to the core.

"You know he blames himself, don't you?"

"He... he _told_ you?"

"He did. Now, if you don't mind – and since you brought it up – I think now maybe _you'd_ better tell me. I need to hear about this from you as well."

Nyota's suspicions had been correct – this was not going to be a short conversation.

"...and then he was gone when I came back – and by the time I'd gotten back to the ship and found the nerve to actually talk to him, he was nowhere to be found. I was pretty sure he just didn't want to talk to me."

"And he thinks... Pavel, he thinks you're disgusted with him. He's disgusted with _himself _for 'throwing himself' at you, and for putting you in such an awful position. He's just holding back, waiting until he thinks enough time has gone by that maybe you'll at least be willing to be friends with him again."

Pavel's voice was the barest whisper. "Is that what he wants, do you think?"

"I'm pretty sure he still wants exactly what he wanted from the beginning, Pavel – but he's trying to convince himself that he'll take whatever you're willing to give him, I think."

"I really fucked up, didn't I, Ny? I acted like a little boy, and really fucked it all up."

Nyota looked at him for a long moment in silence before answering. "Yeah. You did, Pavel."

She took a deep breath, and blew it out impatiently. "You seriously did – and you haven't done a damn thing to try to make it better."

Her gaze was steady and uncompromising – and Pavel's answering silent, shocked expression indicated to her that he probably hadn't expected such a... _direct _response.

Nyota's voice held an undercurrent of exasperation. "What do you want, Pavel? For me to say to you, 'Oh, you poor baby, you must be so upset?' I could say that – but what good would that do?"

Another pause, and she shook her head, her long hair swinging gently. "'Cause... yeah, Pavel. You. Fucked. Up. Face it. Face it, and then stop acting like a little kid. Little boys fuck up sometimes. Now be a _man_, and fix it."

Pavel's gaze remained fixed on the floor. "D'you think I can, Nyota?"

"I think you don't have any other choice but to try." She reached forward to ruffle his curls. "And yeah. I really do think you can. You love him, don't you?"

Pavel looked up at her, nodded. He absolutely did – but he wasn't going to say those words for the first time to anyone but Hikaru. He felt, oddly, that he owed him that much.

"But I think I've been in your business long enough for one night, sweetie – it's late and you need to get out of here and go to bed." She moved her hand from his hair to brush the pad of her thumb up over Pavel's cheekbone, examining his face closely. "Look at these circles under your eyes – have you been sleeping okay?"

He gave her a half-hearted smile. "No, Nyota – not so much."

He was going to let her think whatever she wanted about that one. She'd never known about the nightmares he'd had after the loss of Vulcan – nobody on board had, except for Hikaru.

The nightmares had come back in full force in the past weeks, night after night – but now they were horribly different.

_Still the transporter room – still the knowledge that somehow, something has gone wrong, and there are... complications. The signals aren't fixing the way they're supposed to – and he's just come sprinting down from the bridge to get here. In the dream, he doesn't remember running down – but he can always feel his breath coming in raw gasps as his fingers fly frantically over the console._

_**Get them back, get them back.** But he doesn't know who's down there – who he's trying to get back. No matter how many times he has the damn dream, his dumb-ass dream self still doesn't figure it out. _

_The signals lock. Engage. Finally. And the figures appear – more slowly in the dream than they would in reality – back onto the pad in the transporter room. Four of them – some of them he doesn't recognize – but then there's Spock, and he's fine. Then dream-Pavel follows Spock's eyes down to the figure that is lying – not standing – on the pad. It's a man, face-down, not moving... and there's blood. A lot of it, on the dark hair and the gold shirt. _

_He's not moving._

_Oh, God. _

_Hikaru..._

_And he might be screaming when he wakes up – he can never tell if that's in the dream, or real._

Pavel stopped himself from shuddering in front of Nyota. "Yeah, maybe I'm not sleeping so well just now. Anyway – thanks, Ny, for listening – and for the ass-kicking. I think I needed it." Pavel leaned over to give her a gentle kiss on the cheek. "I'll see you in the morning, _da?_"

"Sure thing, Pavel." She gave him a tight squeeze – and a long, concerned look. "Hey – you wanna crash here tonight? Maybe you'll sleep better with some company?"

"No... no thanks, _lyubimaya moya._ I appreciate the offer, though." Another quick squeeze, and he was gone, with Nyota watching bemusedly after him.

_Say what you want, Spock, about not interfering. I, for one, happen to think some well-placed interference – and one particularly nosy friend – is exactly what was called for in this situation._

...

...

"Computer, locate Lieutenant Commander Sulu."

"_Lieutenant Commander Hikaru Sulu is in the Botany Lab."_

Damn – Hikaru really _was_ keeping some crazy hours in the lab over the past week or so. Pavel, not for the first time, found himself wishing that he knew more about all the work – the research, the experiments, the hours and hours of study – that Hikaru and the Deltan scientists had been devoting themselves to over these past weeks. In the past, he'd tended to tune out – just a little bit – when Hikaru had started to talk about "plant stuff." Pavel made up his mind that, should he actually get a second chance with Hikaru, he'd never do that again.

He looked at the chronometer – 0600. It had been hours since he'd wandered back here from Nyota's – and he hadn't managed to do anything more than pace back and forth in his quarters, or lie fully-clothed on his bed staring at the ceiling. He hadn't even attempted to go to sleep for the night – that seemed like a lost cause from the beginning. He'd be on the bridge again in another two hours, and he'd likely be a pretty major waste of oxygen in his current condition. Not that they'd be needing him to actually _navigate_ anywhere, since they'd be orbiting Deneva now until the _Susan Constant _joined them in a few days.

Pavel shifted irritably on his narrow bed, and considered whether or not it would actually make any sense at this point to try to go to sleep.

_Fuck it._

He rolled out of bed, grabbed his communicator, and before he lost his nerve, typed quickly,

_KARU - I NEED TO TALK TO YOU AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. I KNOW YOU'RE VERY BUSY, BUT IT IS IMPORTANT. LET ME KNOW WHEN & WHERE AND I'LL BE THERE. PAV_

Then, before he could talk himself out of it, he hit "transmit."

And waited.

The beep of his communicator made Pavel jump. It hadn't been even two minutes – t_hat's encouraging, isn't it?_

_PAV- GREAT TO HEAR FROM YOU. NEED TO TALK TO YOU, TOO. THE MINUTE I GET BACK ON THE SHIP, I'LL FIND YOU.  
_

He'd barely finished reading the message – not making sense of it, but reading it – when another came across.

_BROKE HIS NOSE? THAT WAS AWESOME. LATER – KARU_

_Awesome? 'Karu thought that was awesome? _ Pavel smiled at that thought – until another part of the message jumped back out at him.

"_The minute I get back on the ship..."_

"Computer. Locate Lieutenant Commander Sulu."

"Lieutenant Commander Hikaru Sulu is in the transporter room."

Pavel's heart jumped into his throat as a nameless dread constricted his chest. He ran.

...

...

"Commander Spock, it's good of you to come with us – especially since we really don't have any idea as to how this experiment will turn out. I hope it turns out not to be a waste of your valuable time."

"Lieutenant Shull, I will admit a great curiosity as to the outcome of all of the work you have done in conjunction with Dr. Sulu – and since there is really very little to be done at this time on board the _Enterprise_, my presence here is not required. I am gratified to be able to join you all in my capacity as Science Officer."

"Jumia, I've about got everything I need here – how about you?" Hikaru, walking into the room, spoke over his shoulder to the young Deltan scientist behind him before looking up to see his other colleagues had made it to the transporter room ahead of him. "Gentlemen – good morning. Looks like a good day to do some science, don't you think?"

"Indeed, Dr. Sulu." Spock almost always called him "Dr. Sulu" when they were in what Hikaru called "scientist mode" – it was kind of funny sometimes, though he didn't really mind. "I was just expressing to Lieutenant Shull that I am most anxious to see the results of your research and your various trials."

"Honestly, Mr. Spock, it could all come to nothing – experiments so often do, you know – but it could also be pretty exciting if our theories about the radiation on the volcanic islands on Deneva promoting a mutation in the transplanted Deltan plant species turn out to be correct." Hikaru smiled broadly at his colleagues – enthusiasm evident on his face.

_After all this time, and all these questions, we'll finally get to do the real experiments – this is going to be amazing. _

_And when I get back, I can talk to Pavel. _ _That's even more amazing._

If there hadn't been three other scientists waiting rather impatiently for him – if, for that matter, he weren't the lead scientist on this particular research project – Hikaru would gladly have said "screw it" and waited to beam down onto the planet until he'd had the chance to talk to Pav.

But the work wasn't going to take all that long – not more than a couple of days at most – and they'd already gone all these weeks. A couple more days wasn't going to kill them.

_OK. It might kill me, seriously. But he wants to talk to me. He called me 'Karu, and he said he needs to talk to me. That's gotta be good, doesn't it?_

_God, I am SO fucking pathetic._

Shull's voice cut into his reverie.

"Have you run a cross-check, Ensign? Are we set as far as all the requisite materials?"

"Cross check complete, Lieutenant."

Hikaru stepped forward with a smile. "Well, then, folks – I think it's time for us to head on down to the planet and see what we can find out." He looked to the young man at the transporter console. "Are we ready, Yeoman?"

"Ready whenever you are, Lieutenant Commander."

Nodding, Sulu stepped onto the transporter pad, followed by Spock, Shull and Jumia.

_There really are certain advantages to being the lead researcher – I get to say all the cool stuff._

"Yeoman, beam us down."

Sulu heard the familiar whine of the transporter beginning to kick in, followed by that indescribably odd feeling that could only come from having one's atoms rearranged. But at the last possible moment, as if through a wavy golden haze, he saw Pavel – _Pavel?_ – charging through the transporter bay doors at full speed.

He couldn't hear him over the sound of the transporter – but he could see the horrified, frantic look on his face, and see the words he was obviously shouting:

"'Karu! No!"

* * *

**_Well, so... they KINDA talked. So Amanda, you can't actually kill me. Right?_**

**_As always, reviews are love -- and I've gotta tell you that I've really been missing hearing from some of my very favorite reviewers. You KNOW who you are...!_**

**_BTW -- Lady Merlin? THIS is long. :-)_**


	14. Away

**A/N: ****_To those of you who've asked me about this – no. This trip to Deneva has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with Sam Kirk, or the TOS episode wherein he and his wife come to an unpleasant end. Honestly, it just seemed like a good planet for a nice random botanical field trip with Hikaru and the gang._**

_**An aside about the "fortune cookie" scene in the last chapter; the day after I published that, we got Chinese where I work, and I opened cookies with the following two fortunes.**_

_**"Today will be lucky and memorable for you."**_

_**"A small act of charity will go a long way."**_

_**Having added "in bed" to both of those amused me no end. (And no – the day was neither lucky nor memorable, unfortunately...)**_

* * *

Pavel felt like all kinds of an idiot.

What had possessed him to go charging down to the transporter room after Hikaru, screaming like a maniac?

He could tell that the young yeoman who had just sent the away team down to the planet had a similar question in his mind – he was looking at Chekov as though the ship's navigator might have lost his marbles.

Needless to say, "I've been having nightmares about Hikaru on an away team, so I didn't want him to go" was not going to be an acceptable explanation.

_Not that this guy needs any explanation at all_, Pavel decided – and gave him a challenging, "Yeah, don't people run in here screaming every day?" sort of look, before stalking out of the room.

He hadn't made it twenty paces into the corridor when his comm beeped at him.

_PAV- IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT? _

He was really glad he'd gotten up the nerve to text Hikaru a little while ago – that communication, though brief, seemed to have opened things up just a bit between them, which was just an enormous relief. Frankly, he was glad to hear from Hikaru just now, any way he could. And it was kind of great to know that Hikaru had worried about him enough to take the time to ask.

_YEAH, EVERYTHING'S GOOD. JUST BE CAREFUL DOWN THERE, OK? _

Send.

The briefest of pauses, then an answering beep and,

_YOU BET. SEE YOU IN A COUPLE DAYS.  
_

Though Alpha Shift wasn't scheduled to begin for over an hour and a half, Pavel made his way to the bridge. He had no desire to go back to his quarters just now; he needed to get back to work – or what passed for work when they were really just orbiting the planet – and take his mind off of the weird, pointless worries he had about Hikaru down on the planet. One way or the other, freaking out about some vague, yet-to-be-determined crisis situation that existed only in Pavel's own head wasn't going to do anybody any good at all.

...

...

"It's ridiculous how gorgeous it is down here, don't you think?" Of course, Sulu realized immediately after the words left his mouth that his companions were going to think he was nuts – Spock probably didn't spend much time contemplating "gorgeous" one way or the other, and neither he nor their two Deltan colleagues would find such a thing to be "ridiculous."

"Sir?" Jumia's rather confused tone was all the confirmation he'd needed – she thought he'd gone round the bend. But then she turned a sweet smile in his direction. "It is beautiful, isn't it? I think it worked out well for us that the area of the planet with the highest incidence of theta radiation happened to be here in these islands."

Though much of Deneva had been settled – and there were many vibrant cities across the planet that served as centers of trade and manufacturing – these particular volcanic islands in the middle of the Terringen Ocean were entirely uninhabited.

Until a couple years ago, there had been a settlement of Deltans that had been here for generations – the ruling clan that had been marooned there as part of an attempt to take control of the planet's government, hundreds of years in the past. They'd gone back to Delta IV after having been discovered there by the _Enterprise_ – and Shull had explained to Sulu that the systems of the returned Deltans had undergone some subtle but significant changes that could not be attributed to genetics or evolution. Something on the planet itself had changed their body processes.

Shull was recounting the story to Commander Spock – who, of course, had already heard it all, but who was evidently too polite to interrupt to tell him so. "Of course, this led us to wonder what could have been the factor that created the changes – and to wonder whether this factor would have a similar effect on _any_ living organism that had come here from Delta IV."

Jumia smiled again. "And of course, we're botanists – so instead of thinking about the _people_, we immediately started thinking about the _plants – _especially since the plants here seem to have managed to mutate in such a... startling way. We'd been amazed by Dr. Sulu's paper about the plants he and the rest of the _Enterprise_ crew had encountered here – and once we realized that there had been all these changes – slight, but fundamental – in the Deltans who had been here, well... we started trying to analyze what could possibly have triggered them."

"Dr. Sulu had already hit on the theory of radiation – there had been so many anomalous readings on their sensors when the crew of the _Enterprise_ came down, and of course," Shull looked over to Sulu with undisguised admiration, "he had the presence of mind to retrieve and preserve the data from the sensors of everyone who'd been part of the away team and begin an analysis."

Spock quirked an eyebrow in Sulu's direction, and years of working closely with Spock in his capacities as First Officer and Science Officer had given Hikaru enough insight to know that the Vulcan was pretty much_ laughing_ at him – or at least at the Deltans' obvious near hero-worship of him. He rolled his eyes in return, shrugging as if to say, "Can I help it if I'm a botany rock star?"

_Anybody who thinks Spock doesn't have a sense of humor,_ Sulu thought, _just doesn't know Spock._

"This data-collection station seems pretty well set; we ready to move farther up into the mountains now?" Hikaru hoisted his pack back onto his shoulder, and the team went on.

Since the effects of radiation were going to have to be measured over a significant amount of time, this mission was designed so that the team could put down a series of stations throughout the island at regular intervals and at increasing altitudes – since it seemed that the radiation was greater the higher one went. Various plant specimens – some Deltan, some indigenous, some Terran, still others from other M-class planets – would be placed at each station, and data would be collected remotely over time to monitor the growth of each plant, as well as any possible changes or mutations. Setting up enough such stations around the island to ensure that there would be sufficient data for reliability was going to be the work of at least a couple of days by the team.

So it was an added bonus that they happened to be on one of the most beautiful spots on the planet. Taking a deep breath of the fresh air – scented subtly with the fragrance of unseen flowers and the smell of the ocean not far in the distance – Hikaru mused that this, as scientific missions went, was a pretty darn good one.

...

* * *

...

There wasn't nearly enough to do on the bridge, it turned out, to be even remotely distracting for Pavel. Orbiting Deneva, involving as it did exactly no navigation of any sort, was an exercise in dull – a_nd if I have to talk to this idiot Hannity anymore, _he mused, _I might end up punching him in the face, too. _

_No – can't do that. Promised the captain I wouldn't punch anybody else in the face._

_...Could I get Nyota to punch him in the face, maybe?_

He couldn't get past worrying that _something_ – he didn't know what – was going to happen to Hikaru down on the planet. He had no reason, none whatsoever, to be worried about this; Deneva was a Federation planet, and the area where they'd beamed down, he'd learned, was totally uninhabited now that the Deltan colony had been evacuated. The mission Hikaru had gone on was completely uncomplicated – as Kirk had explained it to him, it was just a matter of placing data collection units at various locations on an island where they'd detected elevated levels of a certain kind of radiation that might influence the growth and development of their plant specimens.

Boring, really – well, to him, at least, since he was into physics, not botany – and Pavel knew he was being foolish for worrying.

Moreover, he was evidently being pretty obvious as well – because the "let's take Pavel's mind off whatever he's fretting about" invitations started coming thick and fast. At lunch, Scotty requested that he join them in Engineering that afternoon for "Jefferies Evasion Exercises" – which, despite the rather tactical-sounding name, turned out to be an excuse for the Engineering team to break up the monotony of planetary orbit by playing hide-and-go-seek with one another in the crawl spaces around the _Enterprise_. Sure enough, it _was_ fun – and definitely better than sitting like a lump at the helm.

Later that day, he was at dinner with Nyota when Kirk approached their table.

"So, Chekov – this away mission has deprived me of one guy who tries to kick my ass in the rec room and another who tries to do the same on the chess board. If I don't have somebody trying to mop the floor with me for one reason or another, I start to get cocky – so whaddya say? Wanna do some chess later?"

Honestly, Pavel wanted no such thing at all – he just wanted to go back to his quarters, listen to his music, and fret in solitude. But such an invitation from Kirk himself was really rare – and Pavel felt the kindness and concern that had prompted it. And a game or two of chess couldn't hurt...

"Sure, Keptin." He smiled conspiratorially at Nyota. "After all, we can't have him getting cocky, can we?"

Nyota laughed out loud. "Way too late to avoid that, Pavel." She laughed again as Kirk tried to look offended, but instead ended up sticking his tongue out at her before turning to leave.

"About half an hour, Chekov? Officers' Lounge?"

"_Da_, Keptin. I'll be there."

Two hours later, Pavel had decided that he really, really needed to get his head back together; the captain had beaten him twice – badly – and the second time, it was embarrassingly obvious that he'd actually been trying to let Pavel win. Then he'd sent him off with a somewhat self-conscious pat on the shoulder.

"I know, Chekov. These away missions – they're a bitch. I miss him - um, _them_ - too. But it's no big deal, really. It'll be cool, and they'll be back in a couple of days. You'll see."

_Hmm..._

Wondering about what the hell the captain meant by those rather odd remarks was definitely enough to take Pavel's mind off his worries for a little while, at least. Over the past few weeks, as he'd spent far more time than usual with Kirk and Spock, he'd come to realize that his two commanding officers shared the kind of "two halves of a whole" friendship he'd only ever encountered before with himself and Hikaru.

And Pavel knew how he felt about Hikaru...

_Well,_ he mused, _this could get very interesting._

However, not even speculating about where the captain's friendship with Spock might or might not lead was enough to keep him from fretting about Hikaru for very long. He'd had no further communications from Hikaru down on the planet – but he had no reason to expect any, either. Pavel had to assume that the gang in Science was in regular communication with the away team – and the captain was almost certainly keeping in touch with Spock – so no news in this case would have to be considered good news.

Having stopped by Sickbay to snag a sleeping aid from Dr. McCoy – it really had been ages since he'd had a real night's sleep – Pavel resolved to make an early night of it. He had changed into an old Academy t-shirt – okay, so it was Hikaru's old Academy t-shirt – and a pair of soft flannel pants, and was brushing his teeth in front of the bathroom mirror when he found himself looking at the closed door to his left, wondering...

_Is the door to Hikaru's room still locked? Did he change the override code? _

_I shouldn't. I'd be a total stalker. _

_But he wouldn't know the difference – and he probably wouldn't care. And besides, of course it's locked. _

Except it wasn't.

_Has it really been just closed – not locked – for all this time? All I had to do was turn the fucking __**handle**__?_

_Screw it._ He opened the door and walked into Hikaru's quarters.

"Computer, lights."

Things hadn't changed much since the last time he'd been in here.

The last time... it had only been a couple of months, but it seemed like forever since he'd stood in the doorway, badgering Hikaru to move more quickly so that they could get to their recognition ceremony at the Academy. But he could still picture Hikaru standing at the mirror as if it had just been yesterday – he'd been fussing with his dress uniform, looking worried... and perfectly gorgeous.

Not everything in the room was the same, though – Pavel noticed a few new pictures propped up on the shelf over Hikaru's desk, and stepped nearer to investigate.

He looked closer, and felt a hollow ache clench in his chest.

One was a picture, obviously taken since the two of them had left Earth, of his own Mama and Grandmama standing together, smiling and each holding a little pot of blooming roses in front of them. Neither of them had ever mentioned to Pavel that they'd kept in touch with Hikaru – he was surprised but deeply grateful that they had.

Babushka had sent Hikaru a similar picture – the roses he'd given them all really were beautiful, and Babushka was holding hers with obvious pride and her own special smile.

The last one... well, Pavel remembered that one. He and Hikaru had been "helping" Babushka in the kitchen on Pascha Sunday (in fact, they'd been sneaking bites of everything she was cooking), and Father Ilya had come in to check on them. He'd ended up taking a picture of the three of them together – each of the young men with an arm lovingly around Babushka's waist, and Babushka herself in her apron, looking as happy as Pavel could recall seeing her.

A tiny corner of a piece of paper stuck out from beneath the photo of the three of them, and Pavel wavered – should he pick it up?

_It's none of your business – it belongs to Hikaru._

_Of course it's none of my business – but Hikaru's not here, and I have to know..._

Curiosity won – as it usually did with Pavel – and he lifted the picture to retrieve the paper from behind it. With a start of recognition, he read what he knew to be Babushka's elegant, ornate handwriting:

"Don't give up on him, Hikaru. I am not wrong."

_Oh, Babushka..._

His chest ached again, and he felt his throat tighten as tears began to sting behind his eyelids.

Pavel carefully replaced the note and picture, then drew a deep, shuddering breath, dropping his face into his hands. What else did he need to see to prove to himself – hell, to prove to _anybody_ – that Hikaru still loved him?

_God knows I don't deserve it – not after what I've put him through – but he still loves me._

_And whatever it takes, I'm going to damn well fix this – I'll get him back, and make him see that I love him too._

But first, he had to get Hikaru back safe and sound – and before that, he had to try to get some kind of a night's sleep. Pavel felt McCoy's "handy-dandy knockout pills" starting to kick in, so he thought he might at least be able to achieve that last bit.

He hated the thought of leaving Hikaru's room – it was so comfortingly familiar, and... yes, it smelled like Hikaru, which was to say it smelled vaguely of woods and citrus and spice, with just a hint of Hikaru's shampoo thrown in as well. Pavel briefly entertained the idea of spending the night in Hikaru's quarters – after all, he'd never find out – but quickly decided it was a bad idea. If someone needed to find him in the middle of the night... well, embarrassing wouldn't _begin_ to cover it if they found him sleeping curled up in Sulu's bed.

However... with a sudden flash of inspiration, he walked over to the bed – and picked up the pillow. Feeling like all kinds of a weirdo, he buried his face in it – and yes, it smelled just a bit like Hikaru, too. Which was absolutely wonderful. Hugging it to his chest, Pavel extinguished the lights and went back to his own quarters. Curling up in his own bed with the stolen pillow still in his arms, Pavel breathed in the familiar scent and gave himself up to sleep.

...

* * *

...

"Dr. Sulu – if I could have a word with you in private?"

"Of course, Commander." The two men stepped away from where Shull and Jumia were working to secure the various seedlings into the data collection station. "What can I do for you?"

"It is my opinion, Dr. Sulu, that we need to consider abbreviating this mission."

Sulu went very still, looking speculatively at Spock. Yes, it looked as though there could be quite the storm brewing later in the day – dark clouds were rapidly beginning to obscure the Denevan sun – but somehow, he didn't believe that was what the Vulcan was going to bring up at this point. "Based upon what factors, Commander?"

"Based upon evidence that the increased levels of theta radiation are having a markedly adverse effect upon your own physiology – despite your own efforts to conceal it." Spock indicated the tricorder in his belt. "I have observed occasional lapses in your natural agility, as well as a tendency you have recently developed to become fatigued sooner than usual – and readings I took with the tricorder in the past five minutes have confirmed that there is a deterioration in your overall physical condition."

"I thought I heard you using that damn thing – but I didn't know why." Sulu looked somewhat exasperatedly at Spock, but nodded his agreement. "Yes, you're right. As we move higher up into the mountains, the radiation has started to get to me a little bit. It did that the last time I was here, as well. It didn't have any effect at all on Chekov or the others on the away team, though; I seem to have an unusual susceptibility to it. But the effects go away after I discontinue exposure, and there's no lasting harm."

He threw a glance over his shoulder at the Deltan scientists, who were still absorbed in their work. "Moreover, I knew to expect this – that I'd be at diminished capacity physically as the radiation levels increased – and designed the parameters of the experiment specifically so that I wouldn't have to perform any tasks that would tax me unduly. So," Sulu concluded, hands placed somewhat challengingly on his hips, "I see no reason at all for the experiment to be curtailed. We'll be back on board the Enterprise by nightfall at this rate, anyway – and I can pretty much guarantee you that I won't be significantly the worse for wear by then."

Spock looked unconvinced. "It seems to me, Dr. Sulu, that you are likely to tell me whatever you think I need to hear at this time in order to continue the experiment." He stopped, considering. "In deference to your role as lead researcher, and to some extent against my better judgment, I will agree to continue the placement of the data collection stations as scheduled – for the time being. Be aware, however, that if I feel that your health is being significantly compromised by the radiation levels, I will, as the captain says, 'pull rank' and insist either that we curtail the experiment – or that you personally will beam back up to the _Enterprise_ and allow me, Lieutenant Shull and Ensign Jumia to complete the necessary work."

Sulu tried his best not to glower – and mostly succeeded. "Very well, Commander – I suppose that's reasonable. Thank you for your consideration." He looked over again toward Shull and Jumia, who were just finishing the last details for this particular data collection station.

"Three more, and then we're done – not bad for two days' work, if I say so myself." Sulu smiled gamely at his three companions, and pointed up the rocky face of the mountain ahead. "Now our challenge is going to be to find some places up there with sufficient soil to keep our specimens rooted. Shull, Spock, if you wouldn't mind bringing up the equipment, Ensign Jumia and I will go on ahead to scout out some appropriate spots for our collecting stations."

"Absolutely, sir." Shull smiled back and he and Spock hoisted the remaining packs onto their backs. Sulu and Jumia led the way up the narrow path, quickly outstripping the others.

They had been climbing for about twenty minutes when the young ensign looked down at one of the gauges in her belt that had started making a new beeping sound.

"Dr. Sulu..." Jumia's brow was wrinkled in concern. "According to these readings, we're encountering unusual seismic activity on the..."

She was interrupted by a violent tremor of the ground beneath them, shaking them both off-balance. Jumia started to fall backwards off the narrow path, and would have been unable to avoid going off the steep cliff onto sharp rocks far below had Sulu not been able to reach out and seize her wrist. As it was, the violence of the earthquake, along with the momentum of Jumia's fall, made it a difficult trick for him to grab her – and harder still to hold on as he heard the sickening pop and crunch of his shoulder dislocating. Fortunately for them both, Jumia was able to find a foothold at the edge of the cliff and scramble back onto relatively safe ground without his further assistance.

"Down. Now." Sulu gestured with his good arm. "We have to get the hell down off this cliff before we get another quake."

His communicator hissed into life. "Dr. Sulu – report." Spock's voice was even, but tense.

"Sulu here – we're both in one piece, Commander, and headed back down the mountain."

"Affirmative, Dr. Sulu. Shull and I will wait for you at our current location at Data Station 46."

That wasn't too far behind them – but far enough, Sulu hoped, that they'd manage to ride out any further aftershocks without undue trauma. As it was, he realized he was going to have to somehow pop his shoulder back into joint before they backtracked down the mountain. It felt like it was on fire, and the thought of moving it made him sick to his stomach – but he grabbed his shoulder with his good hand, and started to wrench it back into place.

"Wait!" Jumia cried out unexpectedly. "Don't do that!"

"Ensign," Sulu grated out, "as little as I want to do it, this is necessary. I – "

"No, Dr. Sulu – I meant, please allow me to do it for you." At his dubious look, she went on with a little smile. "First of all, sir, I'm stronger than I look – and certainly strong enough to put your shoulder back into its normal position. Secondly, I'm a Deltan, as you know – and we're touch empaths in addition to being touch telepaths. I can relocate your shoulder without the pain, sir." Though her voice was soft, her expression was adamant. "Please, sir – allow me. After all, you incurred your injury in rescuing me – this is the least I can do in return."

If Hikaru had ever known about Deltans' empathic ability, he'd forgotten it – but if Jumia really could do as she claimed, then that was the best news he'd heard in a while. Gritting his teeth and expecting the worst, he closed his eyes with a grim nod and waited for her to perform the procedure.

She laid small, gentle hands on his throbbing shoulder – and though he had the oddest feeling of another presence in his mind, he also felt the searing pain disappear, completely and immediately. Jumia went on to adjust Hikaru's shoulder with surprisingly strong, sure movements – and he heard, more than felt, the joint as it popped back into place. He opened his eyes again to see the young ensign smiling at him, her huge brown eyes shining with pleasure.

"Amazing, Jumia." Hikaru shook his head in disbelief, and tentatively moved his shoulder. It was stiff, but obviously where it was supposed to be – and most importantly, _it didn't hurt._ "Remind me to recommend you for some sort of a medal when we get back on board ship, all right?"

She laughed softly. "Hardly worthy of a medal, Dr. Sulu. It's just something we Deltans can do. That is why so many of us in Starfleet end up as medical officers; though we can't actually repair injuries, the ability to relieve pain telepathically can be very valuable in some situations." She gestured toward his shoulder. "Case in point. Of course, you still can't _use_ the shoulder – you'll have to wait for it to heal – but at least now you can go down the mountain without undue pain."

"Well, medal or not, you certainly have my gratitude, Ensign. Now we'd better get moving and join Spock and Shull before we get any more aftershocks." Gingerly, they picked their way around several large rocks that had been shaken into the path, and made decent speed back down the slope to rejoin the others just as a light rain began to fall.

"Commander Spock, Lieutenant Shull – good to see you both, and glad you weathered the quake safely." Sulu looked over at the Science Officer with a wry expression. "I think you'll get your way after all, Commander; I can't in good conscience recommend that we remain on-planet with the current likelihood of further seismic activity. I guess we'll just have to be satisfied with the data collection points we've been able to set up – and honestly, we had a lot of redundancy built in, so what we have is probably sufficient."

"I have no doubt that you are correct, Dr. Sulu. However, our return to the ship will be delayed for a short time; for reasons that appear to be connected to the seismic surge, we have temporarily lost our communication link with the _Enterprise_. I have been calibrating our communicators to try to reestablish contact – and I am certain that similar efforts are being made by the Communications staff on board ship as well. Meanwhile –" Spock's words were punctuated by a flash of nearby lightning, and the resounding clap of thunder that reiterated exactly how near the strike had been.

"Meanwhile," interjected Lieutenant Shull, "Commander Spock and I anticipated that we might get an electrical storm, and were looking for a place to shelter where we'd be less likely targets for lightning ourselves. There's a cave just here –" he gestured to a hollowed-out spot in a nearby outcropping of rocks "-and it ought to be suitable for us all for a short time."

As if for emphasis, more lightning struck. Sulu looked dubiously at the little cave – it looked cramped at best, but it was better than rain, and certainly better than lightning. "Then we'd better go, hadn't we?"

...

* * *

...

"All right, Ensign – continue to try other frequencies, and stay in touch with the people in Science as well. We need to figure out whether the glitch is due to the storm, the earthquake, or God only knows what else." Uhura shook her head. "And keep me posted."

"Of course, Lieutenant." Ensign Rogers saluted briefly before making her way to the turbolift. Uhura returned her attention to the console, concentrating intently on each adjustment she herself was trying.

"Uhura." Nyota jumped slightly at the unexpected voice behind her; she hadn't heard the captain coming onto the bridge. "What do we hear from the away team?" Okay, not so unexpected, come to think of it – Kirk was always right on top of whatever the away team was doing, and the time for them to have checked in had come and gone some time ago.

"Captain, we're currently unable to make contact with the team. Could be a variety of factors, and we're working on all of them at this time."

"Variety of factors, Lieutenant? Elaborate, please." Kirk's voice always took on just a bit of the "I'm the captain" tone when he was concerned – and sure enough, here it was.

"Well, Captain, there is currently an electrical storm reported in the area where we last have readings for the away team – but Science has also recorded some significant seismic activity, with a corresponding increase of theta radiation, in the same area. Could be any of those factors, or a combination thereof."

"So you're saying to me, Lieutenant, that my away team is in the middle of a lightning storm, increased radiation levels, and a fucking _earthquake_ – and we can't reach them?"

Uhura shot him an exasperated look. "Captain. Trust me when I tell you that I am fully aware of the potential dangers of the situation – and that my staff and I are working to find a solution to the problem as soon as possible. The people in Science are collaborating with us as well; between us, we'll have something in place sooner rather than later, I'm certain." She looked pointedly back at her console before downright glaring at Kirk. "And the less time I have to spend in _pointless discussion_, the more time I'll have to devote to finding a solution – _Captain._"

_She's the only person on the whole damn ship who could get by with that kind of crap,_ Kirk mused. _Good thing for her she's so good at what she does, or I'd transfer her smart ass off this ship so fast her head would spin..._

The turbolift doors whooshed open, and Pavel Chekov was standing in front of Kirk with a look of burgeoning panic on his face. "Did I hear correctly, Keptin? We have lost communication with the away team?"

_Great. Now Chekov is going to have a fit._ The last thing Jim felt like right now was being reassuring – he mostly just wanted to worry and yell at people until they damn well fixed everything – but if he had to be reassuring, well, then, he supposed he could pull that off.

"Yes, Lieutenant, that's the current situation – but Uhura here assures me that everything possible is being done to reestablish contact. There are some adverse conditions on the surface that could be causing interruptions to the communications signals – but Communications and Science are working on it."

"Adwerse... conditions, Keptin?" His voice was barely above a whisper; the kid was obviously on the verge of freaking out.

"Nothing major at this point, Lieutenant." No fucking way was he going to tell Chekov about the lightning storm. Or the radiation. Or the motherfucking _earthquake_. Kirk shot a warning glare over to Uhura to make sure that she didn't throw out any of those little tidbits of information for the time being, either – though her quick nod reassured him that she'd also planned on keeping Pavel in the dark regarding the minor shitstorm in which the members of the away team were finding themselves just now...

"We'll keep you posted, Pavel," Nyota said calmly. "As soon as there's any new development, I'll let you know immediately – okay?" She turned back to her work, making a shooing motion with one graceful hand. "For now, though, you need to get off the bridge. You're not on duty for another hour – come back then."

"But, Nyota..."

"Pavel. I'm fixing it. You're distracting me. Go away."

...

* * *

...

"So, Commander Spock, let me guess – your sensors are showing that the increase in seismic activity has stirred up a corresponding increase in the theta radiation – am I right?"

"You are correct, Dr. Sulu – am I to assume that you are feeling the effects of the radiation as well?"

Hikaru sighed. "Yeah, Spock... unfortunately, I really am. We're obviously at levels that I never encountered on our last trip down here. And I'm thinking..."

"If your thoughts are moving along the same lines as my own, Dr. Sulu, it seems to me that we need to move the team entirely off of the mountain so as to minimize your further exposure to the radiation. It appears," Spock continued, "as if the weather system that had created the lightning storm is moving away to the northwest, and that we ought to be in a position to move in relative safety within the next thirty minutes." He gave Sulu a long, speculative look. "Do you think you can maintain reasonable systemic function for that period of time?"

"Absolutely, Spock – though I'll be honest with you; I might need some help getting back down to the lowlands in one piece by then."

"Of course, I will be able and willing to provide you with such assistance, Dr. Sulu – as you know, my Vulcan strength is approximately three times as great as that of a human."

"And probably about fifty times greater than mine right now, I'd guess..." Sulu leaned back heavily against the wall of the shallow cave, allowing his head to fall back onto the cold rock.

"Excuse me, Dr. Sulu," Shull's voice was quiet and tense. "Of course, we'd never mean to eavesdrop – but you'll admit that our current surroundings make it difficult not to hear one another's conversations. Am I to understand that you are experiencing negative physiological reactions to the increased theta radiation?"

"Yes, Lieutenant, I am. Right now, with the levels spiking as they are, I'm particularly noticing the adverse effects – but please realize that they're strictly temporary, and will dissipate as I'm exposed to less radiation."

"Is this reaction unique to humans? Neither Jumia nor I are experiencing any difficulty – nor does it seem that Commander Spock is affected."

"Not only is it unique to humans, Lieutenant, but it seems to be a special susceptibility of my own." Hikaru laughed humorlessly. "Evidently, I have all kinds of interesting chemical quirks that I'd never known about – for another example, you'll have to have noticed that I've never been particularly affected by your famous Deltan pheromones." He flashed an ironic grin at Shull and Jumia. "Now, of course, that's been a positive – it would have been awkward as hell if I'd been attracted to either of you – but I've always wondered what's in my system that has given me that immunity."

Jumia's face was a picture of amazement, and she and Shull exchanged a long, significant look.

Sulu watched the interaction between the two Deltans with interest. "Obviously, Jumia, there's something here you're not telling me – isn't there?" Jumia didn't respond, but looked terribly uncomfortable.

"Come on, Ensign – you'd might as well spill it. At this point, I could use some interesting news to get my mind off of this... less than optimal situation."

Jumia – usually so refreshingly direct – could not seem to bring herself to make eye contact with Sulu. "Well, sir... you are mistaken in believing that your immunity, as you call it, is the result of anything in the chemical makeup of your physiology. It is, in fact, a psychological barrier that prevents you from being affected by our pheromones."

"Psychological? How on earth would that work?" Hikaru was well and truly baffled.

"What Jumia means, Dr. Sulu, is that your mind was already occupied by a much more... powerful attraction than our own when you met us." Shull was trying hard not to be embarrassed – and not entirely succeeding. "We have, inadvertently, been granted occasional glimpses into your mind through our touch telepathy – never, I assure you, for any length of time beyond a few seconds, and never with intent to actually know the goings-on in your mind. But even during just those brief brushes with your mind, it became clear to us both that..."

"That I was attracted to – in love with – someone else." _Shit. Does fucking __**anyone**__ not know how I feel about Pavel? _"That's where you're going with this, yes?"

Shull cleared his throat awkwardly. "Yes, Dr. Sulu – that was my point."

Spock had said nothing during this interchange, but looked exceptionally intrigued. Somehow, being "fascinating" to Spock was enough to really annoy Hikaru at this juncture.

He glared at the Science Officer, grumbling, "I imagine you find this situation to be scientifically noteworthy, Commander?" _Great. I'm his next damn experiment._

"Indeed I do, Dr. Sulu." He turned a questioning gaze to the Deltan lieutenant. "However, Mr. Shull, I do have a question regarding the susceptibility of non-humans to Deltan pheromones. Though it had been my understanding that most humanoid life forms – Vulcans included – were affected to some degree by the chemical makeup of the Deltan race, I have noticed in my dealings with you both that, like Dr. Sulu, I personally have experienced no such effect. I will admit to some curiosity as to the cause of this anomaly – which is why, Dr. Sulu, you may have seen me looking as though I found the situation to be worthy of scientific investigation."

Shull gave Spock a sidelong glance that Sulu loosely interpreted as meaning "I'm not touching that one with a ten-foot pole, Commander" – but the Deltan only said calmly, "It is, no doubt, a question that would benefit from scientific investigation."

Hikaru was never so glad to let a conversational topic drop in his life.

Half an hour later, the storm had indeed abated, and the team made up their minds to head back down to the lowlands. By this point, Sulu was so weak he could barely stand, and was glad of Spock's arm braced around his waist. He realized that it would likely be easier for both of them for Spock simply to pick him up and carry him – but Hikaru was inexpressibly appreciative that Spock realized without being told that Sulu's manly pride would be injured beyond recognition by such an ignominious descent down the mountain. As it was, their progress was slow but steady – and Hikaru was relieved and grateful to discover that his strength and stamina were indeed returning incrementally as they made it to lower levels of altitude.

Better still, the return to a more settled part of the world seemed to have a salutary effect on their electronics as well.

"_Enterprise_ to away team – do you read?"

"Spock to _Enterprise_ – affirmative, we read."

The note of triumphant relief in Uhura's voice was evident. "Good to make contact with you, away team. What is your status?"

Catching Sulu's quick, preemptive shake of the head, Spock nodded to him before continuing. "We are in acceptable condition, Lieutenant – and will be sending coordinates to beam up momentarily."

"Commander, you may want to wait for that for just a few minutes – we're just barely hanging on to your signal, and transporting could be a bit risky."

"_Enterprise_, we will be in further contact shortly, when we reach somewhat lower ground. Do you believe, Lieutenant, that this will be helpful in aiding Engineering to locate and maintain our transporter signals?"

"Yes, Commander, I do – we'll await your next transmission. _Enterprise _out."

Sulu smiled resignedly at his comrades. "You heard the lady. Time for us to head further down this rock pile so we can get the hell out of here." He slung his good arm around Spock's shoulders to steady himself. "So... shall we proceed?"

...

...

Though Chekov was technically on duty as navigator at this point, he had yet to actually sit in his chair at the helm during this particular shift – electing instead to pace back and forth and peer over Uhura's shoulder at the Communications console. He had sagged against the back of her chair in relief when they were finally able to reestablish contact with the away team, but then groaned in frustration at Engineering's inability to maintain a strong enough lock on their signals to beam the team back on board the ship.

"Is not so complicated, is it? Why cannot they bring them back up, _now_?"

"It's not that easy, Pavel." Uhura's voice was surprisingly patient. "With an increase of seismic activity down there, the radiation levels have gone a little nuts, and..."

"Seismic? Radiation?" Pavel's eyes grew wide, and he launched into a rapid-fire torrent of Russian that even Uhura only barely understood.

"Why didn't we tell you? We didn't tell you, Pavel, for that express reason – the Captain knew you'd lose it, just like you're doing right now. Now, calm down – you're not doing anybody any good at all in this state. We'll get them back. Don't we always?"

_Shit._ Uhura mentally shook herself. She could tell, the moment the words left her mouth, that had been the absolute wrong thing to say. Of course, Chekov would be remembering the one time they _didn't_ get them back – or at least not all of them – and Spock's mother had been lost. _Damn it, anyway, Nyota – keep your big mouth shut, girl._

"Science to Communications. Come in, Communications."

"Uhura here. What's going on?"

"Lieutenant, we're reading a new spike in activity down on the planet. Don't know what Engineering's got right now in terms of the away team's signals, but it'd be a good idea, we think, to –"

"We're on it, Science. Thanks."

Kirk, who had been watching the proceedings with silent interest from his captain's chair, stood now, his face uncharacteristically serious. "Colmes," he gestured to a middle-aged yeoman in Operations, "take Chekov's spot at the helm." He looked over to where Pavel already stood poised by the turbolift doors. "Chekov, transporter room. _Now_."

The crew of the Enterprise had long since learned to get the hell out of Chekov's way when he looked like this – expression intent, running full-speed, muttering a stream of what might have been Russian, mathematical formulas, or a combination of the two. He'd made it to the transporter room without really knowing how he got there – but now he was here, he was ready, his breathing sounding loud and raspy to his own ears.

"Chekov to away team. Do you read?"

"Sulu here. We read you." A brief pause. "So, Pasha – how about you get us outta here?"

...

...

"_Da,_ 'Karu – just a couple minutes here for me to enter the right formulas, and we'll get you back. Chekov out."

"If they've got Pavel down there in the transporter room, then we're okay," Sulu said reassuringly to his colleagues. _It also means that they think we're in some pretty serious trouble,_ he left unsaid.

As if the planet wanted to express its agreement with Hikaru's analysis of the situation, the ground beneath them quivered slightly.

"Sulu to Transporter Room. Umm... Pavel, not to rush you, but it looks like we might be in a little trouble down --" he broke off with a startled yell as the ground began to shake violently, and the boulders upon which they'd been standing were dislodged from their places and began careening down the hillside.

"Hikaru! I'll get you – hang on! I'll get you!"

_I know you will, Pav._ Hikaru thought grimly. _Just do it __**now**__, please, before we hit the ground. It's kind of a long way._ He'd just begun to feel the bizarre sensation – and gut-wrenching relief – of being caught up in the transporter beam when he felt something hard make impact with his head, and he knew no more.

...

...

_Get them back, get them back, get them back._

"Hikaru! I'll get you – hang on! I'll get you!"

No response. _God knows what's happened down there _– the four signals were moving now, fast, downhill. Pavel's thoughts were rapid-fire, his hands a blur as they moved frantically over the console.

_Change... this. Yes. Lock. Engage – and... thank God. All four signals retrieved. Four to beam up._

Pavel stood frozen, waiting for the away team to appear on the transporter deck. Whether it was because of the radiation, or because he just had to know – _now_ – if he'd succeeded, it seemed to take longer than usual for the four figures to resolve into solidity. He didn't recognize two of them – those must be the Deltans – and then there was Spock, looking a little disheveled, but otherwise fine.

_Oh, God._

The fourth figure was lying – not standing – on the pad. _He's face-down, not moving – and there's blood. A lot of it, in the dark hair, on the gold shirt._

_He's not moving._

Dimly, Pavel registered that someone was screaming before he turned and bolted from the room. The screaming followed him.

...

...

"McCoy to transporter room, stat." Spock's voice was calm, but a little harsh. He knelt at Sulu's side – obviously, he'd been hit by a piece of boulder in their last moments before being beamed back; he seemed to be unconscious, and a large gash over his left ear bled profusely. With surprising gentleness, he shifted Sulu so that he was lying on his back instead of face-down on the floor – and found himself looking down into dazed brown eyes.

"Spock – are we back?" Hikaru tried hard to make the Vulcan face above him come into focus.

"Affirmative, Dr. Sulu – we have only just now returned to the _Enterprise_. I have alerted Dr. McCoy, and he will be here momentarily."

"But... Pavel. Where's Pavel?" Sulu struggled to sit up, and was restrained by Spock so that he would lie still.

"I am unaware of Lieutenant Chekov's current whereabouts, Dr. Sulu – though I am certain that we can find him, if it is important that we do so."

"Spock – I heard him. Didn't you hear him?" Sulu was still fighting Spock's gently restraining hands. "I have to find him – _now_."

"Hear him? Dr. Sulu, I think perhaps that your injuries are causing you some sensory difficulties; I do not hear anyone at this time except for the two of us."

"No, Spock." Hikaru groaned, finally managing to sit up. "When we came back – did you not hear him screaming? Spock, you had to have heard that."

"In fact, looking back, you are correct; I did hear something of that sort. I dismissed it as a side-effect of transporting under such... unusual circumstances." He looked intently at Sulu. "Are you certain it was Lieutenant Chekov?"

"Is he here?" A quick look around determined that Chekov was not, in fact, in the transporter room. "He _was_ here, though – he got us off the planet – but... Spock." Sulu looked long and seriously at the Vulcan. "He had to have seen me..." he looked down at the rather daunting puddle of blood where his head had been "...bleeding on the ground. Spock, come _on_. You know as well as I do what he'd have thought..."

"...That he had failed in his attempt to retrieve you safely from the planet. Yes, Dr. Sulu, I see your point. But – can we simply not reach him via communicator and let him know of the misunderstanding?"

_A good thought._ Honestly, Hikaru could barely focus – much less concentrate – with this nauseating pain in his head. He reached for his own communicator, and spoke. "Sulu to Chekov – come in, Chekov."

And heard his transmission – from where Chekov had left his own communicator on the transporter console. _Damn._

"Spock, I have to find him. _Now._ I don't know what kind of shape he's in, or what he might do if he thinks he's somehow killed me – but I'm worried." Hikaru struggled to stand, and nearly fell again with the wave of pain and nausea that overwhelmed him. He was even more grateful than before for Spock's supporting arm bracing him.

He looked up into the Vulcan's eyes. "You understand this, Spock. You know – how... how important this is. Help me, Spock – help me find him, will you? If I wait here for McCoy, he'll never let me out of his sight – and it could be too late." His voice, like his eyes, was intense. "Please, Spock – say you'll help me."

"Very well, Dr. Sulu – though yet again, I am working against my better judgment. However," he gathered a stunned Sulu into his arms as though he were nothing, "I think that in this instance, since you are obviously incapacitated and time is clearly of the essence, we will forgo trying to assuage your masculine pride. Agreed?"

_Pavel, this is how much I love you._ "Agreed."

If any of the crew wondered at the sight of their First Officer carrying the bleeding helmsman through the corridors, no one mentioned it.

"Computer," Hikaru spoke into his communicator, "locate Lieutenant Chekov."

"_Lieutenant Pavel Chekov is on Observation Deck Three."_

"Well, then – that's where we're going, Spock." Hikaru closed his eyes against the new wave of dizziness that washed over him – barely resisting the urge to rest his head against Spock's shoulder.

When they reached Observation Deck Three, Hikaru had a decent idea of where they would find Pavel. His favorite spot – often their favorite spot to come together, just to get away from the stress of day-to-day life aboard ship – was in the far corner of the deck, where there were no chairs, and where few people ever thought to visit.

Sure enough, they could hear uneven, gasping sobs coming from that corner of the deck.

"Spock." Hikaru's voice was quiet. "Put me down, now, please – he doesn't need to see me like this." The two of them walked slowly over to where Pavel sat on the floor, curled into himself – staring blankly ahead, and not seeing either of them as they approached him.

Spock spoke first, calmly, quietly. "Lieutenant Chekov." No response. "Chekov." Still nothing. "Pavel – you must look at us. You will see that we have all been safely returned to the Enterprise – Sulu is here with me." He reached out to gently shake Chekov's shoulder. "Look at us, Pavel."

He gave no sign of realizing that Spock – that anyone – was there, or had spoken to him, but continued to stare straight ahead, sobbing wordlessly.

Sulu dropped to his knees beside him. "Pavel. _Pavel!_" He placed a hand on Chekov's knee – partly to get his attention, and partly to help him keep his own balance. The pain, the dizziness, all of it, was getting worse by the minute – he had to get through to Pavel, and _fast_.

He leaned forward, close enough to feel Pavel's breath mingling with his own – and looked into those blankly staring eyes. "Pavel. Pasha. My Pasha... you did it. You got me – you brought me back. I'm here – you saved me."

Still nothing – and Hikaru's chest tightened with fear. _What to say now?_

Then it came to him – _say the only thing that matters_.

"Pasha. You saved me." He took a deep breath, and reminded himself that pride and fear had no place in this moment. "Pasha," he leaned that last bit forward, and placed the tenderest of kisses on Pavel's lips. "Pasha, I love you – you've got to come back to me now, because you'll always be the only one who can save me."

He kissed him, so softly, again, tasting his own tears in the kiss now. "Come on, Pasha. I love you. I need you. Come back to me."

Slowly, Pavel's expression changed – his sobs quieted gradually, and he blinked hard, as if trying to reconnect with reality. His vision focused, now – and he clearly saw now the tear-filled brown eyes looking so intently into his own. Gently, disbelievingly, he reached up and touched Hikaru's cheek.

"Hikaru? It is really you? You are not..."

Hikaru reached up to clasp the hand against his face. "It's really me. I'm really here. I told you – you got me back, more or less in one piece."

He found himself seized in a fierce embrace, as Pavel nearly crushed him in his arms, sobbing even harder now, whispering his name again and again, like a litany. And as much as he'd have normally enjoyed that, Hikaru was nearly overwhelmed by the ever-increasing pain in his head – as well as the returning pain in his injured shoulder – and tried, gently, to disengage himself.

"Pav – here's the thing." He tried to keep his tone light. "I... lost a fight with a boulder on the way off of the planet – and I'm guessing that McCoy is probably looking for me right now. So..." he held out his hand "...come with me? We'll get me patched up, and then..."

"Okay, Hikaru – sure." Pavel looked at him as though really seeing him for the first time – and registering the fact that he was, in fact, bleeding pretty profusely. "We'll get you to sickbay right now – and we'll... talk later."

Pavel took Hikaru's outstretched hand, and the two stood up together. Immediately, Hikaru swayed against Pavel, knees buckling.

"My God – 'Karu!" Pavel cried out, trying to steady his friend.

"Pavel – please allow me." Spock, calm as always, went to place an arm around Hikaru's waist.

"Spock..." Hikaru's voice was strained as he looked up at the First Officer with pleading eyes. "Help..."

And quickly, Spock reached out to break Hikaru's fall as he slipped, unconscious, toward the ground. Gathering him up almost tenderly, Spock cradled the limp form of the helmsman against him. Turning to Chekov, he tossed him Hikaru's communicator.

"Pavel – I need you now to let Sickbay know that we are on our way." They set off as quickly as Spock could walk – which was exceptionally quickly.

"Of course, Mr. Spock." The communicator hissed to life. "Chekov to Sickbay – we are bringing Sulu in now – he's injured, and unconscious. We're on Observation Three now, and we'll be there as soon as we can."

"Sickbay to Chekov. Do you require transport?"

Pavel looked to Spock, who shook his head. "Negative, Sickbay." Rapidly, they continued their progress through the ship's corridors.

As they walked, quickly and silently, through the ship, Pavel focused on the sound of Hikaru's breathing. It sounded awful – harsh, uneven, labored, as though he were fighting for every breath. He began to send up silent prayers for his friend – _so much more than a friend_, he found himself thinking – and was infinitely relieved when those terrible sounds grew quiet.

Until Spock broke into a run.

"Spock! What are you doing?" Pavel could hear the panic in his own voice – and the answer to his own question hit him in the moment before Spock could explain.

Hikaru had stopped breathing altogether.

...

...

It seemed as though it had taken hours to get to Sickbay, though in all likelihood, it had been fewer than three minutes altogether. Spock had handed Sulu off to a waiting McCoy – who had taken one look at the helmsman and whisked him immediately into surgery.

Now, Pavel stood there, feeling totally ineffectual. There was nothing he could do now to help Hikaru – he could only wait.

He could still hear Hikaru's voice, urgent along the edges of his own consciousness: "Pasha, I love you – you've got to come back to me now, because you'll always be the only one who can save me."

_Okay, now, 'Karu – now you have to come back to me._ Pavel felt himself shaking, as he broke into a cold sweat. To lose Hikaru after all this – it was just unthinkable.

"Nurse Chapel," Pavel heard Spock's voice quietly in the background. "I have reason to believe that Lieutenant Chekov is exhibiting signs of acute stress – perhaps you might wish to..."

"Absolutely, Commander." Now Chapel's voice was next to his own ear. "Chekov – Pavel. I want to take a quick look at you – sit here, please." He was backed up until he sat down on a biobed, and he heard the quiet whirring sounds of a tricorder nearby. "As you suspected, Commander." She turned to Pavel again, her voice gentle yet businesslike. "Okay, Pavel... we're just going to..."

He felt the cool _whoosh _of a hypospray at his jawline, and vaguely registered the sensation of gentle hands guiding him backwards as his world, mercifully, dissolved into oblivion.

* * *

_**Well, that's my biggest monster of a chapter ever -- whew! I will be very eager to hear what you think of it -- please let me know!**_


	15. Return

**_A/N: I do NOT know what got into me. Seriously. And you should never, ever expect this quick of an update again – because it simply will not happen. Absolutely not ever._**

**_The end of this chapter? Really, mostly unmitigated fluff, now that I think about it -- but I've really been looking forward to writing this scene for a long time, so don't yell at me too much for being a complete sentimental slob. Sometimes, I just am._**

* * *

...

The hours were starting to blur together.

First of all, Pavel had no idea how long Chris Chapel had kept him sedated. His first clear recollection since he and Spock had brought Hikaru in was of waking up in a biobed in a private alcove of Sickbay – and the rush of relief at seeing Hikaru in the bed next to his.

Though he was still unconscious and attached to a horrifying array of machinery that beeped, hissed and whirred, it was clear that Hikaru had made it through surgery – and that, thank God, he was breathing on his own again. Shaking off his own cobwebs, Pavel sat up in bed, and then went over to sit in the chair that was already placed beside Hikaru's.

He smiled briefly to himself, and felt a rush of warmth toward Chapel – or whoever had seen to it that he could be with Hikaru as soon as possible when he'd awakened. _There are worse things_, he supposed, _than being part of a crew of sentimental busybodies who love you_.

Though this was hardly the first time either of them had sat vigil with the other in Sickbay, this, Pavel mused, was different. This time, he felt free to act on his urge to reach out and stroke Hikaru's hair – he'd let it get long, but that was good, because that way it covered up the little patch over his left ear where the doctor had evidently shaved to do the surgery.

_And it looks good longer, too._

And he thought nothing of reaching out and clasping Hikaru's hand in his, letting the cool, relaxed fingers curl softly around Pavel's own hand – and waiting.

He didn't know how long he'd sat by Hikaru's bedside when Dr. McCoy came in.

"Hey, Chekov – you feeling better?" He placed a gentle hand on Pavel's shoulder before turning his attention to his patient in the biobed.

"I'm fine, Doctor. How is Hikaru?"

"Lucky to be alive, that's how he is. He sustained a closed head injury as the team was leaving the planet – Spock thinks it was part of a rock slide they were caught in, and I'd tend to agree – and there was a good deal of pressure inside his skull due to bleeding, and a lot of it, in the brain. It was a tough surgery – took damn near four hours – and there was more than once I was afraid I'd lose him. But he's a fighter – and I'm a pretty damn good surgeon," McCoy flashed a wry smile at Pavel – "and he made it through okay." He turned to examine some of the machines and meters to which Hikaru was attached – and Pavel couldn't help but notice his frown.

"We'll know more when he regains consciousness – though honestly, I'd expected him to wake up a little bit more by now, this long out of surgery. 'Course, with these head injuries, you never know – so it could be a while. At least he's breathing independently now, which is big progress."

"How... how long has Hikaru been out of surgery, doctor?"

McCoy looked up at the chronometer on a nearby wall. "About three hours." At Chekov's obvious surprise, he explained, "Chapel thought – and I agreed – that it wouldn't do you any good to be awake until Fly-Boy here was closer to waking up himself. So you've managed to get yourself a pretty good nap, if nothing else, eh?"

Three hours? And four hours before that while Hikaru was in surgery? He'd been out of commission for almost an entire shift...

"You had me knocked out here for _seven hours_? What if Hikaru had needed me, Doctor?" Even as he'd said the words, Pavel realized they were ridiculous – there would have been nothing that Pavel could have done for Hikaru during that time. But still...

"The point could be made, Lieutenant, that you did help Sulu out. You know, of course, that the two of you are the same blood type – and you donated a unit of blood to him when he needed it during surgery. Knew you wouldn't mind..."

Why such a thing would make Pavel feel better was beyond him – but it did. He had helped Hikaru somehow – even if he hadn't been aware of it at the time.

"So – can I count on you to keep an eye on him for me until he wakes up?" Not bothering to expect an answer, he smiled with grudging affection down at Sulu, who lay motionless except for the rise and fall of his breathing. "Tell ya what, Chekov – this boy fought hard." He reached down and stroked a stray strand of hair out of Hikaru's eyes. "Think I know why, too." He patted Pavel briefly on the shoulder as he left the alcove. "Yeah, I'd say you helped him out, Pavel."

But now, hours more had gone by – without so much as a flicker of consciousness from Hikaru – and Pavel was starting to worry in earnest. This motionless form – this blank, empty face – this wasn't his Hikaru. What if something had gone wrong during surgery that McCoy didn't realize – what if Hikaru didn't wake up, or if did wake up and wasn't... wasn't himself? The dire scenarios raced through Pavel's head, one after the other, as the worry congealed into a cold lump of fear in his chest.

"...don't really have an explanation for it, Jim. Sometimes head injuries are unpredictable – and this was a bad one." He could hear Dr. McCoy talking to the Captain outside their alcove.

"Have you taken into consideration that Sulu's system was significantly compromised by the levels of theta radiation to which he had been exposed?" There was Spock's voice, as well.

"Now that you mention it, Spock... For Christ's sake, you green-blooded hobgoblin, of _course_ I took that into consideration! If Sulu's system hadn't been so badly weakened by the radiation, he probably wouldn't have crashed – not once, but four times – during surgery."

Four times? The doctor had brought Hikaru back _four times_? Hearing those words, Pavel felt suddenly lightheaded, and leaned down to rest his head on Hikaru's thigh. My God – he really had almost died. _Had died – four times_. Thank God for McCoy's persistence and skill...

_You'll be all right now, though, Hikaru._ He squeezed the limp hand in his with fierce determination. _I won't let it be any other way._

He got only the beeping, hissing, whirring of the machinery in reply.

"But yes, Spock, I suppose you're probably right – much as it pains me to say it." Pavel could imagine the doctor shaking his head in disgust – he and Spock had what could only be described as an _unusual _friendship. "In all likelihood the systemic trauma due to radiation exposure is the factor that's kept Sulu unconscious for so long."

An unfamiliar voice spoke now. "So, Doctor – is there a treatment, an antidote of sorts, for the radiation exposure?"

Spock answered. "According to Dr. Sulu, his previous experiences showed that the problems resolved themselves with time and removal from the radiation. You may have observed, Lieutenant Shull, that Sulu was in fact becoming stronger as we came further down the mountain; I would imagine that the passage of time and being away from the sources of the theta radiation would effectively relieve his symptoms."

McCoy's voice again – and he sounded cross, even for McCoy. "Well, Spock – you obviously know a lot more about this than I do. Of course, there would have been no good reason for Sulu to have told – oh, I don't know, his _doctor_? – that he'd experienced physiological deterioration on Deneva, so, no – _I_ wouldn't really know about any of it."

"C'mon, Bones." There was Kirk. "You know as well as I do why Sulu wouldn't have told you. If you'd known about his... radiation issues, you'd have found some way to make sure he never got back down onto the surface of Deneva again – and he wasn't about to let that happen. This experiment – it was his baby, and he wasn't going to miss out on it because of something he considered to be trivial."

"Trivial? Trivial! Damn near killed him! How's that _trivial_?" Pavel could hear McCoy's irate voice moving farther away; Kirk's reply was from a still greater distance.

"You can't actually blame him for not planning to be caught under a pile of falling rocks, Bones..."

And then the voices were gone.

_Voices..._

In a flash, it came to Pavel – _you aren't talking to him, idiot! Let him know you're here, you're waiting..._

He leaned forward, took both Hikaru's hands into his own – then dropped a soft kiss on his unresisting mouth. "Come on, Hikaru. Enough of this. Open your eyes now – wake up, and come on back." He released one of Hikaru's hands to reach up and stroke his hair, his face – and kissed him again. "I'm here, 'Karu. I'm waiting. I need you to come back now. I need you, you hear me? I – I love you, 'Karu. Open your eyes, now – come back to me."

Pavel went on for what felt like ages – kissing, caressing, urging Hikaru to wake up with softly murmured encouragements that probably made no sense at all – but to no avail. Hikaru still lay motionless, unresponsive – and Pavel was terrified.

If he didn't wake up soon, Pavel was going to insist that Dr. McCoy do something – though he had no idea what it might be. Exhausted despite his lengthy medically-induced nap, he leaned forward, resting his head wearily against the blankets over Hikaru's thigh, and drifted into a light doze.

Then... there were fingers in his hair.

"Pasha? Pasha?" A voice rasped – hardly even as much as a whisper.

Pavel shot up.

"'Karu!" No, his eyes weren't open – but he was moving, just a little, and he was almost sure he'd heard him say –

"Pasha..."

_Oh, God_. Those beautiful brown eyes opened, and were obviously struggling to focus on Pavel's face.

"Baby, ssshh. I'm here. It's all right now – you're going to be okay." He could have sobbed with relief. "I'm here, 'Karu."

Hikaru's face contorted in pain, and he moaned softly. "Hurts," he whispered.

"Oh, 'Karu... I'll get the doctor – he'll fix it." Rather than leave the bedside, he stood and pushed the call button – and was impressed with how rapidly McCoy himself – not a nurse – arrived.

The doctor looked as relieved as Pavel felt. "So... decided to join us again, eh, Sulu?"

Hikaru moaned again.

"He's in a lot of pain, Doctor – what can you do for him?"

McCoy, checking Sulu's readings, looked pained, as well. "Damn it all, anyway – in his current condition, he's had as much in the way of painkillers as I can give him. I was hoping the maximum dosage would be sufficient – but it's obviously nowhere even close." He laid a gentle hand on Hikaru's shoulder. "I'm sure sorry, Sulu – I know it hurts. I wish there were more I could do for you."

"Doctor?" It was the male voice that Pavel had not recognized before. "Did I hear correctly that Dr. Sulu has regained consciousness?" The face of the Deltan scientist, Shull, appeared around the doorway of the alcove.

"Yeah, Shull, we've got him back. But you're gonna have to wait to talk to him – he's in an awful lot of pain just now. I'll let you know when..."

"Doctor, please – allow me." Shull moved to stand next to Hikaru, and silently laid his palm against Sulu's forehead, closing his own eyes and waiting, completely still, for several moments. Removing his hand then, he looked expectantly down at Sulu.

"Damn, Shull." Hikaru slurred, smiling groggily up at him. "Thass 'mazing – thanks." He closed his eyes and lay quiet again.

"Think nothing of it, Dr. Sulu," Shull replied, then turned to McCoy. "We Deltans are touch empaths – telepathic pain relief is a specialty of ours."

"Of course – don't know how I managed to forget that. Your timing couldn't have possibly been any better – I sure appreciate it, and I know he does too." McCoy indicated his patient, who lay peacefully now, a slight smile still on his face.

"Yes, thank you _so_ much," Pavel added fervently. "We haven't met – I'm Pavel Chekov, and a... friend of Hikaru's."

Shull bowed his acknowledgment. "I am Shull. And, if you will forgive me... I believe that you are more than a _friend _of Hikaru's." Bowing again – and smiling slightly at the stunned face of the young Russian – he turned and left.

McCoy laughed quietly. "Seems like neither one of you can keep a secret for shit, Chekov." He reached forward and ruffled Pavel's already disheveled curls, then softly patted Sulu's shoulder as well. "You let me know if there's any change I need to hear about, okay?" He chuckled again, and was gone.

Overwhelmed with relief, Pavel allowed himself to drop back into the chair at Hikaru's bedside, and reached over to take his hand again.

This time, Hikaru squeezed back. "So, Pav... they gone?"

"Yeah, 'Karu – they're gone. You feeling better, now?"

"...Thirsty."

Immediately, Pavel reached over to the bedside table for water, and helped Hikaru sit up enough to drink a little bit from a straw.

"Better?" At Hikaru's nod, Pavel eased him back down onto the pillow.

"So, really, Hikaru – how are you?" Dumb question, but after all this worrying, he really wanted to know.

"Good, Pav... doped up like anything, but good." He opened his eyes again, and Pavel had to suppress a laugh at the obvious effort Hikaru had to make to get Pavel's face into focus.

"You're really here." Hikaru's words were still slurred – but not as badly as when he'd first awakened.

"Absolutely – and I'm not going anywhere." Pavel's answer came with another reassuring squeeze of his hand, and a long, comfortable period of silence ensued.

"Gotta ask, Pav..."

"Anything, Hikaru – what?"

"Before – when you were on my ass to wake up."

"You... heard me?"

"'Course I did – I was fightin' like hell to get here. Just couldn't seem to do it."

Pavel leaned forward and kissed Hikaru's forehead. "But you did do it – you got back."

"That was what I was gonna ask you, Pav. Before... did you – did you kiss me?"

This was not the time to blush – but damned if he wasn't doing exactly that.

_This is __**not**__ embarrassing – you're allowed to kiss him now. He's your boyfriend -- or something. _

_Shit...  
_

"Umm... yeah, Hikaru. I did. Couple of times. Probably."

Hikaru's laugh was just a quiet rumble – but Pavel had never heard anything so wonderful in his life.

"So..."

"Yeah, 'Karu?"

"Don't s'pose you'd be willing to do that again, would you? I mean, now that I can, y'know... 'preciate it?"

Another soft, chaste kiss was Pavel's reply, as he leaned in, ever so gently, to try to show Hikaru all the love he was feeling. He was astonished when Hikaru's hand came up to cup the back of his head and pull him closer – so that he lost his balance and fell across Hikaru's chest.

Hikaru – who emphatically was _not_ acting like a guy who had recently almost _died_ – deepened the kiss, and that first tentative brush of tongues made all the pain and loneliness of the past few weeks vanish as though none of it had ever existed. It felt wonderful – and it felt like coming home.

And though he loved it – and really, really wanted it to go on for like, oh, maybe... _forever_ – Pavel somehow doubted that a passionate kiss was precisely what Hikaru needed at this early stage of his recovery. Reluctantly, he moved slightly away.

"Shame on you, 'Karu, taking adwantage of me like this when I have been so worried about you." He laughed unsteadily. "Plenty of time for... that... later, _da_?"

Pavel loved – _loved_ – Hikaru's grumpy response. "Denying comfort to a wounded man. Oughta be ashamed of yourself..." Even then, Pavel could see that it was all Hikaru could do to stay awake.

"Ssshh... enough of that from you. Now, you need to rest up, get better. So, you close your eyes and get some sleep. I promise I'll still be here when you wake up."

"_Come on, '__Karu_, he says. _You've just got to open your eyes,_ he says. Now he says I've got to close them again. He should make up his damn mind – crazy little Russian..."

The "crazy little Russian" in question laughed quietly, delightedly. "I'm glad you're back, 'Karu – I missed you so much." Pavel leaned forward to lay his head against the spot on Hikaru's chest where he could hear – and feel – the comfort of his strong, steady heartbeat. Hikaru's arms came up around him, and Pavel could feel fingers tangling in his curls.

He lay very still for a long, long time, until he felt those fingers loosen their grip, and heard Hikaru's breathing become even more slow and regular. Pavel knew, from years of experience, the sounds of a sleeping Hikaru – and he took the opportunity to slowly, gently remove himself from Hikaru's relaxed embrace, little by little, and to sit up again.

"Not sleeping." Hikaru's voice made Pavel jump.

"Yes, you were."

"Not anymore. Come back here."

"'Karu, I can't – I'll smash you. Besides, you'll sleep better without me on top of you."

"Shows what you know," Hikaru mumbled – already starting to slip back into a doze.

A long silence ensued, broken only by the sound of Hikaru's intermittent light snoring.

"Hey, Pav?"

"What is it, 'Karu? You okay?"

"I'm good. So... Pav?"

"_Da?_ I'm right here."

"Did I... did I mention that I love you?"

That called for a kiss. "Yeah, Hikaru, you did." Another kiss. "And I haven't had a chance to mention it to you while you were actually awake – but I love you, too."

Hikaru let his eyes drift closed again, a contented smile on his face. "That's good." A long pause. "Not 'zactly how I planned on tellin' you, but it's good."

"It's not just good – it's the best." Pavel ran his fingers through Hikaru's hair, and down his cheek. "Now... what do I have to do to make you shut up and go to sleep?"

Hikaru opened his eyes again, not missing a beat. "Sing to me."

"What?"

"You heard me. I want you to sing to me... don't care what."

Hikaru was fighting to keep his eyes open, and fixed on Pavel's. "Just wanna hear the sound of your voice."

He lifted one hand to gently touch Pavel's cheek, and smiled up at him with so much love that Pavel thought his heart might break, right there. "My Pasha."

"If I sing for you, will you go to sleep?"

"Like a baby. Promise."

Pavel almost always had some sort of song stuck in his head – but now, when he needed one, he couldn't think of what on earth to sing. Any of the Russian lullabies he knew were really pretty depressing – if not downright scary – and even though Hikaru didn't understand any Russian, Pavel still felt that was a problem. The church music he knew was also not particularly conducive to soothing someone to sleep – though, come to think of it, it seemed to do the trick pretty well with some of the old guys in the front pews...

Then, out of nowhere, he simply _knew_.

He lifted Hikaru's hand gently to his lips, and sang...

_I may not always love you,_

_But long as there are stars above you_

_You'll never need to doubt it_

_I'll make you so sure about it_

_God only knows what I'd be without you._

Despite his promise, Hikaru did _not _go to sleep – but instead looked up at Pavel with that heart-wrenching smile and those gorgeous brown eyes that were... yes, filling with tears. Hikaru's face blurred in front of him, and Pavel realized that his own eyes were doing the same thing. But that was all right...

It never occurred to either of them that, on the other side of the divider, life as usual was going on in the Sickbay – or it was, at least, until the staff and patients realized for the first time that...

"Who is that? Is that..."

"Oh, my gosh – little Pavel Chekov can _sing_!"

And slowly, without really realizing it, all the Medical staff began to communicate in whispers, if at all – listening...

Nyota had only just walked into Sickbay, hearing that Hikaru had regained consciousness – but wanting to see for herself, and to hug him breathless and give him a thorough scolding for _scaring_ them all that way.

McCoy stopped her with a light hand on her arm as she went to enter Sulu's room – then put a finger to his lips, indicating that she, too, should listen.

_If you should ever leave me_

_Though life would still go on, believe me,_

_The world could show nothing to me,_

_So what good would living do me?_

_God only knows what I'd be without you..._

"Is Hikaru...?" she whispered.

"He's gonna be fine," McCoy whispered in return. "Now he's in there with the goddamn Little Mermaid." He made a show of being disgusted – but Nyota noticed the way he'd had to clear his throat, and the telling way he'd blinked just a little more than would normally be necessary. She found herself thinking with a smile of the night he'd "strong-armed" them into watching the ancient vid where the little princess with the beautiful voice had saved the day for the man she loved. It was actually, in retrospect, kind of adorable. _McCoy, you sap..._

_I'm not in Communications for nothing, my friend,_ she thought. _I'm proficient in 83% of official Federation languages and regional dialects, and I also happen to – almost – understand Human Male. And this particular human male – well, there's a lot more to this one than meets the eye, evidently..._

"So... seems as though I won't be getting in to see Hikaru anytime soon." Nyota gave McCoy a sidelong glance through her eyelashes. "And I've got an hour to kill – don't suppose you're free for dinner, are you?" She smiled at his astonished expression.

"Do I take that as a 'yes'?"

_And God only knows what I'd be without you._

_God only knows what I'd be without you__-_

_God only knows__.__.._

_..._

_

* * *

_

_Have you **really** not heard that song before? Then, right this minute, go to You Tube and enter, "The Beach Boys - God Only Knows (Brian sings lead)" **Right now**. Then tell me what you think of it when you review -- which of course, you will **ABSOLUTELY** do, since I've freakin' updated **TWICE** IN 24 HOURS -- right?_

And, while we're on the topic of updates, I'd been pretty sure I'd wrap this story up in 16 chapters -- but turns out that's not the case. This last installment was supposed to be just the first part of a chapter -- but it went on for a long time, and I decided I liked it the way it was, so I ended it here. So... at least two more chapters after this. Love you to pieces for reading!_  
_


	16. Complications

_**A/N: Huge apologies for the delay in updating. At least I did manage to come up with the 18th birthday one-shot in the interim -- which is saying something, right?**_

_**This is only half of what I'd originally planned to happen in this chapter -- but it was getting long, I liked where it ended, and I figured it would be good to update now instead of waiting.**_

_**So now there are STILL another three chapters to go 'til the end -- assuming that none of those end up being "The Amazing Expanding Chapter" as so many of their predecessors -- including this one -- have done. Guess we'll see...!**_

* * *

...

Something was wrong.

Pavel had absolutely no idea what it was – but something was going on, and it was starting to scare the shit out of him.

This was Day Three of what Hikaru had begun referring to as the "Sickbay Hostage Crisis."

The first day – once Hikaru had finally woken up – had been one of the sweetest times Pavel could remember. There had been soft kisses, sleepy words of endearment, and the pure love in Hikaru's eyes when Pavel sang to him for hours on end. It had even been worth the embarrassment of seeing all the sappy grins on the Medical staff afterward – and putting up with his new nickname of "Ariel" from Dr. McCoy.

He'd stayed by Hikaru's side for the entire first twenty-four hours after he'd awakened – even when Pavel had ended up falling over in the chair, sound asleep, with his head resting on Hikaru's bed. Hikaru had woken up and seen him, and with a silent smile he'd moved over far enough to make room for Pavel to lie down on the bed next to him. Pavel had never believed that it was possible for him to fit as well _anywhere_ as he did pressed against Hikaru's side with his head tucked against 'Karu's uninjured shoulder.

Pavel had smiled to himself as he drifted off again, reflecting that this was _much_ better than the last time he had lain down to sleep; having Hikaru himself in his arms, solid and warm, was infinitely preferable to making do with cuddling his pillow.

It was the following morning that things had started to change, just a little. Nothing Pavel could really put his finger on – but Hikaru had started to act more distant, almost, well... _**cautious**__ would be a good word for it, _Pavel mused_. _ The smiles and friendly conversation they'd always been able to share were still there, for sure, but the affectionate gestures and loving words – from Hikaru, at least – were nearly nonexistent.

And Pavel had no idea – no idea at all – what had happened.

At first, Pavel had been concerned that Hikaru was feeling discomfort from his injuries – but he steadfastly claimed otherwise, consistently refusing the doctor's offers of pain medication. However, Pavel started to suspect that there was more to it than he realized when Ensign Jumia began to "just happen" to appear at Hikaru's bedside every few hours throughout the day – and after giving him a long, searching look, she'd reach down to touch Hikaru's forehead, or to lay a gentle hand on his shoulder, before leaving again.

Hikaru had nothing to say about Jumia's visits, though he always seemed to rest somewhat easier after she'd been there. Pavel, however, was starting to feel a niggling jealousy toward this beautiful Deltan girl to whom Hikaru had obviously become quite close. He hated the suspicion that somehow she knew more about what was going on in Hikaru's head – literally and figuratively – than Pavel did. It shouldn't bother him, he knew – he was making far too much out of all of it – but it bothered him all the same.

_A lot._

_I ought to be glad he's made new friends. After all, it's not as though he **loves **her – he loves **me**._

_Not that he'll actually say so anymore – now that he's off the drugs and coherent again..._

Pavel didn't know what was wrong – and he didn't even begin to know how to ask. Those days of being able to say anything and everything to Hikaru were gone, at least for now.

_Dammit_.

Then there had been last night – when Hikaru had insisted that he was going to be perfectly fine on his own, and that he'd feel much less guilty if he knew Pavel was sleeping in his own bed.

"You can't have been comfortable smashed in here with me on this contraption," Hikaru had said with a rueful smile.

What could Pavel say to that?

_Comfortable? That's how I want to spend every night for the rest of my life – wrapped up in your arms like you'll never let me go? _

Yeah. Not so much did he have the nerve to say that – not now. He spent the night with Hikaru's pillow again – not that he'd gotten any sleep at all...

And now it was Day Three. And even though he'd finally given up on sleeping and had gotten up at an obscenely early hour – even by his own standards – Pavel was not the first one at Hikaru's bedside.

There was Jumia – and she did _not_ look happy.

Pavel had obviously interrupted a pretty intense conversation between them, if the serious expressions on both their faces were any indicator – and they both looked sufficiently uncomfortable at his entrance that Pavel suspected that _he_ may well have been the topic of discussion.

Jumia stood abruptly. "Good morning, Lieutenant Chekov." She turned to Hikaru. "I'll be back later, Dr. Sulu." Without further comment, she stood and walked quickly away.

"So – _that_ looked like a serious discussion." Pavel tried to keep the question out of his voice.

"Yeah. Jumia's a sweet kid – but she gets a little emotional sometimes." Hikaru seemed fairly determined to let the topic drop right there. "Have you been for your run yet?" He looked up to check the chronometer nearby. "This is early, even for you."

_What? What does she get emotional about? Why did you two stop talking when I came in the room? What the fuck is going **on**?_

"No, I haven't been for my run yet. I've got a few days off – Kirk is giving me a break since we're just orbiting – so I can go pretty much whenever I want." In fact, Pavel suspected that Kirk was also giving him a break because he knew Pavel would be a basket case over Hikaru – which, of course, was essentially correct – but he wasn't going to mention _that_.

"Well, give me a few more days to put my head back on straight, and I'll start running with you again. I've gotten out of shape."

"That'll be great – I'll look forward to kicking your sorry ass again." Pavel smiled at Hikaru's laugh – but then found that he had no idea what to say next into the growing silence.

Neither, it seemed, did Hikaru. Pavel wondered if he, too, had suddenly recalled the last time they'd gone running together – that morning that had ended so disastrously by the banks of the Klyazma.

_No, Chekov. This is **not **the time to think about that..._

"So... when is the doctor thinking he'll let you out of here?"

"Whenever I damn well feel like it." McCoy walked in as if on cue, glowering at the machines monitoring Hikaru's condition as though they'd somehow offended him. "You're doing pretty well, Fly-Boy, all things considered. Play your cards right, maybe I'll get you out of here later today."

He turned the glare toward Sulu, as though he'd been arguing the point with him. "Not that you'd be going on duty – or anything else strenuous – for at least another twenty-four hours after that."

Now Chekov got the look as well. "Got that, Ariel? _Nothing strenuous_." Finally, as if amused by his own snarky innuendo, he cracked a grin at them both.

When neither Pavel nor Hikaru had a reply for him, McCoy turned to focus his attention on them both more intently. His eyes narrowed speculatively as he observed the two men who waited in uncomfortable silence, and he gave Hikaru a long, intent look. "Sulu. You feeling okay? Your sensors look good – but are you having any symptoms you haven't told me about? If there's something going on, you're gonna need to let me know. I'm a doctor, not a mind-reader."

"No, Doc. I'm good. Honestly." Hikaru smiled at him. "And the sooner you can get me out of here, the better. Not that you're not all charming company, of course..."

"Of course. Yeah, nobody seems to want to hang out with us for too long – maybe if we left mints on the pillows..." Amused with himself yet again, McCoy turned, still chuckling, and left.

A long period of silence ensued – and Pavel and Hikaru looked pretty much anywhere but at one another.

Finally, Pavel sighed. "I don't get it, 'Karu. What's going on?"

"Nothing's going on, Pav." Despite his words, his voice sounded strained – and more than a little frustrated. "I'm just stuck in this stupid bed when I'm feeling _perfectly fine_, and I'm starting to go a little nuts." But Hikaru wouldn't meet his eyes – and they hadn't been best friends for all these years without Pavel knowing when there was something Hikaru wasn't saying.

But if he wasn't saying it, there must be some reason _why_ he wasn't saying it – and it hardly seemed appropriate to grill him for information when he was, in fact, stuck in a hospital bed trying to recuperate.

Pavel sighed again – but said nothing.

"Pav – you don't have to babysit me, honestly. Yeah, it's pretty boring here, but I've got my book – he gestured to the bedside table – so it's not that bad."

Pavel looked to the bedside table, and was somewhat surprised to see that Hikaru really did mean a _book_ – not a PADD. He reached over to pick up...

"_The Scarlet Pimpernel_. Babushka sent you a book?"

_Because of __**course**__ it was my Babushka – not, of course, that she'd have mentioned such a thing to __**me **__or anything. _

Pavel found himself thinking guiltily of his stealthy visit into Hikaru's room, when he'd read the note Babushka had sent him. He hoped he wasn't blushing, but feared he was – he had a terrible tendency to do just that.

"Yeah. She sent me a few things a while back." Hikaru seemed as flustered by the turn of conversation as Pavel had. "It was really nice of her."

"You managed to totally charm her in record time, my friend. That's not an easy thing – you ought to be pretty proud of yourself."

"Don't know about that. Natasha's pretty wonderful, once she decides to drop the whole 'scary' thing." Hikaru smiled softly. "One of a kind, your Babushka."

That smile went straight to Pavel's heart. _Oh, screw it,_ he thought – and leaned forward to kiss Hikaru. Pavel was encouraged by Hikaru's sharp intake of breath, and the way that his eyes drifted briefly shut as their lips met in the softest of kisses. _At least he doesn't mind me kissing him – because what would I do then?_

Pavel sat back up again, and saw a look in Hikaru's eyes that he couldn't figure out. _Uncertainty?_

_Fear, maybe? That makes no sense. Hikaru's not afraid of anything._

_Except maybe me..._

"Hikaru?"

"Yeah, Pavel?" Hikaru's voice was calm, but his slightly flushed cheeks betrayed the presence of other, warmer feelings.

One more sigh – there seemed to be quite a few of those this morning... "Look. I don't know what's going on – but _something_ is, no matter what you say. I do know that you won't tell me – at least not now. But you need to know –" he grabbed Hikaru's hand and squeezed it, hard – "that I love you. I love you now, I'm going to love you tomorrow, and I'll love you regardless of what kind of weird shit you pull on me. Got that?"

Hikaru squeezed back, and smiled – just a little bit – up at him. "Got it." Then he reached over to pick up the book. "Seriously, Pav – you don't have to stay. Really."

"You... want me to go?" _Damn._ Why did his voice come out like that? He sounded like a little kid. But...

_He didn't say it back. Why did he not say it back?_

"I _want _you not to be bored out of your mind sitting here watching me lying in a bed." He smiled briefly at Pavel – a tight little smile that didn't make it all the way up to his eyes. "Tell you what – go for your run, get showered, then come back. How about that?"

Pavel felt a sudden ache in his chest, looking down at Hikaru and missing the man who had told him he loved him, kissed him like he couldn't get enough of him, held his hand and looked at him like he was the answer to every wish he'd ever had. Could that have really been only two days ago?

He swallowed hard – and tried to smile back, putting on his best casual voice. "Yeah, 'Karu – I'll do that. See you later."

Everything he was missing was still there, he _knew_ it – and Pavel was going to get it back.

...

* * *

...

An hour later, Pavel had to acknowledge that as little as he liked being sent away by Hikaru – and he liked that not one bit – it was really helpful to his state of mind to be able to tie on his running shoes and go tearing through the ship at an unreasonable speed before most of the crew was out of bed. Even though he was feeling the effects of some pretty serious sleep deprivation over the course of the past few nights, Pavel was fairly twitching with nervous energy – and it felt really damn good to channel that into some sort of constructive movement.

He'd always used his morning runs as a time for uninterrupted thinking; just the repetition – the steadiness of his pace, the regular sound of his breathing – helped him reach a more even keel emotionally. This morning was no exception, as he contemplated how he would go about finding out what had suddenly gotten into Hikaru – because now that they were finally together, whatever that meant, he was _not_ going to let things get all screwed up and weird again.

_Maybe I can get Nyota to talk to him if he won't talk to me_, Pavel thought as he came around the curve in the corridor that would lead him onto Observation Deck Three. Lost in thought, he nearly missed seeing the small figure tucked unobtrusively against one of the viewports. Nearly, but not quite; he brought himself to a stop when the figure, rising to stand, turned out to be a young female – and a Starfleet officer.

"Lieutenant Chekov." She simply _stood_ there, looking at him with huge brown eyes – looking at him as though she saw more than she was letting on.

"Ensign Jumia." What was she doing here on this deck? Almost nobody ever came up here – and she and Shull were new enough on the ship that they wouldn't have had any way of knowing about it...

..._except if Hikaru had shown it to them_, he realized with a tightness in his chest that he recognized as jealousy. It had always been sort of their special place; Pavel knew he had no right to feel jealous – which, if possible, made it worse.

"I thought you would be with Dr. Sulu." The intent look turned almost into a glare – was she accusing him of abandoning Hikaru?

Not that it was any of her business what he did, but that – that _look_ compelled him to explain himself...

"I _was_ with him. He – he sent me away to run while he read his book." _Why am I telling her this?_ "I think I might be getting on his nerves."

Jumia rolled her eyes at him. "Do you seriously believe that?"

Hell, Pavel couldn't seriously believe they were even having this conversation; it felt completely surreal to be standing here in what had always been his and Hikaru's special spot, being _grilled_, for lack of a better word, by this little Deltan whom he barely knew.

And who was treating him with a rather shocking lack of respect, considering he was, after all, a superior officer...

And yet – somehow, she was goading him into replying, yet again.

"You are suggesting, _Ensign_ –" he may have put more emphasis on that last word than was strictly necessary " - that I should _not_ believe it?"

"I am suggesting, _Lieutenant_ –" she obviously wasn't too impressed by his none-too-subtle attempt at pulling rank "-that you'd have been better served by thinking less about what Dr. Sulu may have _said _to you, and _more _about what he was likely to actually _need_ from you."

Well, that just about did it. He didn't know what she was doing here, or where the hell she thought she got off giving him a lecture about how he should be treating Hikaru – but this was damn well enough.

"Ensign," he said, his voice tight and deceptively quiet, "I do not have any idea what is making you think that what goes on between me and Hikaru is any of your business at all – or how you think you know Hikaru well enough to know what he might, as you say, _need from me_ – but I am not appreciating your sudden urge to give me advice."

Jumia was, astonishingly, every bit as incensed as Pavel, and her response was indignant. "How I _think_ I know him? Lieutenant Chekov, I do not _think_ anything – I _do_ know Dr. Sulu from having worked very closely with him for weeks – and from having had many, many opportunities to learn more about him."

Pavel planned on throwing in a scathingly dismissive comment here – but Jumia, it seemed, was just warming up.

"What, you're wondering, do I know about him? For starters, I can tell you that he is an amazingly kind and understanding man. When nobody else in the labs could be around me or Shull without things getting... out of hand, Dr. Sulu took us aside and got us away from that environment, so we would work just with him. He always treated us both graciously and with respect, and before long we became friends. I... I can tell you that he always likes to have music playing in the lab -- and that he knows more about music than any scientist I've ever met. He loves books – _real_ ones, made of paper. He likes the way the pages feel, and he likes the way they smell. His favorite stories are the ones that are adventures. You know what he started calling the three of us when we worked together in the Botany Lab? He called us the 'Three Musketeers'. He loaned me the book so I would know the story. He's been teaching both of us to fence during our breaks sometimes, just for fun."

She stopped just long enough to draw a breath. "I _think_ I know him rather well, Lieutenant – because over the course of working with Dr. Sulu, it has been impossible, despite my best efforts, to avoid picking up... impressions... from him, telepathically." She glared up at Pavel, her eyes accusing. "That is how I know, among other things, that he has intentionally been going without pain relief medication for the past two days, even though he's still in quite a bit of discomfort, and..."

"_What?"_ Of all the statements Jumia had just made – and she'd made a _lot _of them – that one, in particular, knocked Pavel for a loop. "Is that why you are coming into his room and... putting your hands on him? Because he is in _pain_?" At her nod of assent, he shook his head in disbelief. "But... why would he do that? It doesn't make sense!"

Somehow, seeing Pavel's genuine distress seemed to take the wind out of Jumia's sails all at once, and she paused briefly before replying in a much kinder tone than she had been using before. "I have asked him a similar question, Lieutenant. He says simply that he doesn't wish to be 'doped up' and to 'lose control.' I am sure there is more to it than that, but Dr. Sulu will not speak of it any further."

Pavel couldn't believe he was about to ask Jumia this question – especially since she obviously didn't think too much of him. This was easily the most bizarre conversation he could ever remember having. "You've had a chance to, well, sort of see into Hikaru's mind over the past couple of days – do you get any, well, I don't know – do you get any idea of why he might be..."

_Seriously. I can't ask her that; I barely know her, after all, and it's just... too embarrassing._

She gave him a long, considering look before replying. "Why he might be... creating a distance between the two of you?"

Pavel gasped – could she somehow read his mind, too? "How did you _know_ that?"

"Because I wondered the same thing, Lieutenant. As I told you, though – he won't discuss it."

"Was that what the two of you were... talking about this morning when I came in?"

Jumia looked somewhat embarrassed. "Yes, it was – that, and other things – and I suppose I allowed my frustration to get the better of me. That's why I came here." She gestured to the empty observation deck. "I needed to get away from everyone to put my thoughts in order again."

For a long moment, neither of them knew what to say to the other; they simply stood and regarded one another with quiet curiosity.

"You know," Jumia said suddenly, "I was prepared not to like you at all when I met you." At Pavel's look of dismay, she quickly reassured him. "No, no. It wasn't like that – Dr. Sulu had nothing bad to say about you. He didn't have anything to say about you at all. But it was clear to me almost immediately after I met him that he was very much in love – and that he had been very badly hurt. And as I got to know him better, I became... very angry, I suppose, with whoever it was that had hurt him. Which turned out to be you, didn't it?" She gave Pavel an odd, tight little smile.

"Please," he said on a groan, "don't remind me." _My God – are we ever going to get past this?_

"I couldn't believe that _anyone_ would not want Dr. Sulu." Jumia looked at him thoughtfully. "What made you change your mind?"

Shocked speechless, Pavel stood open-mouthed, gaping at Jumia while he tried to put together a coherent reply. _Or any reply, really._

His voice was the barest rasping whisper. "What did he _tell _you?"

Jumia responded hastily. "_Tell _me? Oh, no – never, ever. He has no idea that I even know – and I'd very much appreciate it if you didn't mention it to him. It's just the impression I found myself picking up from my contact with him. The person he loved – and I did _not_ know it was you – had not wanted him." She looked at Pavel with an odd mixture of frustration and sympathy on her expressive face. "Not that it mattered – it was clear that he never stopped loving... whoever it was."

She wasn't going to let her question go unanswered. "But you didn't tell me – why _did_ you change your mind?" Jumia's voice was quiet and even – but her eyes held a glint of challenge.

_Didn't **want** him?_ Pavel felt a sharp ache twist deep in his chest. _Oh, Hikaru..._

He looked speculatively at Jumia. "That's not what you want to know, is it? You're asking me – am I going to change my mind again, aren't you? You think I am going to hurt Hikaru all over again." A lot of things were falling into place for Pavel all at once, and he felt strangely empowered by this rush of new understanding.

"Well?" Jumia was nearly a head shorter than Pavel – but she had drawn herself up as tall as possible, and planted her hands firmly on her hips. "_Are_ you?"

Pavel's first reaction was a rush of indignant anger – how _dare_ she ask these questions, much less make those kinds of accusations? She had no right – _none whatsoever_ – to...

_Oh, hell._

Looking at the tiny ensign – who was likely even younger than he was – Pavel found it impossible to hold onto his anger, even though her eyes were positively shooting sparks at him. Her fierce protectiveness of Hikaru was really almost endearing...

_No, it isn't any of her business – but she's just in my face because she cares about Hikaru and doesn't want to see him hurt. I should be **glad** she feels that way._

He let out a slow breath, and tried to think of what to say to her.

"Look. You are not going to understand this – and it is really, _really_ none of your business – but I didn't _change my mind_ about Hikaru. I've always loved him – for longer than I even realized – and I've always wanted him. What happened with us was just because I was, well... acting like a little kid..."

Pavel broke off in frustration at his inability to find the right words - and he was mortified to hear his voice turning into an anguished whine. "I... I can't _explain_ it to you."

Suddenly, it was vitally important to Pavel that Jumia should understand how things really were between him and Hikaru. He needed her to know that Hikaru was safe with him.

_That's not what's worrying you; you need **Hikaru** to know that he's safe with you._

_Well, yes – but this is a start..._

Impulsively, Pavel reached forward and took both of Jumia's hands in his own, and her eyes opened wide in surprise. He held on firmly – willing her not to let go, and relieved when she made no attempt to do so. Then he took a deep breath and closed his own eyes, losing himself in thoughts of Hikaru. Their years of friendship, the good and bad times they'd been through together, the growing feelings of love and desire, the pain and loneliness of the past weeks – Pavel sent as much of all of it as he possibly could to the very front of his mind, so that Jumia could understand what he didn't have the words to explain.

There was an odd feeling, now, of not being entirely alone in his own head - odd, but encouraging, since that's what he wanted from Jumia now. _You read his thoughts – now you can damn well read mine. _

Though Pavel was certain that he had maintained contact for no more than thirty seconds, it felt as though far more time had passed when he finally opened his eyes and allowed Jumia's hands to drop back down to her sides.

Jumia remained motionless – and, to Pavel's mild amusement, absolutely speechless for the first time since he'd met her. She simply stood there, and stared at him as though she was seeing what she'd never seen before.

_Which I hope is a **good** thing..._

"So... Jumia." He looked intently down at her, his voice quiet. "Do you understand, now?"

Finally, she let out a long, shuddering sigh. "Yes... Pavel. I do understand now." Jumia smiled slightly. "I have to say that no one has ever done... _that _to me before-" she held up her hands as though he had burned them "- but I'm glad you did. Thank you for... for letting me know this." She shook her head, as though still at a loss for words.

Pavel inclined his head briefly in acknowledgment -- but he had no more time for this conversation. "I hope you'll excuse me for leaving now, but I have... important things to do."

That got a true smile from Jumia – which lit up her entire face. "Yes, I know that you do. And I wish you all the best of luck with them." With a brief nod, she walked away – and Pavel took off again at full speed in the direction from which he'd come.

He and Hikaru were going to have a talk.

...

* * *

**_Do I need to tell you at this point that I love it when you review? I mean, seriously..._**


	17. Reassurances

_**A/N: This one goes out with hugs and much appreciation to my "pseudo-beta" and fellow "Hikaru Girl" Savage Daz, and to my darling Abraxania, who is the sweetest thing out of Germany since strudel. :-) Love you guys!**_

* * *

...

It was tempting to go barging straight back into Sickbay – but practicality warned Pavel that a shower would be in order before he went back to have what was certain to be a fairly intense discussion with Hikaru.

Something completely removed from practicality made Pavel want to look his best – or at least better than the sweaty mess he currently was – when he pledged himself and his love to Hikaru.

_Forever. And so he can't ever doubt me again._

He heard Nyota's voice in his head – _could that conversation really have happened just a few days ago_? "Little boys fuck up sometimes. Now be a _man_, and fix it."

"Fix it," he said determinedly to himself, as he worked the shampoo into his hair, and let the warm water wash away some of the nervousness he was feeling.

_How the hell have I gotten myself into a situation where I'm nervous with Hikaru? This is **Hikaru**, for God's sake – and no matter what's happened between us, this is still the human being who knows me better than anybody._

_So really – on some level, he knows me well enough that he **has** to understand how much I love him. And no matter how he's acting right now, I know he loves me just as much. Damn him and his fucking self-control, anyway._

_So get past that. Get through it. Make him damn well see how things really are..._

"But how?" He heard that little bit of an anguished whine starting to rise in his voice – he _hated_ that - and he glared at his reflection in the steamy bathroom mirror as though it were somehow to blame.

"Courage, Chekov." _That's right. Sound __**manly**__._ "You can do this."

His reflection looked skeptical.

He threw the towel at it before leaving the bathroom.

...

...

For this particular mission, Pavel decided to go with his civilian clothes – for one thing, he had the day off, and this... whatever it was... with Hikaru was absolutely _not_ Starfleet business.

For another, he'd seen Hikaru look at him in the way he'd always secretly loved – that special look that made his eyes go warm and soft, as though looking at Pavel was something he really, really enjoyed doing – the last time he'd worn this shirt back in Russia. Yes, it was just a plain, faded light blue button-down, but it was comfortable – and if Hikaru maybe liked it, then that made it even better...

He grabbed the shirt and his favorite jeans out of the closet, and hastily got dressed – all the while trying to plan a strategy to solve a problem like none he'd ever encountered in any upper-level calculus or astrophysics class he'd ever taken.

How to get past Hikaru's unbelievable stubbornness – and the ridiculous idea he seemed to have that somehow Pavel wouldn't want him – _wouldn't want_ Hikaru Sulu, the most wonderful man in the universe.

"Ridiculous," Pavel insisted to the man who was buttoning his shirt in the mirror – who obligingly seemed to agree with him. That man then looked back at Pavel very carefully, and unbuttoned the uppermost two buttons of the shirt, nodding approvingly at the result.

"_Da_. Casual, for sure." Pavel reached down and rolled up his sleeves, just a bit. "Not trying too hard."

He walked over to his bed – underneath which, somewhat illogically, he always kept his shoes – when he saw Hikaru's pillow.

"Shit, good thing I noticed that. Put that back, _now_ – then shoes."

Scooping the pillow up in one arm, he wandered through the bathroom and opened the door into Hikaru's quarters, muttering, "Since when do I talk to myself so much?"

"Good question," came another voice from the corner of the room.

Pavel jumped, clutching his chest – but not, _not_ squealing like a girl.

He hoped.

He turned to see Hikaru, sprawled casually in his favorite chair – his slight smile and raised eyebrow combining confusion and amusement at Pavel's somewhat unusual entrance. He, too, was dressed in civilian clothes – jeans and a faded t-shirt that had probably been black at some point – and looking for all the world as though nothing had ever been wrong with him.

"They... they let you out of Sickbay already?" _Way to go for the obvious, Chekov._

Hikaru's expression echoed Pavel's thoughts – but he simply nodded. "Yeah – about half an hour ago. You were in the shower, and then, um... arguing with yourself in the bathroom, I think." He smiled wryly up at Pavel, indicating his pillow with one hand. "I was wondering where that had gotten to."

_Dammit, _Pavel thought frantically, clutching the pillow like a lifeline – _I haven't had any time to figure out what to say, but it can't wait. It has to be right, somehow – and it has to be **now**._

_Dammit._

Hikaru's smile faded as he glanced up and saw the wide, serious eyes of his best friend. Pavel stood there for a long moment, uncharacteristically silent and perfectly still – just looking at him.

"Pav? What is it?" But Pavel only gripped the pillow tighter in both arms, and just _watched_ him with an intensity that was almost frightening.

At last, he took a deep breath, letting it out in a deep, shuddering sigh before dropping gracefully to Hikaru's floor to sit, cross-legged, with the pillow in his lap and his bare feet tucked underneath his long, denim-clad legs. When he finally spoke, Pavel's voice held a seriousness that Hikaru wasn't used to – and an edge of desperation that he'd never heard there before.

"What do I have to say to you, Hikaru? Because I honestly don't know."

Hikaru's eyes were dark with concern. "Pavel?" He leaned forward in his chair, propping his elbows onto his knees to get closer. "What's wrong? What's going on?"

Suddenly, something cold slammed into Hikaru's chest and squeezed tight.

_And what does he need to say to me that has him so upset? _

_Oh, God..._

He'd been trying all night long – because he sure as hell couldn't actually _sleep _– trying to prepare himself for anything Pavel might need to say to him, but now that the moment was evidently here...

_Hang on, Sulu. You can do this. _

Meanwhile, to his dismay, Pavel felt his eyes beginning to sting with the threat of tears.

_Shit – this is the __**last**__ thing I need. Remember? Be __**manly**__, dammit..._

But then he saw something awful dawning in Hikaru's expression that made his heart twist – and he had to reassure him, _right now_ – whether it meant he was going to cry or not.

"Oh, God, 'Karu, _no_." Dropping the pillow, Pavel rose to his knees, and scrambled across the floor to pull Hikaru into his arms. And of course – _of course, damn it all _– he cried. But Hikaru's arms went around him too, and held on tight as Pavel's head rested on his shoulder – so maybe that was all right, after all.

Pavel didn't know how long they stayed like that – in total silence, just holding on to one another for dear life – but eventually, he gently disengaged himself from Hikaru's embrace, and sat back down on the floor. Unwilling to lose the physical contact completely, he kept his hands on Hikaru's legs – noting absently that he was wearing the jeans that had pretty well disintegrated at the knees. His favorites, even though Pavel always made fun of him for wearing clothes that were falling apart...

"I know what you think," he said suddenly, and Hikaru started slightly at the unexpected break in the silence.

"What... what I _think_?" Hikaru looked as confused as he sounded.

Pavel nodded decisively. "_Da_. You think I am here because I feel..." he paused to find the right word "..._obligated_... to be with you. That somehow, what happened on Deneva – and what happened afterward – is what has brought us back together again, and that maybe I do not really want to be with you in this way, but I don't know how to say so. That maybe I don't really feel the way I say when I say I love you, always." Humiliatingly, Pavel felt his throat tightening again as he spoke – so he swallowed hard, and waited.

Then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw the pillow that had fallen to the floor – and picked it up again.

"You want to know where your damn pillow was?" Without thinking, Pavel turned the pillow over in his hands once, twice, then let out a short, gusty sigh. "Well, the night you were on Deneva, I came in here – like some sort of stalker or something – and I took it. I slept with it that night – and tried to last night, too. It was as close as I could get to you – for God's sake, it _smelled_ like you, and how pathetic is that?" Impatiently, he tossed the pillow to one side and reached up again to rest his hands on Hikaru's knees. "But... I couldn't _not_ be close to you anymore, 'Karu. I just couldn't do it."

_You are not going to cry, Chekov. Not now._

"And when I sent you that message the day you left the ship? Did you wonder what I wanted to say to you?"

Hikaru nodded – slowly, silently, as if he somehow realized that he really wasn't meant to speak just now.

"I wanted to tell you... I'd already said it in my head a thousand times when I pretended you were there – I wanted to say to you, look, I was an idiot – worse than an idiot. Of course I'm in love with you – I love you so much I can't see straight – I miss you so much I can barely function. All I know – all I can think of anymore – is that I don't want a life without you. Forgive me – just forgive me, if you can, and we'll start all over again, any way you want to."

Hikaru flinched at the raw pain in Pavel's eyes, in his voice, as he drew a quick breath and went on. "The worst thing, Hikaru – the very worst thing I ever did, _ever_, was to run away from you. The look on your face..."

He looked down and swallowed, hard. If he lived to be a hundred, he'd never forget that look.

"I knew how bad it was as soon as I'd done it, and then I was so ashamed of myself – so afraid I'd lost you forever – and I didn't know how to fix it." He shook his head in disgust. "I always say I am a grown man... but that day I was acting like a child – and I hurt you. I know I hurt you so much, and I don't deserve to have you forgive me... but, oh, God – I hope you will, and that – that you'll finally just fucking _believe_ me when I tell you how much I love you."

Pavel absently stroked the frayed threads at a hole in Hikaru's jeans, and did his damnedest to ignore the choking sensation in his throat that wanted to keep him from talking. "I know maybe... you think you can't trust me. I understand that, I guess, and I don't blame you. But, Hikaru... _think_. You've trusted me with your life – I've trusted you with mine – a hundred times. More, probably. You've always had my back, and I've always had yours. You've... you've just got to trust me to love you, and not to hurt you – at least not on purpose, not ever. Because, well... I can't _do_ this without you, 'Karu. Until I didn't have you with me, I didn't know how much you were already part of me – and then when I nearly lost you..."

The tightness closing his throat got the best of him then, and he couldn't go on. Not daring to look into Hikaru's eyes, Pavel focused on his own hands as they gripped the comforting solid warmth of Hikaru's knees, finally squeezing his eyes tightly shut and breathing hard, trying to will himself back into some kind of control.

Then Pavel felt the softest of touches under his chin, gently but insistently guiding him to look up at Hikaru's face.

And there it was – the breathtaking look of pure love he'd seen there before, and tears shining in those beautiful brown eyes.

Hikaru's voice was rough, and a little shaky. "You know we're both idiots, right?"

Pavel, hanging onto Hikaru's legs even more tightly, thought he might actually faint from the rush of sheer relief crashing through him – but managed a watery grin in response. "Well, I knew _you_ were an idiot for not believing that I love you. I think I am not an idiot anymore."

Hikaru smiled at that – and shifted his hand to tug softly on Pavel's curls. "Wrong. You're an idiot for not knowing that I'd always, always forgive you." He pulled again. "And that I'll always trust you with my life – and anything else. Everything else. Idiot."

"So, 'Karu..."

Hikaru looked down at Pavel, and found himself thinking that he'd never in his life seen anything as beautiful as those blue eyes, filled with love and hope, shining with the last lingering traces of tears.

"Yeah, Pav?"

"Do you think we can start again, now?"

Hikaru smiled at Pavel with all the love in his heart, and thought about what he'd asked. "You know – I think starting again isn't what we want to do, really."

"No?" Pavel was obviously confused by that...

"No. Because starting again, Pav – that would mean we try to forget about all that's happened before, and I don't ever want to do that. There's so, so much... _good _that we've had between us – you know that as well as I do. Even the bad stuff – the awful stuff – I want to remember it, because I'm going to always want to remember that nothing that happens between us should ever be enough to keep us apart. Because – honestly, Pavel... nothing was right when we weren't... I just wasn't _me_ without you. I don't ever, ever want that to happen again – but I don't want to forget it, either."

He'd been wrong, before; the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen was Pavel's smile, right at this very moment.

_I never realized it was even **possible** to be this happy..._

"Pav... you know what I want to do right now?"

The smile grew. "I don't, 'Karu," Pavel replied indulgently. "But tell me – what do you want to do right now?"

"Right this very minute – when we both finally understand –" at a loss for words, Hikaru smiled and gestured between the two of them "– all of this, and when neither of us is afraid of what might happen... and when I don't have so many drugs in my system that I'm not sure which way is up – I want to kiss you, Pavel Andreyevich Chekov. I want..." He reached down to trace the contour of Pavel's cheekbone with gentle fingertips, and drew a slightly unsteady breath. "I want to know just exactly how it feels to be able to kiss the man I love with all my heart."

Pavel's voice sounded odd – as though was trying to get his breath as well. "I... I think that could be arranged, Hikaru."

Hikaru watched, transfixed, as Pavel got to his knees again, bracing his hands on Hikaru's thighs. He was so close – _so close_ – he could feel the warmth of Pavel's body, smell the faint minty trace of toothpaste as his breath came softly against Hikaru's lips.

Pavel's hands moved up from Hikaru's legs to gently, gently cup his face – and, dear God, the sheer love and joy that shone out of Pavel's eyes...

_My God – he really does love me. He really does. _

_So, Natasha... guess you were right after all._

Then those warm blue eyes – oh, so close – fell shut as Pavel leaned forward, closing that last tiny distance to bring their mouths together with exquisite tenderness.

Rather than urgency, or passion, or possession, this kiss was a simple coming together, a sharing – a dropping of barriers, misunderstandings, heartache. It was just _feeling_ what it was to be in one another's arms, their lips moving together with infinite softness, and tongues sliding together in a slow, sweet exploration that asked for nothing more – at least, not for now.

It wasn't a first kiss – not even a second, nor a third – but it felt like a beginning.

...

* * *

...

"...so, then, one of the things we'll be monitoring is how differing radiation levels influence the rate of mitosis at the meristems – since that's where the growth of the plant takes place. Now, of course, that's division of unspecialized cells – they differentiate later based on what function they'll perform in the plant. And you probably know that there are two types of meristems – lateral and apical."

Hikaru paused for a moment, listening to the quiet, even breathing that was the only other sound in the room. "Right, Pav?"

As he'd suspected – and as had been his intention – there was no answer forthcoming from the man whose head rested on his shoulder, his arm draped across Hikaru's chest as they lay together on top of the covers of Hikaru's bed.

He poked him gently, experimentally – then a little more forcefully. "Pavel?"

Nothing.

With his free hand, he reached over, lifted Pavel's arm a few inches, and let go. It dropped heavily back onto Hikaru's chest – with no other movement whatever from the obviously deeply sleeping owner of that arm – and Hikaru laughed softly.

"Computer – dim lights to ten percent."

_Good – after all he's been through, Pavel really, really needs this._

As great as it was to have finally gotten things cleared up between them, it quickly became evident to Hikaru that days essentially without sleep – and with ridiculous levels of stress – had obviously gotten to Pavel. Once the adrenaline rush of their (admittedly amazing) reunion had passed, Hikaru could see Pavel starting to wilt – and though Pavel would never admit it, it was clear that he was absolutely exhausted by the roller-coaster of events they'd both endured over the past few days.

So Hikaru had played the "I'm still not quite up to one hundred percent yet – I should probably lie down" card – and of course, Pavel wasn't going to turn down a request to come and lie down with him. After all, they both knew how damn good _that_ felt.

From that point, it had been easy. "Let me catch you up on the experiment we were working on down on the planet, Pav..."

Because hearing Hikaru talk about botany had always been as good as a lullaby for Pavel, and today was no exception. Though Hikaru had probably kept talking for a good fifteen minutes, just to be sure, he was reasonably certain that he'd lost Pavel completely after the first five.

He shifted slightly, so that he could get a better look at Pavel's face, totally peaceful in sleep. Of course, there had been many, many nights that Hikaru had been able to watch Pavel as he slept – because the nights he'd spent on the floor next to Pavel's bed had certainly not been particularly restful ones for him – but having him _right here_ was a different experience entirely. He looked down at Pavel's impossibly long eyelashes, the soft flush he always got on his cheeks when he was truly sound asleep, the way his lips parted, just barely...

Hikaru's chest swelled with a rush of warmth, and he dropped a soft kiss into Pavel's hair. Absently, he let his hand trail gently up and down Pavel's back, feeling the warmth of his body through the soft cotton of his shirt. He'd always loved that shirt on Pav – the color made his eyes look so damn blue...

_...and you always imagined yourself unbuttoning it, too, you pervert._

It came as a bit of a surprise to Hikaru that the idea hadn't occurred to him today before now.

_Guess I'm really __**not**__ up to a hundred percent yet_, he thought, _if I finally have Pavel in my bed... and all I want to do is cuddle._

Leaning forward to bury his nose in still-damp curls, Hikaru breathed in the wonderful, familiar scent of soap, shampoo – and Pavel. He let his eyes close as he floated on the pure contentment of the moment.

…

The pocket of his jeans started to vibrate, and Hikaru jerked awake – shocked that he'd fallen asleep to begin with. Fortunately, the vibrating pocket wasn't on the same side as Pavel – who showed no sign of waking up – so he could reach down to grab his communicator without disturbing him. He had to look twice at the time stamp of the new message – astonishingly, they'd both slept through the entirety of Alpha Shift.

Hikaru wasn't in any doubt at all as to who had sent the message, even before he read it.

_THEY LET YOU OUT! I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN YOU, YOU BASTARD! OK IF I COME DOWN NOW?_

Nyota. He'd heard that she'd come by a number of times to try to visit him in Sickbay, but he'd either been sleeping or off being tested to within an inch of his life by the good doctor and his staff every time she'd been there. He made somewhat awkward work of replying to her text message with one hand.

_GET DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW, GORGEOUS. USE THE CODE - PAVEL'S SLEEPING._

He didn't even want to think of how worried and frightened she must have been when she'd heard what kind of shape he'd been in; though he knew he was blessed with a lot of truly amazing friends on board this ship, Nyota was the one – besides Pavel, of course – who, well... just plain loved him the most.

_So, Sulu – prepare to be hugged, and kissed, and cried on._

He grinned to himself. _Seriously? It's pretty awesome to be cared about that much. So, bring it on, sweetheart._

Almost immediately, he heard the code to his quarters being entered from just outside the door – and smiled again.

_She was so obviously already on her way when she asked if it was all right to come down..._

Then the door whooshed open, and Nyota was at Hikaru's side before it had a chance to close again.

He reached up and took her hand with a warm smile, speaking in a near whisper. "It's so good to see you, babe."

Astonishingly – at least for Nyota – she was completely silent as she stood and just looked down at Hikaru as though she couldn't get enough of seeing him.

Smoothly falling to her knees next to him – on the side not already claimed by Pavel – she bent to kiss Hikaru on the forehead, her long hair falling around them both like a silky black curtain. Straightening up again, she drew gentle fingers through Hikaru's dark hair, lingering for just a moment over the little spot that McCoy had shaved in order to perform surgery.

When Nyota finally spoke, her eyes were suspiciously shiny, and her voice was the tiniest choked whisper. "You don't get to scare me like that, not ever again, 'Ru." She stopped, pressing her lips tightly together. "You oughta know by now that I can't do without you."

And _then _she cried. Wrapping his free arm around her comfortingly, Hikaru pulled Nyota down gently so that her head rested next to his on the pillow while her slender frame shook with silent sobs.

"It's all good, babe – I'm here, I'm all fixed up... I'm not going anywhere." He waited several minutes in silence, softly rubbing her back through the thick sweater that was probably big enough to fit two of her.

When it sounded as though Nyota was nearly cried out, Hikaru said softly, "You know I can't do without you, either." His voice held a teasing note now. "Who else would I listen to all my random-ass music with?"

Nyota looked up then, and smiled her first real smile at him since she'd come into the room. "Random is right. But..." she stopped as she seemed to notice the silence for the first time. "You don't have anything playing – what's up with that?"

"Well, we had 'The Big Talk'–" Nyota giggled quietly as Hikaru made air quotes with one hand, and gave the words the emphasis that made her hear their capital letters. "That didn't really call for background music, I suppose – though it couldn't have hurt..."

Nyota laughed again, looking down at where Pavel's head nestled into the curve of Hikaru's shoulder. "Looks like you did all right without it."

Hikaru looked down at Pavel as well, pausing to lean down and kiss his forehead. "Yeah – you could say that." He knew he had to have a perfectly ridiculous smile on his face – but he didn't much care.

"Anyway – after all that, this one was so worn out that I decided to put him to sleep with my patented 'Sulu Botany Hypnosis.' With one thing or the other, I didn't have a chance to put on any music – and then I guess I must have zonked out pretty good, too, so it didn't matter."

He waved toward his audio collection on a nearby shelf with one hand. "But hey - you know what to do. Go pick a letter."

This was a tradition with them; Nyota closed her eyes and moved her pointer finger back and forth over the collection, finding a random place to stop. She pulled an audio disc off the shelf. "Okay, 'Ru – we have 'Letter B, Volume One' today." Squinting slightly to read the print in the dim light of the room, she said, "This one has... let's see... Bach, Bartok, Beach Boys, Beatles, Beethoven, Berlioz, Brahms, and Brubeck." She quirked an eyebrow at him. "Don't think I want to put _those_ on random play – I'd sprain my brain just going back and forth between them. So, which one do you want?"

"Well, we listened to your Brubeck last time we were up at your place – and I'm not really up for the classical stuff today... Tell you what – go with the Beatles, okay?"

Nodding, she started the music, and then returned to sit on the floor at Hikaru's side as "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" played quietly in the background. She drew her long legs up in front of her, hugging her knees tightly. Hikaru noted with some amusement that Nyota's jeans weren't in much better shape than his own; they both went for comfort when they weren't on duty.

_Somehow, though, she manages to make it look a lot hotter than I do..._

"So... you two worked it out."

This was Nyota's "I'm not asking for details – but give them to me anyway" approach; Hikaru had seen it many times before.

"Yep. We did. It's all good."

_And that's all you're getting for now, sweetheart._

Nyota had the grace to flash him a slightly guilty smile. "Okay – I get it. I'll stop being nosy... for the time being, at least. But I _would_ like to hear about what was going on with you all down on Deneva – while it was all happening, I was so busy trying to reestablish communications with you all that I really didn't have the opportunity to get the details. And you can't tell me _that's_ too personal, my dear – so let's hear it."

Hikaru was glad to oblige – and was in the middle of telling her about the beauty of the island's lowlands when Pavel suddenly raised up in bed, looking around the room with wide, unfocused eyes, as if he were trying to figure out where he was and what was going on.

He muttered something in Russian – and Nyota laughed her quiet, musical laugh before responding in Russian as well. With a sigh, Pavel put his head back down onto Hikaru's shoulder and closed his eyes again.

"What was that all about?"

"He asked if he was dreaming all of this. I told him no, it's real. That did the trick, evidently – especially since I'm not entirely sure he was even awake."

"Probably not. He usually only speaks in Russian in his sleep."

Nyota raised an elegant eyebrow, and Hikaru realized too late that she'd be wanting to know how, exactly, he'd know that – when, mercifully, they were interrupted.

"You don't have to talk about me like I'm not right here." Pavel hadn't bothered to open his eyes or to move from his comfortable spot against Hikaru. "And I'll speak any language I want."

Smiling, he reached across Hikaru then to squeeze Nyota's hand. "See, Nyota? I fixed it."

She squeezed back. "Knew you would, Pavel."

Finally he shifted a little, propping himself up on one elbow to see Hikaru better. "She kicked my ass, 'Karu." Pavel leaned forward then, and gave Hikaru a quick kiss.

Hikaru laughed. "You know how she gets." He smiled at Nyota, unspoken gratitude in his eyes.

"Yeah – and then Jumia kicked my ass again this morning. I don't know what it is with you and these women, Hikaru."

Hikaru's eyes widened in shock. "_Jumia?_ Seriously?" He had _not _seen that one coming.

"Oh, yeah. She – wait, what does Kirk say – she tore me a new one, 'Karu. I think she probably thinks I don't deserve you."

Nyota hooted with laughter. "Jumia? Isn't that one of the Deltan scientists? She's what – _twelve_ or something? You got your butt kicked by a _baby Deltan_? Oh, that's awesome."

Hikaru smiled, but his tone held a certain protectiveness. "Give her a break, Nyota – besides, she's eighteen." He looked fondly up at Pavel. "And I think we both know that you don't have reached any particular age to be really good at what you do."

Nyota nodded her agreement. "Point taken."

"Seriously, Nyota – now that I think about it, I bet you'd really like her." Pavel flashed her a wicked grin. "You ought to meet her before the_ Susan Constant_ gets here; maybe you two could talk about why it's fun to kick my ass."

"You know, Pavel – that's probably not such a bad idea." With a wicked grin of her own, Nyota got to her feet, brushing off her jeans as she rose from the floor. "I think I'm going to go do just that – and then you'll be sorry, won't you?"

"Oh, yes. You're scary." Pavel stuck his tongue out at her. Then he suddenly remembered something he'd heard in Sickbay. "Speaking of scary – did I hear that you managed to get Dr. McGrumpy to actually go to dinner with you the other night?"

There was a long pause. "Yeah. Yeah, I did."

Hikaru noticed that she was looking down at the floor instead of at either of them – _and that can't mean anything good_.

Pavel, however, was oblivious. "So? How was it? Was he overwhelmed with your charm and complete hotness?"

"No, Pavel – not so much." She sighed. "Couldn't really tell you _what_ happened there. We got off to a good start, I thought – I mean, I was having a good time just talking, and I thought he was too – but then, all of a sudden, he made some lame excuse and just got up and _left_." She made an attempt at a self-deprecating smile. "So much for my 'charm and complete hotness,' I guess."

Pavel was indignant on Nyota's behalf. "Well, then, he is an idiot. A grumpy idiot."

Hikaru saw Nyota's expression. "Nyota? You're not letting this one guy get you down, are you? I mean, he's an awesome doctor and all that, but I'm pretty sure he's got... well, you know... issues. I mean, with his divorce and all – but I wouldn't take it personally." He trailed off, not really knowing what else to say.

"I know, 'Ru. I've heard all about that from pretty much everybody – and I get it. But seriously – Spock, then McCoy? What the hell's the matter with me, that I'm attracted to these emotionally screwed-up men?" Her long hair swung around her as she shook her head. "It's just..."

"Just what, babe?"

"Looking at you two, right now – you just don't have any idea how glad I am to see you two together, finally. You don't realize this, but all your friends – hell, the whole _ship_ – we've known for ages that you two were made for each other." She managed a small, affectionate smile down at her two best friends. "You pair of morons were absolutely the _last_ ones to figure it out."

She turned away from them then, pretending to look at the photos on Hikaru's desk. "But when I see you, it hits me – am I ever going to find something like you have? I mean, I really have gotten over Spock – honestly – but... I miss feeling, you know – _special_ to someone. And even when I was with Spock, I knew there was something missing..."

She paused for a moment. "I'm not even sure what the missing something was, but dammit, I _want_ it, whatever it is. And... well, I wonder if that's just never gonna happen for me."

"Nyota." Hikaru's voice was soft, but insistent. "Come here." She walked back to them, and he took her hand, gently tugging her down until she was sitting on the side of the bed next to them.

Pavel reached over and stroked a wayward strand of hair behind her ear. "Nyota, _lyubimaya moya_ – I know it's going to happen for you. I don't know when, or who – but I _know_ it. You are the most gorgeous woman – well, anywhere, probably – and even if you were not gorgeous, you are smart, and kind, and... amazing. Any man would be a fool not to want you."

He stopped with a small, self-conscious grin. "Okay. _Almost_ any man. Not us, because we are already taken."

Nyota laughed in spite of herself. "Well, then, I guess I'll have to cross you two off my list." She leaned forward to wrap them both in a slightly awkward bear hug. Hikaru and Pavel each wrapped their free arms around her and squeezed her tightly against them.

Freeing herself from the group hug, Nyota rose to her feet again. "This time, I really am going. And guys?" She reached down and ruffled their hair with both hands. "Seriously, thanks for being such good friends. I love you both like crazy, you know that?"

She took a deep breath, letting it out on a sigh. "And... I know every damn language in the Federation, and I still can't even begin to tell you how happy I am for you. I mean... you deserve to be happy, and you _need_ to be together – and this... well, this is just perfect."

Nyota's heart ached at the look that Hikaru and Pavel gave one another as she spoke – and she hoped that somehow it was all right to be thrilled and jealous at the same time... because she was.

"Yeah," Hikaru said quietly, his eyes never leaving Pavel's face. "_Perfect_ probably sums it up pretty well."

"Except now I think I might actually throw up with the two of you making mushy faces at each other – so, yeah. I'm going." Shaking her head with a resigned smile at the two men who had pretty much ceased to realize she was even there, Nyota turned and let herself out of Hikaru's quarters.

The door had barely closed behind her when Pavel leaned down to give Hikaru a long, sweet kiss – smiling against Hikaru's mouth when he felt strong fingers threading through his hair and pulling him closer still.

After a few minutes, Pavel pulled back, dropping a line of small, soft kisses along Hikaru's jawline. "So, 'Karu?" he whispered. "What now?"

"Now," Hikaru said with a smile and a gentle shove, "you get the hell off me. I can't feel the right side of my body."

...

* * *

...

**_Okay. You're getting sick of hearing this. Amazing Expanding Chapter strikes again. This really was only supposed to be the first half of Chapter 17. However, it's become pretty clear to me that the rest of what was going to happen here should get its own – so, yeah. Looks like we'll get to Chapter 20 before we're done, now. Sheesh._**

**_Meanwhile, I've gone back and done quite a bit of rewriting in earlier chapters -- nothing that changes the plot, just fixing things for the sake of consistency. I can't believe I've been writing this since August...!_**

**_This particular chapter was tough to write – I would love to know what you thought of it, so review already!_**


	18. The Edge

_**Okay** – this is your warning; this is the chapter wherein things get somewhat smutty. There will even be the tiniest brief hint of fem-slash in this one – just because you asked for it, Shally, and yes, I love you too._

_The stuff between Pavel & Hikaru is not happening gratuitously; it is, in my opinion, a natural progression of a relationship between two human beings. Some of you will read it and think it is nothing at all – because I really won't get particularly graphic – but I also know that others of you have different standards than I do and might be offended. _

_If you fit into that second category, I'm going to respectfully suggest that you wait for my next update. You have my word of honor that you'll still understand the story just fine if you skip this chapter._

_Okay?_

_..._

_

* * *

_

* * *

_..._

"...So, Doc? How does everything look – am I back in one piece?" Hikaru sat fidgeting on the edge of a biobed as McCoy watched the readings on his tricorder.

"Looks that way, Sulu." Putting the instrument down on a nearby table, the doctor turned to fix Hikaru with intent eyes. "As long as you're telling me the truth – you seriously have been pain-free for forty-eight hours? No more of this stoic crap?"

"Yes, sir. Seriously." Hikaru gave a significant look to Pavel, who was standing nearby. Pavel – who, of course, had gone straight to McCoy when he'd found out that Hikaru had been lying about not being in pain, and had managed as a result to get his return to duty postponed for seventy-two hours instead of the original twenty-four. "Otherwise, I'm sure you'd have heard all about it from this one."

"Well, I _should_ have heard about it from _you_. You were lucky it wasn't a sign of any complications – but pain's never anything to mess with, 'cause your body's tryin' to tell you something. I swear, you're as bad as Jim with this 'oh, it's nothing – I've just taken a goddamn _boulder_ to the _brain_, that's all' bullshit." He took a deep breath, exhaling in an exasperated huff. "One of these days..."

McCoy broke off suddenly, surprising Sulu with one of his rare genuine smiles and a brief pat on the shoulder. "But... yeah. For now, you're good – and see that you stay that way for a while, all right? I'm not in the mood to be puttin' you back together again anytime soon."

With a hand to Hikaru's back, the doctor shoved him gently off of the biobed. "Now, get outta my Sickbay, both of you. You – " he pointed at Hikaru – "are officially cleared for duty. Alpha Shift for you, first thing tomorrow morning."

"Great – thanks, Doc." Hikaru stopped for a moment before turning to face McCoy, his expression serious. "Don't think I don't know what you went through to save me – because I do. I know if I hadn't had the best damn doctor in Starfleet working on me, I probably wouldn't have made it. So... really. Thanks." He held out his right hand, and a visibly flustered McCoy responded in kind.

"C'mon, kid." His voice was suspiciously gruff as they shook hands. "Gettin' you idiots back into commission after you do stupid stuff – it's just part of the job description. But I'm glad we were able to fix you, Fly-Boy."

He patted Hikaru's shoulder again – then turned to grin wickedly at Pavel. "So, Ariel – he's... _cleared for duty_, if you get my drift. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have other places to be."

Pavel's eyes went wide as he blushed scarlet – and McCoy crowed with laughter as he picked up his instruments and walked away.

"What the hell are _you _laughing at?" Pavel glared at Hikaru, who was pointedly not meeting Pavel's eyes, and trying unsuccessfully to keep a straight face.

"You should see the look on your face, Pav." He gave Pavel a sympathetic smile. "Yeah, I know – that was awkward as hell, and McCoy's kind of a jackass for kidding you about it... but you've got to know he didn't really mean any harm."

Hikaru flung an arm around Pavel's shoulders as they turned and walked out of Sickbay. "And besides – I don't know about you, but it's sure been something _I've_ been thinking about over the past three days."

Pavel almost tripped over his own feet, stepping back slightly to face Hikaru in the empty corridor. "You've... you've been thinking about..."

"Oh, come on, Pav – just because we haven't _talked _about it doesn't mean it hasn't been in my head... yeah, pretty much constantly. I mean, haven't _you_ been, well... anxious for me to get, ah... cleared for duty?"

Pavel dropped his face into his hands – though he was laughing, which Hikaru took as a good sign. "Okay... okay. I'm sorry, 'Karu. I know I'm kind of freaking out. I was just... I wasn't expecting to have this conversation. I mean... at least not right now. Not here. I mean..."

Pavel's voice sounded strained, even muffled as it was by the fact that he was addressing the floor instead of Hikaru, and talking with both hands still planted firmly over his face.

"_God_, 'Karu – I never thought I could be this embarrassed and this... turned on at the same time."

Pavel's admission spiked through Hikaru with a jolt of electric heat.

_Yeah. That's definitely a good sign._

"Pav – it's just me. So, drop the 'embarrassed' part already." Hikaru put his arm back around Pavel's shoulders, leaning over to place a small, soft kiss behind his ear before whispering, "But... feel free to be as turned on as you want. I've got no problem with that."

Pavel froze. Hikaru's whisper was sweet and hot against his ear – and managed to more or less shut down almost all of his thought processes, right then and there. It was all he could do to remember to breathe; any kind of coherent response was completely out of the question...

_Come on. _ _**Manly**, Chekov. _

_For Christ's sake, you didn't just **whimper**, did you?_

_Yeah. You totally did..._

Hikaru had quickly come to the conclusion that walking was probably better than talking at this point. After all, even _his _self-control had limits, and that almost inaudible, unbelievably _hot _little noise Pavel had just made had damn near obliterated the small amount he had left after the days –

_Days? Hell, __**years**__..._

–he'd spent thinking about... about what he hoped was going to be happening.

Soon.

Taking Pavel by the elbow, he said, "I think maybe we could just skip dinner – " Hikaru stopped short as his communicator beeped at him.

"Botany Lab to Dr. Sulu. Please respond."

_Shit, shit, **shit**. They can**not** be doing this to me right now..._

"Sulu here. Come in, Botany."

"Dr. Sulu – Shull here. I hate to bother you, but Dr. McCoy mentioned that he'd cleared you for duty – and we're having some... well, anomalous findings here in the lab. I'd be more comfortable if you would come and check them out yourself before I enter any more of the data."

"Shull... are you certain this can't wait until morning?" _Because I can think of any number of things that __**really**__ can't wait much longer at all_, Hikaru thought as he rather self-consciously adjusted his uniform trousers.

"I really am sorry, Dr. Sulu, but it is a matter of some urgency, or I wouldn't have disturbed you. Would you mind coming to the lab for a short while, just to check out these findings?"

"Well, Shull – don't you think you could just _tell_ me about –"

Shull's next words came in a rush. "Thanks, Dr. Sulu – I'll tell you about them in a few minutes. See you shortly. Shull out."

Hikaru simply stood there for a moment, staring at his now silent communicator with a thoroughly baffled expression. "I don't know what the hell Shull was talking about – it made absolutely no sense at all. Not any."

He sighed heavily. "However, it sounds as though I have to drag myself up to Botany to find out exactly what is going on." He looked ruefully over at Pavel. "I'm really sorry."

He scrubbed his face with both hands, hard, raking his fingers across his scalp in frustration and making his hair stick out in all directions. "I mean really, _really_ sorry."

Another sigh. "I won't be long, though, I promise – whatever's going on up there, I'll make it a quick visit. And maybe I can meet you for dinner – or something – when I'm done in the lab?"

_Come on, Pav – this is definitely an "or something" moment._

"There's no reason why I can't just come with you, is there, 'Karu?" Pavel looked hopeful. "After all, I haven't been up to the lab in ages – and it might be kind of cool to see what you've been doing in there."

Whatever answer Hikaru had been expecting from Pavel, it certainly hadn't been _that _one. "Of course you can come along – if you want to, that is. I mean, usually the lab is enough to bore you right into a coma, isn't it?"

Pavel really couldn't argue with that, and they both knew it. "Well, maybe – but it will only be a little while, _da_? And besides – maybe they won't try to keep you for so long if I go with you." He gave Hikaru a long look. "And that would be good... right?"

This was going to be the shortest visit to the lab on record.

"Absolutely right, Pav."

...

* * *

...

"He didn't sound a bit happy about coming up here to visit us, did he?" Jumia smiled brightly at Shull after he had abruptly closed communications with Sulu.

Nyota, standing next to her, stifled a giggle. "Makes you wonder if we're interrupting something, doesn't it?"

"Nah, not yet – no time." Kirk sounded fairly certain. "After all, Bones just called up here not five minutes ago – and it takes longer than that just to get back to their quarters." He smirked knowingly. "Besides, Chekov knows that he's got to get Sulu up here to the lab, so he's going to make sure that happens. And even as desperate as Sulu probably is by now, he isn't going to go batshit crazy on Chekov in the corridors."

He paused. "I don't think."

Spock gave them all a withering look. "I fail to see the merits of a party which the guest of honor would obviously prefer not to attend."

"You usually fail to see the merits of most parties, don't you, Spock?" The captain gave his first officer a teasing smile. "We're welcoming Sulu back to the bridge, and kind of unofficially celebrating his, well – whatever you want to call it – with Chekov. We're surprising him because it's fun – and because if we're keeping him from getting laid, well... then it's even _more_ fun."

Jim smiled broadly again, this time at the sight of his unbelievably dignified half-Vulcan first officer looking resplendent – and utterly uncomfortable – in their version of the regalia of an 18th century French musketeer, complete with a mantle and festively plumed hat. "Besides, I think you're just grumpy because of the costumes."

Jumia looked apologetically at Spock – his expression of distaste having made it quite clear that the captain's assessment of his opinion had been pretty accurate. "Commander Spock, I'm truly sorry if you don't care for the musketeer costumes – they were my idea, and Nyota thought that they'd be a fun theme for the party."

In fact, all the assembled guests – the senior officers and the Botany Lab staffers – were in similar gear. Jumia and Nyota had thought it was an especially clever touch to have the mantles and plumes match each individual's Starfleet jersey color, so that Jim was in gold, Spock and the Science staff in blue, and Scotty and Nyota in red. It had taken the guys in Engineering a little while to program the specifications for the requisite "musketeer gear" into the replicators – but for Nyota and Jumia, they'd been endearingly eager to do so.

"Ensign, though I am well aware of Dr. Sulu's fondness for literature from this period of Terran history, and for the Dumas work 'The Three Musketeers' in particular, I will admit that I do not understand the appeal of such attire for a social gathering – or, for that matter, any other purpose."

"Which is why we love you all the more for being willing to put up with us and go along with our nonsense." Nyota gave Spock a brilliant smile and an affectionate pat on the shoulder. "Even when we're being just unbelievably illogical."

Spock raised one eyebrow, and one corner of his mouth quirked the tiniest bit upward – which, in this circumstance, she was willing to count as a smile. "That, Nyota, would be the majority of the time."

The door slid open, admitting a somewhat harried-looking Dr. McCoy. "So I got here ahead of 'em? That's..."

He stopped then, his jaw dropping slightly as he looked for the first time at the assembled guests.

"Oooookay. Just so we're all clear, I am _not_ wearing one of those ridiculous get-ups." He gave Spock an appraising look. "Though I must admit, Spock, you do look exceptionally dashing." He smirked at Spock's obvious discomfort. "The feather is really a nice touch."

Kirk, smiling, clapped him on the shoulder with mock heartiness. "Oh, Bones. Bonesy, Bonesy, Bones. We'd never _dream_ of depriving you of the opportunity to look as dashing as Spock, now, would we?"

"Certainly not, Captain." Spock seemed to have developed a sudden, almost gleeful (if Vulcans could indeed experience such an emotion) determination to make sure that the good doctor had a costume as well. "Especially," he said smoothly, turning his attention to McCoy, "as he has expressed such a particular admiration for the feathered headgear."

Looking around at the expectant faces surrounding him – and the smile on Jim's face that only ever meant that some sort of humiliation was forthcoming – McCoy threw up his hands with a chuff of exasperation.

"Fine. _Fine_. I'll put the damn thing on." He glared at them all, shaking his head as he threw his Science blue mantle on over his Science blue jersey and making his own plume wave jauntily as he fiercely jammed the broad-brimmed hat onto his head. "But let me see so much as _one_ picture of me in this outfit later on, and I'll vaccinate you – _all _of you – nine ways from Sunday."

"Deck Seven Security to Botany Lab." The sudden buzz of the lab's intercom commanded everyone's attention.

"Kirk here. Come in, Ensign Khatri."

"Captain, they're on their way. ETA approximately one minute."

Nyota stepped forward, raising her hand to silence the excited chatter that had begun. "Now we've just got to get out of the way and be quiet until they get here. Jumia, do you have the music ready?"

The young Deltan nodded, smiling. Her blue-feathered musketeer hat looked especially incongruous resting on her bald head, but her eyes sparkled with suppressed excitement.

The lab's lights dimmed – with the exception of the "grow lights" that were on specifically-timed cycles for the plants – and everyone waited in silence. Shortly, the door whooshed open, and Sulu and Chekov walked into the darkened lab.

"Shull? Where are you?" Sulu's tone was curt and impatient. "You said it was import-"

He was interrupted by the sudden swelling of the opening notes of "La Marseillaise," and froze in open-mouthed astonishment.

Then he was surrounded by a circle of several dozen of his closest associates and best friends, all wearing outlandish costumes and shouting some version of "Surprise!" or "Welcome back!" as the lights came back up in the lab.

Hikaru was utterly at a loss, looking dazedly from one face to another, trying to register what on earth was happening.

It was Nyota's enthusiastic hug that brought him back to some sort of coherence.

"Hey sweetie! Surprised?" She leaned over to give him a kiss on the cheek.

"What is... _what_?"

Because, seriously...

Spock.

McCoy.

_In feathered hats._

This did _not _compute.

"Nyota... what _is_ this?"

Now she was laughing – nearly everyone was laughing now, Hikaru realized. Not that he blamed them; he had no doubt that his expression had to have been pretty hilarious as he'd tried to wrap his brain around what was going on.

Then Jumia joined Nyota, who pulled the Deltan close with an affectionate arm around the shoulders. "See, 'Ru? You shouldn't have let Pavel suggest that I get to know Jumia. The two of us got together, and it turns out that we're definitely a dangerous combination. I mean, I'd been thinking all along that we'd need to have a party to welcome you back to duty – and back to the bridge, I might add – but your friend Ensign Jumia was the one who came up with the musketeer theme for the party." She gave Jumia a slight squeeze and a bright smile. "And it's brilliant, don't you think?"

"After all, Dr. Sulu, it's like you always said to me and Shull – 'all for one, and one for all'. I thought it was an appropriate way to celebrate your return."

Jumia's shy smile was irresistible – which was helpful, since Hikaru felt that he might otherwise have been tempted to put his fist through a wall out of sheer frustration. And these walls were _metal_, dammit.

_Could they possibly have timed this worse? If so, I don't know how..._

"Wow. A surprise party. You two are... really something." Hikaru gritted his teeth and gave Jumia and Nyota his best – if not his most sincere – smile. Then an issue of some sort commanded the conspirators' attention across the room, and they were gone.

Shull joined Hikaru and Pavel then, smiling apologetically. "Dr. Sulu, I'm sorry to have brought you up under false pretenses. You can see now why my deception was necessary, of course." Reaching over to a nearby table, he retrieved two command gold musketeer ensembles for Hikaru and Pavel. "These costumes were Jumia's idea – which I'm sure will not be a surprise to you. I know you won't mind humoring her just for a while and putting them on."

Definitely not his most sincere smile. "Of course not, Shull." Hikaru tossed on his gold mantle, and reluctantly put on his hat as well. It really was a great idea, this whole musketeer nonsense – and he wished he were in more of a mood to appreciate it. He really did.

Then it hit him, and he turned slowly to Pavel. Shull, seeing the looks passing between them, made a hasty exit.

"You were in on this. You knew it all along."

Pavel looked up at him with pleading eyes and a small guilty smile.

"_Da_, 'Karu – but what was I going to do? They wanted to have a party for you – and you know as well as I do that you can't say no to Nyota. And believe me, you _really_ can't say no to Nyota and Jumia. Not possible."

"You let me stand there just now, out in the corridor, and say all that..." Now Hikaru didn't know whether he was more frustrated or embarrassed – he'd been coming on to Pavel pretty shamelessly just a few minutes ago, and Pavel had only been wanting to get him to the party.

Except... the look in Pavel's eyes said otherwise. There was heat, and need, and raw desire showing in his face, in his slightly erratic breathing as they stood close together. He wanted this, too, and Hikaru knew it.

Hikaru clapped a hand briefly over his eyes, rubbing it down his face in frustration.

"Fucking party," he mumbled, almost inaudibly.

For some reason, that seemed to amuse Pavel, who laughed quietly.

"Really, Pav? I'm funny?" Hikaru wasn't quite pissed off at him – but it was pretty close.

"I'm sorry, 'Karu." Pavel tried, without success, to suppress a broad grin. "Really I am. It's just... you are cute when you're frustrated."

_Why, that little fuck._

"Well, then – I've got an idea; let's see how cute _you_ are when you're frustrated, okay, Pav?"

Belatedly, Pavel realized that he'd made a tactical error – and a big one. Hikaru had leaned close to him, speaking so quietly that only Pavel could hear him.

"So," he said conversationally, looking out at the lively party instead of at Pavel, "let me tell you what's been going through my mind."

Pavel's sudden indrawn breath sounded almost like a hiccup – but Hikaru, ignoring his reaction, threw a casual arm around his shoulders, and went on without pausing.

"Here's the thing, Pav. You know what I've been wanting to do?" Just for a second, he glanced sideways to meet Pavel's eyes.

Pavel sounded as though he were having trouble getting his breath. "What, Hikaru?" His voice was the barest whisper.

"I've been wanting to finish what I started up on Observation Three on your eighteenth birthday."

Not waiting for a response, he gave Pavel a brief one-armed squeeze before releasing him, then clapped him heartily on the shoulder with a smile. "So – enjoy the party, okay?" Then without another word, Hikaru walked briskly across the room where a group was assembled around a table of refreshments.

Almost a full minute later, as he half-listened to Scotty telling him about adjustments they'd made to the replicators, Hikaru glanced over to where Pavel had been.

Pavel was still there, as if rooted to the spot. He was staring – just _staring_ – at Hikaru, and looking more than a little shell-shocked.

Suddenly feeling much more cheerful – _serves the little bastard right_ – Hikaru sent him a sunny smile and a quick wink before returning to his conversation.

...

...

...

"Captain, I am sure that your knowledge of Terran history is sufficient to realize that the playing of the anthem _La Marseillaise_ is anachronistic in reference to the era of the Musketeers as described by Dumas; the Musketeers were serving in defense of the King of France, and _La Marseillaise_ was written to celebrate the overthrow of the monarchy. This anthem, therefore, would have been composed more than one Terran century after the events described in the literary work."

"Spock, do you ever even _listen _to yourself? You are so full of shit."

"Doctor, I assure you that I listen to myself quite consistently, as to speak without doing so would be utterly illogical. I also fail to see how your speculation as to the status of my digestive tract has any bearing on this conversation in any way."

Jim was doing his damnedest not to laugh at either of his best friends – though it was proving to be a challenge.

"See, Sulu? This is the kind of shit I have to put up with from these two all the time. I'm thinking of running away and joining the circus just to get away from it all."

"Join it, my ass, Jim – you _are_ the circus."

"Screw off, Bones."

"If my understanding is correct, a circus usually employs professional buffoons known as clowns, and is characterized by a bewildering variety of events or activities. Within the scope of this definition, I would tend to concur with the doctor for once, Captain. Your presence is usually accompanied by circumstances very similar to those of a circus."

Hikaru didn't know what was funnier just then – the realization that Spock had just made a joke at Kirk's expense, or the look on Kirk's face when he realized the same thing.

Both those things were really damn funny, though.

And it hit him with a sudden rush of warmth that these people – the people who had shared pretty much everything in his entire life for the past two years – were really awesome, when he thought about it.

Hikaru had read some trite greeting card at one point that said, "Friends are the family we choose for ourselves." As he listened to the good-natured bitching between Kirk, McCoy and Spock, and watched Nyota as she moved gracefully from one group of people to another in her function as unofficial hostess for his welcome-back party, he realized that, trite as it was, it was true.

These people – Pavel, and all of his friends on the Enterprise – were his family now. That realization, coming as it had almost out of nowhere, came close to choking him up.

At just that moment, Kirk's arm went around his shoulders – and Hikaru was briefly concerned that his little emotional epiphany had been obvious to his captain.

But... no.

Kirk leaned close with a conspiratorial whisper and a look of almost demonic glee.

"We have so _totally_ cock-blocked you."

Hikaru looked over to where Pavel was talking to Nyota and Jumia before glaring half-halfheartedly at Jim.

"Permission to speak freely, sir?"

The captain snorted. "Granted."

Hikaru gave Kirk a cheery smile of his own. "Go fuck yourself. Sir."

...

...

"So, Pavel – was he surprised?"

Pavel took a moment to look across the room at Hikaru as he stood laughing at some interchange between Spock and McCoy. He should have realized that 'Karu would be the only person at the party who would manage not to look ridiculous in a Musketeer costume.

_Of course he didn't. He looked **gorgeous**._

_Dammit._

"_Da_, Nyota – he was surprised. And now I think he is going to get his revenge on me for not letting him in on the surprise beforehand."

"Revenge? But... it wasn't your fault. You were just doing what Nyota and I asked you to do." Jumia followed Pavel's gaze across the room concernedly. "Do you want me to go talk to Dr. Sulu?"

Pavel patted her reassuringly on the arm. "No – you shouldn't worry about it. He's not really angry. He's just... teasing me a little bit just now."

_Teasing? __**Torturing**__ is more like it._ Hikaru was sending looks over to Pavel at random intervals that were damn near buckling his knees. The stunning revelation that Hikaru remembered -- had remembered all along -- the night that the two of them, both ridiculously drunk, had ended up against a wall on Observation Deck Three with their tongues pretty much down each other's throats was still sending shock waves through him.

_How the fuck did he manage to keep that a secret for so long?_

But damn... knowing he'd been thinking of them, together like that, was so, _so_ hot...

He didn't know when they were going to manage to get away from the party, but his mind was starting to reel with jumbled thoughts of what might happen once the two of them were finally alone.

_Stop it, Chekov. Pull it together. _ Dragging in a deep breath, Pavel tore his eyes away from Hikaru, and turned back to Jumia and Nyota. He noticed belatedly that he was the object of a number of envious glances from many of the male party guests – since, of course, he was talking to the two most desirable women in the room.

The irony of that situation was not lost on him.

"So, ladies, I was not wrong – I knew the two of you would get along if you had the chance to meet." He gave them a wicked grin. "Have you had time to compare notes about your hobby?"

Jumia flashed Nyota a confused look. "Hobby?"

Nyota rolled her eyes, smiling wryly. "Ignore him – he thinks he's being funny. He's referring to the fact that you and I have both taken the opportunity to, as he put it, 'kick his ass' recently."

Jumia laughed then – Pavel had never heard her laugh before, and it was a wonderful, musical sound. "Well, Pavel – it worked well enough the first time that I don't think I'll have to do it anymore, so I suppose it can't really be a hobby for me, can it?" She wrapped an arm around Nyota's waist and squeezed. "Now Nyota, on the other hand – I think it's been a second career for her, from the sounds of it."

Nyota, laughing, squeezed back with an arm around Jumia's shoulders. "Girl, I'm going to miss you when you go back to the _Constant_ – I just can't believe how fast we've become friends. Don't guess there's any chance you could tell them you're staying here with us, huh?"

"Not possible – though we could have some fun, couldn't we?" Jumia shook her head, making the blue plume of her hat wave gently. "As it is, Shull and I are a fourth of the _Constant's_ Science staff – and they've been having a hard time working with such short numbers while we've been doing our research at the Academy and here on the _Enterprise_." She smiled self-deprecatingly. "They were only willing to spare us to begin with because we're the 'babies' of the Science staff; everyone else is quite a bit older and more experienced than the two of us – nothing at all like here on the _Enterprise_ – and they never let us forget it."

Her expression became more serious. "Besides – there are quite a few more Deltans on the crew of the _Constant_ – so the non-Deltan crew members seem to be more accustomed to the, shall we say, _challenges_ of working with us."

As much as she'd miss the _Enterprise_ and the few really good friends she'd made there, Jumia had determined that she would _not _miss the almost constant discomfort that arose when her fellow crew members found themselves unable to resist the Deltan pheromones that she was powerless to control. There had been more than once that she'd had to take a colleague aside and explain that Deltans in Starfleet took a vow of celibacy for a reason – after all, it had been documented that Deltans who engaged in sexual relations with non-Deltans had, on more than one occasion, inadvertently driven their partners irrevocably mad.

And then she had to try to convince them that no, it really _wasn't_ worth it.

Nyota nodded understandingly. "I can imagine that's been pretty tough to deal with – having us all kind of, well... drooling all over you, I guess. But I'm sure you know it's kind of tough for us, too – though I'd imagine that some of us have done a better job than others of keeping ourselves under control with you and Shull."

"You've never been anything but wonderful, Nyota." Jumia smiled affectionately up at her. "I really am glad that our friend Pavel here suggested that we should get to know each other."

"Well, Jumia – I won't say that it hasn't been hard sometimes to... let's say, maintain a professional distance. You've got to know that those damn pheromones can do a number on us non-Deltan types – I mean, there are times when I've found you pretty well irresistible." Nyota quirked a wry grin, flipping her ponytail flirtatiously. "Now I know how it must feel for everyone else to be around _me_ all the time."

Pavel smiled broadly at the two women as they dissolved in companionable giggles. He couldn't help noticing, though, that Nyota's smile began to look a bit forced when she noticed Dr. McCoy looking in their direction – with, if such a thing was possible, an even grumpier expression than usual.

Nyota's tone was flippant as she seemed to shrug off the doctor's scrutiny. "Not that _he_ finds me particularly irresistible, evidently – but I think my reputation as 'resident hottie' on the _Enterprise_ is probably still intact."

Jumia gave her a long, considering look. "You're letting him bother you, aren't you?" At Nyota's attempt at nonchalant silence, Jumia took her by the shoulders and shook her slightly. "Didn't we already have that discussion, Nyota? He's not worth it – remember?"

Then her eyes twinkled, and she got an absolutely wicked smile on her face. "What do you say we show the good doctor what he's missing, eh?"

Before Nyota could respond – before she knew what had hit her, really – Jumia stood up on tiptoe and, putting her arms around Nyota's neck, drew her down into a soft, slow kiss. In the back of her mind, Nyota realized they were purposely putting on a show to make McCoy miserable – or at least to make him notice – so she overcame her initial shock and kissed Jumia back.

After all, it wasn't as though it was a _chore_, or anything...

They broke apart a short while later, when they began to realize that the room had gone silent around them; the other party guests – male and female alike – stood staring at the two of them with almost identical glazed expressions.

Kirk broke the silence first, his hand pressed to his heart, and his voice a hoarse rasp. "Dear _God_. Please – _tell_ me somebody got a video of that." There was a rumble of somewhat nervous laughter through the room as Kirk went on, shaking his head. "Seriously, Bones, did you see... Huh – where the hell did he go? He was right here..."

Before they could hear anything else the captain might have said, Shull was suddenly at Jumia's elbow, with a thunderous expression on his handsome face. "Ensign," he hissed, "I need to see you outside. _Immediately._"

Jumia went noticeably pale, but nodded and followed Shull silently out into the corridor.

"Oh, Pavel – I got her into trouble." Nyota bit her lip in distress as she watched the two Deltans' precipitous departure from the party.

Pavel patted her shoulder reassuringly. "You didn't do it on purpose, Nyota. In fact, you didn't really do it at all – since obviously it was Jumia's idea to begin with." He smiled sympathetically at her. "For what it's worth, though, I think it worked; the look on the doctor's face was... well, I don't really know how to describe it. But he almost _ran_ out of here."

"And that's supposed to make me feel better? Now I feel like I ruined the party for him, too." Nyota looked absolutely miserable – and Pavel couldn't help wrapping her up in a bear hug and squeezing her tightly.

"You know better than that, Nyota," he murmured reassuringly into her ear. " McCoy was in that mood of his before anything you and Jumia did." He let go of her with a quick kiss on the cheek, gesturing around the room to bring her attention to the other guests. "And look around at the rest of this party, and tell me you've ruined it for_ anybody_. They're all having a great time."

They stood together silently for a moment, just watching the party going on around them. Then Nyota asked the question that had just come into Pavel's mind.

"Where's Hikaru?"

...

...

...

Hikaru had been facing the other direction when the buzz had suddenly gone through the room, and he'd been more than a little startled to turn around and see Jumia kissing Nyota.

He didn't have much time to think about that situation one way or the other, though, as his attention had been quickly distracted by the reactions of others. McCoy, an oddly haunted expression on his face, damn near ran him over in his haste to leave the lab – and not ten seconds later, Shull brushed by him on his way to, from the looks of things, give Jumia the talking-to of her life.

At the very least.

He'd probably regret it later, he suspected, but Hikaru felt oddly protective of Jumia – so he unobtrusively followed Shull as he shepherded Jumia out into the corridor. Hikaru didn't really know what, if anything, he'd be able to say to make the situation better – but he felt obligated to at least try.

"...were you possibly _thinking_ of, Ensign, to allow that _woman_ to take such liberties with you – and in public, no less?"

"No, sir – it wasn't like that, really. It was... it was my idea. I initiated the... the contact. Nyota – Lt. Uhura – isn't responsible for anything that happened, sir." Jumia had removed her slightly ridiculous-looking hat, and spoke in a small voice, head bowed. "I didn't really think about..."

"And that's just it, isn't it, Ensign?" Shull's voice was blisteringly sarcastic. "_You didn't think_. After all that you and I have been through here on the_ Enterprise_, and all the effort that we've made to have our crew mates think of us as non-sexual beings, you choose to do _this_ with a _human_ – in the most conspicuous way possible – and everything we've done is all for nothing."

"Yes, sir – I see that, now. I'm... sorry, sir. If you'd like, I can return to the party and apologize to everyone."

Hikaru chose that moment to make his presence known. "I'm certain that Lt. Shull wouldn't want you to do that – am I right, Lieutenant?" Shull's poorly-disguised glare in his direction let him know that he'd have been more than happy to allow Jumia to embarrass herself as fully as possible at that point – he was really angry with her. Disproportionately so, in Hikaru's opinion – though that wasn't the point just now.

"Of course, Dr. Sulu." Shull spoke in a clipped, emotionless tone as he turned to address Jumia again. "I think you have called more than enough attention to yourself for one evening."

"Yes, sir. I'll go to my quarters now, sir." Jumia's huge brown eyes were glistening with unshed tears, but she was obviously doing her best to maintain what was left of her dignity. "Again, Lieutenant, I apologize for my actions, and for how they may have reflected on you, or on us as Deltans. Dr. Sulu, I'm so sorry if I've done anything to embarrass you or to ruin your party. I'll... I'll go now. Good night." Without another word, Jumia almost ran down the corridor toward the lift, and was quickly out of sight.

Shull stood silently, watching her depart. "Dr. Sulu," he said stiffly, "I regret that you had to witness that... exhibition."

"Well, I suppose I can understand it; you were upset with her." Hikaru was willfully choosing to misunderstand Shull, without really knowing why. Maybe he thought Shull had overreacted to Jumia's actions at the party – and maybe he just wanted to get a rise out of the usually unflappable Deltan scientist.

Maybe it was a combination of the two.

"_I_ was upset with her? Dr. Sulu – I think you _know_ that I was not referring to the... _discussion_ I just had with Ensign Jumia."

"I would imagine you weren't, Lieutenant. However, I think your response to Ensign Jumia's actions called even more attention to the situation. It's a _party_, Lieutenant. Things like that _happen _at parties – and it's my experience that they usually tend to blow over if they're left alone. I think you'd agree that you certainly did _not _leave it alone when you dragged Jumia out here like a naughty child."

Shull absolutely radiated frustrated indignation. "But Dr. Sulu, sir – it's my responsibility as her superior officer to correct such behavior..."

Sulu's response held more than a little sarcasm. "Lieutenant. Really? Do you know how many _superior officers_ were in that room? And if you're going to make the distinction that they're not her direct commanders – did it occur to you that I, in fact, was in the room as well – and so was Commander Spock? Spock and I are responsible for both of you, aren't we, Shull? And yet, neither of us were nearly as perturbed by Jumia's behavior as you seem to have been."

"With all due respect, sir, neither you nor Commander Spock can understand what... challenges Jumia and I face as Deltans – which was what caused me to have such a negative reaction toward Jumia's display this evening."

"Shull, you're right, of course. As a non-Deltan, I really can't understand your challenges as much as I'd like to be able to, though I think you'd agree that I've served as a 'buffer zone' between you and Jumia and other members of the crew on any number of occasions – which puts me in a better position than most to understand some of the problems you've faced. And, in my own opinion, I think that any attention Jumia got this evening was probably on the basis of her actual physical attractiveness – along with Nyota's, I might add – and that for once, her Deltan pheromones had very little to do with it. Moreover, I think you probably agree with me, Lieutenant."

Shull faced him in silence. It was obvious to Hikaru that the Deltan was seething – but that he couldn't think of a suitable rebuttal to his superior officer's arguments.

"I've never really thought to ask you this before, Shull – but you Deltans are able to shield yourselves from one another's telepathy, aren't you?"

Shull obviously had no idea where that question had come from. "You're correct, Dr. Sulu. Deltans may choose when – and whether – to use telepathy with one another. It is strictly voluntary." Curiosity got the better of him. "Why do you ask?"

Sulu smiled sympathetically. "Because it's taken me a while, but I think I've finally figured it out. And, Shull? She has no idea – I guarantee it."

An interesting consequence of having no hair was that when Shull flushed dark red, it was visible all the way up into his scalp. "I... don't know what you're talking about, Dr. Sulu," he stammered.

Hikaru sighed; he really was going to have to spell it out. "Jumia. _She_ _doesn't know_. She doesn't know how you feel about her, Shull. So, if you've been trying to keep it a secret, it's working. If you want her to know, though, you're going to have to use a different approach."

Shull looked shocked, scandalized, embarrassed... and so, so_ busted_. However, he tried valiantly to talk himself out of this most awkward of confrontations.

"Dr. Sulu – I understand what you are trying to suggest, but of course, that is impossible. For one thing, I outrank Ensign Jumia. For another, I am twenty-one Terran years of age, and she is only eighteen. She is much too young to think of any kind of... emotional entanglement, and I would never consider such a thing. We are simply colleagues - and friends."

Hikaru pressed his lips tightly together, trying to suppress a smile. "Do you hear yourself, Shull? You outrank her, and she's three years younger than you? And for those reasons, you're going to pretend that you don't have feelings for her?" He stopped, and gave Shull a long, silent, significant look before patting him on the shoulder.

"Situation sounds pretty familiar to me, Lieutenant. You'd never consider such a thing? Yeah. Let me know how that works out for you, okay?"

Shull blushed again – but had no other response. Hikaru smiled understandingly. "I get it. And I'll keep quiet, I promise. But for now, I think you should either go back and enjoy the party, or go talk to Jumia. I don't really care, either way."

"Are you going back in, Dr. Sulu?"

For the first time, Hikaru realized that this was it – his opportunity to get the hell out of there. He wondered how long it would take Pavel to realize he was gone – and how long after that it would take his favorite boy genius to find him.

"No, Shull – I'm not. Good night."

...

* * *

...

"Computer, locate Lieutenant Commander Sulu."

"_Lieutenant Commander Hikaru Sulu is in his quarters."_

Wow – either Hikaru had moved pretty quickly, or it had taken longer than Pavel had realized to convince Nyota that she hadn't been responsible for the minor blow-up that had occurred after her kiss with Jumia. Probably some combination of the two – not that it mattered now, of course.

Pavel smiled to himself. He could move a whole lot more quickly than Hikaru, and they both knew it. Impatiently removing his musketeer ensemble in one swift motion, he took off toward his quarters at a full-out sprint.

...

Hikaru had to laugh at his reflection in the mirror in his room; he'd entirely forgotten that he was wandering the ship in a mantle and a gold-plumed hat. Not that he didn't like the look – he absolutely did – but he was pretty certain that the rest of the crew would probably think he'd lost his marbles if they saw him parading around in his musketeer gear.

Still smiling, he removed the costume, putting it carefully onto the top shelf of his closet. His command gold jersey followed – the room was on the warm side, and he was definitely more comfortable in just his blacks. Besides...

Besides – if things went as planned, he wouldn't be wearing any of it for much longer.

And just the thought of that made him even warmer. He could hear his own breathing in the stillness of the room.

"Computer, lights to fifteen percent. Audio – _Bolero, _Maurice Ravel."

_Damn, Sulu – cliché much?_ Back in its day, "Bolero" had been considered a pretty hot tune – though, to be fair, its "day" had been over three hundred years ago...

But Hikaru thought it was still pretty damn hot – and after all, this was _his_ fantasy, so he could pick the soundtrack, couldn't he? Besides, the insistent _ostinato _of the snare drums in the background made the beating of his own heart seem a little less frantic by comparison – which was a good thing, at least for now.

For now, he waited.

...

...

Though he knew that, in reality, fewer than ten minutes had passed since he'd come back to his quarters, it felt like an hour had gone by before Hikaru heard the entry code at his door. He smiled a little when he realized that Pavel – since it pretty much had to be Pavel, didn't it? – had to enter the code several times before he got it right.

Then the door whooshed open, and Pavel stood silhouetted in the bright light of the corridor through the doorway. He blinked for a moment as he accustomed himself to the dimmer light of Hikaru's quarters, and Hikaru could hear his quickened breathing.

He'd run down here, Hikaru realized. Just that thought sent warmth curling through him – Pavel wanted him just as badly as he wanted Pavel.

And that was pretty damn badly.

"Where the hell did you go, 'Karu? You just _disappeared!_" Pavel said indignantly; he seemed to be preparing to get all wound up about that – and that just wouldn't do at all right now.

"Pavel?"

"What, 'Karu?"

"Shut up. And come over here."

"Why?" Pavel asked, even as he crossed the room to where Hikaru was standing, hands challengingly placed on his hips.

If Hikaru didn't already know how unbelievably hot he looked in his Starfleet blacks, Pavel wasn't about to tell him – because the way he was looking at this moment, he'd be able to tell Pavel to do damn near anything and he'd do it without question. Hikaru probably – no, _definitely_ – did not need that information right now.

"Why?" Hikaru's voice was little more than a soft growl. "_This_ is why."

With that, he leaned down and, pulling him close, took Pavel's mouth in a searing kiss.

Now, they'd certainly done their share of kissing in the past few days – since, after all, it was the only thing McCoy would let them do before Hikaru was "cleared for duty," as he'd so charmingly put it. But this kiss was new, and Pavel could tell the difference immediately.

Their earlier kisses had held tenderness, sweetness, promise – but this one was all about passion, possession, and overwhelming need. The ragged sound of Hikaru's breathing and the almost painful urgency with which his hands were gripping Pavel's shoulders were something he'd never experienced. It felt as though Hikaru was just barely holding it together – and that was almost unbearably arousing. More than anything, Pavel wanted to see Hikaru helpless with desire, incoherent with need, utterly without the self-control that he always, _always _seemed to have, damn him.

The sudden determination that _he_ was going to make Hikaru fall apart – to rip that control away from him – turned Pavel's blood to fire, and he gasped as hot tendrils of pure _want_ curled into his belly. Hikaru took full advantage of that gasp to deepen the kiss; both hands tangling hard into Pavel's hair, he adjusted the angle of their mouths so that he could suck Pavel's tongue into his own mouth with a soft, low moan of satisfaction.

Pavel's senses were flooded with the taste, smell, feel, sound of Hikaru – and somewhere at the edges of his fading awareness, he thought he might never get enough of it. Of any of it.

Without really knowing how it had happened, Pavel felt himself backed into the unyielding surface of a cool metal wall– and the feeling of being pinned there, held fast by Hikaru's strength, was... unbelievable. His hands moved to Hikaru's hips to pull him somehow even closer – and when he felt that Hikaru's arousal was every bit as hot and hard as his own, his breath caught in his throat.

The onslaught of sensation was nearly overwhelming, just then – and Pavel suddenly felt an almost desperate need to break the tension, just a little, just for now. Tearing his mouth away from the kiss, he ground his hips provocatively against Hikaru's, and gave him a mock-coquettish smile.

"Why, Mr. Sulu!" Pavel fluttered his eyelashes and put on his best flirtatious voice. "You brought along your... expanding rapier!"

Hikaru let out a bark of startled laughter – then grinned wolfishly back at him as he reached behind Pavel to pull him in tighter, thrusting their hips together for that hot, hard contact again.

"Well, Lieutenant – it doesn't feel like your phaser is exactly set on 'stun,' either, if you get my drift." He paused for a moment, then drew a deep breath and released it with a quieter, shaky laugh. Hikaru leaned forward, closing his eyes and resting his forehead gently against Pavel's.

"My God. Do you have any idea how much I love you?" It was such a soft whisper that Pavel could barely hear it, though he could feel Hikaru's warm breath against his lips.

Now that he'd broken the tension, Pavel realized that he damn well wanted – no, _needed _– it back.

_Now. _

He leaned forward to give Hikaru a quick, hard kiss before leaning back against the wall to look at him with an unspoken challenge in his blue eyes.

"For the sake of the argument, 'Karu – let's say I don't. I don't have any idea how much you love me." As Hikaru's eyes flew open in surprise, Pavel dipped his head so that he could press a soft, open-mouthed kiss to the hollow of his throat, pausing to flick his tongue lightly across the spot where the pulse hammered frantically. Feeling suddenly powerful, he trailed a line of delicate bites along Hikaru's collarbone before looking back into Hikaru's eyes – _come on, dammit, I dare you_ – and bringing their hips together again slowly, deliberately. "Suppose you show me, 'Karu."

He felt oddly triumphant as he watched Hikaru's eyes grow even darker, pupils dilating with desire, and the sound of his labored breathing was loud in the room. Hikaru stared – just _stared_ – at Pavel for a long moment...

… then, with a low, feral growl from deep in his throat, he slammed Pavel back against the wall – _hard_ – holding him there with a muscular thigh pressed between Pavel's own, and moving their bodies so that they were all but fused from knees to chests. With a fierce exhalation of breath, he leaned further forward and plundered Pavel's mouth in a savage clash of teeth, tongues and lips. Somewhere in the back of his mind, it occurred to Pavel that this probably ought to hurt.

It didn't.

_Heat, want, need, more, more, closer, now, yes, yes, __**yes**_ went through Pavel's mind like a litany, as he dimly realized that he'd done it – he'd pushed Hikaru over the edge, and was falling, now, right along with him.

_Yes, yes, more, need you __**now**_ – Hikaru's left hand, tangled in golden curls, held Pavel's head firmly in place as he kissed him long and thoroughly. At some point, his right hand began to roam deliciously up under his shirt, tracing random patterns along the flat planes and muscles of Pavel's stomach and chest. Finding this to be a truly an excellent idea, Pavel reciprocated, pulling up Hikaru's shirt with impatient hands and hungrily exploring the almost unbearably hot, silky skin of his back.

Someone was moaning. It might have been him – Pavel wasn't sure. And it absolutely did _not_ matter. Because now both of Hikaru's hands had moved to the waistband of Pavel's trousers, and he knew he was utterly lost.

_Heat, want, need, oh god yes there **right there** yes yes **yes**..._

Sensation – overwhelming, terrifying – and now _he _was the one over the edge, powerless to do anything but ride this wave of sheer _feeling_, and to do, to be anything, anything Hikaru wanted as those strong, wonderful hands moved everywhere, everywhere over Pavel's body.

Terrifying. Too much.

"Wait," Pavel broke free of their kiss, gasping for breath. "Wait, 'Karu."

Soft lips and a hot tongue traced a line along the side of Pavel's neck as his hands continued to drive Pavel absolutely insane.

"Wait? Wait for what, baby?" 'Karu's voice was low, rough – and made it all even worse.

"I'm... oh, God, 'Karu, _stop_ – I'm going to..."

For one moment, Hikaru was utterly still – and then he smiled down into Pavel's eyes with the heart-stopping look of love that never failed to melt him. Without warning, he leaned forward to kiss Pavel's eyes, his cheeks, his lips again and again and again – all so very tenderly – then pulled him close once more as his hands resumed their wonderful, wanton caresses.

"Pasha." Hikaru's voice was somehow filled with desire and reassurance, all at once. "Of course you're going to. Baby – I _want_ you to. I... I love you so, so much – I want you to let me do this – let me... Pasha, baby, just let go." Pavel held on to Hikaru's voice like a lifeline. "Let go. I've got you, Pasha. I've got you."

Much, much later, Pavel would reflect that this man had become his sanctuary, his haven, his home – that Hikaru would always be the one place where Pavel knew he could be utterly safe. But for now, he was able to absorb those words – _let go, I've got you_ – into his very soul, and it was enough. He let go – and with an abandoned cry, he felt himself shattering in Hikaru's arms.

He really wasn't sure how much time had passed before he really regained awareness of – well, of pretty much anything, really – and found himself slumped with his forehead dropped into the curve of Hikaru's neck. He was, however, reasonably sure that only Hikaru's leg between his own was keeping him from sliding all the way down the wall onto the floor.

Bracing himself with hands on Hikaru's shoulders, he tried to pull himself straighter again, still breathing hard – and collapsed once more onto Hikaru's solid chest.

"Legs." Pavel laughed, a little shakily. "Don't work." He grabbed Hikaru for support as he swayed. "Sorry."

He felt the rumble of Hikaru's laughter against his cheek. "Don't apologize – I love it." Hikaru tightened his arms around Pavel's trembling body, holding him fast. "Love it, love it, love it."

There was a long pause, where only their uneven breathing disturbed the quiet of the room. Then Pavel felt Hikaru placing a soft kiss into his hair.

"You're wonderful, you know that, Pav? Do you really, really know how much I love you?"

Pavel wrapped his arms around Hikaru. "I do. You know I do. But..."

"But what, babe?"

"Could you... when we... oh, never mind. It's stupid."

Hikaru backed slightly away to look into Pavel's face, concern in his brown eyes. "Not stupid, whatever it is. What?"

Pavel blushed dark red. "When we... when you call me Pasha. I..."

Hikaru's eyes opened wide as he laughed delightedly. "You think it's _hot_, don't you? That is absolutely _awesome_!"

Pavel, too embarrassed to keep the eye contact, dropped his face back down onto Hikaru's shoulder – but nodded his agreement.

Even when he couldn't see Hikaru's face, Pavel could hear the smile in his voice as he softly nuzzled his hair. "Mmmmm. I'm going to like the times when I get to call you 'Pasha,' I think." He chuckled softly. "Maybe not so much on the bridge, though, huh?"

"Not _ever_ on the bridge, 'Karu." Pavel laughed quietly, his voice muffled against Hikaru's shirt. "I'd have to kill you."

"It might be worth it, though – you never know. I kinda like the thought of having an unfair advantage."

Taking hold of Hikaru's shoulders again, Pavel managed to get his legs back under him again, and moved slightly away from the wall. It had been great for, well, wall sex – but was distinctly uncomfortable for conversational purposes, he determined.

Besides...

"Speaking of unfair, 'Karu..." Pavel moved in to place a tender kiss on Hikaru's lips – soft, but full of warmth and promise. "It occurs to me that we have some, well, unfinished business?"

Now it was Hikaru's turn to blush – which, all things considered, Pavel found pretty amusing. And more than a little adorable.

"Well, um..."

"Well, nothing, 'Karu." Pavel began to walk forward, which meant that Hikaru was walking backward – and they both stopped when the side of the bed caught Hikaru behind the knees. With the help of a gentle shove, Hikaru was sprawled on his back across his bed, smiling up at Pavel. "I see several problems."

Despite himself, Hikaru was intrigued. "Problems?"

Pavel nodded solemnly, and spoke in a mock-serious tone. "_Da_. One: We are both wearing far too much of our uniforms. This issue should be addressed."

Hikaru couldn't help smiling, even as Pavel reached down to pull off Hikaru's black undershirt, and he felt his heart start to beat faster again. "Agreed."

"Two: There is the matter of my reputation."

"Re... reputation?" Hikaru gasped, as Pavel began to trail soft, hot kisses along the expanse of smooth golden skin he had just uncovered. "What – oh, _God_ – what reputation?"

"Is it or is it not true, Mr. Sulu, that _**I**_ am the one who is known for being good with his hands?" As those hands were at that very moment making quick work of removing what was left of Hikaru's uniform, he found himself at least temporarily unable to answer.

And then those hands were on his bare skin, and it was all he had ever wanted.

But Pavel – damn him – insisted.

"It is my _reputation_, Hikaru. A man must take his reputation seriously, _da?_"

Hikaru grabbed his sheets in both fists with a shuddering gasp as Pavel continued his delicious explorations. "Right. Your... _reputation _– Pasha. Good with your hands."

He summoned all the control he had left to flash Pavel a challenging grin.

"Prove it."

...

* * *

**_So? What did you think? Hit the green button and tell me, won't you?_**


	19. Questions and Answers

Kisses.

Tiny, soft kisses on his forehead, his eyes, his cheeks brought Hikaru to awareness. He had the presence of mind to lie quietly and pretend to still be asleep; it was a lovely moment, and he didn't want to let go of it just yet.

At last, Hikaru couldn't fight the contented smile that curved his lips, and he opened his eyes to see Pavel over him, raised up on one elbow next to him on the bed and smiling brilliantly down at him.

"Hey," he whispered. "Sorry. Didn't mean to wake you. I was just... looking at you, and then, well – I couldn't help kissing you."

Hikaru wondered if he would ever get used to the way this rush of pure love felt; it was almost overwhelming. He closed his eyes briefly at the sweet ache in his chest before looking back up into smiling blue eyes.

"Couldn't help kissing me?" he whispered back, teasingly. "I know the feeling, Pasha." He reached up to put his hand on the back of Pavel's neck and pull him closer for a long, tender kiss. After the heated urgency of earlier in the evening, this warm, sweet connection between them felt wonderful, and exactly right.

"What time is it, anyway?" Hikaru wondered if Pavel had been to sleep at all; he had drifted off so quickly himself that he wasn't in a position to know.

"Only about 2300 – you've just been sleeping for a little while." Pavel started again with the tiny kisses all over Hikaru's face. "You're gorgeous, you know that? I think I could just watch you sleep for hours."

"Or until I started snoring." Hikaru, uncharacteristically flustered, tried unsuccessfully to cover his embarrassment. This was something else he was going to have to get used to...

Pavel smiled indulgently down at him before leaning down to touch their foreheads together. "Or until you started snoring, of course. That would never do." He wasn't used to being able to fluster Hikaru, even unintentionally. Usually it was Pavel who felt silly and unsure of himself; to see Hikaru like this – and because of him – was new, and almost heartbreakingly sweet.

After another quick kiss, Pavel sat up in bed, fixing Hikaru with a curious look. "Now, my dearest, I think you owe me an explanation."

"...Explanation?" Hikaru looked genuinely baffled. "Sure – but what do you want me to explain?"

"Hah. I want you to explain that little remark you let slip at the party tonight – the one about my eighteenth birthday." He smiled as recognition dawned on Hikaru's face. "How exactly have you managed not to let me know – for over a _year_ – that you remembered that, after all?"

Hikaru laughed quietly. "That part was easier than you might think, babe. Honestly, until... until not that long ago, I'd wondered if I'd imagined the whole thing. I mean, I woke up the next day expecting to have to seriously apologize for, well, _molesting_ you – but then you acted as though nothing had happened at all. So... I thought maybe it had all been a figment of my drunken imagination –" he smiled ruefully "– and some serious wishful thinking."

He looked away, running his fingers through his hair distractedly. "I don't guess you really understand how long I've wanted... this."

He might have said more, but was stopped by Pavel's mouth on his – and what had been meant initially as tender reassurance rapidly became much more urgent, as Pavel needed, _needed_ to show Hikaru that he had wanted _this_ – all of it – so much, for so long, as well.

Eventually, they had to break away from one another for air – and Pavel, feeling that he'd been sufficiently _reassuring_ for the time being, gave Hikaru a look that let him know that he wasn't done explaining yet.

"You said you didn't know until not long ago that you hadn't imagined... what happened. So... what made you remember? And why didn't you say anything?"

The look on Hikaru's face was unreadable – anxiety, hesitation, and something else – and he didn't meet Pavel's eyes when he answered.

"Well, honestly, Pav – I figured it out the morning I kissed you... in Noginsk. It felt so much like I'd remembered it from before that I knew I couldn't just have been imagining it for all that time." He heard Pavel's quickly indrawn breath, but went on. "And, well, I guess from there, you kinda know why I didn't say anything."

Hikaru looked up, then, and his heart clenched at Pavel's stricken expression. Immediately, he pulled Pavel down to him, holding him close in a bone-crushing embrace.

"Stop it," he said in a near-whisper, his voice stern in Pavel's ear. "Stop it, stop it, stop it _right now_. This is the part we've gotten _over_, idiot. We're not going to keep reliving it – especially now that we know that the story has a happy ending."

Pavel was tense against him. "No, Hikaru – you don't get it. I don't know when I'll ever be able to look back on that day without seeing you in front of me... with that, that _look _on your face – and knowing what I did to you." He drew a long, shuddering breath, and Hikaru suspected that he was fighting tears. "Oh, 'Karu..."

Hikaru shifted them slightly so that now Pavel was lying on his back and he could raise himself on one elbow to look down into those remorseful blue eyes.

"Then pay attention to the look on my face now, babe – because you've made me happier than I thought I could ever possibly be, _ever_. Okay?" Hikaru smiled lovingly at Pavel. "You're the answer to every wish I've ever had – wishes I didn't even know I had. What's past is past, Pav – we need to focus on the future now."

Pavel graced him with a tiny smile in return that went straight to his heart. Hikaru leaned down to kiss that soft smile with unutterable tenderness, again and again.

In the midst of the softness and sweetness of the moment, heat began to rise unbidden between them. Without either of them really knowing how it happened, they felt the tenderness being swept away entirely by the desire to claim, to possess; the kiss became fierce and bruising as they clung desperately to one another, feeling desire rising hot and potent in their bodies.

Hikaru broke away to whisper into Pavel's ear, his voice low and rough. "I think I know what our immediate future holds – Pasha..."

...

* * *

...

It was glaringly obvious to everyone on the bridge for Alpha Shift – especially since they were all looking for it – that their helmsman and navigator had not gotten much sleep the previous night. Not that it looked as though either of them particularly minded – but their efforts to make an unobtrusive entrance onto the bridge were totally in vain.

Of course, if anyone had asked, the bridge crew would have explained that when they broke into cheers as the two came off the turbolift, they were applauding Hikaru's official return to his place at the helm.

Or, most of them would have.

"_Yes!_ Sulu finally got some!" Jim's joyous fist pump made Nyota drop her head into her hand, and Spock looked away with a look on his face that Hikaru recognized as a blend of discomfort and... amusement?

_Amazing..._

Pavel was, of course, blushing to the roots of his hair – but Hikaru knew from long experience dealing with Jim as a sparring partner that the best way to handle him was head-on, and quickly.

"_Hell _yeah, sir." He turned to the captain with a satisfied smirk. "Jealous, sir?"

In spite of himself, Jim laughed. "Nah, Sulu – I like mine a little older."

Nyota rose out of her chair at that. "Okay, _children_ – can we, oh, I don't know, do something crazy like... oh, _run a starship_ or something? I mean, I don't know about anybody else, but I really don't want to hear about what happens in people's _private lives_."

She sent a sidelong glance over at the pair heading toward their places at the helm. "Or, at least not while we're on duty."

"Yes, ma'am," Jim responded with mock meekness. "Gentlemen, we're glad to have you both back for a lot of reasons. I gotta tell you, Colmes and Hannity were starting to drive me nuts with their constant arguing – it'll be good to get rid of your replacements and separate them again."

"Indeed it will, Captain," Spock interjected. "Their disagreements, though minor, were seemingly ceaseless. The only time I have encountered worse was when we had Yeoman O'Reilly and Ensign Olbermann working together in the Science station."

"Oh, I remember those two, Spock." Nyota shook her head. "Didn't we have to get them reassigned to different ships because they just couldn't stop sniping at each other?"

"You remember correctly, Lieutenant." Spock inclined his head in acknowledgment to Sulu and Chekov. "At any rate, it will be very pleasant for all of us to have both of you returned to your accustomed locations."

Pavel and Hikaru both beamed at that – from Spock, that seemingly bland statement of welcome was like a bear hug and kisses on both cheeks.

And Hikaru had been right; the best way to deal with Jim being – well, being _Jim_ – had been to simply get it over with. After those first few embarrassing moments, everything had fallen back into the comfortable routine that Hikaru was pretty sure they'd all been missing.

The fact that they were continuing to orbit Deneva – the _Constant_ had been delayed, and wouldn't arrive for another day or so – made for an uneventful shift. They'd all engaged in random chat with one another, and been entertained by occasional visits by McCoy and Scotty, who often compensated for boredom in their own departments by coming to stir things up on the bridge.

_It's good – beyond good – to be back_, thought Hikaru. For all that his work in Botany had been really interesting – and, if he said so himself, probably really important as well – this was where he belonged. On the bridge. At the helm.

Next to Pavel.

He looked over to see Pavel in profile, absorbed in recalibrating something on his station – he'd told Hikaru what it was, but he hadn't really paid that much attention – and his own thoughts went back to their conversation from the previous night.

It just about killed him that Pavel was still so upset about what had happened between them in Russia; he'd really hoped that he had been able to reassure him about that, but it was obvious that it was still a huge issue for Pavel. Hikaru wasn't sure what he was going to do to make things better, but he knew he simply had to. He needed for Pavel to be as utterly happy as he was – and he was going to figure out how to make that happen, no matter how long it took.

Over the course of the following days, that thought nagged at him – even though things between himself and Pavel were going beautifully, and the topic of their time in Russia had never come up again since the night of Hikaru's party. Hikaru would get what he thought was an inspired idea, only to discard it as impractical or ineffective. Occasionally, Pavel would shoot him a quizzical look, and only then would Hikaru realize that he'd been lost in thought and quickly shake himself back to whatever was going on in the here and now.

It was Jim who had been his unwitting inspiration – teasing him mercilessly one evening as they'd fenced in one of the recreation rooms. (Teasing was usually Jim's recourse when he was losing – which he was at this time, rather badly.)

Jim was trying to get Hikaru going by a rather colorful running commentary on what he perceived to be the potential joys of, as he put it, "getting it on" with a teenager.

"Yeah, sure, Jim." Hikaru smiled, obviously unruffled by the rather lewd teasing. "At least _one_ of us is getting some."

Though when they'd known one another at the Academy – albeit only slightly – Hikaru had been well aware of Jim's reputation of being able to get laid by pretty much any life form he encountered, he'd come to realize that the responsibilities of being a starship captain had curtailed Jim's... social life rather extensively.

It came as no surprise, then, that Hikaru enjoyed ribbing Jim about his lack of a sex life every bit as much as Jim enjoyed making fun of Hikaru's.

"Besides – Pav isn't going to be a teenager much longer. Just another four months. So you'd better put on your thinking cap and come up with some other reason to abuse the shit out of me."

With one final lunge, Hikaru disarmed Jim, whose épée clattered to the floor.

"I'm sure it won't be too tough to come up with something, Sulu." Kirk smiled, throwing an arm around his helmsman's shoulders. "But hey – it's early, yet, and we're both off-duty tomorrow. Whaddya say we get cleaned up and go see if Bones still has any of that stash of Romulan ale? Then maybe the three of us can hit the holodeck – I've got a great holoprogram of a jazz club in New Orleans in there. You'd love it."

"Sounds great." As he headed off to the rec room showers, Hikaru had a flash of inspiration that had him coming to a complete standstill.

_Pavel's birthday. Four months. If I start **right now**, I could..._

_Damn. I've got a **lot** of work to do in just four months._

_...  
_

_

* * *

...  
_

"Hey. Old dude. Wake up." Pavel opened one eye to look blearily up at Hikaru, who was gently shaking his shoulder.

"Has our alarm gone off yet?" He pulled the blanket over his face.

"Nope. Not yet. But I wanted to be the one to wake you up this morning." Hikaru was looking revoltingly cheerful – and then the idea came into Pavel's sleep-befuddled mind.

_Birthday. It's my birthday._

"So this is how you want to start my birthday? You wake me up in the middle of the night?" Peering out from under his blanket, he gave Hikaru a suddenly interested look. "Or, maybe you had something else in mind?"

Hikaru laughed, waggling his eyebrows suggestively and dropping a quick kiss into Pavel's tousled curls. "Oh, I always have _that_ in mind, babe. But for now – no. We need to get up and go for our morning run if we want to get that in and have breakfast before our shift starts. Now, later? Well," he grinned evilly, "I've never done it with a twenty-year-old before..."

"Wake me up at this hour, and it may be a while before you do _anything_ with a twenty-year-old," Pavel threatened, pulling the blanket completely over his head.

They both knew that threat was a complete load of shit.

"Come on, Pav – get up, get dressed. Let's get going." Hikaru was already fully dressed in his running clothes – and almost bursting with the excitement of a secret he'd been keeping for far too long.

The past four months had been crazy – the best kind of crazy, but crazy all the same – for Hikaru. Fortunately for him, their new mission after they left Deneva had turned out to be an exploratory trip into a relatively uncharted section of Beta Quadrant, which, if it was productive, could take the better part of a year to complete. The advantage of this for Hikaru was that, as often as not, the Enterprise was flying through completely empty space – which frequently required a great deal of concentration on the part of the navigator, but next to none on the pilot's.

As a result, Pavel had been busier than usual during his time on the bridge – and Hikaru had more time on his hands than usual to work on his own clandestine mission, which was surprising Pav for his twentieth birthday. He'd been in constant, albeit secret, communication with Pavel's family in Russia, as well as working closely with the Engineering staff on the _Enterprise_, to get every possible detail just exactly right.

However, trying to get all of this done without Pavel getting suspicious had proven to be next to impossible; if he hadn't been able to enlist Nyota as a partner in crime, he might never have succeeded. Between her and their other friends, they'd managed to keep Pavel sufficiently distracted to allow Hikaru to get his work done.

Kirk had also been very obliging, once he knew what Hikaru had in mind – he liked to pretend to be an asshole, but was in fact one of the truly good guys – and bought him extra time by occasionally asking him to spend a day "helping" in Engineering. He and Spock were also more than happy to sidetrack Pavel by occasionally lassoing him into their chess games; Hikaru had been a little surprised to discover that Pav had become a chess master in the short time they'd been apart on the _Enterprise_.

Those awful weeks seemed like forever ago. Thank God.

...

Finally, the lump under the blanket began to move, and Pavel grumbled his way out of bed and into his running clothes. In fact, Hikaru had awakened him less than half an hour before the alarm would have gone off, anyway – but Pavel got a kick out of winding Hikaru up by complaining about it, just the same.

After some brief stretches, they were off. As usual, they didn't say much to one another, enjoying the quiet companionship of the run, matching their steps to one another as they moved through the corridors of the Enterprise. They had a few set routes that they liked – not that there were really that many places to run on the ship, of course; it was only the order of where they ran that changed.

Today, though, Hikaru had other ideas.

"Hey Pav – d'you mind if we stop by the holodeck for a minute on our way? There's something Scotty wanted me to check on first thing this morning."

"Sure, 'Karu." If Pavel suspected anything, he didn't let on. Hikaru smiled to himself, and led the way to the holodeck.

"Come in with me, Pav?"

"Nah... I'll stay out here, if you're not going to be that long."

_Well, great. So much for the element of surprise._

"Yeah... about that, Pav." Hikaru looked down uncomfortably, scuffing one shoe against the floor. "So... part of your birthday present is in there – so, I kind of need you to come in with me." He looked up at Pavel hopefully. "Okay?"

Pavel smiled delightedly. "Why didn't you say so? I'm all about the birthday presents, 'Karu." He leaned over to give Hikaru a quick kiss. "Let's go."

Hikaru's hand shot out to grasp Pavel's arm before he could open the door. "Not so fast – you have to let me come in first. And you have to close your eyes." Entering the access code, Hikaru opened the huge sliding door. "But first, here –" he handed Pavel his winter coat. "Put this on."

"Where the hell did this come from, 'Karu?" Pavel was well and truly baffled.

"Don't ask questions. At least, not now." Hikaru was putting on his own warm jacket. "Now, close your eyes. And don't open them until I say so – no matter what. Got it?"

Obediently, Pavel closed his eyes tightly. "Got it, Hikaru."

Reaching down for Pavel's hand, Hikaru pulled him all the way into the holodeck before closing the door. Pavel could hear the little beeps and clicks indicating that Hikaru was entering a quick code into the computer.

"Computer – initiate program."

He couldn't open his eyes yet, but Pavel understood why he'd needed his coat – the temperature in the huge chamber had suddenly dropped drastically, though the breeze blowing gently past him smelled unusually fresh for the recirculated air normally found inside of a starship. His curiosity was starting to be nearly overwhelming as Hikaru led him carefully forward, farther into the room.

"No, don't open yet," Hikaru warned. "But listen."

So Pavel listened – and heard what sounded like birds, and breeze through branches, and flowing water.

_No. Hikaru couldn't possibly have..._

A couple more steps forward, and they stopped. With a note of expectation – and uncharacteristic nervousness – in his voice, Hikaru said quietly, "Okay, Pavel – open up."

Pavel opened his eyes – and froze in amazement. They were standing – or at least it seemed as though they were – by the bank of the Klyazma, as the sights, sounds and smells of a Russian spring morning surrounded them. Every little path in the park, every tree – all there. If he didn't know better, he'd swear he was really back in Noginsk.

He blinked, and shook his head in disbelief. Perfect. It was just... perfect.

Then, on a sudden impulse, Pavel pivoted... and yes – there it was. The cathedral, with the early morning sunlight just beginning to shine through the bell tower.

It was exactly – _exactly_ – the way this place had looked the last time the two of them had been there.

Hikaru could tell, just by watching the expressions chase across Pavel's face, the precise moment when painful memories of their last morning together in Russia had overcome his first rush of astonished excitement. It took only a few seconds.

Grasping Pavel by the shoulders, he spun him around to fully face him, and gave him just the slightest shake.

"All right, Chekov – that will stop, right now." Hikaru's voice was stern. "That's the reason – well, _one_ of the reasons – why I did this," he said, gesturing around at the scene surrounding them. "Last time we were here – or, well, you know what I mean – it didn't work out the way it should have. This time, we get it right."

He took a deep breath.

_Here we go_, he thought, reaching forward to take Pavel's face in his hands.

Then he leaned toward him, and softly, softly brought their mouths together.

Hikaru poured all his love for Pavel into that kiss – one hand hopelessly tangled in Pavel's curls, and the other cupping his jaw as the pad of his thumb gently stroked Pavel's cheekbone.

Lost in a surge of raw emotion, Pavel fought to steady himself. Of course, _of course_, he'd kissed Hikaru countless times in the past four months that they'd been together. This shouldn't be any different, but somehow... it simply was.

Hikaru had tried to tell him so many times that he needed to forget about that disastrous morning by the banks of the Klyazma – or at least to forgive himself for his actions and move on – but Pavel had been unable, or maybe unwilling, to do that.

And that, he realized, wasn't fair – fair to himself, to Hikaru, or to the relationship they were building

Hikaru had obviously tried to move heaven and earth to give them, as Kirk would call it, a "do-over." Seriously – this might be the most romantic, and just plain wonderful, thing that he'd ever heard of anyone doing, ever.

Now it was Pavel's turn to do something; he had to finally let go of the guilt and self-condemnation, and just look forward to whatever the future held for them.

_I can do that._

After a little while, Pavel gently disengaged from the kiss, looking up into Hikaru's slightly anxious eyes for a long moment before granting him a brilliant smile and flinging his arms around Hikaru's neck.

"I love you, Hikaru." Still smiling, he kissed Hikaru gently, lightly. "Love you... love you... love you." He punctuated his declaration with still more kisses, before sighing contentedly and nestling his head into the curve of Hikaru's shoulder. "Now, _that's_ what I should have said to you that morning."

"And now you have. Do I get to say I love you, too – or is this all about you?" Hikaru's smile was indulgent.

"It's my birthday. _Everything_ is all about me. Didn't you get the memo?" Laughing, Pavel ducked the halfhearted cuff that Hikaru had aimed at the back of his head.

He stepped slightly away from Hikaru – just far enough to be able to turn all the way around and appreciate the computer program that had recreated this special place with such astonishing accuracy.

"So, now you have to tell me, 'Karu – how did you _do_ it?"

"I had lots – by which I mean _lots_ – of help. Scotty was a godsend here on the _Enterprise_ – and he also had some friends at Starfleet in Moscow, so he was able to pull some strings there to get me a lot of the satellite images I needed of Noginsk by the cathedral."

Hikaru looked appreciatively around at the computer simulation. "But the real stars of this particular production were Father Ilya and Pyotr. Seriously, Pav – those two are frustrated Starfleet officers, I just know it. I got in touch with Natasha to tell her what my idea was, and she told the two of them, and... wow. They took my idea and ran with it like you wouldn't believe."

He smiled warmly as he recalled the almost childlike enthusiasm with which these two dignified men had gone about their tasks. "They went _nuts_, Pavel – photos, audio files, vids – you name it, they sent it along. I'm not kidding – if we'd had more time, they wanted to do a holoprogram of the inside of the cathedral for you as well. It was just insane."

Pavel laughed – a wonderful, exultant sound that warmed Hikaru despite the chill of the holodeck. "I can just see those two, scheming and plotting – and going around thinking they're on some kind of a mission from Starfleet."

"Well, yeah – I think part of the thrill for them probably _was_ the whole 'mission from Starfleet' thing. But most of it was because they love you, and wanted to help me do something awesome for your birthday."

"Awesome is right. This is... it's just amazing." He leaned in for a quick, soft kiss before continuing. "And all this time, nobody has told me anything. I can't believe you've all managed to keep this a secret for so long!"

Pavel, bright-eyed with excitement, turned around in a slow circle to take in the incredibly realistic scene around him – then stopped to give Hikaru a breathtaking smile. "So... this was what was so 'hush-hush' with you - what you were up to all those times that Nyota, or Kirk, or Spock would drag me off somewhere to keep me occupied. All that hard work you were doing down in Engineering. _Everybody_ was in on it, weren't they?"

He shook his head, smiling all over again. "Seriously – I had no idea what you were up to, 'Karu."

"And if you think it wasn't an absolute _bitch_ to try to keep all of this a secret, then think again." Hikaru felt a surge of pure joy at the look on Pavel's face as he continued to look all around him, taking in every minute detail. "But it was all worth it as long as you like it."

Pavel's expression was incredulous. "Like it? _Like_ it? For God's sake, 'Karu – nobody has ever done anything so wonderful for me in my whole life, and you know it." He reached up to hold Hikaru's face gently between his hands, then he kissed him – slowly, sweetly. When he backed away, Hikaru was giving him that special smile that had always turned Pavel's insides to mush – and still did, even now that he saw it almost every day.

_Is it any wonder that I love this man?_ Pavel thought his heart might burst with the sheer joy of the moment.

"But now, I want to go exploring – I mean, hell, if this place came with Babushka's blinis, it would be as good as really being home!"

And with that, Pavel was off.

"Hey, 'Karu – come here! Did you see this...?"

...

After an hour of exploring and exclaiming over his birthday gift – and, of course, taking any appropriate opportunity to, well... _thank_ Hikaru for his thoughtfulness – Pavel stopped to check the time.

"I suppose we really should go now if we don't want to miss breakfast before our shift starts," he said regretfully. This really had been the best birthday surprise ever – and he sort of hated to leave it.

"Yeah – but Pav, now that the program's online here on board ship, you can access it anytime you want to. It has a feature that makes the sun's position keep changing throughout the day – I haven't tried it, but they tell me you can even get nighttime here. It's programmed to change seasons, as well." Hikaru winked at him. "We'll have to come back here sometime and see what kind of trouble we can get into in the summer - or in the dark."

"As usual, Mr. Sulu, an inspired idea." Pavel turned to walk toward the exit of the holodeck, but stopped when he noticed that Hikaru wasn't following him. When he turned around, Pavel noticed that Hikaru seemed to be almost frozen in place – and he had an odd, anxious expression on his face.

"What's up, 'Karu?" Pavel's voice was concerned as he walked back to join him. "Is there a problem?"

Hikaru took a deep breath, then let it out. "No – no problem, Pav. Just... Well, you know how I told you before that part of your birthday present was in here?" Pavel nodded silently. "So, well... now _all_ of your birthday present is in here – and I'm kind of hoping you like the second part as well as you liked the first part."

"Of course I will, 'Karu! What are you worrying –"

"No, Pav – don't stop me. I need to get this all out now before I completely freak myself out. I mean, yeah – so much for the brave warrior, eh?" He smiled self-deprecatingly at his own nervousness.

Pavel simply reached over and took his hand, squeezing reassuringly.

"Pavel, do you remember the night you brought me back up from Deneva, and we were there in Sickbay?"

"Good Lord, 'Karu – I'll never forget it. But..."

"Remember when I wanted you to sing to me, and you did – and I loved it?"

Silently, Pavel lifted Hikaru's hand to his lips, nodding again.

"And you remember the first thing you sang to me?"

"Sure. _God Only Knows_. I mean – well, I remember all of it, 'Karu."

"Well, Pav, it's like this. That song? I'm not going to sing it, but it's how I always feel about you – because really, God only knows what I'd be without you.

You've been the one person who's always been there for me, no matter what – you're my best friend, Pavel, and you're the love of my life. You make my days brighter and my life happier, and... well, I just can't imagine my future without you in it."

Pavel felt himself becoming very still, and he could almost hear his heart starting to beat fast in his chest as he waited to hear what Hikaru was going to say. Then with his free hand, Hikaru reached into the pocket of his coat and pulled out a small box.

"This is the rest of your birthday present, Pasha – I hope... well, just open it."

Pavel let go of Hikaru's hand, and with shaking fingers, opened the tiny, black leather box.

Inside was a simple ring – a plain titanium band, set with a dark blue star sapphire and two tiny diamonds. And if it meant what Pavel thought it did... well, then, this was now officially the best birthday ever.

Pavel felt his eyes filling with tears, even though he knew he had to have a perfectly idiotic smile on his face. "It's, it's beautiful, 'Karu..."

"The ring is part of the gift, Pavel – and, if you'll have me, I'm the rest of it." Hikaru drew another deep breath. "You're the other half of me, Pav – I'm so much better with you than I could ever be without you, and I want you with me forever. Will you... will you marry me, Pavel?"

Pavel's hands were still shaking – but he pulled the ring from the box, and slid it carefully onto the ring finger of his left hand.

"There's your answer, Hikaru – yes, yes, yes, _yes_ I will marry you." He looked down in quiet amazement at the ring on his finger. "Do you have any idea how much I... how I've..." Then, to his utter humiliation, Pavel's emotions got the better of him, and his voice broke on a sob. But then he was immediately pulled into a fierce hug – and, as always, everything was better in Hikaru's arms.

"I just love you so much." His voice was muffled, as his face was buried in the shoulder of Hikaru's coat. "And this is – you are – the best thing that has ever happened to me. Ever."

"Likewise, Pasha." Hikaru placed a soft kiss into Pavel's hair. Now that Pav had accepted him, Hikaru felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his chest – and he felt a rush of happiness that was like nothing he'd ever known before. Still holding Pavel close with his left arm, he reached down with his right hand to hold Pavel's left, moving his thumb in a gentle caress over where the new ring rested.

_You did it – and he said yes. This is really real. _Hikaru was grinning until it hurt his cheeks, with his chin resting on top of Pavel's head.

"I'm glad you like the ring – I have to tell you, I felt like the biggest sap ever when I designed it. 'Cause, see – I told everybody that I picked the star sapphire because we're out in space with the stars." He dropped his voice conspiratorially. "But really, I picked it because it made me think of your blue eyes."

Pavel snorted against Hikaru's chest, but he went on. "Yeah, I know – but it's the truth, and I don't care. And the diamonds? Those are for the two of us. Diamonds and titanium are pretty much indestructible – and so is our love for each other. We'll stand up to anything that gets thrown our way – just like we always have."

Leaning slightly back in Hikaru's embrace, Pavel gave him a tiny, soft smile. "We really have, haven't we? I mean, it's always been Chekov and Sulu, Sulu and Chekov – always, since the very beginning back at the Academy. We're unstoppable, you and I."

Just then, a light flickered in the holodeck, and Hikaru let go of Pavel, taking a step back and checking the time.

"How's that for timing? That's the warning I set up in the program to make sure we'd get to breakfast and still be on time for our shift. So we'd probably better go shower." Hikaru quirked a quick grin at Pavel. "Wanna race, and the winner gets the shower first?"

"I've got a better idea, 'Karu. Let's race – but then we'll _share_ the shower, _da_?"

Hikaru sighed happily. "It's good to be in love with a boy genius." Then he took off at a dead sprint to avoid being smacked by said boy genius.

"Computer, terminate program." Pavel stood in what was now a blank, bare room, marveling at all that had just been there and now... simply wasn't.

Then he smiled down at his new ring.

Not all of it had been a hologram; some of it was still very, very real.

...

* * *

...

Pavel wasn't too surprised when they finally got to breakfast and found Jim, Spock, Nyota, Scotty and McCoy at a table waiting for them.

"Well?" Nyota couldn't wait, and called across the room.

He held up his left hand and pointed – and Nyota clapped her hands with glee while Jim and Scotty hooted and pounded the table. Spock, of course, watched the proceedings with his usual blend of tolerance and bemusement, and McCoy simply smiled at them both.

"Wait 'til ye try what's fer breakfast, lad – ye've never had anythin' like it!" Scotty, a true enthusiast for any kind of good food, was obviously enraptured by whatever had been on his plate. Then he smacked his forehead with his open palm. "But wait – o'course ye've had somethin' like it before. That was the whole idea. But – I'm keepin' me big mouth shut, now."

Pavel was a little confused until he discovered the last of his Russian birthday surprises from Hikaru; he and the Engineering crew had managed to configure the replicators to reproduce an astonishingly credible version of – seriously – Babushka's blinis.

_Happy birthday to me..._

After eating as many of them as he could hold, Pavel sighed contentedly and rubbed his stomach. "So, are you _always_ going to be this good to me, 'Karu? Because I think maybe I should marry you right now."

"Oh, no you don't. There are way too many people back home who would skin us alive if they weren't there for our wedding. In fact, I've got a conference call set up for tonight with Noginsk and Yekaterinburg so we can talk to the whole family." Standing up from the table, he grabbed Pavel by the hand and pulled him, protesting, out of his chair. "I figured we'd probably have some big news for them – 'cause I know I'm a cocky bastard, but I was honestly pretty sure you'd say yes – but even if you didn't, they could all still wish you a happy birthday."

The command crew left Scotty and McCoy, squeezing onto the turbolift together to head for the bridge for the beginning of Alpha Shift.

"So, Chekov," Kirk said with a smile in his voice, "this has already been a pretty big birthday for you, eh?"

"Yes, sir."

"Captain," Nyota said softly, "Do you think we can make it through a turbolift ride without you making some lewd speculation about Hikaru and Pavel's love life?"

The captain blew out a disappointed huff of breath. "You always spoil my fun, Lieutenant."

He and Uhura both laughed at that – which ruined the effect, but which was really rather nice all the same in Pavel's opinion.

The turbolift doors opened – and they were all stunned to see that the normally quiet Gamma Shift was in an uproar.

"Captain – I'm glad you're here." Lieutenant Arex's voice sounded unusually anxious; it was usually difficult to decipher the Edosian's moods by his facial expressions, but he was pacing the deck and wringing two of his three hands. "Less than sixty seconds ago, we were hailed by a craft of some sort, but we've been unable to identify the source of the transmission."

Quickly, the Communications officer on duty rose to make room for Nyota, who began to rapidly enter information into her computer to try to find who – or what – was calling them.

"Any luck, Lieutenant?" This was not the same man who had been teasing them in the turbolift; this was Captain James T. Kirk.

"Not yet, sir. Continuing to adjust the Universal Translator – sometimes just a little difference in calibration is effective – but, no. No progress as of yet, sir." Nyota turned back to her work.

"Captain," Hikaru called over from his station at the helm, "I think I may have something here."

On the helmsman's monitor, there was the tiniest of anomalies, moving at a slightly different rate than the other objects in its vicinity.

"Spock, can you lock onto it for further analysis?" Kirk's voice held just a hint of urgency.

"I have already done so, sir. It does indeed appear to be a very small craft – approximately the correct size for a scout ship – but with an energy configuration unlike any I have previously encountered." Spock, for the first time, looked up from his station. "It is, sir, most unusual."

"Indeed it is, Commander. Mr. Chekov, keep a lock on the craft's position, in case we have to either approach or avoid it."

"Done, sir."

"Captain Kirk," came Nyota's voice from her console, "I think I may have isolated the signal."

"Very well, Lieutenant – let's hear it."

First there was static, then an odd whining that finally resolved itself into the Universal Translator's version of a human voice.

"U.S.S. Enterprise. Captain James Kirk. We have been waiting for you."

...

* * *

_**A/N: **And yes, that's it for this chapter._

_To tell you the truth, there will probably be a long wait for Chapter 20 - which I thought would be the end. But nooooooo. Turns out that "Sestina" has turned both of these pieces into "The Amazing Expanding Stories."  
_

_"Sestina," if you haven't read it, is set in this "Both Ways" 'verse, starting basically during the time between Chapters 18 and 19 of this piece – and which will eventually tell the story of what happens when our friends on the Enterprise finally get to meet the folks on this ship._

_(It ain't good. Just sayin'.)_

_Where this has been pretty much a relationship-driven story, "Sestina" will have significantly more action once it gets going (though it's building slowly for the time being) – and is an ensemble piece with Kirk, Spock, Bones, Nyota, and of course our boys Hikaru and Pavel._

_Now of course, this is me writing, so there will obviously be a huge emphasis on relationships, too - friendships as well as romances - and, of course, back story out the wazoo. Those of you who have asked me in this story about what was going on with Kirk and Spock, or Bones and Nyota – those questions get resolved in "Sestina."_

_At this point, now, "Sestina" and "Both Ways" are happening at the same time - so updating is going to be weird.  
_

_I remember predicting that "Sestina" could seriously be just as long as "Both Ways." Ha. Already longer. I am incapable of brevity, I believe.  
_

_That said, I've been having fun with it – and hope you'll join me!_

_Love,_

_Lyri_

* * *

_**And a note entirely off-topic:** I guess none of my readers in the States are as big of political junkies as I am - I've been throwing in some references in some of the past chapters that I thought were somewhat obscure, but I figured that SOMEBODY would get them! But it's probably for the best, isn't it? (Now you know that if you **did** pick up on them, you'll have to let me know!)_

**P.S. You know by now that I love it when you review, so click the damn link already. **


	20. Unforeseen Circumstances

_**Ginormous A/N: I apologize in advance…**_

_OK – believe me when I tell you that I didn't think it would be 9 months between updates. I could have had a baby in that span of time! (However, I'd like to assure everyone that I absolutely did not.) For all of you who have waited patiently (and otherwise) for me to update this piece, you have my appreciation and my apologies, all at once.  
_

_**So, here's the deal:**__ As I think we all know by now, I've spent that nine months writing "Sestina," which has been telling parts of this same story from the point of view of our "Big Six" – Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Uhura, and of course Sulu and Chekov. But it's taken "Sestina" this long to catch up to "Both Ways." (Again – I didn't think that "Sestina" was going to explode like it has. I'm not complaining, just surprised.)_

_But it turns out that there's just NO WAY I can take our boys through all the events that are going to happen to them in "Sestina" without updating them here and there in this story as well. My updates here are going to be brief and somewhat intermittent, and like this one, they will be reflective of events that have happened in "Sestina" from the Chekov/Sulu POV. _

_I promise that the end of this piece will have at least one mammoth "Chulu" chapter – but for now, the chapters will be short, because the boys are busy over in "Sestina," and I really can't write the same story twice. (I'm also relatively sure that most of my "Both Ways" readers have popped over to visit "Sestina" – but if you haven't, hopefully these updates will keep you posted on what you need to know to understand what's happening to Pavel and Hikaru in the course of that story. If not, let me know, all right?)_

~o0o~

* * *

~o0o~

"There." Running a hand distractedly through his hair, Pavel swiveled his chair away from the computer monitor. "I know it isn't what they'd been hoping for – but it's better than nothing."

"Let's see." Hikaru had only just come back into their quarters; he'd been on duty for nearly 44 hours, and if he'd had a chance for a nap at any point during that period, Pavel didn't know when it would have been.

Not that he was really in a position to know – Pavel himself had worked through five shifts, and had been far too busy during most of that time to really keep track of what Hikaru had been doing. At one point while Pavel had been working down in Engineering, he'd managed a couple hours of sleep on a couch in Scotty's office – but that felt like a long time ago.

Good Lord – _two days_ had gone by since the two of them had been here together, when 'Karu was giving him shit about being an "old dude."

And what had started out as the best, most joyous, most indescribably _wonderful_ birthday ever had turned into…

_A nightmare. Just a nightmare. _

'Karu had walked up behind him, placing a hand on each of his shoulders to peer at the monitor, attempting to read the message Pavel had just finished.

"Guess I should have realized you'd write them in Russian."

_He sounds exhausted_, Pavel thought – _but_ _then again, we probably all do. We are_.

"Yeah – you know Grandmama doesn't have any problem with Standard, but most of the rest of the family has a tougher time with it. So I figured I'd give them the… the good news in Russian."

With all that had just happened on the _Enterprise_, it was hard to think of anything as being "good news" – but Mama and the family didn't need to hear about that. Not now, at least.

Hikaru, as usual, seemed to read his thoughts. "Pav," he said gently, "even with all this mess going on, it really _is_ good news we've got for them – I mean, you said you'd _marry_ me. Don't know about you, but that was some pretty major good news for me."

He rested his chin softly in Pavel's hair. "So, will you read it to me? I mean, tell me what you said."

"Sure, 'Karu." Pavel leaned slightly closer to the monitor before starting to read aloud.

"_Dear Everybody,_

_Sorry we didn't get to do that conference call to Noginsk and Yekaterinburg that Hikaru had planned for my birthday. You know how things can get sometimes on a starship – it turned out that we had something come up so that all the communications channels were needed for official business, and we couldn't get through. I'm not sure when we'll be able to reschedule that, but we'll try to make it soon as we can, I promise._

_But that's not what you're wondering about, I know. So, first of all – of __**course**__ I said yes to Hikaru. After all, you'd have to be an idiot to say no to him – and we all know that I'm a genius, right?"_

Smiling slightly, he glanced briefly at his new ring before reaching up with his left hand to squeeze Hikaru's hand resting on his shoulder.

"_And I can't believe that all of you kept the secret about my birthday gift for so long – I don't know how you did it. (Especially you, Mama – I've never known you to keep a secret in your whole life. Is that why you kept having Papa come and talk to me whenever I called? I should have known something was going on, shouldn't I?) _

_Petya and Father Ilya – I wish you both could see the hologram here on the ship that you helped Hikaru get together. It seriously looks and sounds just like the little park down by the Klyazma – it's absolutely unbelievable. Hikaru says that he couldn't have done it without you, so thank you again for all of the hard work you had to have done, because it's perfect. And Babushka – you'd be proud of our Engineering department, because the guys down there have managed to use the recipe you gave them to get the replicators to make your blinis (or at least close enough for now – of course nobody could ever make your blinis)."_

"Good save there, Pav," said Hikaru with a weary attempt at a laugh. "Don't want Natasha thinking she could be replaced by a replicator."

"I thought of that, too – wouldn't have gone over very well."

He went on to finish reading the letter to his family. _"I'm sending you a picture of my new ring that Hikaru gave me as the rest of my birthday gift, in case you hadn't had a chance to see it. I'll send along a picture of both of us – and of the new holoprogram – as soon as I get a chance._

_But please don't be concerned if that takes a while, because it looks like this mission is going to be a lot more involved than we originally realized – so as much as I'd like to write home, I have to tell you that I probably won't have a chance very often. Meanwhile, Hikaru sends all of his very best love to you all –" _

Pavel looked up into Hikaru's face over his shoulder. "I knew you'd have done that if you were here when I was writing, yes?" At Hikaru's silent nod in response, he went on.

"– _and hopes you're doing well. So for now, I've got to go – I know I haven't told you nearly as much as you'd like to know, and I'm very sorry for that, but like I mentioned before, I don't have as much time as I'd like just now to really write you a long letter. Take care of yourselves, and Hikaru and I promise to do the same. All my love, Pavel."_

He spun his chair, then, so that he could face Hikaru. "So, how was that? Did I tell them enough, do you think?"

Hikaru leaned down then to softly kiss Pavel's forehead. "Just exactly enough – they would have wanted to know how the birthday went most of all, really. They won't think twice about you telling them you're busy; after all, we really are most of the time."

Backing away slightly to get a better look at Pavel's face, Hikaru brushed the pad of his thumb across Pavel's cheekbone.

"You look wiped out," he said softly, concern in his brown eyes. "Honestly, I was kind of surprised to see you were still awake when I came in."

"Couldn't sleep – too much on my mind right now. But what about you, 'Karu? Are you off-duty, finally?"

"Yeah – actually, Spock pretty much ordered me off the bridge. Gave me the next two shifts off to get caught up on some sleep – told me to tell you that you're off, too, for that matter. He said he'll call me if he needs me, but for now, he has everything under control."

Pavel rose from his chair and, taking Hikaru's hand again, led him across the room so that they could sit side-by-side on the edge of their bed. "Does he really, do you think? Is he going to be okay?"

This was just a horrific situation; in the past 48 hours, the _Enterprise_ had been more or less hijacked into Cardassian space, sabotaged and left without their shields by – and this just seemed surreal – a shape-shifting alien who'd killed one of their crew members and then assumed her identity aboard the ship.

Worse than any of that, though, they were without their captain; the aliens who'd been responsible for the sabotage of the _Enterprise_ had insisted that he come aboard their ship as an "honored guest" – to be held as a hostage in order to bargain with the Federation for some sort of mining rights, or something like that. Pavel wasn't entirely sure, honestly.

At the time that those discussions were taking place, Pavel's head had been elsewhere; ever since they had determined that the tiny alien vessel was capable of traveling at an unheard of speed of Warp 10, he had been absorbed in trying to find ways to keep the _Enterprise's_ phasers locked onto their potential target. So far, neither he nor Spock had found a way to do so – and as a result, even though the alien craft was much smaller, they had the defenseless _Enterprise_ at their mercy; they couldn't throw up shields to withstand an attack from the little scout vessel, and they couldn't mount an attack of their own, either. They were stuck.

And yet miraculously, in the midst of all of this, the development that Pavel had been hoping for – for Spock and the captain to realize that they were made for one another – had finally taken place. He wasn't sure quite how that had happened, either – but it had been obvious to every one of their friends during those last few minutes before Kirk had beamed onto the alien craft, the _Albiorix,_ that Jim and Spock had somehow managed to discover their feelings for one another.

Under other circumstances, Pavel would have been thrilled. As it was, with the captain leaving the ship undefended in enemy space – leaving the ship for what nobody wanted to admit could well have been the last time…

He could still see the look on Spock's face as he'd turned to walk out of the transporter room, and the memory left a dull ache in his chest.

"Is he going to be okay?" 'Karu shrugged. "I think he will, Pav. I mean, Jim left him in charge; you know Spock is never going to allow his own emotional state to get in the way of taking care of the _Enterprise_." He wrapped an arm around Pavel, pulling him closer. "That's not to say it won't be hard for him; I mean, you can imagine how he must be feeling."

"Yeah, I can." Pavel rested his head against Hikaru's shoulder, closing his eyes. "I heard about what you did, 'Karu – that you tried to get the Keptin to send you in his place."

Pavel felt Hikaru tense slightly. "How did you…? Never mind – it was kind of a futile gesture, anyway. But I had to try."

Hikaru's voice was even quieter, now. "You do understand that, right?"

"I do, really. You felt like you had to do something. I know." Pavel fought the urge to snuggle further into Hikaru's shoulder, knowing that if he did so, he might just fall asleep right there.

"You know you're doing something for him anyway, though – right, 'Karu? Because if Jim is counting on Spock to take care of the _Enterprise_, then he's also counting on you to be Spock's support."

In that last frantic 24 hours of preparations before Kirk was taken hostage, he had (to Hikaru's surprise, but no one else's) named the pilot as Spock's replacement while Spock was taking Jim's place as captain. "The Keptin is trusting you with a lot – it is an honor."

Hikaru drew a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "Doesn't feel like an honor right now, Pav. It feels like I'm in so far over my head it's not even funny – and we're in a life-and-death situation that I have no fucking clue how we're going to get out of. And I want to be there to help Spock – I'm sure I can, on some level – but he and Jim?" He shook his head slightly, considering. "They've always been two halves of a whole as a command team – you know that as well as I do. I'll never be able to do that for him; I can be a decent first officer, yeah – but I can't do for Spock what he always did for Jim. I just… I just don't want to fail them both, Pav – do you know what I'm saying?"

Moving out of Hikaru's embrace, Pavel turned to look at him with serious blue eyes. "You could never fail."

Pavel spoke those words simply, as though they were fact, not opinion – and not for the first time, Hikaru was humbled by Pavel's unwavering faith in him. Wordlessly, he dropped his head wearily into both hands before he felt Pavel's arms around him, pulling him to rest against his shoulder.

"You are the only one of us who doesn't believe in you, 'Karu. You know I do – but not just me. It is the Keptin, it is Spock – it's the whole crew. And you don't have to be afraid of disappointing us, because you couldn't – you just _couldn't_, do you understand?"

Hikaru didn't answer, but just tightened his arms around Pavel for a long time as they sat together in the silence. Finally, Pavel felt Hikaru's deep sigh, and heard "Love you, Pav," in the barest whisper against his neck. Absently, he began to trail his fingers reassuringly through Hikaru's thick, dark hair.

For all that he hated it when 'Karu doubted himself, in this instance Pavel truly understood it. In this situation, he was pretty sure that none of the members of the command crew felt as though they were quite up to this challenge – and they knew it wasn't only Jim's life that was in their hands, but the lives of everyone on the _Enterprise_, as well.

Of course they'd been in any number of life-threatening situations that felt at the time as though there would be no way out – and of course, they had always found some sort of solution to whatever the problem had been. But this time, they would have to find their solution without Kirk – and that was going to be much more difficult.

"Not impossible, though," he said quietly.

"Hmmm?" Hikaru sounded as though he was barely awake.

"Shhh. Nothing, babe – just talking to myself." Silently, he resumed his gentle, rhythmic stroking of Hikaru's hair, and only the sound of their breathing could be heard in the room.

Lost in thought, his own mind more than a little fuzzy with sheer exhaustion, Pavel wasn't sure how long they sat together that way – but he realized now that 'Karu had become very, very quiet, and the arms around him had gone slack at some point.

"Hikaru?" he whispered. He reached down to gently shake Hikaru's shoulder. "You awake, babe?"

No response. Pavel smiled fondly down at the top of 'Karu's head.

"Come on, you," he murmured. "Let's get you to bed." He shifted their bodies slightly so that he could lower Hikaru's head down onto the pillow. 'Karu showed no sign of waking, so Pavel reached down and grasped his ankles, hoisting his legs up onto the bed as well before carefully pulling off his boots.

He contemplated trying to get Hikaru out of his uniform and into something more comfortable for sleeping, but gave up on that thought pretty quickly; not only would it have been a real trick to get him changed in his current condition, but he was already so soundly asleep that he probably didn't really need to be more comfortable right now.

Pavel took a moment just to look at Hikaru's face; in his sleep, he looked peaceful – and so much younger. He leaned down to kiss Hikaru's forehead before kissing his lips with lingering tenderness.

"Good night, 'Karu."

Reaching down to pull the blanket from the foot of the bed, Pavel tucked himself against Hikaru's side and covered them both, settling in next to Hikaru's warm body and feeling himself truly relax for the first time in many, many hours.

"Lights to five percent." The room dimmed, and Pavel felt himself being pulled quickly down into sleep. His last clear thought was that this was very far from how he'd expected them to spend their first night together as an engaged couple; now it seemed like almost another lifetime when Hikaru had given him that ring and asked him to share the future with him.

Pavel didn't know what their future held – hell, he didn't know what _tomorrow_ held – but for now, they were together, and that was enough.

~o0o~

* * *

~o0o~

_**Now... I truly don't know when the next update will be right now. That's going to depend, as I keep saying, on what goes on in "Sestina." Meanwhile, thanks for your continued interest - it means a lot to me to know that y'all are still reading. I know I've said this before, but I have the most wonderful readers of anybody, and I love you all to a ridiculous extent.**_


	21. Somewhere

_Here's another installment of "What's Going on With Our Boys." It is short (and regretfully almost Hikaru-free), but hopefully it does its job._

* * *

"You were great up there on the bridge today, Pavel - at the risk of sounding just condescending as hell, I'm really proud of you."

Though Nyota wasn't facing him - she was, in fact, in the process of changing out of her uniform and had been speaking to him as she tugged a baggy sweatshirt over her head - Pavel could still hear the sincerity in her voice, and appreciated it.

"Not condescending, I promise." Pavel was sprawled on Nyota's floor, propped up on his elbows and narrowly avoiding tripping her with his long legs. He shook his head briefly, contemplating the situation they had faced earlier in the day. "Seriously, I have no idea how I kept my calm through all that - it felt like… what do you call it? Yeah - an out of body experience."

Nearly a month had now gone by since Captain Kirk had turned himself over to what could best be described as a group of alien thugs who had more or less hijacked the _Enterprise_ - and very little had gone well for them in the meantime.

For a while, Admiral Pike had attempted to fool Jim's captors into thinking that they might be able to negotiate with Starfleet for the captain's release - it seemed as though they were interested in dilithium mining rights on some remote planet that Pavel had never heard of - but they'd eventually figured out that they were being played. They didn't seem happy about it - or at least that was the impression Pavel had gotten when they'd started firing on the _Enterprise_.

Fortunately for them, the ship had indeed regained the use of its shields just a few days previously, but in the process they had lost a member of the Security team who had more or less knowingly sacrificed himself to get around the booby trap set by the shape shifting alien who had managed to infiltrate the crew months ago back at Starbase 84.

Of course, that particular alien - Treya the Bitch, as Pavel had taken to calling her in his own head (and to Hikaru and Nyota in private) - was no longer among the living as of earlier today. She'd briefly escaped from her guard when she'd been brought onto the bridge, and Keenser had lost no time blasting her into oblivion with a well-aimed phaser shot.

_No great loss there_, Pavel thought with some satisfaction.

Treya had made the break in a futile attempt to warn her compatriots on the _Albiorix; _the aliens had assumed their phasers had effectively neutralized the _Enterprise_ when Spock executed a trick that was worthy of James T. Kirk himself. He'd set off a controlled explosion on board the ship, then had Engineering basically turn the ship off. They looked, as the doctor had later put it, as though they were "dead in the water."

(If anything had been even remotely funny about the entire situation in retrospect, it might have been the look on Spock's face right before he'd obviously decided not to mention to McCoy that they were not, in fact, in any water. Pavel was pretty sure Spock knew that even McCoy had _that_ much figured out.)

Water or not, Spock's ploy had worked; when the _Albiorix_ came close enough to investigate the damage they'd inflicted on the _Enterprise_, Pavel had been able to get a fix on the other ship's weapons array and disarm the aliens with one good phaser blast of his own. When the little ship's weapons had blown cleanly off the ship - with almost no other structural damage apparent - well, that was probably the high point of Pavel's day.

What had happened next, though, had stunned all of them into silence - if not outright incoherence. About the time Spock had Nyota opening up the communications channels to negotiate surrender with the _Albiorix_, they'd - out of nowhere, with no warning - simply blown themselves up.

The ship was gone, the aliens were gone…

…and as far as they could tell, Captain Kirk was gone right along with them.

It was the single most horrifying moment of Pavel's Starfleet career - and for all that he was one of the youngest people on active duty in the 'Fleet, he'd already seen his share of horrific things. Everyone on the _Enterprise_ had.

He didn't really know why he'd been able to focus so hard on Spock in those first moments when they'd thought Jim had died - why he'd been watching Spock's reactions instead of Hikaru's or Nyota's as he would usually have done. But it had been exactly that - Pavel watching Spock - that had quickly brought him to the realization that something was… _off_, for lack of a better word. The commander (who would never allow himself to be called "Captain") was almost frozen in place, obviously overwhelmed with the events of the previous few seconds.

But Pavel had seen him - he'd never forget it - he'd _seen_ the look on Spock's face a little over two years ago when his mother and six billion Vulcans had died. And on the bridge a few hours ago, when they'd all assumed that Jim was dead, Spock looked nothing at all like that. That was Pavel's first clue, even when he didn't really even realize it himself - Jim was his _bondmate_, for God's sake. His death would have had some sort of an effect on Spock, and Spock was… just standing there.

Then it had simply hit him all at once, and he'd been up and out of his chair, right in Spock's face without even knowing how he got there.

"It's still there, isn't it, sir?" Because somehow, in a flash of certainty, Pavel had just known that Spock's bond with the captain had not broken - it just couldn't have.

And somehow, miraculously, they realized that it hadn't - Spock could still feel Jim's vague presence in his mind, and he knew even through the shock and horror of the moment that, unbelievably, Jim was still alive.

_Somewhere._

Nyota interrupted Pavel's train of thought - though it sounded as though she'd been thinking pretty much the same thing. "Now we have to figure out where the hell they took Jim - and when they did it."

She flopped backward across her bed with her PADD in hand, patting the spot next to her and nudging Pavel with one fuzzy sock. "Here - I've accessed all the readings that have come through Communications since they took Jim. I feel like I've gone through all of them until my brain is buzzing - so now you come over here and bring me another set of eyes."

She smiled affectionately at Pavel as he moved from his spot on the floor, easing himself down next to her. "And that big scary boy genius brain of yours - that would be good, too."

Pavel reached over to move Nyota's PADD between them before giving her a quick grin. "Does Dr. McCoy know you've got another man in your bed tonight, Lyubimaya?"

"He knows _you're_ here, if that's what you're getting at." She suppressed a laugh when Pavel clutched at his chest in mock woundedness. "Not that he could be here with me anyway - Len's really trying to spend some time with Spock, keep him company… that sort of thing. Don't much think Spock is appreciating it - but Len's not doing it for him, anyway. He knows it's where Jim would want him to be, so that's where he is. Means I don't get to see nearly as much of him as I'd like - but we're all making sacrifices just now."

Pavel sighed quietly. "Don't think Spock is appreciating much of anything these days. And yes, I know he's in terrible shape because of Jim - but he, well…"

"I know, Pav." And without his even finishing the sentence, Nyota knew what he was going to say. "Spock's not the captain that Jim was… is. Whatever. He hasn't taken the lead like any of us had hoped, for whatever reason. I mean, sure, he's been in charge, and has kept everything and everyone on board secure and running smoothly - he's done everything Starfleet would expect him to do. But it almost seems like he's forgotten that the rest of us are even here with him."

She reached over and patted Pavel on the shoulder. "I think maybe that's what I meant as much as anything when I said I thought you were great with him today on the bridge. You forget - I _know _you, babe. And I know you're trying hard not to be mad at Spock for the way he's treating Hikaru; you know it's not on purpose, but sometimes that doesn't matter."

Pavel let his head drop back against the wall, closing his eyes. "The part that kills me, Nyota, is that Hikaru isn't blaming Spock for keeping him out of the loop through all this mess and not telling him anything. Seriously - Spock put _explosives_ in Engineering and sealed off one whole section of the deck, for God's sake. Didn't tell him, didn't tell Scotty - and you know what Hikaru says to that?"

"Let me guess." Nyota's voice was quiet. "Something along the lines that if he were a better first officer, either he'd have figured it out on his own or Spock would have felt more secure in confiding in him." She looked sideways at Pavel from underneath her lashes. "Am I right?"

Pavel shook his head - but it was in bemusement rather than denial. "You can get into his head almost as well as I can, I think. And that's a little scary."

"And of course, when you tell him that he's wrong, that he's doing as good of a job as first officer as Spock will let him do, it's not because it's true - it's because you love him and you have to say that, right?" Nyota could sense Pavel's frustration; he was angry at Spock without being able to act on it, wanting to reassure Hikaru but not able to make Hikaru believe him. She found herself in a similar situation, quite frankly - Hikaru was one of her two dearest friends, and it had turned out that he wasn't particularly willing to listen to her attempts at reassurance, either.

"There's not much we can do - except maybe this." Pavel gestured again toward Nyota's PADD. "If we can figure out any kind of a lead on where they took the Keptin… well, at least it would be a start."

Hours later, they were still staring with an almost laser-like intensity at Nyota's data - Len had called to say good night, and 'Karu had buzzed in on the intercom to see if he should expect Pavel back anytime soon, but those had been the only interruptions, and they'd been brief.

Their progress was slow and painstaking - and sometimes it didn't feel like progress at all - but eventually, after passing the data through literally hundreds of different combinations of filters, Nyota and Pavel began to see anomalous energy surges coming from the _Albiorix _at unpredictable intervals - the last of which had been about six days ago.

"I know this is it, somehow," Nyota said, her voice raspy with exhaustion. "But my brain won't wrap around it anymore tonight."

Pavel reached an affectionate arm around her and squeezed briefly. "I know - mine, either. Part of that is because it isn't 'tonight' anymore." He gestured at the chronometer, which glowed an accusing "03:53" at them - they looked at one another in vague shock that they'd been working almost nonstop for over nine hours. "I know you're off duty tomorrow, and I'm on Beta - so we can get started on this again later in the morning, after we've both had a chance to sleep a little."

"That'll work." Nyota gave Pavel a good-natured shove to propel him off the bed. "No room here for both of us if we're going to be sleeping. Besides," she said with a sly grin, "I have it on good authority that there's _somebody_ who doesn't sleep _nearly_ so well when you're not in the bed with him."

"Yeah." Pavel was unfazed; if Nyota thought she was going to embarrass him with that one, she could think again. "Thank God Hikaru's off-duty too tomorrow, or I'd really feel awful for waking him up by coming to bed at this hour." Pavel stood, stretching briefly before stepping back into the shoes he'd kicked off hours before.

"I think he'd forgive you." Nyota rose from her spot on the bed - if only to pull back the covers. The sweatshirt and flannel pants she wore would serve just fine as pajamas, and she certainly didn't have the energy to change out of them at this point. Situating herself under the blankets, she turned to watch Pavel as he walked toward her door. "Call me when you wake up, all right?"

"Will do, sweetheart." Pavel looked disheveled, exhausted - and fiercely determined.

"We're close to solving this - and we'll find him, Nyota. I just know it."

~o0o~

* * *

_**So, here's the deal.** This chapter really is essentially a "prequel" to "Sestina" Chapter 28, which is almost ready to go as well. Before too long, the things that are going on with Pavel and Hikaru will be pretty central to the plot of "Sestina," so I don't plan to try to find a way to awkwardly mention them here twice. For that matter, I'm fairly sure that almost all of you who are reading this are actually reading the other piece as well - or at least that's the impression I get. (Correct me if I'm wrong.) Honestly, I'm not entirely certain how I'm going to make it work; writing two stories that are happening simultaneously to essentially the same people is proving to be viciously tricky. So I'll beg your patience in the meantime - and if you're having a hard time figuring out what I'm talking about as the story goes forward, please let me know and I'll try to figure something out, or at least PM you a good explanation._

_Meanwhile, you all are the BEST - thanks so much for reading and being so patient with me!_


	22. News

_This little bit of a chapter is here so soon after the last one because it's **two years ago today** that I posted my very first chapter of "Both Ways at Once" and started actually writing fanfic for the first time - and I thought it would just be kind of fitting to update it today. Y'all would laugh a whole lot if I told you how nervous I was the first time I ever hit the "publish" button. So, for all of you who have stuck with me faithfully through two years (so far) of Chulu and so much more - you know who you are, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart - and here's #22…_

* * *

~o0o~

On mornings like this one, Pavel wasn't sorry to have his morning run to himself; as much as he usually enjoyed Hikaru's mostly silent company as they made their way through the twists and turns of the Enterprise's corridors, today he was just as glad to be alone with his thoughts. He knew people thought he was crazy to be pounding through the ship each day before the ship's artificial dawn in the quiet solitude of Gamma Shift - and though he readily admitted that maybe they were right, it had never mattered to Pavel, who had long since turned his morning run into his own personal ritual. It had become as necessary for him as meditation was for Spock; something about the steady, even rhythm of his stride and his breathing helped him to focus, to put things into perspective before he started the rest of his day.

And today, some perspective was definitely necessary.

Over the course of many hours' work, he and Nyota had finally isolated some oddly anomalous signals that had come from the alien ship _Albiorix_ - and even more minute examination had proven almost definitively that the signals were consistent with what was likely to be Cardassian teleportation technology. They couldn't prove it, but the evidence was all but screaming that the aliens had transported the captain - and from the looks of things, any number of other beings - off the ship days before they'd gone ahead and blown themselves up.

He and Nyota had brought their findings to Hikaru first, thinking that he might be somewhat more willing to listen than Spock seemed to be at the moment - and though he hadn't been easy to convince, he'd finally come around to their way of thinking, and agreed to go with Nyota to present the results of their work to Spock.

Spock, not surprisingly, had been much more difficult to persuade - but finally, Spock had agreed that although they did not have absolute proof, what Nyota and Pavel had found simply made _sense_. He'd sent Nyota and Hikaru away at last to do further research, to narrow down where the Albiorix might have sent everyone - and once they'd determined that there hadn't been any ships within transporter range since they'd been in that part of space, Hikaru had come to the conclusion that of the various small planets and moons in their vicinity, only the planet Soukara had the necessary conditions to sustain life.

Pavel was glad to let the sound of his own footsteps and the regular, harsh rasp of his breath fill his head - crowding out the tumultuous thoughts that had kept him awake for far too long the night before. They knew - all right, they didn't _know_ - but they were pretty sure where Jim was. That could only mean that Spock wouldn't wait much longer before he went to find him - they all knew it. Of course Spock would go.

And then Hikaru would be captain.

Pavel knew that Hikaru would be a wonderful captain - _probably better than Spock_, he thought with a surge of defiance and pride - but he also knew that Hikaru would be the last person to agree with that assessment. This last few weeks as Spock's first officer had been horrifically hard on 'Karu - and though Pavel blamed Spock for the most of the poor communication between the two commanding officers, he also knew that Hikaru blamed himself entirely.

The last thing Hikaru would need as the captain of a Federation starship in enemy space would be a crisis of confidence - and Pavel realized that it would be up to him to make sure that didn't happen to the man he loved.

He was in the "home stretch," as it were - that last hundred meters or so before he got back to their quarters - and he had just begun to slow his stride when he saw Commander Spock himself heading down the corridor in the opposite direction. All things considered, it only seemed reasonable to assume that Spock had been there to talk to 'Karu - about what, though, was anybody's guess. Pavel had to make a conscious effort not to run faster for those last few seconds.

He was keying the entry code into the door without knowing how he'd gotten there - and the first thing that met his eyes when he came into their quarters was Hikaru, sprawled in his favorite chair and looking a little as though he'd been knocked back into that position. He smiled slightly in greeting as Pavel came in.

"Saw Spock in the corridor on the way back here - everything all right?" He was pretty sure he was sounding as worried as he felt - but he didn't really give a shit if 'Karu knew he was worried about him. After all, that wasn't exactly a surprise.

Hikaru nodded briefly in reply, sounding amazingly composed. "It's all good, Pav," he said. "Go shower - then I'll tell you about it."

"Is there news?" Because if there was, Pavel probably wasn't going to be able to survive the suspense for even the time it would take him to shower.

"You could say that, yeah." Hikaru's expression had an odd intensity that Pavel couldn't readily place.

"Then screw the shower, 'Karu - you better tell me now." He sat down in the chair that had only recently been vacated by Commander Spock, and waited. "Spock is going to Soukara, isn't he?"

Hikaru nodded again, seemingly unsurprised that Pavel had figured it out. "Yeah - him and McCoy, most likely, as soon as they get together whatever supplies they'll need to go. With Soukara's inhibitors set up to defend against our transporter technology, they're going to have to outfit a shuttlecraft - and honestly, that's probably the best way to go anyway, seeing as how it's not like it's a small planet. They'll probably have to do some exploring before they figure out where our buddies decided to hole up with Jim. I can only hope that the inhibitors don't mess up the rest of the 'Fleet technology - it'd be helpful if they had more than just Spock and Jim's bond to go by to help them find him."

Pavel listened to Hikaru's explanation with a growing sense of wonder; he sounded a little overwhelmed, sure - but calm, too. He seriously didn't seem a bit nervous about the prospect of being acting captain - and that was amazing. Surprising, but amazing.

"So…" Pavel didn't really know where he was going with that statement, so ended up letting it trail off awkwardly with a little bit of a self-conscious shrug.

"Yeah. So." Hikaru leaned forward in the chair, taking a deep breath and letting it go in a long sigh. "So, I never in a million years thought I'd say this - but pretty soon I'll be commanding the _Enterprise_."

"Wow - even if I've been thinking about it the whole time I was out for my run, it still just sounded really weird to hear you say it." Pavel rose from his chair to kiss Hikaru chastely on the forehead. "You're going to be fantastic as captain - I just know you are."

That got the first real smile he'd seen out of 'Karu in days - even though there was something lurking behind those brown eyes that made Pavel suspect that he still hadn't heard the whole story.

"Well, I don't know about 'fantastic,' but I'll give it my best." Hikaru was still smiling up at him, and Pavel found himself smiling back without really knowing why.

"But if you thought what I said before sounded weird, Pav…" He gently shoved Pavel back toward the chair he'd just left. "You'll probably want to sit down for this one."

Pavel Chekov had never thought of himself as either a stupid or an unnecessarily modest man - but even so, the next words out of Hikaru's mouth came as a complete shock to him. "Spock came down here to - well, he and I ended up having a lot to say, but that's not so important just now. But he told me he was planning to leave the ship, and that he wanted me to get my Command team together. He didn't _ask_ me who I wanted for my first officer, Pavel - he _told_ me whom he'd chosen."

Hikaru leaned forward and clasped one of Pavel's hands as it rested on his knee, his words starting to come in a rush in his earnestness. "He chose _you_, Pav. I'd have chosen you - wanted you for my XO more than anything - but you've got to know it wasn't my choice. _Spock_ chose you."

"Me." Pavel was so stunned that the word wasn't even a question. "I'll be your first officer."

He was pretty sure he knew now where Hikaru had come by that thunderstruck expression he'd had as Pavel came through the door - this was… there weren't words for what this was, honestly.

'Karu looked solemn again. "You know, don't you, that one of the first things I'll have to do as CO is to tell Starfleet to take their orders and shove them up their asses because we won't abandon Jim - or Spock, or McCoy. Then one of the next things we'll have to do, you and I, is to figure out how to keep ourselves from getting blown to shit by some random Cardassian craft that happens by until such a time as we get everybody back - however long that might end up being."

He shook his head slowly. "I always kind of thought it'd be fun to get my own command someday, Pav - but this isn't my command. And there's nothing fun about it."

Hikaru got up from the chair then, taking both of Pavel's hands and pulling him up and into a tight embrace. "I'd be scared shitless if I thought I was going this alone, Pav - but I've got you." Pavel could feel 'Karu's breath on his neck. "This sounds sappy as hell, I know, but there's nothing - _nothing_ - I can't do with you by my side."

Pavel leaned slightly back to see Hikaru's face, wondering at the love and faith he saw there - and knowing that Hikaru was seeing the same thing reflected back at him. His voice didn't sound quite right when he said, "You know I'll do anything I can to support you, _da_? You know you can count on me."

Hikaru closed his eyes, leaning forward to touch his forehead to Pavel's. "You know I trust you with my life, right? Always have, always will. And knowing I've got you - it makes all the difference, Pav. It's what makes me able to not freak out - to be able to take a deep breath and say, 'my best may or may not be good enough, but it's as good as anyone else's, and it's all I've got to give.' It's what making me feel like I can do it, Pav - like you and I can take care of things until Jim and Spock come back, like there's nothing too big for us to face together."

Pavel moved even closer into the embrace. "You do not know - because I can't find the words to begin to tell you - you just don't know how much I love you," he whispered against Hikaru's lips. "And you don't know how unbelievably proud of you I am." He ended the sentence with a quick, soft kiss. "I know you'll take good care of the ship, and of all of us," he murmured, kissing 'Karu yet again. "I know that I'd follow you anywhere."

"Anywhere?" Hikaru grinned back, a little crookedly. Despite the intensity of their conversation - or perhaps because of it - they were both starting to find that their physical proximity was affecting them in ways that it hadn't for quite some time.

With a self-conscious shake of the head, Hikaru took a step back then, eyes downcast. "No - this isn't the time for… well, for that."

Before he knew what had hit him, he was back in Pavel's arms and on the receiving end of the most fiercely possessive kiss he'd experienced in a long, long time.

"The hell it's not," Pavel ground out, his hands still gripping Hikaru's hair. "Who _knows_ what happens tomorrow, 'Karu? Who knows what happens today? We don't have any idea what kind of time we have - none of us do. All I can tell you is that we've got an hour until Alpha Shift starts. That, and that I need a shower, and now that I've been sweating all over you and your clean uniform, you need one, too."

Hikaru laughed softly, reaching up to thread his fingers into Pavel's damp curls. "You're a persuasive one, Lieutenant." He paused to kiss Pavel long and thoroughly. "I hope you don't intend to employ these tactics to convince me to see things your way when we're on duty, do you?" He stopped again, just long enough to allow his own gold shirt to be pulled off over his head - Pavel suddenly having had more than enough conversation - before allowing himself to be drawn into another kiss.

"Stop talking, Hikaru," Pavel whispered, his words the merest breath against Hikaru's ear as he went on to place hot, open-mouthed kisses down the length of Hikaru's neck and along his collarbone. "You know what I want."

Hikaru was more than happy to comply; after all, he'd had more than enough talking for one morning, and this man who was already the other half of him did not need his words right now.

Besides, he knew what he wanted, as well.

~o0o~

* * *

_This chapter is also for WickedWitchoftheSE - who, I might add, __demanded__ this scene. She really did. And since, bless her heart, she's taken her grandmother and her great aunt to the beach for vacation, I think she deserves to have a demand or so met, don't you? _

_That said, I spent two hours fixing my parents' computer tonight, and I'd have liked some ice cream, but none was forthcoming. Does that seem fair?_


End file.
